Monthly Archives: October 2015

I Got Everything Wrong About This Dolphins/Patriots Game

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Welp, the clock ticked down to 0 and the carriage has officially turned back into a pumpkin. People around here were riding super high after the past two games where the Fins put a whopping on Texas and Tennessee, But its just that. Texas and Tennessee. take who ever wins the CFB National Championship against them and they’d probably win. Now i for one, never thought it was gonna be a W. But I somehow talked myself into make some bold bold predictions that none of them panned out.

First one being that Dolphins would cover in the first half whatever the line may be. I figure we’d come out strong, unwavered confidence could carry our defense and at least score on an early drive.  Well thanks to the Patriots scoring on their first drive along with Tannehill’s uncanny ability to really suck at footballs sometimes, we get a 19-0 Patriots first half (Probably gonna be their record at the end of the season). So unless anyone somehow got the first half spread at +20, the Dolphins stunk.lolphins.0

So after i talked myself into believing they’d cover 1st half, its only a skip or two away from thinking they wont get blown out. All week I’ve been listening to podcast and radio and most of it was from New England guys. Its easy to see why they’re hate able, but i listen especially this one guy i subscribe to, and you should as well just if you like sports in general is The Danny Picard Show. Now he goes on to say that Patriots were gonna blow out Miami. Now he goes on to say this after he recapped last week game where it was 44-26 fins and pretty much disregards that. Now anyone who watched knows that it was like 38-0 at half time and we were pretty much playing garbage time by the 2nd half so In my head i was saying Danny Picard didn’t see the game, yea 44-26 is close but it was all in the first half and we let the foot off the gas. Basically all that lead me to think its gonna be egg on their face when its not a blow out, but low and behold. It was pretty much a blow out at a 29 point difference. CSiPP9jXIAAFmfX

But all of the above didn’t stop my brain. Its a big divisional game. They’re gonna play tougher, If i were New England i wouldn’t worry about winning, id be worried their Offensive weapons are gonna get injured on this now 7-0 run against this hungry vicious Dolphins team. Lets see how this worked out:

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Turns out we were using one of those Looney Tunes shotguns that end up shooting yourself in the face all night.

Well we were riding really high after the last two W’s but finally checked back into reality. If anything i really hope this doesn’t hurt Dan Campbell’s chance at becoming the permanent head coach and i don’t think it will. I mean He definitely has some blame here tonight considering he said last week that preparation for this game was going to be all mental. It was gonna be game planning with the brain as opposed to just tackle drills.  Well be the time Tannehill watched that snap soar right by him i thought the whole mental game was cooked. Just absolutely rattled and ended up throwing like 2 picks because of it. But again, i like Campbell as a coach obviously more so than Philbin. And something about him when you hear him talk, he kind of sheds the big tough guy persona and falls into this emotional being. Kinda weird. He’s one of those giant softees i think deep down that just loves football and being around the guys. Well next up is Buffalo, hopefully Campbell gets it going again and we can atleast take them out in the division.

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36 Year Old Women Who Hit Her Head On A Tree Branch Riding A Bus Is Left With The Wonkiest Eye Ever

A 36-year-old woman is suing a bus company after she says she was left cross-eyed from an injury sustained on the bus two years ago during a Halloween party tour. Lauren Guerra of Los Angeles, California told KTLA on Monday that she was on the upper level of the double-decker Starline Tours bus when she was hit in the head by a tree branch, fracturing the orbital bone around her eye. Guerra said that medical bills cost her $300,000. Attorney Brian Kabateck said the death last year of 16-year-old Mason Zisette on a privately rented Starline bus motivated Guerra to take legal action. My client feels that after her incident, Starline should have done something to change what was happening on the bus,' Kabateck said. 'As a result of the fact that they made no changes and this poor young man died, she wanted to go public.' Guerra claims that she and other passengers received no safety warnings about going on the upper deck, and that no Starline personnel were on the bus to supervise the party. 'Towards the end of the trip, people were ducking branches and trees, while the driver was going 45 miles per hour,' Kabateck said. Another passenger was also struck by a tree but only had minor injuries. Guerra sued Starline just days after Zisette died when his head was struck by an overpass as he stood on the upper deck of the bus as it rolled down the 405 freeway. The bus was being privately chartered during both Guerra's and Zisette’s incident. 'They have done nothing we’ve seen to mitigate these injuries. It’s almost like they don’t know the routes,' he said. 'There has to be more training and an understanding of the routes they are going to be on.' She said after her experiences she felt the company should have taken steps to improve safety. Guerra claimed that during the ride she was injured on, the bus had been traveling at 45mph and everyone was trying to avoid being hit by branches. 'There were times when people had to duck under branches. I stood up at the wrong time and I got taken out going about 45mph by a rather large tree branch,' she told ABC7 last year.

DailyMail– A 36-year-old woman is suing a bus company after she says she was left cross-eyed from an injury sustained on the bus two years ago during a Halloween party tour.
Lauren Guerra of Los Angeles, California told KTLA on Monday that she was on the upper level of the double-decker Starline Tours bus when she was hit in the head by a tree branch, fracturing the orbital bone around her eye.
Guerra said that medical bills cost her $300,000.
Attorney Brian Kabateck said the death last year of 16-year-old Mason Zisette on a privately rented Starline bus motivated Guerra to take legal action.
My client feels that after her incident, Starline should have done something to change what was happening on the bus,’ Kabateck said.
‘As a result of the fact that they made no changes and this poor young man died, she wanted to go public.’
Guerra claims that she and other passengers received no safety warnings about going on the upper deck, and that no Starline personnel were on the bus to supervise the party.
‘Towards the end of the trip, people were ducking branches and trees, while the driver was going 45 miles per hour,’ Kabateck said.
Another passenger was also struck by a tree but only had minor injuries.
Guerra sued Starline just days after Zisette died when his head was struck by an overpass as he stood on the upper deck of the bus as it rolled down the 405 freeway.
The bus was being privately chartered during both Guerra’s and Zisette’s incident.
‘They have done nothing we’ve seen to mitigate these injuries. It’s almost like they don’t know the routes,’ he said.
‘There has to be more training and an understanding of the routes they are going to be on.’
She said after her experiences she felt the company should have taken steps to improve safety.
Guerra claimed that during the ride she was injured on, the bus had been traveling at 45mph and everyone was trying to avoid being hit by branches.
‘There were times when people had to duck under branches. I stood up at the wrong time and I got taken out going about 45mph by a rather large tree branch,’ she told ABC7 last year.

Well it definitely sucks going from this

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to this….

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Its to the point where im not even sure if the right eye is staring normally at the camera right now because the other one is so god damn staring at the sky. I don’t even think its stuck there in that position. I think it shoots around at all angles radically like Mad Eye Moody from Harry Potter. To be the butt of Mad Eye Moody jokes can be enough emotional trauma i guess to want to sue, but at the end of the day that shit is your fault. This chick from only her face pic/Face pic with a bugged out eye ball, kinda seems like shes tall for a girl. Well if you’re a tall ass bitch don’t go standing around on the top floor of some party bus or expect to get clothes-lined by an oak tree or something. And Most likely that shit can be fixed. Remember when Pacquaio went combos with his little semi trucks of a fist on Antonio Margarito?antonio-margarito-eye_crop_north

His eyes didn’t even look existent after that fight but he was able to get his eyeballs re done so that it not awkward to have a face to face conversation with him. She’s just looking for a quick ticket to a large lump settlement. Well if you’re 30+ years old and you can’t exercise a little bit of common sense to not stand up on a tall ass moving object when you’re suppose to sit the fuck down then maybe you gotta learn a little life lesson about judgement calls by walking around town with a wonky eye ball.

p.s- Im not crazy when i said she looks tall right? Like i know its just a face pic but she looks at least 5’10”. Plus with heels on probably when shes standing she must’ve been like a giraffe.

Bride Gives Her Father A Certificate Of Proof That She Is In Fact Still A Virgin

A bride has proved to her father that her ‘hymen is intact’ with a certificate of purity. Brelyn Bowman presented the document, signed by her gynaecologist, to her father Michael on her wedding day to prove that she is a virgin. She married long-time boyfriend Timothy in front of 3,500 people. She wrote on instagram: ‘I was able to present a certificate of purity to [my dad] signed by my doctor that my hymen was still intact.’ ‘If one person has made a decision to wait until marriage or decide to stop & wait we have done our job,’ she wrote on another photo. ‘Let’s make Jesus famous!’ The certificate says: ‘On the 10th of May 2006, I, Brelyn Freeman, made a vow to glorify God in my body and spirit which are God’s because I have been bought with a price (Jesus). ‘I have kept this commitment and present this certificate to my father Dr Michael A. Freeman to show how I have honored God and my earthly father in my body by maintaining my purity and that my hymen is intact on this 10th day of October 2015.’

Metro– A bride has proved to her father that her ‘hymen is intact’ with a certificate of purity.
Brelyn Bowman presented the document, signed by her gynaecologist, to her father Michael on her wedding day to prove that she is a virgin.
She married long-time boyfriend Timothy in front of 3,500 people.
She wrote on instagram: ‘I was able to present a certificate of purity to [my dad] signed by my doctor that my hymen was still intact.’
‘If one person has made a decision to wait until marriage or decide to stop & wait we have done our job,’ she wrote on another photo. ‘Let’s make Jesus famous!’
The certificate says: ‘On the 10th of May 2006, I, Brelyn Freeman, made a vow to glorify God in my body and spirit which are God’s because I have been bought with a price (Jesus).
‘I have kept this commitment and present this certificate to my father Dr Michael A. Freeman to show how I have honored God and my earthly father in my body by maintaining my purity and that my hymen is intact on this 10th day of October 2015.’

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Well Father of the bride, I hope you know once night falls on that wedding day, that certificate is certified garbage that can be burned or tossed in the trash. Please recycle. Like im glad you know that for however many years of her life she wasn’t a complete and utter slut, but once they tie the knot, his dick is going IMMEDIATELY inside her.

Its almost kind of like reverse peer pressure. The fake non existent pressure of being a virgin is stupid. You know you want to do it, everyone else does it, its a lot of fun, its going to happen eventually, as long as you pull out/use a condom, you 99.99999999% chance wont have a teen pregnancy situation, you hopefully wont get any like super bad STDs, and again, its fun and everyone else does it. The pressure of “you’re first time” is just dumb. Just get it out of the way. Like Mayweather holding his 49-0 streak. Sure he manipulated the situation by only fighting opponents that know he’s gonna beat, but for whatever reason, that looming thought of breaking the streak just sucks. Every team wants to be the 72 Dolphins but sometimes the best way to go about it is lose early and improve. Now this lady and her dad are gonna have to live knowing for a fact that paper can be torn in half much so like her hymen and pussy that is going to get F’ed that wedding night and all through out their honeymoon.

P.s- I can probably print that up in Microsoft Word. That shit is probably so fake

Pss- Hymen is kind of a gross word. Normal people aren’t married virgins at that age so this only reminds me of like child rape no thanks to S.V.U.

 

Fuck This Teacher That Marked this Kid Wrong In This Dumb Ass Equation

DM- An elementary school math quiz has been generating outrage online for the teacher's questionable grading criteria.  The third-grade quiz shows two seemingly easy problems that the student is marked down for each time, though apparently coming to the correct answer.  The first question asks the student to use repeated addition to solve the question 5x3.  The student answers 5+5+5=15, but is marked incorrect. Instead, the teacher writes that the correct answer should have been 3+3+3+3+3=15.

DM– An elementary school math quiz has been generating outrage online for the teacher’s questionable grading criteria.
The third-grade quiz shows two seemingly easy problems that the student is marked down for each time, though apparently coming to the correct answer.
The first question asks the student to use repeated addition to solve the question 5×3.
The student answers 5+5+5=15, but is marked incorrect. Instead, the teacher writes that the correct answer should have been 3+3+3+3+3=15.

Listen, im no Harvard grad or some genius John Nash solving game theory and dabbling in quantum mechanics or some shit, and maybe im coming off as a dumb ass American, but fuck this teacher. Yea i know its only two points but its not even about the points. Einstein wouldn’t even give a fuck about whether its “5+5+5” or “3+3+3+3+3” cause the answer is the same fucking thing! When I read that its 5 multiplied by 3, so why the fuck is that wrong? Its 5 three times. Now the array one I dont even know because I NEVER had anything like this to do in the 3rd grade, because the bottom line is, we just want the fucking answer. Drawing a million sticks like that might equal 6 x 4, but guess what? It still comes out to the same ass answer 24.

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Hey JillJill, its still 24 fucking apples you asshole.

America’s Favorite Halloween Candy By State

We all know, not all Halloween candy is created equal. Whether you're into sour gummies or dark chocolates, everyone knows that playing favorites is inevitable when you're trick or treating. And let's be real - no one is hoping for a 'trick' when they go door to door in their costumes. So, we surveyed over 40,000 Influensters to find out which Halloween candies hold a special place in ALL of our hearts.  Check out our infographic below that displays America's favorite Halloween candy for 2015 state by state. Curious as to what stands out? We found it interesting that... + The candy the pulled the highest total number of votes turned out to be Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup -- it was one of only three candies (the other two were Kit Kat and Butterfinger) to be voted by every single state in the U.S. + The candy of choice in the most number of states this year turned out to be the polarizing Halloween staple -- Candy corn. + Candy corn proved to be the top pick for Oregon, Wyoming, Tennessee, Texas, and South Carolina.   Does your candy obsession align with others in your state? Could you guess which candy is your state's favorite without looking? Maybe you think a BIG time favorite candy is missing. Whatever it is, tell us in the comments below!

Influenster- We all know, not all Halloween candy is created equal. Whether you’re into sour gummies or dark chocolates, everyone knows that playing favorites is inevitable when you’re trick or treating. And let’s be real – no one is hoping for a ‘trick’ when they go door to door in their costumes.
So, we surveyed over 40,000 Influensters to find out which Halloween candies hold a special place in ALL of our hearts. Check out our infographic below that displays America’s favorite Halloween candy for 2015 state by state. Curious as to what stands out? We found it interesting that…
+ The candy the pulled the highest total number of votes turned out to be Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup — it was one of only three candies (the other two were Kit Kat and Butterfinger) to be voted by every single state in the U.S.
+ The candy of choice in the most number of states this year turned out to be the polarizing Halloween staple — Candy corn.
+ Candy corn proved to be the top pick for Oregon, Wyoming, Tennessee, Texas, and South Carolina.
Does your candy obsession align with others in your state? Could you guess which candy is your state’s favorite without looking? Maybe you think a BIG time favorite candy is missing. Whatever it is, tell us in the comments below!

Not gonna lie, when I looked at the list and saw Crunch was Florida’s number 1 pick I was feeling good about it. Good solid candy chocolate bar. I like Crunch and eat it whenever I have it. But thats the thing, I almost never think about buying it. I love Twix because of the cookie center, and Kit Kats, I had a whole blog on kit kats and how much I want them. But Crunch bar doesn’t really seem that awesome. And then I looked at the rest of the list and once i realized Florida was the only one picking Crunch bars, then it made me wonder why the fuck no one else wants crunch. I mean those murderers and criminals in Maryland are enjoying fucking Almond Joys over Crunch bars. Almond Joys are like the chocolate you threw in as a consolation piece when you’re trying to make a trade for a better piece of candy after trick r treating. I don’t know, now Crunch bars seem like a candy meth addicts would like a lot. Sweet and crunchy and ruins their teeth. I feel like Candy Corn has gotten a bad reputation over the years but some states are going bonkers over candy corn while Crunch bars are just at the tail end of America. I almost hate it now.

P.s- How about the balls on West Virginia to just give out Oreo Cookies on Halloween?

Mila Kunis Casually Dropping That She’d Help Her Daughter Bury The Body No Questions If She Murdered Someone.

Cosmopolitan- So this is only mildly terrifying… Mila Kunis has brought up the prospect of baby Wyatt murdering someone… again. Mila previously told Ellen: "If she murdered somebody in cold blood, I would love her. I would be like, 'That's OK.'" And now she’s at it again. In a new interview with Business Insider, Mila discussed the possibility that she will one day become an accomplice to murder. "I think if [Wyatt] killed someone, I would literally be like 'I got it,'" she says. "Where do you want me to help you hide the body? I wouldn't even question it.​" She also said some cute shiz about motherhood: "Everything is different," she says, "from the fact you're happy when you get six hours of sleep to the idea of being responsible for this incredible living breathing little human being that you can't believe is yours." Aww. Well here’s some advice for free: Don’t ever piss off Mila Kunis. Or Wyatt Kutcher, for that matter.

Cosmopolitan– So this is only mildly terrifying… Mila Kunis has brought up the prospect of baby Wyatt murdering someone… again.
Mila previously told Ellen: “If she murdered somebody in cold blood, I would love her. I would be like, ‘That’s OK.'”
And now she’s at it again.
In a new interview with Business Insider, Mila discussed the possibility that she will one day become an accomplice to murder. “I think if [Wyatt] killed someone, I would literally be like ‘I got it,'” she says. “Where do you want me to help you hide the body? I wouldn’t even question it.​”
She also said some cute shiz about motherhood: “Everything is different,” she says, “from the fact you’re happy when you get six hours of sleep to the idea of being responsible for this incredible living breathing little human being that you can’t believe is yours.”
Aww.
Well here’s some advice for free: Don’t ever piss off Mila Kunis. Or Wyatt Kutcher, for that matter.

No one in my brain has ever been in such a gray area as Mila Kunis. Don’t get me wrong, if she went up to me and said she wanted to F me until my body is left in shambles and a borderline corpse, I totally would. I mean shes hot, has this exotic look kinda with her eyes screaming that she would be like a caged animal set loose in the wild when having sex. She could be kinda funny or at least i like a lot of movies she’s in, and now in my head shes kind of like a ride or die chick. No questions ask just gonna bury a body if her daughter comes in with a bloody knife. Kinda of a verse alternate ’97 Bonnie and Clyde scenario and for some reason i find that hot when applied to her.

On the other hand, she dating Macaulay Culkin for NINE YEARS. No one can be attached to that psycho for 9 years and be normal.

Theres Something Memorizing and Peaceful About This Great Dane Playing On Top Of A Covered Pool Like A Water Bed

Well A.) Its Peaceful because dogs being happy makes the world become happy. If you watch a pure-hearted creature play around and you have a fraction of hate in your heart then I hate to tell you this, but you’re probably the next Hitler. And B.) this is pretty much on a water bed. Everyone kinda wanted one as a kid right? I think my uncle had one for awhile and i know i had a buddy who had one. Shit was fun to just lay in. Like floating on water and not letting worries bother you. The ripple of the waters flowing outwards from the dog’s slow fluid jumping around all playful and shit just seems nice.

P.s- Remember when Tom Brady thought it was ridiculous when they didn’t have white pool covers? This guy probably gets it too. Gotta have a white one that looks good with the lime stone edging and shit in order to look nice.