Category Archives: Uncategorized

I Don’t Want To Bring Up 2nd Amendment Rights, But Dan Bilzarian Celebrating His Armenian Citizenship By Launching A Bazooka Is Kinda Awesome

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First day as Armenian citizen

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The Blast – Dan Bilzerian was so excited about his new citizenship that he celebrated with a party popper in the form of a gigantic bazooka.
The Instagram party boy just received his citizenship in Armenia, along with his brother Adam. The head of the Aremnian visa and passport office, Mnatsakan Bichakhchyan confirmed that “Dan and Adam Bilzerian brothers are participating in the oath ceremony on the occasion of receiving an Armenian citizenship.”
Bilzerian also reportedly signed up for military service, which is required of all male Armenian citizens.
To celebrate, he went out into the desert and fired off some heavy artillery, including a machine gun and a bazooka.

This might be the most stereotypical american thing but that does not mean its not awesome. Not even just American. I mean clearly its pretty Armenian and i have a hint of suspicion that Russians can celebrate in a similar fashion. Just a guy thing to do. Sure we’re born with our citizen ship but we need something better for when you become 18.  We need more of instant gratification thing to commemorate the passing of your childhood years into your adult years. We buy lotto tickets, probably wont win. Buy a pack of cigarettes, I dont smoke. Go to a Strip Club, cant/shouldn’t try to have sex with the strippers. But if I get the chance to fire a Bazooka as a rights of passage and blow up something and feel that immediate rush of adrenaline knowing you caused the destruction of something with such explosive power? Well thats just awesome. That’s something that I can get behind. Just as a choice. If you don’t like firearms, i would never want to put you through the pressure of firing a rocket launcher, but if you do want to do it and you just so happen to turn 18 or something, you should absolutely have the chance to do that fireing it off into a heep of rubble or something cause that’s just fucking awesome.

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I Don’t Want To Sully The Good Name Of Love But No Chance This Surfer Heart Attack First Date Wasn’t Staged

DM – A doctor ‘kissed’ her partner for the first time – as she performed life-saving CPR after he collapsed during their first date on a California beach.
Anesthesiologist Andi Traynor, 45, was on her first official date with Max Montgomery, 56, when he collapsed after a morning of surfing.
Mr Montgomery, a tech content creator, had felt a burning sensation in his chest while paddling but didn’t realize anything was wrong until he began to feel exhausted after he left the water.
Dr Traynor, of Palo Alto, California, was shocked as she watched Mr Montgomery collapse on Capitola Beach, Santa Cruz, and couldn’t find her new flame’s pulse when she turned him over.
The mom-of-two immediately began to perform CPR on Mr Montgomery, of Santa Cruz, California, with the help of passersbys.
Within seven minutes, an ambulance had arrived and stretchered Mr Montgomery off the beach before reviving him using a defibrillator on route to Dominican Hospital.
Doctors determined that Mr Montgomery had suffered a heart attack and he had a number of blockages of his coronary artery.

What a performance! Putting blockages in his arteries to cause a heart attack nearly stopping blood flow to cut off to the brain causing permanent brain damage. Bravo! I mean come on does this not sound like a play straight out of Dating Coach Alexander “Hitch” Hitchens. Maybe the 45 year old Anesthesiologist kept on dating assholes when there’s this perfectly fine “tech content creator” who’s been admiring her for awhile but needed just the right push to make them fall in love. So he fakes a nice little heart attack. She performs a Kiss/ CPR on him and that’s when she realizes “Wow, maybe i actually am in love with this “dying” man on the beach.” Not to mention the 7 minute flat ambulance rescue. Granted I have no idea where this beach is in California but if I’ve heard anything out of California, its that traffic is a bitch. 7 minutes? Montgomery is a “tech content creator”? Kinda sounds like this guy knows how to cut up a video. Kinda Sounds like he might’ve collapsed conveniently in frame of this camera that caught it all on tape. Kinda Sounds like the EMT on scene is most likely Will Smith disguised as the ambulance to make sure the date went all according to plan so he can get paid resuscitating his client. Win-Win-Win scenario. I don’t hate it one bit, I just know this is all to happenchance for me.

The Poppy Seed Bagel Strikes Again

WSVN- TOWSON, Md. (AP) — A Maryland woman has discovered that eating a poppy seed bagel before giving birth carries serious consequences.
Elizabeth Eden told WBAL-TV in Baltimore she was in labor in April when a doctor told her she had tested positive for opiates. The test result meant Eden’s daughter had to stay in the hospital for five days while her mother was assigned a case worker.
Eden said she had learned in a school health class that eating poppy seeds could cause a false positive.
“I said, ‘Well, can you test me again? And I ate a poppy seed bagel this morning for breakfast,’ and [the doctor] said, ‘No, you’ve been reported to the state,’” Eden recalled to the news outlet.
After acknowledging the bagel defense, the case worker closed Eden’s file.
The Federal Institute for Risk Assessment writes that until food manufacturers reduce morphine levels in poppy seeds, it advises against excessive consumption, particularly during pregnancy.

How is it that in 2018, with all medical advancements in the world, so much technology implemented in the medical field, people are still falling victim to the Poppy Seed. Why the fuck are bagel shops still serving it on their menus? Why the fuck are people ordering them still? I don’t think I’ve ever had the inclination to order just a poppy seed bagel. They come on everything bagels but that’s because they play a small roll in every other flavor I’m tasting in my breakfast food. I can’t even describe what a poppy seed taste like off the top of my head so i don’t even understand why this lady would order one. Have people not seen the Seinfeld episode? They get stuck in your teeth and the flavor is probably so minuscule that the cream cheese or butter on the bagel just eviscerated the taste of it all together so you might as well just get a plain bagel and save your self the hassle of picking in between your teeth to get the small opium pods out.

Also ruthless on this doctors part to just report her to the state for being a reckless opium addicted mother to a newborn baby. Such an extreme result from a poor breakfast choice. Imagine the chain of events. You have a poppy seed bagel, hoping some how that’s enough nourishment for you, and the baby you’re carrying. Probably an hour or two later you go into labor. An 8+ hour struggle begins as you experience the pains of labor with nothing to eat but ice chips.  Finally in the 11th hour the birth is a success and you’re happy because you see the miracle of life for the first time and you’re so over whelmed with joy that your baby is alive and healthy. Exhausted from what people consider, the greatest joy in life, you take a small nap. Next thing you know you’re handcuffed to the hospital bed with 2 police officers on either side standing patrol to make sure you don’t escape. Doctors evaluating your drug habit and them leveling the decision to take your baby away because they don’t think you’re fit to be a mother. All from a poppy seed bagel. Wild.

P.s.- Remember 50 Cent’s song Baltimore Love Thing? Well that was about how Baltimore has the highest heroin user rate so there is a small chance Elizabeth Eden was on something

China Just Can’t Handle Doing Hollywood. Most Expensive Chinese Movie Bombed Hard

NEWSER – The movie is called Asura, and it’s seen as the first attempt by China’s burgeoning film industry to put out a genuine Hollywood-style blockbuster. One problem: The $110 million movie did so poorly in its weekend debut—it pulled in a mere $7.1 million—that producers yanked it from all theaters Sunday night, reports the Hollywood Reporter. “Deepest apologies to viewers who did not get a chance to watch the film, as well as to all the Chinese and international participants who were involved in its production over the past six years,” says a statement from the producers, per the Guardian. The film was intended to be the first in a franchise based on Buddhist mythology, sort of like China’s own version of Lord of the Rings, as THR puts it.

The movie even stars Lei Wu, described by virtually every site covering the flop as a “teenage heartthrob.” So what happened? Unusually strong competition didn’t help, notes the South China Morning Post, but reviews were generally bad across the board. The producers, however, allege that saboteurs deliberately tanked the movie by flooding review sites with one-star slams. Whatever the reason, movie-watchers might get another chance to see the film down the road. “We plan to make some changes to the film and release it again,” a rep from lead producer Zhenjian Film told one Chinese news outlet. (Stanley Kubrick reportedly explained the enigmatic ending of 2001: A Space Odyssey.)

 

One time my mom, who is a chinese immigrant, came home and I was watching Captain America Civil War on Netflix. She was blown away by the quality in the visuals alone. No idea about the story line and she was blown away. The CGI on this shit looks like it was in the 2000s still. Soon Asia might catch up to the quality of cinema in america but it is not this day, not hte past 6 years apparently, and not when ever they decide to change this movie, and re-release it again as if nothing ever happened. Which is a wild move alone.

I’m Already Down On Aquaman Based Off Of A 1 Second Clip From The Trailer

Aquaman seems to be all the rage at Comic Con. I’m not gonna lie, I was excited to see the trailer. Not that I’m all really hyped to see the movie or anything, but I wanted to see how the next new DC movie was gonna hype everyone up and boy did it work. Nerds crying saying this is the best DC Movie. Now I don’t watch Game of Thrones, just never got into it, I understand I’m in the minority of that. Still, a strong part of me thinks they just like Aquaman because it has already one character from a pretty nerdy culture in GoT to play another nerdy character in Aquaman. And I don’t mean Nerd in a bad way or anything but facts are facts, people geek out over both those things. Anywho, I gave the trailer a solid couple of watches. It looks like a movie trailer. Give a bit of the good guys story, shows a bit of the bad guy yada yada yada. The CGI looks okay but they still have time to work on things. But then there was this one scene that I just couldn’t get over.

That’s it right there. I assume everyone on this green earth that has a TV and cable has seen at least one shark week segment in their life. I also assume everyone has at least wondered what they would do with their life had they been in a shark attack scenario. Well to me I marry those two thoughts together quite often and what history/culture/science has told me is if I’m ever in a scenario where a sharks bearing down on me, If I’m forced to confront it, I should channel all my focus onto punching it in the nose. Shark scientist tell us that there’s a cluster of nerves in the sharks nose so it would be the equivalent of like the strongest of sack taps to a shark when you hit them in the nose. Which brings me to my point. Would you ever ram your dick into a glass wall at full force to try to intimidate a couple of youths? Absolutely not. Why on earth would a Shark ram its nose into a glass wall when that would be the equal. Not to mention its troubling if this scene were to happen in real life and i find out that that shark isn’t fazed one bit by ramming its nose into the glass like that. The guy should be rolling around in the water as if its balls have exploded and should be feeling a pain like no other after a hit like that. Whatever, it is what it is. DC fans will storm the theater saying its better than Marvel movies. It’ll make a hundreds of millions probably and the debate will roll on forever not that DC has made a marginally better movie than its previous track record. But let it be known here at least. I will acknowledge the absence of science and logic in this scene.

I also can’t picture him being named Arthur.

P.s.- I will still watch the movie

P.s.s.- I only saw like the first 3 episode of Game of Thrones But I remember Drago raping khalisi. That’s the character people are falling in love with right now/for the past few years. A rapist.

P.s.s.s.- I never finished Game of Thrones so no one @ me about Game of Thrones or regarding the rape committer Drago.

Mother Nature Might Just Hate If You If You Get Speared By The Winds

(CNN) — Heavy winds uprooted several beach umbrellas along the Jersey Shore on Monday, and a British tourist was impaled by one of the aluminum stakes.

Margaret Reynolds, who was visiting from London, was basking on the beach when the stake of a flying umbrella went through her ankle, according to Seaside Heights, New Jersey, Police Detective Steven Korman.

First responders had to use bolt cutters to split the rod on-site so she could be transported to the hospital.

Reynolds was taken to Jersey Shore University Medical Center for treatment and has been discharged.

“It was a beautiful day and a gust of wind blew the umbrella,” Reynolds said in a statement from the hospital. “It was just an accident.”

Sometimes when I, as a Floridian, have to go through things like Hurricanes I think to my self this is probably just the way we find a natural balance in the world. Humans come in all hot planting their feet down claiming land and next thing you know water comes down from the heavens and fucks up everything. Its a sad state of affairs sometimes but its what we have to deal with living on this here green earth. The thing is though, those are mass incidents that affect hundreds with no real bias. We have hurricanes here, tsunamis in the pacific, earthquakes in the mid-west. All of those mess up peoples lives at random. Then we get times like this story right here. I picture there was some sort of butterfly effect that left this british tourist impaled onto the beaches of the Jersey shore. Probably was having a nice vacation, summer in the states and whatnot. It was most likely an accident but probably tossed a plastic water bottle out quickly not making its way fully into the recycling bin and just left there on the floor knowing it will never decompose. Its a simple mistake, she was in a rush to get to a nice spot at the beach when it hasn’t become completely crowded. She thinks nothing of it, letting the sun tan her most likely very pale British self. Its a wonderful mix of sun and breeze until it suddenly she gets a feeling down by her ankles. Did a casual beach goer trip over her foot by chance? It’s a popular summer vacation destination so that is a possibility. She looks up and takes the sun glasses off and that’s when she sees it. A MASSIVE beach umbrella Impaled into her ankles that makes the crucifixion of Jesus Christ look like a small piece of shrapnel in his foot. That might just be MILF Nature sending you a subtle message saying please reduce, reuse, and recycle.

It was probably just a random accident.

They’re Holding XXXTentacions Funeral Inside The BB&T Center

 

Not here to argue about XXXtentacion. Some people liked him, some people didn’t. Some people thought he was a scum bag. I think universally for the most part people think he didn’t deserve to die. Do I know his music? Absolutely not. Do people like it? Absolutely. But If I find out the total funeral attendance for fucking XXXtentacion’s, who is on the thin grey line between people liking him and people blasting him on social media for his past, is more than the average attendance to a Florida Panthers hockey game in south Florida, I’m gonna flip.