Tag Archives: Florida

They’re Holding XXXTentacions Funeral Inside The BB&T Center

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Not here to argue about XXXtentacion. Some people liked him, some people didn’t. Some people thought he was a scum bag. I think universally for the most part people think he didn’t deserve to die. Do I know his music? Absolutely not. Do people like it? Absolutely. But If I find out the total funeral attendance for fucking XXXtentacion’s, who is on the thin grey line between people liking him and people blasting him on social media for his past, is more than the average attendance to a Florida Panthers hockey game in south Florida, I’m gonna flip.

Ooooh The Weather Outside is Weather. – Paul Rudd/Surf Instructor Kunu Voice

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Peak Florida weather pattern. Honestly it boggles my mind how scientist aren’t on the rooftops of every Florida home. Not to tell me the weather or anything, I know its gonna rain and be hot as balls, but just the sheer science of it has to drive weather meteorologist nerds crazy. Like in movies when a scientist finds life on mars or something. They get all giddy and willing to risk all life on earth just to explore and learn more about aliens that can wage war on us and kill us all. Well that’s the weather here in Florida. It can certainly kill us all by drowning us to our graves, but scientist should come to study the science of how the weather becomes peak Florida by raining cats and dogs to perfectly Sunny one inch away. There has to be some sort of name for that anomaly. Like how New Yorkers have the Manhattenhenge when the sunset is perfectly aligned with a Manhattan street so that people can take pictures and post on instagram. Well there has to be some sort of Florida pop-culture version name for when the weather is split perfectly rain storm on one half of an Ihop in a run down strip mall next to a Hertz Rent-a- Car and a Pawn Shop, and perfectly sunny on the other half of said Ihop. Perfect for Floridians to upload on Facebook. Not instagram. Facebook.

Gotta Love People Donating Their Items To Goodwill Including Their Grenade Launchers

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BRADENTON, Fla. (WSVN) — Among a load of donated items, employees at a north Florida Goodwill found a grenade launcher loaded with a live grenade, deputies said.
According to the Bradenton Herald, employees at Goodwill’s Bargain Barn in Sarasota discovered the loaded weapon among items from a Bradenton store shipment on Sunday.
When employees at the Bradenton location did not know what the donated item was, they decided to send it to their Bargain Barn location. Workers at the second location called the Manatee County Sheriff’s Office about the weapon.
Deputies told the Herald they disposed of the active grenade by putting into one of the sheriff’s office Hazmat lockers, while the grenade launcher went into the department’s property room.

Do people still like going thrift shopping? Felt like it was a fad that happened all because Macklemore made 1 fucking song and then hipsters all decided it was cooler to wear poor people clothes that’s used. Assholes just thinking buying used shit gives it character. Sure thing pal, you convince your self a 90’s plain crew neck that has been vomited on and has trace amounts of cocaine is better than a new wool cardigan.

All that being said, it would be considered a huge win if you can make it out of the store with a Rocket-propelled Grenade launcher complete and loaded WITH a live functioning grenade at your local goodwill. That’s just value you can’t get on the retail market. And that’s what thrift store shopping is all about right? Finding that one special item like a mahogany hand made table or some Italian vintage armor. In this case if you were looking for a large caliber weapon that fires explosives, this is exactly the find you were looking for. Never would’ve thought about going to a goodwill but now i might have a change of heart. It’s a charitable thing to let go of things you don’t need all so you can support charity, hence it would be charitable if I peruse the local goodwill and buy some second hand heavy artillery. In the name of charity.

 

#AznPride: Florida Asian Accidentally Fires A Gun While Taking A Selfie In A Strip Club Bathroom

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TAMPA, Fla. – A Florida man has been sentenced to six years and five months in prison for accidentally shooting a gun while taking a selfie in a strip club restroom.
The U.S. Attorney’s Office in Tampa announced 34-year-old Rorn Sorn’s sentencing Monday. The Asian Pride Gang member pleaded guilty in April to possessing a firearm as a convicted felon.
Court documents say Sorn was at Club Lust in St. Petersburg in December when his gun discharged. The bullet went through the mirror and into the adjacent women’s restroom. No injuries were reported.
A security guard approached Sorn as he was leaving, and Sorn reportedly told the guard that it was an accident and that he “was just trying to take a selfie.” Police responded, and officers found a handgun, ammunition and drugs on Sorn. Sorn has prior felony convictions for burglary and attempted first-degree murder.

In the midst of all this racial tension growing in America between black and white people, The white nationalist and all the other rational people that progressed in life, It really made me happy that I’m just skating under the radar being Asian. No one complaining that we’re taking jobs because all of our jobs are stereotypical Asian restaurants. Sure the rest of my family does banking, pharmaceutical sales, real estate, importing goods, HR representation at major hotel chains and various other jobs that keeps them all well of and in a decent tax bracket. But yea Chinese restaurants and nail salons, that’s what those orientals do. See we got the facade as a harm free immigrant on lock. Math nerds with less intimidating dick sizes so we cant possibly steal away all the white girls. And that’s where we need to balance out the nerd Asians with guys like Rorn Sorn. Yea that name stinks but we need a couple of felons in our camp to edge out the book worm behavior. Does he have a threateningly massive cock? Probably not but average size probably. But he’s also a gun toting gang member with prior convictions. He had guns and drugs on him. That’s enough of the bad boy edge we need. The part where he had an accidental misfire while taking a selfie isn’t the hardest of looks but I’ll take it cause in the game of global diplomacy, we need all types and what we’ve been lacking ever since Jin stopped going on Freestyle Friday on 106&Park was an urban fella Asian that seemed like they could do crime stuffs. (Jin certainly wasn’t that type, but the freestyle battles made him cool)

If You Find A Rattle Snake, You Probably Shouldn’t Attempt To Kiss It

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BOSTWICK, Fla. (WSVN) — A north Florida man had to be airlifted after a rattlesnake bit him on the tongue Tuesday.
Neighbors told Fox 30 that Ron Reingold was attempting to kiss the rattlesnake when it bit and critically injured him.
Charles Goff told the station he found the snake Monday night in Bostwick, about an hour south of Jacksonville. Since he said he knows how to handle snakes, Goff put it in a tank. But he said some of his neighbors tried to play with the reptile, with disastrous results.
“The next morning before I got up, they were playing with the snake,” Goff said. “One boy said, ‘I’m going to kiss it in the mouth,’ and the snake bit him in the face.”
Reingold had to be airlifted to a local hospital, where he was listed in critical condition, according to Putnam County Fire Rescue.
Family members said Reingold is showing signs of improvement and is expected to survive.
“Ron was just acting silly, you know? I guess he said he could kiss the devil and get away with it, but evidently he didn’t,” Goff told Fox 30.
Goff said he believes his neighbors let the snake go after it bit Reingold.
“So the snake is still out here running around somewhere,” he said.

In what world is it cool to have kids dancing around a basement loaded with exotic untamed animals and especially ones known for their venom and striking ability? In what world is that fine? Like we know when we buy a gun we’ll get scrutinized by media telling us we need at least a gun safe that’s thick enough to survive lava and has locking features that require things like retinal scanners and voice pattern recognition to the point where you can’t even get your gun out for whatever situation. Mean while this fuck has pythons and pit vipers slithering around his living room letting people play around with it like it’s a teenage puppy. Trying to kiss it in the mouth like letting a puppy lick you face except this guy probably has no more lips now. We’ve all seen photos every now and then what happens when you get bit by one of these fuckers. All your nerves just dying at rapid pace. RIP to this guy’s face but that’s also what you get for trying to kiss a Rattle Snake. An Animal that has absolutely ZERO pro stories to it’s name ever through out history. Zero. You get what you deserve.

Florida Official Arms Itself Against The War On Zika By Releasing Thousands Of Killer Mosquito

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Dailymail- Thousands of bacteria-infected mosquitoes were released in the wild Tuesday near Key West, testing a new way to kill mosquitoes that carry Zika and other viruses.
The Florida Keys Mosquito Control District released 20,000 male mosquitoes infected by the Kentucky-based company MosquitoMate with naturally occurring Wolbachia bacteria.
The offspring produced when the lab-bred mosquitoes mate with wild female mosquitoes won’t survive to adulthood. Male mosquitoes don’t bite, and Wolbachia is not harmful to humans.
‘The eggs never even hatch,’ said Stephen Dobson, MosquitoMate’s founder.
The infected mosquitoes were flown in cardboard tubes — similar to ones used in paper towel rolls — from Lexington, Kentucky, to Key West on Tuesday morning.

For real Zika’s still a thing? You’d imagine that shit would be dead by now considering no one talks about it and PSA alerts about deformed baby skulls aren’t plastered anywhere anymore but what ever the case I’m okay with this. Gotta get on their level if you want to take em on face to face and what a dastardly way to do it too. It’s kinda like reverse fem-bots from Austin Powers. Instead of sexy robot ladies, we send in hot guy mosquitoes so that the chick mosquito thots get horny and forget about even feasting on human blood. Little do they know is their sperms loaded with shit that’ll kill them before they’re old enough to claim as an independent. Kinda like we’re sending a mosquito version of aids to wipe out other mosquitoes. Kinda fucked up. But what ever, that’s what we get for having intelligent brains, we get to mass genocide insects through sexually transmitted diseases that hopefully wont also eradicate the human race. Sometimes I think about shit like this and aliens and the movie Signs and who knows maybe we can send em a prank box of mosquitoes and next thing you know we can take down an alien ship because none of them fuck with Wolbachia bacteria.

Shocking News: Calling Your Girlfriend Fat Will End In Destruction And Near Death

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DailyMail– A Florida woman was arrested after she chased after him and then bashed in her long-term boyfriend’s windshield with a tire iron because he called her fat.
Kari Corwin took her rage out on her boyfriend of three year’s company truck after an argument that was sparked when he tried to fat-shame her on Saturday night in Umatilla, Florida.
The 25-year-old had been drinking when she took a tire iron to his windshield and wreaked havoc on the vehicle, totaling more than $2,000 in damage after swinging the tire iron at his face, she admitted to the Lake County Sheriff’s Office.
Corwin didn’t stop at the windshield in her reported alcohol-induced rampage.
After hurling the tire iron at the glass, she took a lawn ornament and banged it so hard against the hood, that it left the metal dented.
Then she wrangled up a hose with a sprinkler attached and thew it through a window on the passenger’s side.

 

This is one of these situation now where you kinda have to victim blame. Like sure you shouldn’t be an out of control drunk smashing tire irons against people’s rides and trying to get to someones brain, but its kind of the guys fault. You triggered her. Handing the person the weapon or the motive kind of implicates you. You didn’t sell her the gun or put the tire iron in her hand but you gave her the reason, and the reason is strong enough to drive any girl crazy. Every girl. No chick EVER wants to be called fat.  This is honestly just an instant reaction in human nature in a way. When a bug lands in a venus fly trap is chemicals that latches that thing shut and melts away the fly as food. When you enter a dark room your pupils dilate. When you call a girl a fatty they get hit with like a wave of gamma radiation that turns them into the hulk. Alcohol at this point had nothing to do with it probably. Just natural instincts taking over.

 

I wonder if guy animals ever call chick animals fat and if they go into a fit of rage. Probably what happens when a praying mantis sex happens.

“Wheel of Fugitive” is Brevard County’s Hottest Weekly Criminal Outing Game Show

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IT’S TIME FOR “WHEEL OF FUGITIVE”

This week’s episode of “Wheel of Fugitive” was recorded live on Fox News 35 earlier this morning in the Media Production Unit of the Brevard County Sheriff’s Office.

Fox News 35 had previously requested to showcase the tremendous success of our “Wheel of Fugitive” program and actually had us spin the wheel to select this week’s Fugitive of the Week live on their morning show.

If you know where we can find Julie Ann Newberry please let us know by calling Crimeline at (800) 423-TIPS, sending us an email at wheeloffugitive@bcso.us or by sending us a personal message on our Facebook page.

As always thank you for all you do to help us keep Brevard County a safe place to call home!!

Sheriff Wayne Ivey

 

 

Oh boy. On some level its kind of a sick world that we live in where we’ve turned finding criminal fugitives into some game show as if they have no lives and are on display. I know they try to spin it in a positive way focusing on making them come in them selves but still. It’s some game show showing people in their darkest times. Also feel like Brevard county is exactly the type of county to do this and have actual people watch.

But, if I’m gonna be real. Like real real

I love it. I want everything to be turned into some form of entertainment. I mean everyone watches Cops. If it’s one of those Sunday’s where you’re lazy as fuck and nothings on T.V and you got some shit to work on, you turn on Cops and watch them chase down crack heads and meth dealers.  When you wake up in the middle of the night and trying to find something on TV to fall asleep to, its Cops. Not like this is much of a far cry away. If anything what we need to do is combine this, Cops, Dog the Bounty Hunter, and The First 48. Spin the wheel and then the hunt for justice starts. Except non of that bear mase pepper ball bullshit Dog uses. Straight 9mm bullets. 48 hours to find the guy. Live streaming TV show.  Tell me you wouldn’t watch that. I’m sure the actual police work that goes into finding a criminal is actually pretty boring. But the second they get a sniff of the criminal thats where the thrill begins. And when they actually get into an on foot pursuit. Pure adrenaline. Its the greatest B+ television.

If You Live In Florida You Can Make Money Killing Pythons

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WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. (AP) — The state agency overseeing Everglades restoration projects plans to pay people to kill Burmese pythons in the wetlands.

The South Florida Water Management District said in a statement Thursday that 25 people will be selected for a 60-day pilot program that aims to remove the invasive predators from state-owned lands.

Starting April 1, participants will be given special access to python-infested district property in Miami-Dade County. They’ll be paid minimum wage up to eight hours each day, plus $50 per python. They’ll receive extra money for snakes measuring longer than 4 feet and for eliminating python nests with eggs.

Registration begins Friday at www.sfwmd.gov/pythonprogram.

Officials say pythons are decimating populations of native Florida mammals, which deprives panthers, alligators, bobcats and birds of their primary food source in the Everglades.

If it wasn’t for the fact that I’m too much of a pussy to go out looking for these snakes in anything short of an Iron Man suit, I would sign up for this gig in a heart beat. Got a 12 gauge fitted with the bells and whistles of lights and extra shell holder loaded with 00 buck and slugs ready to mow down the fucking snake population that’s decimating the habitat of native Floridian creatures. Not to mention, its not a bad gig either, just bucking snakes for minimum wage plus commission per snake. Not a bad day for doing gods work literally obliterating reincarnations of the devil. They only problem with me doing it, it i would absolutely get scared, slipped in a marsh swamp or something and end up getting all of my bones crushed to death and swallowed whole.  But if you are more masculine than me, you can be one out of 20 something people protecting Florida’s wildlife decapitating one snake at a time.

P.s- I dont mess around.

Esteban Santiago Was The Airport Shooter, Ft. Lauderdale Resident Esteban Guzman-Santiago Is Not

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Yesterday afternoon, Fort Lauderdale resident Esteban Marcelo Guzman-Santiago got off work and noticed that about a hundred comments had poured onto a Facebook video he had posted from an awards ceremony. "Is this the guy???" someone wrote. Chimed in another, "I'd be a killer to (sic) if I had a face that looked like that." Guzman-Santiago, 23, quickly realized that he had the misfortune of sharing a name with the man who opened fire at the Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport in a rampage that killed five and injured eight yesterday. That, coupled with the fact he lives in Fort Lauderdale, apparently led internet sleuths to think they'd found their guy. "Your a peice of shit I hope u burn to death," a West Virginia man told Guzman-Santiago in a message . In the comments on Guzman-Santiago's video, others debated whether they'd truly found the culprit. Maybe this Esteban wasn't the right size. Plus, the video, posted about an hour after the shooting, didn't look like it was filmed in an airport. "Yall FB a name and think yall solved the crime," one woman wrote. In fact, the true shooter had been apprehended almost immediately after the shooting, Broward Sheriff Scott Israel said during a news conference. By the time Guzman-Santiago left work around 5:30 p.m., the gunman had been in custody for several hours. That didn't stop the armchair detectives from forming an Internet mob, though. As Guzman-Santiago drove home from the call center where he works, his phone rang, and it was someone asking if he was the shooter. He'd had enough. "Listen, everybody who is messaging me, texting me, calling me, asking me am I this motherfucking shooter," he said in a Facebook Live video, "I just left from work. I just got through from graduating from the training program. How in the goddamn fuck am I the goddamn shooter?" He added that if he was the shooter, "I wouldn't be responding to your motherfucking comments any motherfucking way." In an interview with New Times, Guzman-Santiago says it was nerve-wracking that people assumed he was the culprit — especially when he got the phone call. He's dismayed people were so quick to jump to conclusions. And he worries about how the name association will follow him. "When you go somewhere and they're like, 'Oh, your name is Esteban Santiago,' and you verify your name, even though they may not say something in the moment, in the back of their head, they might be worried, 'Is he in any way associated with this guy?'" Guzman-Santiago says. The man believed to have carried out the shooting, which happened just before 1 p.m. in the baggage claim area of Terminal 2, is a 26-year-old U.S. Army veteran who served in Iraq. In November, according to the Miami Herald, he visited an FBI office in Anchorage, where he was reportedly living, to confess he felt compelled to fight for ISIS. He was sent for psychiatric help. A Facebook profile belonging to that Esteban Santiago has already disappeared from the site.

MNT- Yesterday afternoon, Fort Lauderdale resident Esteban Marcelo Guzman-Santiago got off work and noticed that about a hundred comments had poured onto a Facebook video he had posted from an awards ceremony.
“Is this the guy???” someone wrote. Chimed in another, “I’d be a killer to (sic) if I had a face that looked like that.”
Guzman-Santiago, 23, quickly realized that he had the misfortune of sharing a name with the man who opened fire at the Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport in a rampage that killed five and injured eight yesterday. That, coupled with the fact he lives in Fort Lauderdale, apparently led internet sleuths to think they’d found their guy.
“Your a peice of shit I hope u burn to death,” a West Virginia man told Guzman-Santiago in a message .
In the comments on Guzman-Santiago’s video, others debated whether they’d truly found the culprit. Maybe this Esteban wasn’t the right size. Plus, the video, posted about an hour after the shooting, didn’t look like it was filmed in an airport.
“Yall FB a name and think yall solved the crime,” one woman wrote.
In fact, the true shooter had been apprehended almost immediately after the shooting, Broward Sheriff Scott Israel said during a news conference. By the time Guzman-Santiago left work around 5:30 p.m., the gunman had been in custody for several hours.
That didn’t stop the armchair detectives from forming an Internet mob, though. As Guzman-Santiago drove home from the call center where he works, his phone rang, and it was someone asking if he was the shooter. He’d had enough.
“Listen, everybody who is messaging me, texting me, calling me, asking me am I this motherfucking shooter,” he said in a Facebook Live video, “I just left from work. I just got through from graduating from the training program. How in the goddamn fuck am I the goddamn shooter?”
He added that if he was the shooter, “I wouldn’t be responding to your motherfucking comments any motherfucking way.”

Classic. We’ve hit that point in the world where normal names aren’t good enough anymore. Gotta follow suit like the celebrities and name your kid something crazy or else they might get confused with some other domestic terrorist. It’s like when Elaine started dating another Joel Rifkin and had her co worker and  Giants fans in an uproar when they thought she was dating a domestic terrorist. You’re just begging for trouble if you associate the same name. The worst part though are some of the comments coming through. I’m sure I would be pretty pissed off when people are accusing me of a major atrocity and issuing death threats to me, but I could at least look on the bright side and know my Klout score went through the roof. Social media buzz in this day and age is worth it’s weight in gold if you can manipulate it. But it must of been a real kick in the dick when all these people are accusing the innocent Esteban because “his face looked like that.” Or people wondering if that was him because of his body size. Like accusing someone of being a mass murderer is one thing. A person can easily shrug that off considering he would know if he was in fact a murderer, but he also definitely probably knows if he’s a fat guy and if he’s ugly or not. Such a shame. It’s probably gonna stick with him for awhile so he might as well go with a different name for a few years. Just don’t go with a name like Ned or Todd. Ned is the type of guy who buys irregular underwear, and you’ll never meet a normal Todd, that’s like asking to be accused of being a killer again.