Author Archives: edlee

Ooooh The Weather Outside is Weather. – Paul Rudd/Surf Instructor Kunu Voice

 

Peak Florida weather pattern. Honestly it boggles my mind how scientist aren’t on the rooftops of every Florida home. Not to tell me the weather or anything, I know its gonna rain and be hot as balls, but just the sheer science of it has to drive weather meteorologist nerds crazy. Like in movies when a scientist finds life on mars or something. They get all giddy and willing to risk all life on earth just to explore and learn more about aliens that can wage war on us and kill us all. Well that’s the weather here in Florida. It can certainly kill us all by drowning us to our graves, but scientist should come to study the science of how the weather becomes peak Florida by raining cats and dogs to perfectly Sunny one inch away. There has to be some sort of name for that anomaly. Like how New Yorkers have the Manhattenhenge when the sunset is perfectly aligned with a Manhattan street so that people can take pictures and post on instagram. Well there has to be some sort of Florida pop-culture version name for when the weather is split perfectly rain storm on one half of an Ihop in a run down strip mall next to a Hertz Rent-a- Car and a Pawn Shop, and perfectly sunny on the other half of said Ihop. Perfect for Floridians to upload on Facebook. Not instagram. Facebook.

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I Dont Know If I Could Take A Teacher Seriously If Her Name Was Ms. Sprinkles….Also, She Had Sex With A Student

New York Post – A North Carolina teacher reportedly fled town when she learned on social media that she was charged for having sex with a student, according to officials.
Kayla Sprinkles, 26, was indicted by a grand jury on sexual assault charges June 4 after allegations surfaced that she was sexually involved with a student in the Cherokee County schools system, news station WPVI reported.
The Andrews High School teacher’s relationship with the student allegedly occurred from December 2016 to April 2017, according to the Clay County Progress.
Sprinkles fled the county after news of the indictment hit social media, authorities said. She ultimately turned herself in June 7 to the Mecklenburg County Detention Center, where she was released on $25,000 bond.
She is set to appear next in Cherokee County Superior Court on July 2.

That’s the golden age of social media for you. On one end of the spectrum it can help start a political revolution in the Middle East, on the other end of the spectrum, Its posting news articles saying there’s a warrant out for your arrest for sexually fucking a student. Tough break for the latter when you’re just scrolling through your Facebook judging all the people you grew up with in high school. Calling one girl a bitch, rolling your eyes at the other for bragging about their kid who’s “so wonderful.” Next thing you know you accidentally like a post about how cops are looking for a North Carolina teacher at Andrews High School in the Cherokee County school system who was sexually involved with a student, and that the teachers name is Kayla Sprinkles. Thats probably when it hit her that it was her they were looking for, and I would do the same move, just bolt. Run away from your problems until you throw up and realize you fuuuuccckkkeeeddd up.

But that’s neither here nor there. I’m not a jury of her peers, I’ll let the proper Law & Order take place on Sprinkles here.

Could you honestly take a teacher named Sprinkles seriously? I mean I don’t waaaannnt to judge someone based off their name, But can you imagine that growing up? Sitting in 5th grade math and raising your hand and saying “Ms. Sprinkles, may I use the restroom?” It sounds like you’re asking a cat for permission to take a piss, and that’s weird. It sucks on her end too. Trying to teach some discipline, catch some kids vandalizing school property and really laying down the law on them. “Sorry Ms. Sprinkles” **chuckle** snickering laughter** Chuckle**. All authority is compromised when your last name is some sort of confectionery dessert topping. Was she a fine teacher? Maybe. Did she have sex with a student? Definitely. All I’m saying is I don’t want to make any generalizations about her based off name alone but it’s hard to take her too serious with the last name Sprinkles. Its like in Meet the Parents when Greg has to come to terms with the fact that the future in-laws mock his family surname, Focker. And that guy had it way worse. Imagine if Sprinkles here had to go through gen pop with the full name Gaylord Sprinkles.

Jet Li Has Been Suffering From Hyperthyroidism And Its Got Him Down BAAAAAAAADDD

This is DEVASTATING. I feel awful. I try to keep tabs on everyone in the world and I somehow let Jet Li slip by me. It was a huge shock to the system to see what has happened to him. I mean I will say, this one side by side is EXTREMELY jarring, but the other ones don’t look that bad where he looks like an 80 year old man which is a good thing. But no matter what he says about him being fine, I just know he’s not. We’ve seen him with a shaved head before that’s no big deal. Its a big deal though when it looks like you’ve stepped into a time machine and come out looking like a grandpa who’s about to break a hip and also an entirely different Chinese person. I mean kudos maybe to the guy who got the pic with him cause I don’t even think I could recognize him. Its at the point where he needs a transition photo. Like side by side just wont convince me, i needed more photos in totally different angles before i could actually believe that this frail old man my eyes were seeing was actually Gabrial Yulaw who made everyone in the prison colony universe his bitch in the movie The One. Shocking.

And how come no one else is talking about this? I mean I know he’s not main stream anymore but Guy has had a decent career in American cinema. Jackie Chan will always be my number 1, but Jet Li was fucking the truth. The two of them both bridged the gap between Chinese people and Black people all around and that was SUPER important for me growing up in South Florida where there is, in fact, a decent population of African Americans. All of which can kick my ass. But that didnt happen. Rush Hour probably saved me in middle school. But then came along Jet Li and Romeo Must Die. Oh boy was that special sure it was one thing for a Chinese and black cop to get along. A whole nother thing when we got Jet Li on the dance floor with a super sexy chick. And not just any ordinary hot chick but Aaliyah (Rest in Peace).

Yea he looks nervous as fuck dancing with her but that don’t matter. Its still a win in my books. In my fake imaginary world I pictured the two of them dating in real life and then it wouldn’t be so awkward when i try to ask a black chick out because there’s precedent in Hollywood.

Looking back at all this, I hope to god Jet li comes back in the world. Suppose to be playing a role in the live action Mulan which if we’re going for a very wise old Chinese master, he’s got that look going on and i know he’s still got the moves, but god damn I do hope that Jet Li gets better soon.

Nick Chan Is Just Beating The Legal System To The Point Where He Might Be Calgary’s Most Nefarious Criminal

National Post – Nicholas Cypui (Nick) Chan, the alleged Calgary gang leader who this week beat organized crime and murder charges for the second time in two years, is a most curious fellow who is also keenly aware of his rights — every last one of them. Chan hasn’t just twice defeated the best efforts of police and prosecutors to prove he is the “directing mind” of the violent FOB (Fresh Off the Boat) gang. During lengthy stays behind bars, he has also enlisted the Alberta Human Rights Commission, the correctional ombudsman, the Alberta College of Physicians and Surgeons, the vehicle of civil lawsuits and prison pastors and psychologists to help him assert those rights. In other words, Chan is possibly the most allegedly dangerous “vexatious litigant,” as those who so frequently resort to the courts are called, in the entire country. In one case, for instance, Chan made 28 complaints about his treatment while in pre-trial custody for heroin trafficking offences, including that he’d been denied vegetarian meals (though he admitted he wasn’t always a vegetarian) and that wasn’t allowed to wear his special orthotic shoes while in jail. The judge in that case found that inmates had to wear prison-issued running shoes for security reasons. He also dismissed most of Chan’s complaints, but upheld several, and ultimately reduced his sentence because of the hardship he suffered.In that 2005 decision, Alberta Court of Queen’s Bench Judge P.J. McIntyre gave Chan three-to-one credit for his time in pre-trial custody, instead of the then-usual two-to-one credit. As for Chan’s alleged post-traumatic stress disorder, which a psychologist said appeared to be related to his having been strip-searched in jail, the judge dryly noted the psychologist “was unaware” that at Christmas 2002, a friend of Chan’s was shot while they were at a mall, and suggested that may have been rather more traumatic than a strip search. Chan has had remarkable success in various courts, in fact. In 2011, he convinced the Immigration and Refugee Board to reverse a decision refusing his Chinese wife, Yong Yi Guan, permanent resident status in Canada. A one-member panel found that Chan “came across as a very quiet, reserved person” who opened up under her questioning. The woman was allowed to come to Canada.

Have you ever seen such a diabolical looking man ever? I mean seriously, the hair cut, the thin Asian mustache, the stare? That’s the stare of someone who just poisoned your tea and is waiting to watch your lungs seize up with white foam coming out of your mouth. And the best part about it is he knows he’s not gonna see anything close to a prison sentence because he knows the book better than the judge. He’s like Belichick just playing by your rules and making you look like a fool at the same time. And what are his tactics to beat the law you might ask? Simply explaining to the judge and the Alberta Human Rights Commission that he was pretty much being tortured and had his civil rights violated. I mean being denied Vegetarian meals and complaining about orthopedic sandals??? The Joker had to perform a reverse c section and put a cellphone bomb inside a man and had to orchestrate him being arrested in order to mastermind his way out of a holding cell (**spoilers**). Nick Chan ain’t got time for that shit. There’s money to be made in the grimy streets of Calgary. He’ll just yell and scream about how his back hurts because he’s been denied his rights to his orthopedic sandals. It’s a real son of a bitch move when you have to wear the in-house shoes with no Dr. Scholl’s sole inserts to the point where your spine is about to fall out. And on top of that you don’t get the vegetarian meal in the pen??? Fuck out of here. Who’s really the criminal here??? Not Nick Chan in his eyes, that’s for damn sure. Now excuse him while he continues to distribute heroin and have people killed and try to get his wife deported back to China. Maybe go read the handbook instead, Calgary.

Screen Rants: Thoroughbreds

Two upper-class teenage girls in suburban Connecticut rekindle their unlikely friendship after years of growing apart. Together, they hatch a plan to solve both of their problems — no matter what the cost.

 

Welcome back folks! Its been a while. New Years, Chinese New Years, Work, Life, etc. All that mumbo jumbo but I’m back. And I’m back to tell you guys about a quirky film called Thoroughbreds. Took a look at the slate of movies out and this one stuck out. See, I like to claim that I have a knack for seeking talent. It started when I was in the 7th grade and my buddy Brian asked me to make a CD mixtape with a bunch of rap songs on it and then out of the blue I threw on a song called “Through the Wire” by this at the time unknown fella named Kanye West. I remember watching old videos of Mike Posner back when he was an unsigned college kid performing at schools. Well I feel the same way about Anya Taylor-Joy. Saw her in “The Witch” and instantly knew she could be a star. Next thing you know shes staring in “Split” and now that brings us here, to Thoroughbreds. I’ll give anything ATJ’s in a fair shot.

Anywho, this is a movie about 2 teens who grew up in a wealthy rich Connecticut suburb. One teen Lily, played by Anya Taylor-joy, and another teen, Amanda, played by Olivia Cooke. Amanda is a teen who feels no emotions, which if you’ve seen any murder T.V. show, you’d know that lacking emotion is one of the signs of a psycho path. Team that up with the implied intro, and we have a bonafide psychopath. And on the other end we have Lily, a perfect version of a what a lovely white suburban teen girl is on the surface who’s brewing a deep hatred for her step dad. The two were friends as kids, but it’s presumed as they grew older, they grew apart for what ever reason. Now that years have passed, Amanda’s mom pays Lily to hang out with Amanda, even though Amanda is fully aware of the situation. Despite that fact, the two kinda rekindle somewhat of a friendship when their conversation is interrupted by Lily’s dad who, as we stated earlier, Lily hates. This is when the two gals decide to open up a bottle of red wine and have a discussion about killing Lily’s father. Casual wine talk. The two meet up with Anton Yelchin’s (RIP) character Tim. A Westchester drop out drug dealer with a slight social stigma about being a pedophile. Every town has one of those. The two girls try to hire him to kill Lily’s father but whether or not that happens, you will have to watch and see…….or scroll to the bottom.

That being said this movie is straight up movie nerds creaming them selves a bit. Its a good movie, but the movie poster plastered with “Wickedly funny!” is an outrageous claim even from a exaggerating Bostonian standard. Don’t get me wrong I had a few laughs but I breathed perfectly fine the whole time. It was a fine movie, had a beginning a middle and an end and kept me interested the whole time. The movie has the benefits of being well paced and short. It feels few and far in between where we get a good 90 minute movie. Don’t get me wrong I’ll sit through a long movie if its good enough, but sometimes I’m like the Trill Withers of movie watching where a good 90 minute movie is my speed on a casual Thursday evening. Aside from that the movie also has a stylish feel with the music that keeps you interested. That’s how you win over my brain sometimes. Short and stylish, like a Shakira type because shes 5’2 and hot.

Now although i didn’t think it was funny like the next Superbad or something, the writing and performance was dope. The dead pan performance from Olivia Cooke was money. ATJ gives a good performance as well. Also have to mention this was Anton Yelchins very last role. He was fine and probably had more of the actually funny performances playing off of the dead pan humor of Olivia Cooke and Anya Taylor-Joy. Not to mention he’s the one character who’s some what normal mentally. Sad to see hi go even though I didn’t watch any of the new Star Treks and I thought Alpha Dog sucked. He was a nice kid in that, but still was kind of a stinker to me. All together I give it like a 7.3. It’s not gonna be any award type movie. But strong potential to be a cult classic type of film. Anton Yelchin’s last movie. Taylor-Joy and Cooke both about to become bigger names with Glass, New Mutants and Ready Player One, Life itself coming out soon. And the movie itself has a distinct style to it with the music.

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***SPOILERS***

Lily kills the step father. Wild scene. That whole like 5 minute performance is chilling as fuck. Plus the crying, I’m not an actual movie critic or in any way qualified to evaluate acting performances but I thought it was really fucking good crying. It was somewhat a theme in the movie, crying, being able to fake it, and when it was real, It definitely draws attention to that scene more and I think it pays off. I don’t want to sound like a lunatic, but its definitely worth paying and sitting through a 90 minute movie for that scene.

 

Strippers Attending Funerals In China Is Being Frowned Upon By The Chinese Government

National Post
The practice of hiring funeral strippers in rural China faces tighter curbs after the government announced cash rewards for people who report them to a special hotline.
The ministry of culture said it was targeting “striptease” and other “obscene, pornographic, and vulgar performances” at funerals, weddings and traditional new year public gatherings.
Authorities started clamping down on the practice in 2006 and began a second campaign in 2015. The latest is focused on 19 cities in the provinces of Henan, Anhui, Jiangsu and Hebei, the ministry said on its website, which also gave the hotline number.
Communities in rural China reportedly believe such shows enourage bigger attendances at funerals in order to honour the dead and bring them good fortune. The media has blamed it on increasing materialism as the country opens up to the West, while experts say the shows pay tribute to fertility.
The Global Times reported that rural households were showing off their disposable incomes by hiring “actors, singers, comedians, and – most recently, strippers – to comfort the bereaved and entertain the mourners”.

Man let me share a personal story with y’all. When my family first came to America it was my dad, uncle, and aunties, all 7 of them, with my Grandma and Grandpa all cramped into a small one bed room apartment in the small outskirts in Chinatown, New York City. One day some low life scum bag took a pipe and hit my grandpa in the back of the head damaging his brain. Guy was never able to form memories for long. Growing up he was a quiet guy, never really spoke, just got angry and went for his daily walks around town to get a milk tea and sit at home with out making a noise. Fast Forward to a few years ago he passed away and it came time for his funeral. I was blown away. The amount of people that came to give their condolences was mind blowing because I figured only a handful of family members would come. Didn’t think he had friends because he never spoke after that day he was attacked. They all remembered him as one of Chinatowns first accountant I think? Either way a couple hundred people came and went. It was a surprise and heart warming moment to see them all come pay their respects.

Now that being said……

Hypothetically, lets say if this was a thing. If I knew Chinese chicks were around back of the funeral home grinding their asses on peoples dicks, I don’t think I would mind. It’s an emotional time people! It would be one of those things where the family hosting the funeral probably know, but you know what? It’s just nice to hear nice things people have to say about loved ones that passed. Its also nice to have a girl with a nice ass whispering sweet nothings in your ear. I mean if there was a black sheep family member at a funeral you know he doesn’t really have nice things to say and you know its a conflicted past, but the wife of the deceased probably appreciated him just being there. Probably feels some what the same way when the town gas station attendant comes to mourn the loss in sweat pants and one dollar bills sticking out his pocket. It’s such a genius business idea too. From the words of the great Chazz Reinhold “grief is nature’s most powerful aphrodisiac.”

P.s- “The media has blamed it on increasing materialism as the country opens up to the West,” Yo China, unless I’ve been lied too, I’ve been to A number of funerals and we’re not the ones telling the farming communities in China to have strippers at Funerals.

P.P.S- Besides Milk tea and being quiet to turning into the Hulk in 5 seconds, the only other thing I know for a fact about my Grandpa was he loved Sunkist. When he would stay with us in Florida, he would walk a mile for a can of Sunkist.

A Lost In Space Series Is Coming To Netflix

 

Lost in Space might be one of the worst movies I cherish. Am I the only one with that feeling? I mean I assume for a decent amount of people out there born in the 90’s, they should feel the same way. The movie came out in 1998 and when I was the ripe age of 8 years old. Old enough to comprehend things and take in stories but not old enough to know how to say a movie is complete dog shit. That right there is nostalgia in a nut shell. I mean I remember i wanted to kiss, that’s right, not have sex with, just kiss Penny Robinson (NSFW is what I would want to do with Professor Maureen Robinson). It was an age of innocence folks. Wanted to hold hands with her while we were, in fact, lost in space. In my head Will Robinson just died and I’m just there with Penny, playing with our pet space monkey. And when I had to go on space mission I’d just hop in Will Robinson’s (RIP in my fantasy) robot that I can remote pilot so I don’t have to worry about dying.  Kid was a white Shuri with remote pilot systems. And then when we grow older and I gotta be a man on this space ship navigating through the black void of space, I get handed down the artillery of former hot shot pilot Major Don West.

That right there was the biggest thing in this movie. Not the critically claimed actors William Hurt or Gary Oldman. It was the fact that I thought mother fucking Joey Tribiani was the hottest shit in this movie. Whats even crazier is i had a Major Don West  action figure. Remove the armor and guns and I pretty much had a FRIENDS Joey Tribiani toy. But there was no deny the fact that to the average 8 year old in 1998, dude was cool. I mean he was on a hit T.V show known for having sex when he wasn’t a meatball sub loving idiot. And shit I loved Meatball subs too. But it was the simple fact that the dude was like Iron Man before Iron Man.You see that shit? It doesn’t have the same functioning speed but that’s the Iron Man Mark 46 suit in a nut shell with out the bells and whistles of the actually full body suit and a functioning F.R.I.D.A.Y. AI interface and repulsor blasters or missiles. Yea its just a collapsible helmet but it was cool as shit to know you can get ready to fuck up some space spiders in a snap of a finger.

As far as the Netflix show goes, this is just a teaser so who knows really how it’ll turn out. All I know is they got to crank up the tech of Major West if they want this shit to be good. And as far as the Judy character goes, I guess they got some light skin black chick to play the role? Maybe going for an adopted sister story line? Could be interesting when you can expand that to a tv show length story. And I guess the bad guy spy is a woman? Also don’t care, its 2018 so if they want to cast a woman as the lead protagonist I could care less as long as it’s good. Either way Set your Netflix reminders for April 13 so we can criticize this Netflix series if it’s good or bad but either way regardless of the fact that it doesn’t have Joey from Friends.