Monthly Archives: May 2015
As If All the Plane Crash Stories Recently Weren’t Enough, Apparently You can Hack Into Planes and Fly It into Sideways Pretty Much
I seriously might never get on a plane ever again. Today half my family is flying to Thailand for a fucking wedding and when they asked if i was going i pretty much said No and said my last goodbyes. Asia has had more issues with plans in the past year than we’ve ever had and you still want to go there? Fine, put me in your will and you have my blessings to go all you want. Bet they’re thinking “those are just rogue kamikaze pilots that crashed the plane by locking everyone out of the cock pits, Ill keep an eye on the doors, we’ll be fine”. Nope. this mother fucker fiddled around under his seat for a few minutes and then hacked that shit as easy as it is to hook up a N64 pretty much. And we’re not just talking observing flight controls and reading system gauges or whatever. He made that shit go side ways. Guy probably could fuck around and ditch all our cargo mid flight if he wanted. And you know whats sick is the default ID and password he used to hack in, im willing to bet was just “User ID: Admin” and “Password: Password” Boom. You’ve been hacked, and now you’re all screaming to your deaths sideways.
The Most Distinctive Cause of Death in Florida is HIV
Well fuck. I guess at some point statistically i might have HIV in my life time. Heres the fucked up thing, Yea all those college party cities are bound to have STDs. Tally, Gainesville, Orlando, Miami. Walk on campus and throw a rock and you’ll hit someone who probably has some STD. might not be HIV, maybe just syphilis and definitely have herpes of some sort. Either way, college towns are expected to have some STDs lurking in prominent places. Fort Lauderdale though is the mix of College kids who 50% chance have herpes, and the left behind people that never went anywhere after high school and instead got a bar job with an abusive ex boyfriend probably that now 75% chance gives them aids or something. Probably cant even go to church here any more with out finding a girl who got the germ. Statistically i think Im probably gonna get HIV and I know for a fact that im not having nearly enough sex to potentially catch an STD.
Florida, man. If its not betting your face eaten or getting bricked to death by some meth addict then you’re definitely gonna die of HIV.
Rangers beat the Lightning, Force Game 7 ECF at MSG
Talk about an incredible series. Started the eastern conference final slow but damn did things pick up. Heading in to the series i thought it was gonna be Tampa in 5. Rangers couldn’t win by more than 1 goal, Rick Nash had no production, had to go to 7 to take out the Caps. Detroit had the highest chance to take out Tampa. Datsyuk played great two way hockey and the entire team kept Tampa bays scoring in a cage by boxing out Stamkos. After that they pretty much steam rolled Montreal. I mean yea it went to 6 but it never really seemed close at all. Now here we are, game 7 at MSG. Want to give the edge to Tampa but something about Henrik and game 7’s at home make that seem like the way to go. Not to mention I never liked Bishop. Not the best goal tender in the Eastern conference playoffs. Next to Mrazek in Detroit they might be the worst. Frankly i don’t know what i should do with Tampa. Do i root for them because they’re florida and making Hockey relevant in the South? I mean they dont REALLY embrace the whole I-75 rivalry of Panthers Lightning anywhere. Gonna go with my gut and go with New York. They’ve won like 9 out of 10 Game 7’s at home (I might’ve botched that stat but roll with it), They aint losing. Tampa can get lost, Its the Florida Panthers time to shine soon enough in the Sunshine State. Friday night at 8, tune in and watch Tampa lose as the Rangers make their return to the Stanley Cup Finals again.
Taco Bell and Pizza Hut Are Removing All Artificial flavor and coloring.
Well what the fuck, Taco bell? Here i am sining your praises about selling booze and now you’re changing 95% of your menu. Who the hell are these assholes saying they want to know whats in their food? Theres a fine line you gotta draw and thats between “Food” and “Fast Food”. Maybe when im at a 5 Michelin Star restaurant where im paying a mortgage I want to know whats in my food. But this is Fast Food we’re talking about.Theres absolutely no way you’re gonna give me some grass fed beef or anything in my taco so why put on this front. Oh so now that you use pepper instead of pepper flavoring? Is that suppose to be healthier on my 88% real beef? Bet it doesn’t really now does it. You guys better start serving booze at all locations nationwide if you want me to put up with all your changes.
Apparently Cod Jizz is the Hottest Foody Trend in Japan right now.
Well this post is pretty unsettling to write after lunch. I mean im sure no ones surprised by this move. Rich japanese men are assholes when it comes to food. Can’t chill out with wings and fries, gotta be something weird and elitist. Oh everyones eating all the blue fin tuna? Give me whale meat. Thats not hot anymore? give me fish cum. Not only that but im gonna call it “White children.” Do Japs want to maybe produce white children? or is it some mental symbolic way to getting revenge for that whole bombing of hiroshima thing? Either way i dont want any part of this action that probably cost a gazillion yen. I like the 7 dollar cream cheese rolls at Publix better anyways.
Man stumbles upon some brains left on the floor.
Hey guy, don’t tell me seeing 9 brains on the floor is nothing to be freaked out about. Its not even about the fact that there are brains on the floor, its the context in which they were left. In my brain (Ha) they transport that shit in those jars in green liquid preserve like in cartoons but these are just left there. Was some sick fuck just like tossing brains out of a moving van or something? I feel like he raided the truck at a red light and tried stealing every organ he can and left the brains that fell outta his pockets behind? i kinda need answers before i book my trip to upstate New York. Don’t want to take a stroll on a brisk autumn night and have some Hannibal Lecter type steal my brains for food or something.
It was Bouncers v. Every Drunk Guy at St. Augustine on Memorial Day.
The videos kind of out of context since no one knows how the donnybrook started but it seems pretty clear the Bouncers took home the tag team belt on Memorial Day. Going to school in Central Florida and having the self awareness to know that Im in Florida, I’ve set bars to determine how bad a bouncer fight is gonna be. Its not “if it happens”, its “when it happens, how bad is it really?” Well the top bar is set as “I got shoved out the door by a big black bouncer and fell on my ass and got on world star” and the low is set at “Scott Hall pulled my own gun on me and murdered me” No one seems to be dead so frankly its a win in my books.
Also, is this what St. Augustines like? We took a class field trip there when i was like 7 to the Fort and never heard about that place ever again until about 5 years ago when i heard it was a hot bed for a couples weekend destination. Is that whats up with St. Augustine? Bouncer fights at the beach bar? Might have to take a trip up there sometime.
Someone Clipped Bill Simmons talking about how he got to ESPN with Kanye’s Last Call beat.
Anyone who knows 2000’s hip hop should know College Dropout. Its arguably the best Kanye CD ever. Fuck all his new shit. I mean c’mon. Jesus walks? Through The Wire? fucking Slow Jamz was the instant party song to get a girls attention. Theres not enough fire emojis to descibe how good College Dropout was. And anyone who knows that CD knows Last Call. Its Kanye telling his story about how he got signed to the Roc. Well some genius out there, mr3bits, decided to do the same to Bill Simmons interview about how he got to ESPN. Sure its 3x the length of kanye’s story but with that beat in the back how could you not listen. I need to write my story and track that beat asap.
Photographer Captures a Photo that Symbolizes Memorial Day
Chills. Dew on the ground. Fog in the air. The symbol of America overseeing all the lost souls from those brave enough to fight for us on Memorial Day.