Monthly Archives: February 2018

Strippers Attending Funerals In China Is Being Frowned Upon By The Chinese Government

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National Post–
The practice of hiring funeral strippers in rural China faces tighter curbs after the government announced cash rewards for people who report them to a special hotline.
The ministry of culture said it was targeting “striptease” and other “obscene, pornographic, and vulgar performances” at funerals, weddings and traditional new year public gatherings.
Authorities started clamping down on the practice in 2006 and began a second campaign in 2015. The latest is focused on 19 cities in the provinces of Henan, Anhui, Jiangsu and Hebei, the ministry said on its website, which also gave the hotline number.
Communities in rural China reportedly believe such shows enourage bigger attendances at funerals in order to honour the dead and bring them good fortune. The media has blamed it on increasing materialism as the country opens up to the West, while experts say the shows pay tribute to fertility.
The Global Times reported that rural households were showing off their disposable incomes by hiring “actors, singers, comedians, and – most recently, strippers – to comfort the bereaved and entertain the mourners”.

Man let me share a personal story with y’all. When my family first came to America it was my dad, uncle, and aunties, all 7 of them, with my Grandma and Grandpa all cramped into a small one bed room apartment in the small outskirts in Chinatown, New York City. One day some low life scum bag took a pipe and hit my grandpa in the back of the head damaging his brain. Guy was never able to form memories for long. Growing up he was a quiet guy, never really spoke, just got angry and went for his daily walks around town to get a milk tea and sit at home with out making a noise. Fast Forward to a few years ago he passed away and it came time for his funeral. I was blown away. The amount of people that came to give their condolences was mind blowing because I figured only a handful of family members would come. Didn’t think he had friends because he never spoke after that day he was attacked. They all remembered him as one of Chinatowns first accountant I think? Either way a couple hundred people came and went. It was a surprise and heart warming moment to see them all come pay their respects.

Now that being said……

Hypothetically, lets say if this was a thing. If I knew Chinese chicks were around back of the funeral home grinding their asses on peoples dicks, I don’t think I would mind. It’s an emotional time people! It would be one of those things where the family hosting the funeral probably know, but you know what? It’s just nice to hear nice things people have to say about loved ones that passed. Its also nice to have a girl with a nice ass whispering sweet nothings in your ear. I mean if there was a black sheep family member at a funeral you know he doesn’t really have nice things to say and you know its a conflicted past, but the wife of the deceased probably appreciated him just being there. Probably feels some what the same way when the town gas station attendant comes to mourn the loss in sweat pants and one dollar bills sticking out his pocket. It’s such a genius business idea too. From the words of the great Chazz Reinhold “grief is nature’s most powerful aphrodisiac.”

P.s- “The media has blamed it on increasing materialism as the country opens up to the West,” Yo China, unless I’ve been lied too, I’ve been to A number of funerals and we’re not the ones telling the farming communities in China to have strippers at Funerals.

P.P.S- Besides Milk tea and being quiet to turning into the Hulk in 5 seconds, the only other thing I know for a fact about my Grandpa was he loved Sunkist. When he would stay with us in Florida, he would walk a mile for a can of Sunkist.

A Lost In Space Series Is Coming To Netflix

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Lost in Space might be one of the worst movies I cherish. Am I the only one with that feeling? I mean I assume for a decent amount of people out there born in the 90’s, they should feel the same way. The movie came out in 1998 and when I was the ripe age of 8 years old. Old enough to comprehend things and take in stories but not old enough to know how to say a movie is complete dog shit. That right there is nostalgia in a nut shell. I mean I remember i wanted to kiss, that’s right, not have sex with, just kiss Penny Robinson (NSFW is what I would want to do with Professor Maureen Robinson). It was an age of innocence folks. Wanted to hold hands with her while we were, in fact, lost in space. In my head Will Robinson just died and I’m just there with Penny, playing with our pet space monkey. And when I had to go on space mission I’d just hop in Will Robinson’s (RIP in my fantasy) robot that I can remote pilot so I don’t have to worry about dying.  Kid was a white Shuri with remote pilot systems. And then when we grow older and I gotta be a man on this space ship navigating through the black void of space, I get handed down the artillery of former hot shot pilot Major Don West.

That right there was the biggest thing in this movie. Not the critically claimed actors William Hurt or Gary Oldman. It was the fact that I thought mother fucking Joey Tribiani was the hottest shit in this movie. Whats even crazier is i had a Major Don West  action figure. Remove the armor and guns and I pretty much had a FRIENDS Joey Tribiani toy. But there was no deny the fact that to the average 8 year old in 1998, dude was cool. I mean he was on a hit T.V show known for having sex when he wasn’t a meatball sub loving idiot. And shit I loved Meatball subs too. But it was the simple fact that the dude was like Iron Man before Iron Man.You see that shit? It doesn’t have the same functioning speed but that’s the Iron Man Mark 46 suit in a nut shell with out the bells and whistles of the actually full body suit and a functioning F.R.I.D.A.Y. AI interface and repulsor blasters or missiles. Yea its just a collapsible helmet but it was cool as shit to know you can get ready to fuck up some space spiders in a snap of a finger.

As far as the Netflix show goes, this is just a teaser so who knows really how it’ll turn out. All I know is they got to crank up the tech of Major West if they want this shit to be good. And as far as the Judy character goes, I guess they got some light skin black chick to play the role? Maybe going for an adopted sister story line? Could be interesting when you can expand that to a tv show length story. And I guess the bad guy spy is a woman? Also don’t care, its 2018 so if they want to cast a woman as the lead protagonist I could care less as long as it’s good. Either way Set your Netflix reminders for April 13 so we can criticize this Netflix series if it’s good or bad but either way regardless of the fact that it doesn’t have Joey from Friends.

Hogzilla Is A Behemoth I Would Not Want To Run Into In A Back Alley

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By now I have a sick feeling inside that people might be getting a bit sick and tired of the fantastic actor Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson (His daughter happens to be my neighbor, not that that affects my opinion on him). People may scoff and ignore his next major Blockbuster release Rampage. Well how the fuck can you scoff now when the plot of it is basically happening right there there in Hong Kong. Like twice the length of the other puny hogs around him and with roughly 5000% more muscle bulk than the others. Honestly must be like a god amongst them. I mean I’ve always heard that pigs and hogs only have feeding and breeding on their mind which is why they get castrated on farms, so they only eat and grow massive for meat. Well if they can get their brains together for one second and realize they have a leader who can take on humans and rule the world if we were just going hand to hand. I mean short of a 50 cal bullet I’m not even sure other calibers can take Hogzilla out. I mean yea i know shit head poachers take out Elephants all the time but Hogs are a whole nother animal entirely, literally. Same logic where a 9mm can probably shoot any person but when a crazy coked out juiced meth head comes charging at you. It’s gonna take a couple .45 probably. Well same logic as hogzilla except times 100 and bullets look like they’ll bounce off him when he charges the streets of Hong Kong. I mean it’s eating trash! It’ll eat anything and every thing and continue to bulk up. That includes, half eaten steaks, bullets, trash, humans, skulls, etc. Guy’s such a monster it almost makes me think he’s a marketing ploy now just so people watch Rampage. I don’t want to know monsters can happen naturally out there in the wild.