Tag Archives: Barstool Sports

Adult Autograph Seekers Are The Worst And Spider-man Absolutely Wont Stand For Them

 

Tom Holland, a Nice guy. Best Live action Spider-man. Super Excited for Far From Home coming out next week.

Do you know how big of a loser you have to be to be an Adult Autograph seeker? I honestly don’t even want to spend much time on it because its been said for years now. Athletes voicing their thoughts when grown men trample kids to get shit signed just to sell on ebay and stuff. The part that is wild is just how little an autograph fetches you in the grand scheme of things. Like is it really worth camping out waiting in a group where you awkwardly stand out because you’re a grown middle age man wearing a baseball hat

in a sea of what seems to be teens who aren’t at the age where they need to have major responsibilities and can have teen heart throbs like Tom Holland. Besides who the fuck actually buys these things? Its 2019. No one wants an autograph, they want picture proof. Video Proof. Infact video proof of Tom Holland defending you from an Adult autograph seeker probably is worth more than any signature. This right here is the high. 31k retweets 218k likes, Even more over multiple tweets and prestigious websites such as TheUglyOrange blogging about it. Signatures aint worth shit pal. Even Tom Hollands and I like the guy.

 

If You’re Gonna Do Wrestling Moves In A Fight, You Better Have The Pageantry To Sell It

Never in my life was I so amped for something only to be let down. Something any guy envisions is getting into a fight like an absolute bad ass and knocking out fools left and right like a Kung-fu flick. Doing all sorts of crazy shit but definitely doing some variation of a wresting move you saw from the 90’s attitude era. The DDT is absolutely one of them. Just being dropped on your skull onto a chair or the Spanish announcers table. Something that will really leave a dent to prove that you gave your opponent at least a grade 2 concussion but instead we got this sad attempt at a DDT.

What the hell happened? Imagine tossing a basketball up in the air expecting it to bounce when it hits the floor but instead it just laid still. Like on a humanity level I’m glad Red Shirt is fine but learn a little pageantry for me one time dude. Flail around, shoot the legs up as if your spine just went into extreme impact. Instead he rubbed his head as if he bumped it against a kitchen counter. That’s not good enough. The other guy isn’t without blame either. Anyone who knows what the DDT is and sees that flat side front end of a car I guarantee you was expecting to drive his head straight through the engine block. Ultimately despite growing out of the wrestling phase that’s why I still respect the fuck out of WWE stars. You gotta be able to sell baby. Take the bumps take the hits. Electrify the crowd. When the guy put him in a head lock getting ready to shatter this guys skull I expected him to point to the crowd and chant to electrify the audience but nope. Just the worst performed DDT.

Im glad this guy enjoyed it though. My guy here was pumped to see a DDT in a real fight. He gets it.

 

Much Like Boxing Twitter, Jurassic World Dinosaur Twitter Is Quick To Tell You Whats Right Or Wrong About What Isn’t A Dinosaur

Look at all these people.

When there’s a big boxing match that happens on twitter, you’re quick to know because all you’ll see on the time line is people who score the fight and give their input on how so and so should’ve won if he had just did this or that. Amazing. Everyone all of a sudden becomes Freddie Roach and telling fighters to work the body via the Twitter machine even though they wont see their tweets because a.) Their hands are taped up and physically cant use the cellular smart phone device and b.) because they don’t care what you have to say because 99% of the world knows you’ve never been in a fight before that lasted more than 3 punches from an older sibling.

Do you think I’m gonna accept dinosaur knowledge from these people? Fuck no. Have they ever been a part of a archeological dig? Doubt it. Why do these people gotta be like that. Anyone one who’s old enough to engage on twitter should have the mental capacity to realize that a Hollywood movie franchise who’s name is already based in fiction, does not care about accuracy about whether or not a CGI creature in their Hollywood blockbuster is in fact a specific species. Any Paleontologist, a person who studies fossils etc anyone in that field that is around 30 years old grew up and probably watched Jurassic World and it affected them to the point where they decided to pay thousands to get an education about dead things and to dig in dirt and they did it calling them all dinosaurs growing up. Its a kids movie. If it grabs their imagination to the point where they learn the In’s and Out’s of different eras and what technically is a dinosaur bird then fine, but I don’t for a second believe any of these people are dino scientist. Everyone being so clever thinking their smart knowing whats a dinosaur or not. Well guess what, its a very old bird that should be extinct. Yea I get it a Dinosaur is a specific thing but guess what? It’s now just a term for something thats old as shit or extinct. People actually getting mad about this shit is WILD. Its a twitter. Its things that are dead. The correct terminology only matters to people who study dinosaurs and if you think any of those people take credence into anything the @JurassicWorld twitter has to say, you’re crazy.

No Alfonso. You see, its a twitter account used for Marketing. This guy essentially thinks you need a paleontologist to run a twitter account to marketing a Hollywood Franchise meant for kids and young adults. Not necessarily for Paleontologist. Not NOT for Paleontologist, just not meant for people who take Paleontology very seriously id imagine. Think of Dinosaur as a marketing term at this point for any old shit that became extinct before human civilization. Get over it and just let the word dinosaur be.

Sidenote- This guy gets a pass maybe but come on. Just let kids call them dinosaurs.

All The London Eels Have A Major Coke Problem…Also They’re Getting Pee’d On

New York Post Londoners are taking so much cocaine that it has seeped into the city’s famous River Thames, new research by King’s College London has discovered, prompting concerns over what it is doing to the river’s wildlife.
A team of scientists at the university studied wastewater that’s entering into the Thames from nearby sewers during storms and found easily detectable traces of the class A drug within 24 hours of the overflow, the Independent reports.
“Increases in caffeine, cocaine and benzoylecgonine [a metabolite] were observed 24 hours after sewer overflow events,” King’s College London researchers said in a paper that detailed their findings, according to the Evening Standard.
Compared to other major cities, the level of cocaine entering London’s water system — likely through users’ urine — is much higher, stoking fears that it may be affecting the eels that live in the Thames. “Drugs which affect us will almost always affect all animal life, and invertebrates a little bit more because their biochemistry is much more sensitive,” Robson explained. “Essentially everything in the water will be affected by drugs like these. A lot of the triggers and the ways that cocaine affects the system is really primal.” The cocaine problem plaguing eels has been discussed before.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmZexg8sxyk

 

Good lord I didn’t know British Eels got it like that. If I had to pick an aquatic marine life it would be eels that like to party. City Eels too, not salt water eels. Ocean eels are workers. But these City Eels hanging out in the popular spot. The River Thames just squirming and wiggling around dancing, bump a key, stay movin and groovin. We all got our vices. I’m not tryina control them. It might not be my thing but I’m not gonna tell them how they should live their life. But with the sensitive nature of drug use, you gotta understand when a casual party drug is turning to a problem that’s gonna really fuck up your life down the road. Listen we all went to college, us and these eels alike, but when you got cocaine pretty much flowing through your gills every second 24/7 its probably that point where its becoming a problem. Now am I a doctor or a scientist that can tell how much cocaine is flowing in the rivers? Nah, but Id imagine its almost like when they dye the river in Chicago for St. Patricks day.

I mean that would be such an irresponsible amount of drug use right there but how else are all these Eels getting tweaked out? The fun’s gotta stop eventually. It’s not a party if it happens every night and eventually you gotta look around and see how its affecting your own neighborhood. I hope for the better that these eels get it under control eventually.

Also its coming from British people’s piss so they’re getting pee’d on an coked up. Imagine getting a golden shower that dials you up to 11. Not great

Having To Pay 4k for Anal is OUTRAGEOUS…. Especially When You’re The One Receiving

Syracuse, NY — Syracuse police, a city court judge and St. Joseph’s Hospital Health Center worked together last year to conduct a highly unusual drug search.

They collaborated to sedate a suspect and thread an 8-inch flexible tube into his rectum in a search for illegal drugs. The suspect, who police said had taunted them that he’d hidden drugs there, refused consent for the procedure.

At least two doctors resisted the police request. An X-ray already had indicated no drugs. They saw no medical need to perform an invasive procedure on someone against his will.

The notes from police and doctors suggest some tension, a standoff. At one point, eight police officers were at the hospital. A doctor remembers telling officers: “We would not be doing that.”

The hospital’s top lawyer got pulled in. He talked with the judge who signed the search warrant, which was written by police and signed at the judge’s home.

When they were done, the hospital lawyer overruled its doctors. The lawyer told his doctors that a search warrant required the doctors to use “any means” to retrieve the drugs, records show.

So St. Joe’s medical staff knocked out the suspect and performed the sigmoidoscopy, in search of evidence of a misdemeanor or low-level felony charge, records show.

The idea of a government-ordered medical procedure for such a common offense surprised defense lawyers here and national experts in medical and legal ethics.

“It’s crazy. It’s over the top, by far,” said Hermann Walz, a longtime criminal attorney and professor at John Jay College of Criminal Justice. “You’re looking for marijuana and cocaine? It’s extreme. If they wanted to cut him open and look at his stomach, that would be OK, too?”

Critics say the cops, the judge and hospital may have violated the civil rights of the suspect, subjected him to medical risk, and exposed the city and the hospital to a lawsuit.

“The whole thing is cuckoo nuts to me,” said the suspect’s defense lawyer, Charles Keller. “What country are we living in?”

So, was it worth the risk? The X-ray was right. The scope found no drugs.

And when they were done, St. Joe’s sent the suspect a bill for $4,595.12.

4.6 K for anal. Unreal.

I know cops can be liars but I’m just taking this story for its word and if they guy said he hid drugs up his ass then to me he said he hid drugs up his ass until I hear otherwise. But that’s just crazy. I don’t know the steps that proceeded but I imagine he was taken in cuffs and next thing you know he’s blacked out with one of those SWAT light cameras in your asshole searching around for hidden treasure all for nothing. Was this a diversion tactic maybe? Spend the time searching in the asshole when its really hidden in the car bumper? And an 8 incher too? That’s impressive. Sometimes I think Drug dealers and those of that ilk are just scumbags that are good for nothing and then I think about the degrading things they have to go through in their line of work and the resilience it requires just to put food on their table and then I remember i don’t have to do that.  I mean how many criminals have had to stash drugs up their ass before? You see it all the time in movies I think. Cops still asking to squat and cough right? It’s a ballsy move of this guy for whatever reason. Maybe he was fucked in the head and thought he stashed his drugs up his rectum. Maybe he just got his jollies off getting his b-hole touches and probed. What i can guarantee is no matter if you like the feeling or not, if you got your poop shoot messed with either intentional for pleasure or against your will, it is ABSURD to be charged over FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS for it.

I Don’t Want To Bring Up 2nd Amendment Rights, But Dan Bilzarian Celebrating His Armenian Citizenship By Launching A Bazooka Is Kinda Awesome

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First day as Armenian citizen

A post shared by Dan Bilzerian (@danbilzerian) on

The Blast – Dan Bilzerian was so excited about his new citizenship that he celebrated with a party popper in the form of a gigantic bazooka.
The Instagram party boy just received his citizenship in Armenia, along with his brother Adam. The head of the Aremnian visa and passport office, Mnatsakan Bichakhchyan confirmed that “Dan and Adam Bilzerian brothers are participating in the oath ceremony on the occasion of receiving an Armenian citizenship.”
Bilzerian also reportedly signed up for military service, which is required of all male Armenian citizens.
To celebrate, he went out into the desert and fired off some heavy artillery, including a machine gun and a bazooka.

This might be the most stereotypical american thing but that does not mean its not awesome. Not even just American. I mean clearly its pretty Armenian and i have a hint of suspicion that Russians can celebrate in a similar fashion. Just a guy thing to do. Sure we’re born with our citizen ship but we need something better for when you become 18.  We need more of instant gratification thing to commemorate the passing of your childhood years into your adult years. We buy lotto tickets, probably wont win. Buy a pack of cigarettes, I dont smoke. Go to a Strip Club, cant/shouldn’t try to have sex with the strippers. But if I get the chance to fire a Bazooka as a rights of passage and blow up something and feel that immediate rush of adrenaline knowing you caused the destruction of something with such explosive power? Well thats just awesome. That’s something that I can get behind. Just as a choice. If you don’t like firearms, i would never want to put you through the pressure of firing a rocket launcher, but if you do want to do it and you just so happen to turn 18 or something, you should absolutely have the chance to do that fireing it off into a heep of rubble or something cause that’s just fucking awesome.

I Don’t Want To Sully The Good Name Of Love But No Chance This Surfer Heart Attack First Date Wasn’t Staged

DM – A doctor ‘kissed’ her partner for the first time – as she performed life-saving CPR after he collapsed during their first date on a California beach.
Anesthesiologist Andi Traynor, 45, was on her first official date with Max Montgomery, 56, when he collapsed after a morning of surfing.
Mr Montgomery, a tech content creator, had felt a burning sensation in his chest while paddling but didn’t realize anything was wrong until he began to feel exhausted after he left the water.
Dr Traynor, of Palo Alto, California, was shocked as she watched Mr Montgomery collapse on Capitola Beach, Santa Cruz, and couldn’t find her new flame’s pulse when she turned him over.
The mom-of-two immediately began to perform CPR on Mr Montgomery, of Santa Cruz, California, with the help of passersbys.
Within seven minutes, an ambulance had arrived and stretchered Mr Montgomery off the beach before reviving him using a defibrillator on route to Dominican Hospital.
Doctors determined that Mr Montgomery had suffered a heart attack and he had a number of blockages of his coronary artery.

What a performance! Putting blockages in his arteries to cause a heart attack nearly stopping blood flow to cut off to the brain causing permanent brain damage. Bravo! I mean come on does this not sound like a play straight out of Dating Coach Alexander “Hitch” Hitchens. Maybe the 45 year old Anesthesiologist kept on dating assholes when there’s this perfectly fine “tech content creator” who’s been admiring her for awhile but needed just the right push to make them fall in love. So he fakes a nice little heart attack. She performs a Kiss/ CPR on him and that’s when she realizes “Wow, maybe i actually am in love with this “dying” man on the beach.” Not to mention the 7 minute flat ambulance rescue. Granted I have no idea where this beach is in California but if I’ve heard anything out of California, its that traffic is a bitch. 7 minutes? Montgomery is a “tech content creator”? Kinda sounds like this guy knows how to cut up a video. Kinda Sounds like he might’ve collapsed conveniently in frame of this camera that caught it all on tape. Kinda Sounds like the EMT on scene is most likely Will Smith disguised as the ambulance to make sure the date went all according to plan so he can get paid resuscitating his client. Win-Win-Win scenario. I don’t hate it one bit, I just know this is all to happenchance for me.