PORTLAND, Ore. (AP) — An attorney for a man who pleaded guilty to a conspiracy charge in the takeover of an Oregon wildlife refuge says his client tested positive for morphine because he ate an ‘everything’ bagel with poppy seeds. The Oregonian/Oregon Lives reported Monday (http://bit.ly/2eIZoQd ) that a federal judge in Portland, Oregon has ordered Jason Blomgren to avoid poppy seeds in addition to drugs. Blomgren took a plea deal for his role in the armed occupation of the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge last year and is expected to be sentenced to probation next month. He had been subpoenaed by the government to testify in a trial against Ammon Bundy and other leaders of the refuge occupation, but was not called as a witness. Blomgren now says he will eat egg whites for breakfast.
The classic Poppy seed bagel/muffin defense. This is one of those things that is a known fact that might not be true at all. It’s like when you growing up you heard that red cars raises your car insurance. Nothing to show that it’s a true solid fact in life. Your insurance broker can even tell you that that’s a myth but you still probably factor it into the cost of potentially picking out a new car. Well poppy seeds are the same. As a kid you’d get your morning everything bagel and then tell your friends “yo, the bagel i’m eating has poppy seeds in it. You know if I get drug tested It’ll come up positive because of the Poppy Seeds?!?! It’s like I’m doing drugs.” Everyone has heard that once in their life and if not you know of the Seinfeld reference. And Just like this judge who had to hear this testimony in court, he believed it. Maybe not fully believed it but like “c’mon guy, We know you did a ton of morphine and deserve to go to jail or whatever” but then that small chance that the elusive poppy seed rumor is true, you don’t want to the one to make the mistake of not believing a fact that everyone on the planet universally knows. Let this be a note to all Morphine addicts and the defense attorneys that represent them. Oregon vs Jason Blomgren has set a legal precedent that makes a client’s drug toxicity report inadmissible in court based on the defense’s breakfast choice. Basically converting myth into legal grounds at this point. Very important moment in US history.
P.s- Saying you’lll switch from Poppy seed bagels to Egg White’s is a great move. If he said he was just having eggs the Judge would probably dismiss that as an act to gain his trust, you mention it’s egg whites only it makes him seem like a health conscious citizen. The devil’s in the details.
Caesar (Andy Serkis) and his apes are forced into a deadly conflict with an army of humans led by a ruthless colonel (Woody Harrelson). After the apes suffer unimaginable losses, Caesar wrestles with his darker instincts and begins his own mythic quest to avenge his kind. As the journey finally brings them face to face, Caesar and the colonel are pitted against each other in an epic battle that will determine the fate of both of their species and the future of the planet.
As some of you may know, I started this film blog on the premise that I never got to see a lot of movies growing up. My parents, being foreigners from some farm land in China, never saw or knew of the cultural impact movies have on people. A lot of the classics I’ve never seen. Well now, I almost don’t have to because I’m pretty sure I get a touch and feel of tons of Oscar winning movies in this. Do you want to see a film that highlights the brutality of war like Apocalypse Now and Platoon? You get that in this movie. Want a revenge tale like a classic western like The Revenant? Well you get that. Want a classic film meditation on the controversies involving slavery and racism like the classic tv mini-series Roots? Well this movie has it. Shit one can even lump it into the Prison escape genre that’s on par with the likes of The Shawshank Redemption. That’s what you get when you see the latest Chernin Entertainment picture. Really just a cinematic masterpiece all around.
I mean when you talk about acting and what makes it great, It’s if the characters really convey emotions to the audience watching, well it certainly did that. But then there’s a realism aspect where some how Andy Serkis has to accurately portray what it would be like If a Monkey were some how injected with a cure for Alzheimer’s and it gave him super human brain capacity essentially giving him a human brain in a very versatile chimpanzee body. Like there’s no base of concept there so I can’t really tell if that’s how a chimpanzee would move and act, but the acting was so well I fucking believe it every second. I know how a chimp would hold an Shotgun and even point a commander sized 1911 pistol to someones head after seeing this movie.
Woody Harrelson’s Character? Absolute lunatic. I mean in a changing world where primates become the top of the food chain there is no more normal but his character is a lunatic. Probably draws some inspirations from Hitler / Kim Jong Un type. Just an all around Dictator with ambitions to crush the opposition. Guy’s wild. He doesn’t necessarily have as much screen time that I would like, but he has one massive important monologue, and every time he’s on screen your on pins in needles thinking an ape is gonna get shot. Like I said, Kim Jong Un level diabolical.
I really liked the first film. It wasn’t as intense but it was a good origin story and the scene where Caesar stands over them as they sleep is one of the most terrifying things in real life. Like Im prepared for a burglar to come in and try to make it out with my TV in the living room while i bust in with a shotgun. If the cat burglar was in fact a very tall muscular chimpanzee standing at the foot of my bed staring at me, I would just simply loose my shit and scream. It’s one thing to be all humans and dealing with below average criminals, another thing to be terrified of monsters that don’t exist. Whole nothing scenario dealing with real world animals and god knows how many medical test subjects there are that can create super human/ super intellectual breed of animals. So yea, Rise of the Planet of the Apes was awesome. Maybe my favorite one because we get to see a different side of Cesar.
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes was just good and shocking. I mean they didn’t pull the curtains on any of it. Sure Rise of the planet of the Apes had its fair share of action but right from the jump there’s gun play going on. Trigger fingers everywhere. But most of all the scene where the Chimp plays dumb and just straight up MURKS two dudes. It was shocking. That was the seminal moment in the franchise to me when I knew shit was gonna get wild. He straight up tricked em and put a bullet in their heads. One of the realest shits I’ve ever seen. Not my favorite just because I liked Rise so much. But still a solid pick right below Rise.
War I think is my favorite which should be reason enough to go see it. Trust my word. But I also like it because it’s personal. He’s here for business. Great way to conclude and close the books on a trilogy. Like I said. Its a war film wrapped around a prison escape movie filled with themes of hellbent military figures, racism, slavery and driven by a revenge plot. Takes a lot of balls to make a film like that. (Also takes a lot of balls for the production company to start their venture into film and TV production with this franchise **cough**cough** Chernin Entertainment/ Peter Chernin. cc- Barstool Sports, please hire me.) If I’m gonna be absolutely critical and honest it’s very hard to maintain a perfect score in film. There was even a cock sucker who knocked Get Out down a peg on Rotten Tomatoes. So no War of the Planets of the Apes is not a 10/10. and that’s because its an 11/10. Go see CHimps and humans Engage in WaR at the eNd of all man kInd with only one civilization surviviNg it in theaters this weekend.
So if we’re keeping score at home its
1.) War of the Planet of the Apes
1.) Rise of the Planet of the Apes
2.) Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
***LITTLE SIDE NOTES****
1.) I’ve only been to California once when I was a little kid and have yet to go back. I know It’s a large state with a variety of environment and ecosystems but how the fuck did they go from Water falls and lush forest environment to trekking through snow and even a blizzard. Does California get like that? Is it because it’s pretty much the end of the world in this scenario and weather patters are just crazy? Are Apes even built for snow? Wish we had the Chernin Entertainment group to release like side short films explaining this shit even more.
2.) That poor horse that has to run a million miles an hour with a fucking gorilla on it’s back. Cesar is a cruiser weight at best but no chance that horse would’ve made it another full day of riding with Luca on it’s back. Herniated horse spine disks for sure. I mean it ran from the beaches of California into the cold north for Christ’s sake. Speaking of gorillas…
These two mother fuckers. Winter’s a back stabbing son of a bitch. How could you betray your own kind? I mean I get they’re threatened by war and shit but Gorillas are like the grand daddy when it comes to Primates right? Like Caesar is a good pick because he’s a simple chimpanzee. Guy’s a common folk and represents the common apes in the world but I mean if you want the biggest and baddest you go for a gorilla. These two mother fuckers just betray the crew to be the lackey. You’d figure a beast of that size wouldn’t take shit from no human. Such a travesty. Luca on the other hand. Give that guy a Purple Star. You know who else deserves some love?
Maurice. Guy is just so nice and sensible. Crazy that such a peaceful guy like that can get caught up in the middle of war. I know my allergies would flare up and he probably smells disgusting with his damp matted hair but I still want to give him a hug. Speaking of honoring primates who died in senseless violence.
RIP Harambe. Pay your respects by clicking the purchase button and wear the shirts in theaters while you see the Chernin Entertainment classic War of the Planet of the Apes if you’re against violence towards Apes. #RIPHarambe #ApeStrong
It’s become apparent to me that I have no idea how prisons work and what is or isn’t allowed in prison. I get there’s like white collar Martha Stewart type prisons for tax evasion and like insider trading nonsense but I assumed that this was like hardcore pound you in the ass type prison. Not that its fun or anything but prison just seems like your stuck in a massive freshman dorm. I mean shit i had no idea these guys were getting microwavable cheeseburgers and putting down Cheetos and shit on the regular. That’s a lot better than I thought. It’s like when they say it’s the little things that matter. A simple cheese burger, some Cheetos, a Canada dry, drinking out of your favorite Miami Dolphins cup. Shit’s not that bad. At least it takes away from the fact that you’re considered a person with out rights and stuck there for 10 years. But apparently you have cellphones, cameras and internet access too so you can upload your celly’s fight video to http://www.TheUglyOrange.com via http://www.Flyheight.com. Here I thought prison was all ass sex with guys, working out and converting to Islam. I mean its still probably that but sometimes your boy knocks the shit out of another inmate and steals his loot and you get some chips to brighten your day and you think about how you didn’t just get knocked the fuck out and had your shit stolen. Not the worst thing in this world.
P.s- that shit was seriously some loot.
Top Ramen for days, burgers fresh out the plastic wrapper and like cheezits or something. Imagine getting all that shit taken from you. Again, you’ve had your room mate steal a pack of ramen here and there. Well this dude just snatched all of it.
(NEWSER)– You can eat it and drink it, so why not inhale it? That’s the thinking behind Coco Loko, a new “snortable” chocolate powder billed as a legal way to get high, the Washington Post reports. The newfangled nose candy leaves snorters with a “euphoric” feeling “but also motivated to get things done,” per founder Nick Anderson. He likens the buzz, which lasts for 30 minutes to an hour, to that of an energy drink. The 29-year-old Anderson, who runs the company Legal Lean, says he got the idea for Coco Loko a few months ago after hearing about a “chocolate-snorting trend” in Europe. Jezebel reports the fad may go back to 2015, when a Belgian chocolate-maker hawked a device that shoots chocolate powder up your nose. “At first, I was like, ‘Is this a hoax?,'” Anderson tells the Post. “And then I tried it and it was like, OK, this is the future right here.” So Anderson pumped in $10,000 of his own cash into creating his own “raw cacao snuff.” A 10-serving tin of Coco Loko costs $19.99 on the company website. The product is also spiked with ginkgo biloba, taurine, and guarana, all common ingredients in energy drinks. The powder is not FDA approved, and doctors seem perplexed by it. “No one’s studied what happens if you inhale chocolate into your nose,” one doc tells the Post. ABC10 notes that stuffing foreign substances up your schnoz could hurt mucous membranes, which keep bacteria and particles from entering the nose, among other issues. So does it work? Reviews on message boards are all over the place, with one saying, “All I felt was drowsy,” per the Post. (Nearly half of us aren’t sure where chocolate milk comes from.)
Minus wanting a crazy rush in the middle of a nightclub surrounded by chicks ready to snort the same stuff as you just did and an increased chance to have sex with said, one of those chicks, I can’t imagine snorting anything up my nose. Call me a pussy but i just feel like it would really fuck with my sinus. When I was a kid i remember we would pretend to be cool as shit and bust out pixie sticks into a coke line and one time my buddy snorted it up and said it burned, proceeded to sneeze a bunch with a bunch of mucus. We all had a great laugh but he said it was uncomfortable as shit and burned. So yea probably not gonna do that chocolate powder and for $19.99 none the less. I mean yea compared to cocaine it certainly has it beat in cost but if you’re telling me all I need to party like the Stone’s in their heyday is cocoa powder then I’ll stroll into Walmart on the way to the club and get a can of Nesquik for like 8 bucks and a Redbull. Boom. That’s all this shit is. So if you want to pretend to be about that life go ahead and rip open a tin of cocoa powder and sniff it in between trading stocks working a high stress finance job then go for it.
Thrilled by his experience with the Avengers, young Peter Parker returns home to live with his Aunt May. Under the watchful eye of mentor Tony Stark, Parker starts to embrace his newfound identity as Spider-Man. He also tries to return to his normal daily routine — distracted by thoughts of proving himself to be more than just a friendly neighborhood superhero. Peter must soon put his powers to the test when the evil Vulture emerges to threaten everything that he holds dear.
Prime time Summer blockbuster season is in effect. Nothing on TV besides baseball. Everyone’s going back to work from their 4th of July weekend. We’re in the dog days of summer which means everyone should sit in a nice cool movie theater to burn off a couple of hours to escape the heat and no better way to do that than to peep Spiderman: Homecoming.
At this point if you’ve been keeping up about the movie you know people are saying its the best Spiderman film to date. Honestly I have nothing to say otherwise. I never hated the Tobey or Andrew Garfield Spiderman’s but I certainly didn’t love them. There was the awkward scene from Spider-man 1 with him and Green Goblin with no facial movements and all dialogue.
Such a dumb look to have the very expressive movements with no actual mouth movements. And then there was the stiff statue swing scene where He rescues MJ and it was just her holding onto a dummy behind a green screen. A dummy that was as stiff as Tobey’s acting in the rest of the movie. Is it petty that those 2 things make me hate the movie that has way more flaws than just that? I don’t care. Now many people argue that Spider-man 2 was one of the best super hero movies of all time and while I don’t have anything bad to say about it, I enjoyed Homecoming much more. And Spider-man 3? That movie stunk to high heavens.
The Amazing Spiderman tried to hearken back to some comic book material with Gwen Stacy and his own brains coming up with the webbing but still tried to do the same old origin story format which means the movie will spend up to 45 minutes of screen time watching him get the spider bite and watching his uncle die again and again.
If they made another Spiderman origin movie, it probably would’ve been okay, would’ve made a bunch of money and go through the love and hate cycles of most movies, but this time they tried to do everything different. When Batman V. Superman came out the 1st 15 minutes is watching Batman’s parents get killed again. Been there done that. Not interested. This Spiderman is younger and we get to ignore poor Uncle Ben get lit up in the streets of New York. Thank god. You didn’t go see Titanic to watch a big ass boat sink into the ice, you watched it for love and the nude scene. We’ll you don’t go watch Spiderman just to watch some old white guy get shot and killed. Comic book movies are for kids and the inner kids inside us and the last thing our inner kid wants to do is watch a funeral scene get in the way of watching Super hero stuff.
We knew since Civil War they wanted to have a fresh start and avoid the cliche marks of the Spiderman story and they do a good job of it in Homecoming. Besides the whole “Uncle Ben I’m shot and dead but do the right thing” scene, Homecoming is just refreshing to see with the different things going on. It takes place a substantial amount outside of Manhattan. Crazy to think that location can play that much but we’re so use to seeing Peter swing around NYC. This one we got locations in DC, the Suburbs and in 40,000 fucking feet in the sky. It just all feels so new and different just from the look of the setting to the cast of characters that are different. We don’t get the super aggressive Flash who always seems like is going to end up a wife beater that somehow made it to a school for nerds. Seriously, in The Amazing Spiderman he was about to beat up a kid just for existing and made it seem like he was suppose to be a highly recruited D1 athlete that is also a nerd because he goes to a fancy school. Guy was suppose to be a Ryan Fitzpatrick type with tendencies to dabble into physical domestic abuse. In this one we actually see Spiderman have a friend. I know Spider-man 1 he had Harry but lets be real, guy fucked MJ in that one. At that moment, he’s no friend of Spidey’s at all.
Another thing I like is just the little nuances that Spiderman has that just seem to add to his character’s believability. First off we get an awesome suit. Again, the old one’s were fine but inconceivable that they come up with and tailor make a stream line suit that was fit for combat. Well here, simple. It takes place in the MCU so Stark and his billions of dollars just fabricates one. That just opens the door to so much more. What I like about the 3rd Iron man movie and Age of Ultron was to see the different interactions with the suit. Iron man 3 had a modular suit with prehensile capabilities that let him just wear pieces of the suit. In AoU you see it in parts on Tony where chest and back pieces just fly onto him. Those kind of interactions just add to the magic of film, despite those not being the favorite among their own series. If you slow down AoU you can actually see him close in his hand when he summons the hand/arm gauntlet just so it can fit over and wrap around his arm. Well in this we actually see a very reasonable technique for Peter to put on the suit. It just vacuum seals onto him. Where the other suits look like they need to be painted on. And then there’s just things like watching him use the web shooters. The old movies the web shooting ability was more of a vehicle for him to travel but in this one it just feels like he utilizes it more as a weapon than previous versions. At one point he fights The Vulture and you see him connecting the web together and slapping his hands down to connect it to the ferry and various uses of the web to take out bad guys. Just little details like that that make me wonder if there was in fact a teenage boy in New York that can do all of this, this is how he would specifically do it.
We’d be remiss if we didn’t mention Michael Keaton’s performance. Honestly guy knocks it out of the park. I need to buy one of those Aviator jackets ASAP because even though I probably would look like an asshole wearing it in Florida, it looks bad ass. And the Vulture winged suit itself was awesome. When the word started trickling out that the bad guy was going to the the Vulture, I immediately looked it up and you got a guy that looked like a bald Izzy Mandelbaum in green spandex with feathers. Going from that idea to what we got with this jet fighter hover wing suit was a total 180. The fighter pilot look was bad ass since Top Gun, well add that and giant alien powered metal wing jets that lets you roam around New York City. Even his character outside of the bird suit was pretty menacing. I think the MCU has gotten a lot of unfair criticism that their bad guy’s suck. Well in the story line of the movie, I think The Vulture and Spiderman are on a very stream line path towards each other that when they finally go head to head in the 3rd act, you are very on the edge of your seat ready to see what happens.
Aside from that a little notes here and there, I really didn’t know what to expect from Zendaya’s role. She had a large part of the promotion of the movie so I figured she would have a much larger role than what she had but keep in mind that this is a movie universe and I think they set her up for much more in the future, and by far one of my favorite scenes in the movie was Peter walking into his Homecoming dance and he sees her and she just waives and gives him the finger. Delivery was hilarious. And besides that a lot of people were saying that this was like an Iron man film with some Spiderman. Honestly he doesn’t over shadow the movie at all. He just plays the role of a mentor and pops in here and there but besides what you see in the trailers and to help set up the time line but not much more than that. Who I wish had a larger role was Marisa Tomei. Honestly didn’t think she had enough screen time but what little scenes she was in, she did a good job just playing the fun aunt. Always thought it was wild knowing that it was suppose to be an Aunt and from Spiderman 1 they give us a frail old lady who was suppose to be the same age as Peter’s mom.
When the news first came out, I remember them saying they wanted to treat it like a John Hughes film and they even make a little homage cameo to Farris Bueller’s Day Off. It goes along with the new approach to Super hero movies that are geared more as a genre film. Winter Soldier a Spy thriller, Ant Man a heist movie, Ragnarok is suppose to be like a buddy road trip film. Well I think Homecoming does a decent enough job in making me care about the teenage drama side of being Peter Parker as much as I want to see the Spiderman side. I like how the director, John Watts said that at that age everything is hard from passing in school, to talking to girls, to being a super hero taking on villains. Now can I relate to that last part? No. But I think the film does a decent job in the balance between Peter Parker as the kid and Peter Parker as Spiderman and the transitional periods in between and that ,in the end, is the conflict and the center of any Spiderman movie and this movie does a decent job in highlighting that. Its a fresh take on a Spiderman movie, and a Super hero movie, and another addition to the MCU. Solid 8/10. Enjoyable Summer movie and the best version of Spiderman so far.
Other Notes For The MCU
Nebula the Patricide
I don’t know if I said this at the time when I wrote the Post for GotG Vol. 2 but I have a sneaky feeling that Nebula is going to be the one to put the dagger in Thanos. No one else has the distinct motive to kill Thanos. Like Tony Stark doesn’t even know the guy exist right now. But after re-watching GotG Vol. 2, first off that scene where Nebula and and Gomora talk and says Thanos pulled her eye from her head and her brain from her skull and arm from her body and how she always just wanted a sister was one of the most heart wrenching moments I’ve ever seen. By far one of the best lines given in the entire MCU, but that has to make her the one to kill Thanos. Sure one of the 60 other characters in the Marvel world are gonna help in doing that, but I need Nebula to be the one to pull the trigger, one, because I have that theory out now a year before the movie comes out, and two, because she is the most justified in doing so.
was obviously a screen shot of the cage door that opens up to reveal the Infinity Gauntlet. So the big question is wtf is that thing now they’re tweeting out that’s gonna make the nerds scratch their head as they try to figure out what it is. Some people are saying some special Arc Reactor for stark? Some Portal thing? Me personally, I think Stark knows he’s going to need Caps help in Infinity Wars and they’re going to get the squad back together and after he saw that the current shield has Black Panther claw marks in it, he decides to rebuild a super shield of sorts. I mean the outside kind of looks like the shield for one, and two, we’ve seen that in Iron Man 2, there is more to it than just a thin layer of vibranium that went into the original prototype, and three, im pretty sure they mention a new shield for cap at one point in Homecoming so Looks like i might be right.
TOKYO Police in Tokyo said Tuesday have arrested a 61-year-old deliveryman on suspicion of stealing women’s underwear and said they had found more than 1,000 items of women’s lingerie and clothing at his home. According to police, the suspect, Yasushi Kobayashi, who works for a printing company in Kawaguchi, Saitama Prefecture, has admitted to the charge and said he had been stealing women’s underwear and stockings for the past 20 years because he liked to wear them ever since he was young, Fuji TV reported. Kobayashi was arrested for stealing nine items that had been hung out to dry at a costume rental shop in Higashi-nippori in Tokyo’s Arakawa Ward on April 17. When police searched his home, they found more than 1,000 items of women’s underwear and clothing Police quoted Kobayashi as saying that while he was making deliveries in his truck, he would often steal lingerie that been hung out to dry on balconies or from washing machines in coin laundries. Police said Kobayashi was identified by street surveillance camera footage which showed hin getting back into his truck after having stolen the items in April.
I feel like everyone in one time in their life has a little panty raid story. Nothing when you’re past the age of 13 but I’m pretty sure everyone has had a time where they snuck in to their friend’s sister room and taken their panties. Well this guy probably did that and that moment on his inner perverted criminal mind was hatched. I know it’s not like they figured out who Jack the Ripper was or caught the next Jeffery Dahmer, but the fact of the matter stands. They took down a criminal with 20 years of thieving experience. I get it, it’s not like they took him down in the act with a crazy sting operation involving him pocketing used women’s underwear. But still you know how weird the Japanese can get with sex fetish stuff so all things considered It’s kind of like they took down the Zodiac killer in the criminal world of used Women’s underwear. I mean if you think this guy is a casual perverted thief who occasionally gets offs wearing lace, you’re wrong. There’s no doubt in my mind this guy has made a shrine of his crimes and capers of all the thongs he’s stolen and has documented his feeling of wearing said used woman’s underwear. Guy must’ve been at the end of his ropes too. 61, old as shit, doesn’t know if he can make it any longer so he just snatches an unheard of NINE used panties hanging out to dry. Poor sick fuck know he was gonna get caught doing that probably. No sympathy from me, but a small part does wonder had he not been caught where the number would end up in the end. Probably enough underwear to restock a Goodwill store for years to come.
Please ignore the fact that as you’re reading this, my dick is rock hard. Yea I know it’s weird but get over it because the second you watch that trailer your dick is gonna be hard too and now we’re just a bunch of guys and girls with hard dicks in our pants. Strange, yes, but true. Nothing gets my blood rushing like a good Jackie Chan trailer. Guy’s the epitome of action star at it’s purest form doing his own stunts and kicking people’s ass left and right. This is like some Taken, Jason Borne, meets every Jackie Chan movie ever type of shit. I knew Jackie was leaning away from his more martial arts type rolls, but we knew he cant leave that shit behind entirely. Hand to hand combat is his drug habit. I don’t care if he decides to make some political drama thriller, it’s gonna involve kicking some dude into a broom closet and taking some average inanimate object and using it turn some dude into a spinning top and kicks their ass with it. Honestly I don’t even really know what exactly is going on, is he turning into the bad dude? Like victim turned evil? What’s Pierce Brosnan deal in it? No one knows exactly unless you’re a nerd who read the book its suppose to be based off of i guess. But either way Thank god this movie isn’t tooo far away. Just enough time to let the swelling go down and enough time to ponder what exactly is going on.
P.s- This part I let out a big smile knowing it’s a Classic JC movie turned into a big action fighting moment. Fucking Chan leaping down from the clouds like a tiger.