Monthly Archives: August 2017

How Salty is Luc Besson That Marvel Movies Rake In Billions While His Movie Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets Was a Box Office Flop And A Bad Movie

NYDN- Steve Rogers is apparently catching some flak for his role as steward of America.

French director Luc Besson, whose latest film “Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets” hit theaters last month, spoke with a Brazilian journalist about an increasingly familiar term in the film industry: superhero fatigue.

Besson lambasted Hollywood’s portrayal of Captain America, saying that the superhero genre always attempts to bolster America’s standing on the world stage.

Besson went as far as to call Captain America “propaganda.”

“I’m totally tired of it, totally. I mean, it was great 10 years ago when we saw the first ‘Spider-Man,’ ‘Iron Man.’ Now it’s like, number five, six, seven,” Besson said. “The superhero is working with another superhero, but it’s not the same family. I’m lost.”

“What bothers me most, is that it’s always here to show the supremacy of America, and how they are great. I mean, which country in the world would have the guts to call a film, ‘Captain Brazil,’ or ‘Captain France?’ I mean, no one. We would be so ashamed and say, ‘No, no, c’mon, we can’t do that.’ They can . They can call it ‘Captain America’ and everybody thinks it’s normal.”

“I’m not here for propaganda, I’m here to tell a story,” Besson continued. “And ‘Valerian’ is another proposal….different, where, you really travel. You meet aliens, a lot. And there are real themes. I mean, Valerian and Laureline are not superheroes, they’re not even heroes. They’re people like you and me. They’re cops, they do their job. But sometimes, they can be heroic. That’s what I love, because I can relate to that. I can’t relate to a superhero, I don’t have superpowers.”

“Valerian,” which holds a 50% on Rotten Tomatoes, underperformed at the box office, earning $90 million off a budget around $180 million. Meanwhile, in its third week, superhero film “Spiderman: Homecoming” earned over $5 million more at the box office than Besson’s film.

Honestly how much is Luc Besson crying that his precious Valerian movie stunk in theaters nationwide while every Marvel movie seems to be a smash hit and makes millions in box office and toy sales around the globe. Seriously way to pick a fight with the largest fucking production studio on the planet. Don’t get me wrong, I can understand someone saying its tired. We’ve hit around close to 41 comic super hero movies since the 2000s and half of which have come in under 10 years and we get about 3 or 4 yearly now. I get it can be tired, but guess what? if it’s good and still makes money, they’re still gonna make them, and we’ll still be entertained. It’s only recently they started cooking up a new method too by making them genre films to reinvent comic book super heros so god knows when kids who share the comic book super hero movie get sick of Spider Man. Sure, the second I hear a 9 year old walk out of Spiderman Homecoming 5 saying “God, this spiderman is so derivitive of the earlier works of previous Spiderman blah blah blah” then I’ll credit Luc Besson for being in on it early but remember these are movies for kids and are entertaining enough for Adults to watch. That’s a sweat money market that I’m okay with.

But besides all of that, Besson’s other takes are just as trash has Valerian. Like, why you gotta diss Captain America like that. I’m sorry a comic book character created in the 40’s in the middle of World War II was created as a symbol of patriotism in a country that entered the war to save allied countries from being over run by a Fascist dictator. Guess what, thats what America did, we along with our allied pals came in and stomped Hitler’s dick. That’s why Captain America is who he is. Because he is the living embodiment of what is right in America and he’s not afraid to call Hitler a fuck face with his super jacked muscles. Listen some guy in Brazil wants to create a comic book character called Captain Brazil go for it. Want to make a Captain France, be my guest. Most likely he would surrender in war so I don’t think that would be the greatest Comic book character but sure go ahead and make one. But blaming Steve Rodgers, a comic book character, for being a character created in the middle of the Second World War as a archetype of the perfect American soldier who selflessly volunteered to enter the war despite being physically capable to do much but wants to because he doesn’t like bullies and because standing up to bad guys was the right thing to do, and was subsequently turned into a billion dollar movie character, is the definition of salty.

Don’t even get me started on him trying to defend Valerian. Is there room for a good, entertaining movie to be in there? Sure. I mean you have all these space things going on, theres detective work, aliens, bad guy twist, sure there could be a good movie there but between Dane Dehaan not being able to lead in a big time studio movies, his actually shitty character, and the useless shit going on in the movie, Valerian stunk. Guy’s making it out to seem like theres some great space voyage movie where you’ll leave with an encyclopedia of alien knowledge after watching this movie. Here’s all it is **Spoilers** aliens got wiped out, Dane Dehaan really wants to fuck Laureline, and then the movie derails into a teen love movie with Dehaan learning about love from a shape shifting Rihanna, and then they figure out who blew up the planet along time ago. You don’t really travel. It’s disguised as travel because they built unrealistic environments that are some how explained because of some mcguffen alien space station. You don’t really see aliens as more than faces on screens, besides the main aliens that are hardly on screen besides the beginning or the end and the shape shifting Rihanna. and I guess you learn a theme of Love, one of the most played out themes in the world. Trash movie. And to say that these are relatable characters. Such a weird concept in movies. Sure making relatable characters are fun. But unless there’s a movie about a Chinese blogger, how the fuck is that suppose to relate to me? Oh Alien space cop, super relatable characters. Super sophisticated super British spy in James Bond, Not relatable. A badass professor of archeology who searches for hidden relics, not relatable. Any person in any action movie ever because they can run more than a mile to save their life, not relatable.  And on the other end of the spectrum, its a fucking movie, guy. If i wanted to see relatable characters that did boring as shit instead of saving the world from Thanos and what ever imminent threat is lurking in the corner, then Id just stay home and watch Animal Planet. I don’t want relatable characters, I want fucking awesome characters doing awesome things. And trust me, Luc, we know you don’t have super powers.

Sidenote- I feel like they don’t even call him specifically “Captain America” much in the movies. Steve, Rodgers, Steve Rodgers, Captain Rodgers, Cap etc. Shits just the title man. And then even at that point, people just refer to the sequels as Civil War or Winter Soldier. Much easier to say that Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets.

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Casually Mailing A Package Of 20 Snake Heads Is Not Cool And Neither Is Eating Them

Berlin (AP) — German customs officers say they have found and destroyed 20 rotten snake heads found in a package that had arrived from Nigeria.
A spokeswoman for Munich’s main customs office said Wednesday that officers discovered the snake parts when they X-rayed a three-kilogram (6.6-pound) package last week.
Marie Mueller said that when officers then opened the parcel the stench of the rotten snake heads was “simply overwhelming and unbearable.”
Mueller said the snake heads were immediately burned to prevent the spread of possible diseases.
She said the customs office has repeatedly intercepted packages from western Africa with snake heads which are sent to Germany as a delicacy.

What do I always say, anything dealing with snakes is not cool.  Sure I like the idea that they’re dead in a box but still, not cool. Let them die off in the ground with vultures scavenging their bodies or something. Mailing them into some European country is not cool either but by far the worst part is the implication that it seems like these Germans were gonna eat them as some sort of delicacy. Fucking Gross man. That’s what I hate about high cultured pretentious delicacy foods. No one can ever rationalize that caviar taste better than a Cheeseburger. Made from cow meat. And not some un-eaten part like cow dick or ass hole or hoofs. Just straight up 100% pure angus what ever part hamburger meat comes from. And you know what? When I go to throw one on the grill the smell doesn’t immediately make me want to vomit my insides out. See nature teaches us things in this world to keep us from doing things. It’s like a life lesson from nature and nurture. Oh it smells like a rotting pile of shit and I might just pass the fuck out if wind blows a hair stronger than the driest day in an Arizona summer? Probably shouldn’t eat it. If a girls pussy smells enough in the heat of sex to make you reconsider going down on her, then she proooobably has something. Same goes for guys too, because it’s 2017 and we’re progressive. See, life lessons. Don’t want herpes, don’t go down on it. Don’t want your insides liquefied then don’t eat rotten snake heads from west Africa. I don’t care if it’s labeled as a delicacy in the rich crowd. The difference between rich ass holes who eat this and poor guys eating this is the rich guy doesn’t care about him shitting out a snake because he’s rich as fuck while you’re probably gonna be in the hospital with insurance premiums shooting through the roof to get your stomach pumped.

#AznPride: Florida Asian Accidentally Fires A Gun While Taking A Selfie In A Strip Club Bathroom

TAMPA, Fla. – A Florida man has been sentenced to six years and five months in prison for accidentally shooting a gun while taking a selfie in a strip club restroom.
The U.S. Attorney’s Office in Tampa announced 34-year-old Rorn Sorn’s sentencing Monday. The Asian Pride Gang member pleaded guilty in April to possessing a firearm as a convicted felon.
Court documents say Sorn was at Club Lust in St. Petersburg in December when his gun discharged. The bullet went through the mirror and into the adjacent women’s restroom. No injuries were reported.
A security guard approached Sorn as he was leaving, and Sorn reportedly told the guard that it was an accident and that he “was just trying to take a selfie.” Police responded, and officers found a handgun, ammunition and drugs on Sorn. Sorn has prior felony convictions for burglary and attempted first-degree murder.

In the midst of all this racial tension growing in America between black and white people, The white nationalist and all the other rational people that progressed in life, It really made me happy that I’m just skating under the radar being Asian. No one complaining that we’re taking jobs because all of our jobs are stereotypical Asian restaurants. Sure the rest of my family does banking, pharmaceutical sales, real estate, importing goods, HR representation at major hotel chains and various other jobs that keeps them all well of and in a decent tax bracket. But yea Chinese restaurants and nail salons, that’s what those orientals do. See we got the facade as a harm free immigrant on lock. Math nerds with less intimidating dick sizes so we cant possibly steal away all the white girls. And that’s where we need to balance out the nerd Asians with guys like Rorn Sorn. Yea that name stinks but we need a couple of felons in our camp to edge out the book worm behavior. Does he have a threateningly massive cock? Probably not but average size probably. But he’s also a gun toting gang member with prior convictions. He had guns and drugs on him. That’s enough of the bad boy edge we need. The part where he had an accidental misfire while taking a selfie isn’t the hardest of looks but I’ll take it cause in the game of global diplomacy, we need all types and what we’ve been lacking ever since Jin stopped going on Freestyle Friday on 106&Park was an urban fella Asian that seemed like they could do crime stuffs. (Jin certainly wasn’t that type, but the freestyle battles made him cool)

Magic: The Gathering Game Ends With A Guy Getting Bludgeoned With A Rubber Mallet And Stabbed

Mashables: A Magic: The Gathering game came to a head in the early hours of Friday morning in St. Cloud, Minnesota when one agitated player attacked his opponent, sending him to the hospital with several stab wounds.
Elijia Dale Creech, 31, called 911 just after midnight on Friday and admitted he stabbed someone in his apartment, saying he thought the victim was dying, Fox 9 reported Friday. The 20-year-old victim was hit in the face with a rubber mallet and stabbed seven times in his neck and cheek, investigators learned.
The unnamed victim was taken to St. Cloud Hospital and received treatment for his injuries, which were not believed to be life threatening, Fox 9 reported.
The two individuals got into an argument over their competitive card game, which escalated into violence.
Creech was taken into custody on suspicion of first and second degree assault charges. Creech had a prior conviction for possession of an explosive with intent, prompting the St. Cloud Fire Department of Hazardous Materials Response Team to test the apartment for hazardous materials. The tests came back negative, Fox 9 reported.

Smh. Gotta respect the game bro. I get it. Sometimes you spend hours putting in the time and thought process into building a deck. Gotta spread the right amount of mana and gotta get the mana curve right with your ratio of spells and creatures. A lot goes into it but when you have the deck built and ready to go you feel proud of it. you shuffle, shake hands and start the game then out of no where you have your starting 7 not right and then you realize you gotta mulligan. and then you mulligan again. Sure your hand may be fine now but you’re behind in card advantage and then your opponent already played like 5 things in 1 turn probably. You’re trying to stay in the game chump blocking everything they throw at you but you’re still surviving. The only life total that matters is 1 after all and you just pray you’re gonna top deck something that’ll change the game. Next thing you know its like turn 12, you pull the exact card you need to make a combo go off that’ll win you the game and then suddenly they play a blue spell to counter it and some how return all cards to your hand and before you can even let the stack resolve, his head’s on the side of the table bleeding with a rubber mallet in your hand and a cold sweet dripping down your face staring at your buddy with stab wounds. That’s what happens when you play against people who are running blue. Just controlling everything you’re doing. I don’t even know what the hell the scenario is but I guarantee that’s what happened. Maybe a slight chance of some rule discrepancy that lead to scissor wounds but more likely than not he played something blue. Like if it was some board whip you almost gotta respect it. If it was some burn spells, that’s expected against something red. But when they play something blue it just always seems like it ruins everything in the most annoying fashion ever. All things considered, I get why this kid got a mallet to their dome, but we’ve all been there before. Can’t just go swinging when the cards don’t go your way guy.

P.s- He’s 31. In all truths you should stop playing after like 15. I’ve been to card shops before. weird batch of people. To simply put it, On a Friday night you’ll see at least 10 off brand sneaker with velcro straps, and there might be 1 chick you’d think about having sex with.

Double p.s-