Oh shit. Don’t look now but America’s favorite Fast Food Chain just re-invented the wheel and is test driving all over Florida. Never thought I’d see the day. Ever since day 1 of birth all I knew of McDonald’s was a walk in or drive through fast food chain. Perfect system. You drive around the block, order your shit in the comfort of your car and drive off listening to tunes 1 handed while the other hand devours carbs. Then they arguably disrupted the entire world economy when they introduced all day breakfast. I mean that was the pinnacle. What else did you need? Your option of any burger or breakfast menu item at all hours of the day. Incredible. Do you know how much time has elapsed in the world before an advancement as astronomical as all day breakfast was? Years. I’m talking like landing on the moon, modern cellphones, then McDonald’s all day breakfast. Well they just took it another step forward towards the future. Fucking McDonald’s delivery. And yea i know there’s shit like Seamless and Grubhub already doing that. But those are metropolitan cities that have options for everything to be delivered. It was one food option in the sea of many. We’re talking delivery in Florida. A place where we can now chose to not burn a cup of gas to sit in our car for 10 minutes, drive 3 miles and place an order. Instead we can just do it from the sofa and walk 5 feet to the door. MAGNUM.
Tag Archives: Miami
Just Your Average Florida Thursday With Gators Murdering Burmese Pythons
Welcome to The Terrordome, bitch.
Woman Sues School For Not Hiring Her As A Spanish Teacher Even Though She Doesn’t Know Spanish
But then apparently this is 3rd grade Spanish? who the fuck cares about third grade Spanish. your brain doesn’t learn foreign languages at that age. Our brains probably can’t even understand our 1st language yet at that age. I can’t recall a lick of any thing when i was in 3rd grade. Not even sure I had a Spanish teacher even though i know our school required it every year. In south Florida I’m pretty sure how it works is you just learn to conjugate verbs and learn when to put an “s” or “es” at the end of things. And then all Spanish teachers in SoFla will teach you that “Boca Raton” means the “mouth of the Mouse or Rat”. Anyone out there who had a Spanish language class in south Florida try to tell me other wise. See I think this lady should be able to teach 3rd grade Spanish because I’m pretty sure i just taught everything they normally teach.
We Got 14 Cases Of Zika Down In Wynwood!
Hey future baby mama’s out there, hate to break the news to you but our child will probably have a deformed skull or something. That’s just the Florida life now. Don’t think it’s some medical disaster. That’s just the adaptive culture that is South Florida. The same way Seattle enjoys stealing all the culture of Japan because they’re close by, we just steal all the culture of South America because they’re close by. We get a small amount of Cuban population influx, we start opening up Romeus and Las Vegas restaurants. Your Mexicans are looking for more of a variety when shopping that Publix can’t supply, we give them a Sedanos. Brazilians making their way over here, we start opening Brazilian steak houses and contracting Zika viruses. We’re a second home to most of these people who are use to living in the poor squalor of their developing country and we just try to acclimate them as well as possible. We’re almost like a bootleg New York where we just let people in. And sure you can come here and try to make an honest living with out having a corrupt government keeping you as poor as possible, but you can’t escape zika cause now that’s just apart of your everyday culture that reminds you a little bit about home.
Sidenote- Another great conspiracy should be that the government brought over zika virus and released it in Wynwood to rid Miami of the hipster art scene. Someone should run with that headline.
Quick Side question- How did people know they were infected by zika. I thought that shit only affected pregnant people with babies. But like it also takes 9 months to cook a baby inside so has zika been here for 9 months? this question might be stupid but i dont read all the way so if someone could tell me that would be great.
Dolphins Hire Clyde Christensen As New Offensive Coordinator
Yo if you had to take a guess at his age you’d say maybe mid 40’s right? maybe late 40’s in some pictures but he’s 59! Guy turns 60 in like two weeks and looks like he should be visiting his dad in a retirement home, not the one himself to be in the retirement home. The guy just looks like a regular midlife dad. Tom Coughlin is 69, only 9 years older, and looked like he was about to become a mummy that haunts Metlife Stadium for all eternity. He looks like the same age and kinda looks like a rounder face version of Coach Taylor from Friday Night Lights and he’s only 50. Unbelievable.
As for the actual signing. It should be a pretty good one. As said before, the Dolphins want to bring Tannehill to the next level since they’re handing over garbage bags full of money to him with so far a bad season to show for it. Well the guy who developed Andrew Luck is a pretty decent start even though half of this past season he’s had back ups to work with. Aside from that the guys been an assistant HC, WR coach, OC coach, and TE coach. Guy seems pretty well seasoned from Colts. Well hopefully he see’s some potential in Tannehill and can actually turn him into an Alex Smith type QB instead of this mediocre QB/Once WR player that he is now. If all goes accordingly, next year might finally be the year where Tannehill breaks out **fingers crossed**.
Seriously though, can you believe he’s almost 60?
Quick Blog On Adam Gase
Alright, now that things have died down and people are in playoff mode waiting for Superbowl 50 to happen, I’ve thought about it and i think Dolphin fans should be a little bit more excited about Adam Gase than was initially said. I could be totally wrong because with this organization being run by Stephen Ross, things could just go terribly wrong, but the facts are now that moving forward, Adam Gase is our head coach for the next 5 years. Now the first reaction with no one really knowing anything about Gase was that this was Philbin 2.0 getting some OC with no Head coaching experience and him bringing in his staff and the next thing you know we end up .500 for 3 years. But by all accounts everyone around the league likes Gase and unlike Philbin who was stuck with 1 organization for for a decade, Gase has been around the league with a few teams and leaving behind a positive reputation every time.
Really that is the one big selling point to Gase, that he’s been around the league and under many respected coaches. Starting off with none other than Nick Saban when he was at LSU, from there to Mariucci, Mike Martz, McDaniels for awhile as a WR coach, then QB coach in under John Fox for Peyton Manning, to last year where he was the OC of the Bears working well with Cutler who might’ve had his best season as a bear with Gase working closely with him and ultimately that was a huge factor in hiring Gase.
Once the Dolphins committed millions upon millions on Tannehill, everyone expected him to break out into the franchise QB he’s shown some flashes of. Obviously things never worked out with Philbin, and after this little experiment with Dan Campbell, who is most likely gone once Gase brings in his team, it was time we focused a major part of the coaching regime on making Tannehill worth his money. If he’s able to make one of the most disliked QBs in the league into a somewhat conversation of a decent quarter back, then it seems like what we need here in Miami with Tanney making even more money coming off of a dismal season. Obviously there are holes in every part of the game that need fixing on defense and offense, but for now, we’re working on a problem that is the face of the team and organization, and for that, i like the move to bring in Gase and either way, I’m kinda looking forward to see how this unfolds, either an improved season or a complete disaster for the next few years.
P.s- I hate the #StrongerTogether hashtag. What ever, onto 51.
Dolphins Hire Adam Gase
It was a nice calm saturday today. Wanted to get fit so i went for like a 4 mile jog ( i walked like 3.9 and jogged the last .1 mile to avoid the neighbors dogs barking at me). I went out to Panera for lunch trying to get healthy with a salad when all of a sudden news broke of this mid in line ordering a Chicken Cobb with Avocado and i didn’t quite now how to react because i just feel mixed feelings about this and i haven’t seen any of the press yet about his plan or anything. I know other teams were pretty interested and he’s kind of the guy this off season but then again this is kind of like Philbin 2.0 just years younger. All i know is my first and only reaction right away was to order an entire baguette and im almost done eating said baguette. Tons of butter too. But a bigger recap when i get time to burn these carbs.
Marlins Hire Barry Bonds As The New Hitting Coach.
Now this story came out last friday but guess what? I didn’t remember till today so boom. Its like im re-breaking news.
Anyways, Barry Bonds. Now Im going to start off by saying, i don’t think good hitter translates to good hitting coach. Especially contributing to a whole roster. It feels a little bit like a flashy move. Sign Mattingly, sign Barry Bonds, one of the most famous player in baseball because of his stats and steroid controversy. It’s a lot of using big names when nothing has yet to be proven. Who knows how well he’ll be at coaching. But either way, i like it. If anything i feel like it’ll bring in a couple dozen more people to the park and if you can create a winning atmosphere, the confidence grows. Get a well recognized hitter imparting wisdom on the bench I think will really help out this group. Especially with this new crop of youngsters who can appreciate being managed by names like Mattingly and Bonds. People are pointing to Bonds working with Arod and Dexter Fowler who both had a good season. Yea it might be a small sample size but still worth trying since the Marlins might actually be going for it with the coaching change and the young players. If Bonds can get Stanton to that next stratosphere then no one would doubt the hiring and if the rest of the roster improves along with it, im more than willing to bet that they’d be putting asses in the seats at Marlins park.
Ugly Wins For The Dolphins But A Wins A Win
Two of the hottest teams in the preseason go head to head went to the 4-7 bowl and only 1 team prevailed and thats the Fins baby! Ugly win but people aren’t going to remember how the team won, they just remember the record in the end of the season and as of right now thats 5-7. At this point im pretty sure Stephen Ross is laying all his eggs on the fact that we have the big 50th season game against the Giants where we go throw back uni’s and as long as we win that game, to Ross, it was a season win to his ass. Well if thats the case, maybe carry some momentum from this weeks win with a longer week to plan for playing Monday night against the Gmen and hopefully win. But thats next week.
This week was honestly a brutal one to watch. The Dolphins scoring plays all came withing 20 seconds and from there on it was sitting on our butts for a whole entire half of football waiting for the Ravens to play catch up. Score less first quarter and only 9 1’st downs for the fins and then Rashad Jones picking off Matt Schaub, which was bound to happen, then a 38 yard TD pass from Tannehill to Parker. Things were looking great, making plays on offense, then making plays on defense with a Derrick Shelby turning a blocked pass into an interception running it in 22 yards for a TD with Matt Schaub looking gassed running after him past 5 yards. A nice 2 point conversion running the ball in by Ajayi and from there it was a waiting game till the clock ticked down to 0. Was waiting for worse to happen especially with Lamar Miller fumbling the ball in Miami territory but lady luck was on our side when Justin Tucker went wide right on a missed FG opportunity.
On paper, through the eye balls, on screen the dolphins played awful but not awful enough to lose the game. Hopefully some of that had to do with Zac Taylor taking the place of Bill Lazar after he got canned earlier this week but the narrative now is that The Dolphins win when were we can someone so I don’t actually think there’s any truth to that obviously, but good on Taylor making the decision to run the ball more. Seriously week 12 we were 9 carries for 12 yards. This week, 26 carries for 94 yards. Big step up considering how bad this season has been but for now, 5-7 and everyone waiting to break these bad boys out for Monday.
Assholes At Art Basel Thought A Woman Who Was Stabbed And Bleeding Was Part Of A Performance For Art Basel
Fucking Art Basel. That time of year every December where assholes flock from all over the world for the largest convention in Miami to see “Art.” Now a small part of me feels like I’m in a weird spot because I use to hang out with a lot of the art kids in school and a buddy of mine actually had a gallery at Basel one year, but the thing is, I’m not a pretentious asshole who thinks color on a canvas means its a great work of art and when I see a fucking xacto blade sticking out of some poor Asian chicks jugular I’m gonna call the ambulance.
Now I want to blame this all on the bystanders not doing a damn thing, but this is on the Artist and the culture that “Art” is now a days. Every body has to be a weirdo and try to do things that are so whacky and call it art. Paint me a picture of like cute puppies or something and im fine with calling it art that belongs in the fucking Louvre but that’s not enough for some ass hole “artist”. They need to push boundaries. They need to do whacky stuff like paint with their period blood and shit. Well if im in a convention center dedicated to that degree of asshole, then I probably wouldn’t be too shocked to find out there was an exhibit featured some fresh off the boat Asian getting shived by a crazy bitch.