Monthly Archives: August 2018

I Don’t Want To Bring Up 2nd Amendment Rights, But Dan Bilzarian Celebrating His Armenian Citizenship By Launching A Bazooka Is Kinda Awesome

View this post on Instagram

First day as Armenian citizen

A post shared by Dan Bilzerian (@danbilzerian) on

The Blast – Dan Bilzerian was so excited about his new citizenship that he celebrated with a party popper in the form of a gigantic bazooka.
The Instagram party boy just received his citizenship in Armenia, along with his brother Adam. The head of the Aremnian visa and passport office, Mnatsakan Bichakhchyan confirmed that “Dan and Adam Bilzerian brothers are participating in the oath ceremony on the occasion of receiving an Armenian citizenship.”
Bilzerian also reportedly signed up for military service, which is required of all male Armenian citizens.
To celebrate, he went out into the desert and fired off some heavy artillery, including a machine gun and a bazooka.

This might be the most stereotypical american thing but that does not mean its not awesome. Not even just American. I mean clearly its pretty Armenian and i have a hint of suspicion that Russians can celebrate in a similar fashion. Just a guy thing to do. Sure we’re born with our citizen ship but we need something better for when you become 18.  We need more of instant gratification thing to commemorate the passing of your childhood years into your adult years. We buy lotto tickets, probably wont win. Buy a pack of cigarettes, I dont smoke. Go to a Strip Club, cant/shouldn’t try to have sex with the strippers. But if I get the chance to fire a Bazooka as a rights of passage and blow up something and feel that immediate rush of adrenaline knowing you caused the destruction of something with such explosive power? Well thats just awesome. That’s something that I can get behind. Just as a choice. If you don’t like firearms, i would never want to put you through the pressure of firing a rocket launcher, but if you do want to do it and you just so happen to turn 18 or something, you should absolutely have the chance to do that fireing it off into a heep of rubble or something cause that’s just fucking awesome.

Advertisements

I Don’t Want To Sully The Good Name Of Love But No Chance This Surfer Heart Attack First Date Wasn’t Staged

DM – A doctor ‘kissed’ her partner for the first time – as she performed life-saving CPR after he collapsed during their first date on a California beach.
Anesthesiologist Andi Traynor, 45, was on her first official date with Max Montgomery, 56, when he collapsed after a morning of surfing.
Mr Montgomery, a tech content creator, had felt a burning sensation in his chest while paddling but didn’t realize anything was wrong until he began to feel exhausted after he left the water.
Dr Traynor, of Palo Alto, California, was shocked as she watched Mr Montgomery collapse on Capitola Beach, Santa Cruz, and couldn’t find her new flame’s pulse when she turned him over.
The mom-of-two immediately began to perform CPR on Mr Montgomery, of Santa Cruz, California, with the help of passersbys.
Within seven minutes, an ambulance had arrived and stretchered Mr Montgomery off the beach before reviving him using a defibrillator on route to Dominican Hospital.
Doctors determined that Mr Montgomery had suffered a heart attack and he had a number of blockages of his coronary artery.

What a performance! Putting blockages in his arteries to cause a heart attack nearly stopping blood flow to cut off to the brain causing permanent brain damage. Bravo! I mean come on does this not sound like a play straight out of Dating Coach Alexander “Hitch” Hitchens. Maybe the 45 year old Anesthesiologist kept on dating assholes when there’s this perfectly fine “tech content creator” who’s been admiring her for awhile but needed just the right push to make them fall in love. So he fakes a nice little heart attack. She performs a Kiss/ CPR on him and that’s when she realizes “Wow, maybe i actually am in love with this “dying” man on the beach.” Not to mention the 7 minute flat ambulance rescue. Granted I have no idea where this beach is in California but if I’ve heard anything out of California, its that traffic is a bitch. 7 minutes? Montgomery is a “tech content creator”? Kinda sounds like this guy knows how to cut up a video. Kinda Sounds like he might’ve collapsed conveniently in frame of this camera that caught it all on tape. Kinda Sounds like the EMT on scene is most likely Will Smith disguised as the ambulance to make sure the date went all according to plan so he can get paid resuscitating his client. Win-Win-Win scenario. I don’t hate it one bit, I just know this is all to happenchance for me.

The Poppy Seed Bagel Strikes Again

WSVN- TOWSON, Md. (AP) — A Maryland woman has discovered that eating a poppy seed bagel before giving birth carries serious consequences.
Elizabeth Eden told WBAL-TV in Baltimore she was in labor in April when a doctor told her she had tested positive for opiates. The test result meant Eden’s daughter had to stay in the hospital for five days while her mother was assigned a case worker.
Eden said she had learned in a school health class that eating poppy seeds could cause a false positive.
“I said, ‘Well, can you test me again? And I ate a poppy seed bagel this morning for breakfast,’ and [the doctor] said, ‘No, you’ve been reported to the state,’” Eden recalled to the news outlet.
After acknowledging the bagel defense, the case worker closed Eden’s file.
The Federal Institute for Risk Assessment writes that until food manufacturers reduce morphine levels in poppy seeds, it advises against excessive consumption, particularly during pregnancy.

How is it that in 2018, with all medical advancements in the world, so much technology implemented in the medical field, people are still falling victim to the Poppy Seed. Why the fuck are bagel shops still serving it on their menus? Why the fuck are people ordering them still? I don’t think I’ve ever had the inclination to order just a poppy seed bagel. They come on everything bagels but that’s because they play a small roll in every other flavor I’m tasting in my breakfast food. I can’t even describe what a poppy seed taste like off the top of my head so i don’t even understand why this lady would order one. Have people not seen the Seinfeld episode? They get stuck in your teeth and the flavor is probably so minuscule that the cream cheese or butter on the bagel just eviscerated the taste of it all together so you might as well just get a plain bagel and save your self the hassle of picking in between your teeth to get the small opium pods out.

Also ruthless on this doctors part to just report her to the state for being a reckless opium addicted mother to a newborn baby. Such an extreme result from a poor breakfast choice. Imagine the chain of events. You have a poppy seed bagel, hoping some how that’s enough nourishment for you, and the baby you’re carrying. Probably an hour or two later you go into labor. An 8+ hour struggle begins as you experience the pains of labor with nothing to eat but ice chips.  Finally in the 11th hour the birth is a success and you’re happy because you see the miracle of life for the first time and you’re so over whelmed with joy that your baby is alive and healthy. Exhausted from what people consider, the greatest joy in life, you take a small nap. Next thing you know you’re handcuffed to the hospital bed with 2 police officers on either side standing patrol to make sure you don’t escape. Doctors evaluating your drug habit and them leveling the decision to take your baby away because they don’t think you’re fit to be a mother. All from a poppy seed bagel. Wild.

P.s.- Remember 50 Cent’s song Baltimore Love Thing? Well that was about how Baltimore has the highest heroin user rate so there is a small chance Elizabeth Eden was on something