In what world is it cool to have kids dancing around a basement loaded with exotic untamed animals and especially ones known for their venom and striking ability? In what world is that fine? Like we know when we buy a gun we’ll get scrutinized by media telling us we need at least a gun safe that’s thick enough to survive lava and has locking features that require things like retinal scanners and voice pattern recognition to the point where you can’t even get your gun out for whatever situation. Mean while this fuck has pythons and pit vipers slithering around his living room letting people play around with it like it’s a teenage puppy. Trying to kiss it in the mouth like letting a puppy lick you face except this guy probably has no more lips now. We’ve all seen photos every now and then what happens when you get bit by one of these fuckers. All your nerves just dying at rapid pace. RIP to this guy’s face but that’s also what you get for trying to kiss a Rattle Snake. An Animal that has absolutely ZERO pro stories to it’s name ever through out history. Zero. You get what you deserve.
For real Zika’s still a thing? You’d imagine that shit would be dead by now considering no one talks about it and PSA alerts about deformed baby skulls aren’t plastered anywhere anymore but what ever the case I’m okay with this. Gotta get on their level if you want to take em on face to face and what a dastardly way to do it too. It’s kinda like reverse fem-bots from Austin Powers. Instead of sexy robot ladies, we send in hot guy mosquitoes so that the chick mosquito thots get horny and forget about even feasting on human blood. Little do they know is their sperms loaded with shit that’ll kill them before they’re old enough to claim as an independent. Kinda like we’re sending a mosquito version of aids to wipe out other mosquitoes. Kinda fucked up. But what ever, that’s what we get for having intelligent brains, we get to mass genocide insects through sexually transmitted diseases that hopefully wont also eradicate the human race. Sometimes I think about shit like this and aliens and the movie Signs and who knows maybe we can send em a prank box of mosquitoes and next thing you know we can take down an alien ship because none of them fuck with Wolbachia bacteria.
This is one of these situation now where you kinda have to victim blame. Like sure you shouldn’t be an out of control drunk smashing tire irons against people’s rides and trying to get to someones brain, but its kind of the guys fault. You triggered her. Handing the person the weapon or the motive kind of implicates you. You didn’t sell her the gun or put the tire iron in her hand but you gave her the reason, and the reason is strong enough to drive any girl crazy. Every girl. No chick EVER wants to be called fat. This is honestly just an instant reaction in human nature in a way. When a bug lands in a venus fly trap is chemicals that latches that thing shut and melts away the fly as food. When you enter a dark room your pupils dilate. When you call a girl a fatty they get hit with like a wave of gamma radiation that turns them into the hulk. Alcohol at this point had nothing to do with it probably. Just natural instincts taking over.
I wonder if guy animals ever call chick animals fat and if they go into a fit of rage. Probably what happens when a praying mantis sex happens.
IT’S TIME FOR “WHEEL OF FUGITIVE”
This week’s episode of “Wheel of Fugitive” was recorded live on Fox News 35 earlier this morning in the Media Production Unit of the Brevard County Sheriff’s Office.
Fox News 35 had previously requested to showcase the tremendous success of our “Wheel of Fugitive” program and actually had us spin the wheel to select this week’s Fugitive of the Week live on their morning show.
If you know where we can find Julie Ann Newberry please let us know by calling Crimeline at (800) 423-TIPS, sending us an email at firstname.lastname@example.org or by sending us a personal message on our Facebook page.
As always thank you for all you do to help us keep Brevard County a safe place to call home!!
Sheriff Wayne Ivey
Oh boy. On some level its kind of a sick world that we live in where we’ve turned finding criminal fugitives into some game show as if they have no lives and are on display. I know they try to spin it in a positive way focusing on making them come in them selves but still. It’s some game show showing people in their darkest times. Also feel like Brevard county is exactly the type of county to do this and have actual people watch.
But, if I’m gonna be real. Like real real
I love it. I want everything to be turned into some form of entertainment. I mean everyone watches Cops. If it’s one of those Sunday’s where you’re lazy as fuck and nothings on T.V and you got some shit to work on, you turn on Cops and watch them chase down crack heads and meth dealers. When you wake up in the middle of the night and trying to find something on TV to fall asleep to, its Cops. Not like this is much of a far cry away. If anything what we need to do is combine this, Cops, Dog the Bounty Hunter, and The First 48. Spin the wheel and then the hunt for justice starts. Except non of that bear mase pepper ball bullshit Dog uses. Straight 9mm bullets. 48 hours to find the guy. Live streaming TV show. Tell me you wouldn’t watch that. I’m sure the actual police work that goes into finding a criminal is actually pretty boring. But the second they get a sniff of the criminal thats where the thrill begins. And when they actually get into an on foot pursuit. Pure adrenaline. Its the greatest B+ television.
WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. (AP) — The state agency overseeing Everglades restoration projects plans to pay people to kill Burmese pythons in the wetlands.
The South Florida Water Management District said in a statement Thursday that 25 people will be selected for a 60-day pilot program that aims to remove the invasive predators from state-owned lands.
Starting April 1, participants will be given special access to python-infested district property in Miami-Dade County. They’ll be paid minimum wage up to eight hours each day, plus $50 per python. They’ll receive extra money for snakes measuring longer than 4 feet and for eliminating python nests with eggs.
Registration begins Friday at www.sfwmd.gov/pythonprogram.
Officials say pythons are decimating populations of native Florida mammals, which deprives panthers, alligators, bobcats and birds of their primary food source in the Everglades.
If it wasn’t for the fact that I’m too much of a pussy to go out looking for these snakes in anything short of an Iron Man suit, I would sign up for this gig in a heart beat. Got a 12 gauge fitted with the bells and whistles of lights and extra shell holder loaded with 00 buck and slugs ready to mow down the fucking snake population that’s decimating the habitat of native Floridian creatures. Not to mention, its not a bad gig either, just bucking snakes for minimum wage plus commission per snake. Not a bad day for doing gods work literally obliterating reincarnations of the devil. They only problem with me doing it, it i would absolutely get scared, slipped in a marsh swamp or something and end up getting all of my bones crushed to death and swallowed whole. But if you are more masculine than me, you can be one out of 20 something people protecting Florida’s wildlife decapitating one snake at a time.
P.s- I dont mess around.
Classic. We’ve hit that point in the world where normal names aren’t good enough anymore. Gotta follow suit like the celebrities and name your kid something crazy or else they might get confused with some other domestic terrorist. It’s like when Elaine started dating another Joel Rifkin and had her co worker and Giants fans in an uproar when they thought she was dating a domestic terrorist. You’re just begging for trouble if you associate the same name. The worst part though are some of the comments coming through. I’m sure I would be pretty pissed off when people are accusing me of a major atrocity and issuing death threats to me, but I could at least look on the bright side and know my Klout score went through the roof. Social media buzz in this day and age is worth it’s weight in gold if you can manipulate it. But it must of been a real kick in the dick when all these people are accusing the innocent Esteban because “his face looked like that.” Or people wondering if that was him because of his body size. Like accusing someone of being a mass murderer is one thing. A person can easily shrug that off considering he would know if he was in fact a murderer, but he also definitely probably knows if he’s a fat guy and if he’s ugly or not. Such a shame. It’s probably gonna stick with him for awhile so he might as well go with a different name for a few years. Just don’t go with a name like Ned or Todd. Ned is the type of guy who buys irregular underwear, and you’ll never meet a normal Todd, that’s like asking to be accused of being a killer again.
What an achievement. This whole season I’ve been contemplating what the legacy of Jagr should be. After his slow start here I thought he should call it after this season. It feels like the Panthers keep him around just for some media and fan service. Everyday becomes some new achievement just because of his tenure playing how ever many games he’s had and where that places him, but when he finally closes the book on his career he’s probably going to be remembered as a Penguin, not a Panther. But now things kinda changed. Obviously over the past week he’s proves he could still contribute with 4 points in the past 2 games alone (yes I get its a very very tiny sample size), but now he moves into second all time in NHL points. The only one above him being Gretzky’s point total which definitely will never be touched. So now it’s almost as if Jagr is at the very top in NHL lore. He’s a guy that played through the eras and achieved such an insurmountable point total wearing a Panther jersey. Maybe he will be remembered only as a Penguin for winning those cups, but as of now he’s still playing, and as much as we seem to be running though quick sand, he’s not stopping. That alone is keeping the dream alive that we’ll one day soon, win the cup, and if Jagr’s name is engraved in the cup one more time, then his time as a Panther definitely will be a large part of his legacy.
P.s- Gretzky’s point total is so ridiculous. I have no idea when Jagr will stop, but if they legalize the use of HGH, then Jagr will break it one day.