Monthly Archives: August 2016

WWII Vet Who Would Regularly Visit USS Iowa, Couldn’t Make The Trip, So Chief Selects Visit Him To Sing The Navy’s March Song

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Emotional video of a World War II veteran "having one of the best days of his life" after being honored by chief selects in front of his Gardena home recently has touched many people after being widely viewed and shared online. The veteran in the video, Ernest Thompson, served on the USS Missouri during the second world war, according to Jonathan Williams, the CEO of the Battleship Iowa Museum and the man's grandson. Williams recalled in a Facebook comment under the viral video that Thompson regularly visited the USS Iowa, which is the sister-ship to the USS Missouri and located approximately 15 minutes from the veteran's house. Due to health reasons, however, Thompson -- now in his 90s -- has been unable to visit the ship, according to the Battleship Iowa news release. With the help of volunteer coordinators, the chief selects from the Fleet Anti-Submarine Warfare Training Center visited Thompson's home and sang the Navy's march song, "Anchors Aweigh" in the middle of his residential street. While the singing went on, Thompson stood and saluted, "inspiring those around him," the release stated. The remarkable thing, according to a spokesman for the museum, is that Thompson had a fall earlier this year and had not been able to walk or stand since then. After the singing concluded, the chief selects walked one-by-one up to Thompson on the veteran's porch to shake his hand. "My grandfather told me that it was one of the best days of his life," Williams wrote on Facebook. The video, posted by Williams on Aug. 13, has gone viral, with more than 95,000 shares and over 4.3 million views as of Tuesday morning. “I am so surprised and overwhelmed at the attention that it has received. I was so incredibly impacted by this that I felt other veterans should be able to experience this too," Williams said in the release. Thompson was aboard the USS Tennessee when Pearl Harbor was attacked and later witnessed Japan surrender when he was on the USS Missouri, according to the release.

Emotional video of a World War II veteran “having one of the best days of his life” after being honored by chief selects in front of his Gardena home recently has touched many people after being widely viewed and shared online.
The veteran in the video, Ernest Thompson, served on the USS Missouri during the second world war, according to Jonathan Williams, the CEO of the Battleship Iowa Museum and the man’s grandson.
Williams recalled in a Facebook comment under the viral video that Thompson regularly visited the USS Iowa, which is the sister-ship to the USS Missouri and located approximately 15 minutes from the veteran’s house.
Due to health reasons, however, Thompson — now in his 90s — has been unable to visit the ship, according to the Battleship Iowa news release.
With the help of volunteer coordinators, the chief selects from the Fleet Anti-Submarine Warfare Training Center visited Thompson’s home and sang the Navy’s march song, “Anchors Aweigh” in the middle of his residential street.
While the singing went on, Thompson stood and saluted, “inspiring those around him,” the release stated.
The remarkable thing, according to a spokesman for the museum, is that Thompson had a fall earlier this year and had not been able to walk or stand since then.
After the singing concluded, the chief selects walked one-by-one up to Thompson on the veteran’s porch to shake his hand.
“My grandfather told me that it was one of the best days of his life,” Williams wrote on Facebook.
The video, posted by Williams on Aug. 13, has gone viral, with more than 95,000 shares and over 4.3 million views as of Tuesday morning.
“I am so surprised and overwhelmed at the attention that it has received. I was so incredibly impacted by this that I felt other veterans should be able to experience this too,” Williams said in the release.
Thompson was aboard the USS Tennessee when Pearl Harbor was attacked and later witnessed Japan surrender when he was on the USS Missouri, according to the release.

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Man this shit breaks me down into pieces. Joining a gang because you want to fit in with a bunch of outcast misfits is one thing. Joining a football team to learn about team work is another thing. Joining apart of the United States Armed Forces because a global war is happening and it’s your duty to serve knowing you can die and leave behind your family to protect the lives of the innocent is a whole other thing entirely. On the surface if you looked out your window and see a bunch of dudes singing to a guy, you would think that it’s weird and embarrassing for the guy. Well not when its the Navy Marching Song being sung to a Navy War Vet. And when I say War Vet, I mean War Vet. Guy lived through the start of Pearl Harbor all the way through till the day America made Japan kowtow to us. Incredible. Its the pinnacle of a fraternity that I know I could never be apart of and if given the opportunity, I wouldn’t last. Just don’t have the stuff Ernest Thompson has. So hopefully all I can do is use this blog post as a salute to him and all that Vets do and did for us.

Love This Local Legend, Bruno, Who Just Wanders Around Town All Day

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LONGVILLE, Minn. – The lumbering figure comes into view shortly after sunrise. His pace is steady, his resolve determined on his four mile walk up Highway 84. Bruno, a wandering, wooly, wolf of a dog, is on his way to town. “It's just been his routine as far back as I know,” says Sharon Rouse, who watches Bruno’s arrivals from the picture window of the Hansen Realty office, where she works the reception desk. “Everybody knows Bruno,” Rouse laughs, “may not know the people, but you'll know Bruno.” For most of the past 12 years, Bruno has been taking a daily walk of nearly four miles to Longville, making his rounds around town, then heading back home to his owners, Larry and Debbie LaVallee. “The first time I seen him in town, he almost beat me to town,” laughs Larry LaVallee, who used pick up Longville’s trash. “I was picking garbage on the way, and I get in town, and I wasn’t there five minutes, and there’s Bruno.” Bruno was a wanderer right from the start. “A guy come in my driveway, and Bruno was a little pup,” Larry LaVallee recalls, “and he says, ‘I found your dog at the end of your driveway.’ I says, ‘Well he ain’t my dog.’” LaVallee says he looked at the puppy in the man’s car and decided on the spot to keep the stray, who he believes had been abandoned. “And that was the beginning of it all,” says LaVallee.Bruno’s makes his rounds in Longville, with stops at city hall, the library, the ice cream shop, several real estate offices and Tabaka’s grocery store, where deli workers greet him at the back door with meat scraps they’ve saved. “He’s our buddy, we kind of watch out for him the best way we can,” says Patrick Moran, who owns a real estate office on Bruno’s route. “Last week he came in stayed about an hour and a half or two hours,” says Moran. The LaVallees say they tried, early on, to keep Bruno at home, even chaining him up to keep him from running to town. Larry LaVallee says Bruno “almost hanged himself” he pulled so long and hard on the chain.They’ve grown accustomed to receiving calls from newcomers in town, claiming they’ve found their dog. They’ve also grown used to silence on the other end of the phone when the LaVallees tell the helpful caller to just let Bruno go, he’ll find his way home. Bruno has also entered the world of social media. Someone in town created a Facebook page to follow his comings and goings. Mary Tripp regularly treats Bruno to donuts she buys just for him. “Don’t you buy your best friend treats?” she asks, without a hint of sarcasm.“He’s more friendly that most of the humans in town, and I’m not saying that in a negative way about the humans,” Tripp says. “He’s that lovable.” Tripp is among those known to give Bruno a ride home at the end of his day in Longville. Bruno’s ability to dodge traffic has become almost mythical. “He’s got to have a guardian angel,” Moran says. If there’s one thing Bruno hasn’t been able to dodge, it’s his age. His gait is slower than it once was, and laying down is now a labored process involving several steps and a grunt. Some days he even stays home from town to rest.“He’s getting old so you know he’s not going to be around a lot longer,” Debbie LaVallee says sadly. But Bruno’s legacy is already firmly planted in Longville. Last year, the town dedicated a carved wooden statute in his honor, in a park on Longville’s main street. “Longville’s town dog and ambassador,” the engraving on the accompanying marker reads. Rouse says the honor was well earned. “He is the mascot of Longville,” she says.

LONGVILLE, Minn. – The lumbering figure comes into view shortly after sunrise. His pace is steady, his resolve determined on his four mile walk up Highway 84.
Bruno, a wandering, wooly, wolf of a dog, is on his way to town.
“It’s just been his routine as far back as I know,” says Sharon Rouse, who watches Bruno’s arrivals from the picture window of the Hansen Realty office, where she works the reception desk.
“Everybody knows Bruno,” Rouse laughs, “may not know the people, but you’ll know Bruno.”
For most of the past 12 years, Bruno has been taking a daily walk of nearly four miles to Longville, making his rounds around town, then heading back home to his owners, Larry and Debbie LaVallee.
“The first time I seen him in town, he almost beat me to town,” laughs Larry LaVallee, who used pick up Longville’s trash. “I was picking garbage on the way, and I get in town, and I wasn’t there five minutes, and there’s Bruno.”
Bruno was a wanderer right from the start.
“A guy come in my driveway, and Bruno was a little pup,” Larry LaVallee recalls, “and he says, ‘I found your dog at the end of your driveway.’ I says, ‘Well he ain’t my dog.’”
LaVallee says he looked at the puppy in the man’s car and decided on the spot to keep the stray, who he believes had been abandoned. “And that was the beginning of it all,” says LaVallee.Bruno’s makes his rounds in Longville, with stops at city hall, the library, the ice cream shop, several real estate offices and Tabaka’s grocery store, where deli workers greet him at the back door with meat scraps they’ve saved.
“He’s our buddy, we kind of watch out for him the best way we can,” says Patrick Moran, who owns a real estate office on Bruno’s route. “Last week he came in stayed about an hour and a half or two hours,” says Moran.
The LaVallees say they tried, early on, to keep Bruno at home, even chaining him up to keep him from running to town. Larry LaVallee says Bruno “almost hanged himself” he pulled so long and hard on the chain.They’ve grown accustomed to receiving calls from newcomers in town, claiming they’ve found their dog. They’ve also grown used to silence on the other end of the phone when the LaVallees tell the helpful caller to just let Bruno go, he’ll find his way home.
Bruno has also entered the world of social media. Someone in town created a Facebook page to follow his comings and goings.
Mary Tripp regularly treats Bruno to donuts she buys just for him. “Don’t you buy your best friend treats?” she asks, without a hint of sarcasm.“He’s more friendly that most of the humans in town, and I’m not saying that in a negative way about the humans,” Tripp says. “He’s that lovable.”
Tripp is among those known to give Bruno a ride home at the end of his day in Longville.
Bruno’s ability to dodge traffic has become almost mythical. “He’s got to have a guardian angel,” Moran says.
If there’s one thing Bruno hasn’t been able to dodge, it’s his age. His gait is slower than it once was, and laying down is now a labored process involving several steps and a grunt. Some days he even stays home from town to rest.“He’s getting old so you know he’s not going to be around a lot longer,” Debbie LaVallee says sadly.
But Bruno’s legacy is already firmly planted in Longville. Last year, the town dedicated a carved wooden statute in his honor, in a park on Longville’s main street. “Longville’s town dog and ambassador,” the engraving on the accompanying marker reads.
Rouse says the honor was well earned. “He is the mascot of Longville,” she says.

Sometimes I hate growing up where I did. Relatively large population in nice neighborhood homes with one spectrum being retirement center and the other being the Miami nightlife. Local legends aren’t born from places like that. They’re born in places like Longville, Minnesota and that’s what we have with Bruno here. Almost as if he appears out of no where out in the ether he just walks 4 miles all around town. Says hi to the Ice cream man. Stops for some cold cuts from the Deli counter. Says hi to all the folks in town getting gas. Never bothers anyone, no one dares bother Bruno. Just go on about his day. What really bothers me though is how come the school hasn’t adopted him already? How is he not in City Hall in the Mayors office? What’s a better mascot then Bruno? He’s got the heart of an angel yet the tenacity to never be held down. That’s all you need on the playing field. Heart and tenacity. Let all the schools coming in on Friday night in the fall know that this is Bruno’s town and with his spirit, they’re gonna beat the shit out of you. You try to tackle a receiver, the spirit of Bruno guides him past your safety like Bruno dodges traffic on his 4 mile stroll.  They’re begging for mercy to not run the score up? Bruno doesn’t stop. The citizens of Longville, Minnesota don’t stop. Kills me that I grew up in boring ass Cooper City. Probably could’ve done so much more is Bruno was in my life growing up.

 

Do These Look Like 40 Knives That Were Found Inside A Man’s Stomach Because He Ate Them?

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When a patient shows up at a hospital with severe abdominal pain and ultrasound reveals a mass in his stomach, it's only logical to think first of a tumor, perhaps cancer. And that's just what surgeons at Amritsar Corporate Hospital in India at first assumed, according to a hospital news release. But then they put a camera down his stomach Friday "and saw a very different kind of thing," Jatinder Malholtra, the chief surgeon, told The Washington Post. So different was it -- they had never seen such a sight -- that they did a CT scan to confirm what they saw, as it simply defied belief. And they found not just one of these things but many of them. The things were knives, pocket knives, each about seven inches long. "In 20 years, I've never seen such a patient," Malholtra said in an interview. "I was amazed.""We asked the patient whether he had consumed these knives in a few days or a few months," said Malholtra. "He said he had taken 28 in number in the last two months." The scan did indeed show 28 knives inside. A team of five surgeons opened him up. They found exactly 28 knives, just like the man said. But while some of the knives were folded up, some were not. Their blades exposed, the man was bleeding profusely, said Malholtra. He could not have survived much longer, he added. The surgeons carefully removed each of the 28. But "we were not satisfied," Malholtra said. Perhaps the man, a 42-year-old police officer, had miscalculated. Perhaps his appetite for knives was greater than even he knew. Perhaps he had lost count. After all, a man who eats knives is not normal, perhaps not of sound mind, never mind his body.They did another scan in the operating theater and sure enough, found another 12, bringing the total to 40. They too were extracted. Why would a man swallow any knives, let alone 40? "This was the big question," said Malholtra. "But the answer was very erratic." The man simply said "'I have made my mind to take the knives. I don't know why. Impulse.' They were taken on impulse only." Did the man have a mental problem? That "seems to be," said Malholtra. But otherwise "he's very much a normal man." In fact, there is a condition called Pica, once described in the Journal of the American Board of Medicine, as "common, but commonly missed." Pica, said the article, "is the compulsive eating of nonnutritive substances and can have serious medical implications. Although it has been described since antiquity, there has been no single agreed-upon explanation of the cause of such behavior."

Sun Sentinel- When a patient shows up at a hospital with severe abdominal pain and ultrasound reveals a mass in his stomach, it’s only logical to think first of a tumor, perhaps cancer.
And that’s just what surgeons at Amritsar Corporate Hospital in India at first assumed, according to a hospital news release. But then they put a camera down his stomach Friday “and saw a very different kind of thing,” Jatinder Malholtra, the chief surgeon, told The Washington Post.
So different was it — they had never seen such a sight — that they did a CT scan to confirm what they saw, as it simply defied belief. And they found not just one of these things but many of them.
The things were knives, pocket knives, each about seven inches long. “In 20 years, I’ve never seen such a patient,” Malholtra said in an interview. “I was amazed.””We asked the patient whether he had consumed these knives in a few days or a few months,” said Malholtra. “He said he had taken 28 in number in the last two months.”
The scan did indeed show 28 knives inside.
A team of five surgeons opened him up. They found exactly 28 knives, just like the man said.
But while some of the knives were folded up, some were not. Their blades exposed, the man was bleeding profusely, said Malholtra. He could not have survived much longer, he added.
The surgeons carefully removed each of the 28.
But “we were not satisfied,” Malholtra said.
Perhaps the man, a 42-year-old police officer, had miscalculated. Perhaps his appetite for knives was greater than even he knew. Perhaps he had lost count. After all, a man who eats knives is not normal, perhaps not of sound mind, never mind his body.They did another scan in the operating theater and sure enough, found another 12, bringing the total to 40.
They too were extracted.
Why would a man swallow any knives, let alone 40?
“This was the big question,” said Malholtra. “But the answer was very erratic.” The man simply said “‘I have made my mind to take the knives. I don’t know why. Impulse.’ They were taken on impulse only.”
Did the man have a mental problem? That “seems to be,” said Malholtra. But otherwise “he’s very much a normal man.”
In fact, there is a condition called Pica, once described in the Journal of the American Board of Medicine, as “common, but commonly missed.”
Pica, said the article, “is the compulsive eating of nonnutritive substances and can have serious medical implications. Although it has been described since antiquity, there has been no single agreed-upon explanation of the cause of such behavior.”

Just a casual day at the ER in India for sure. How do I know that? Well going through the time line of the story, the guy goes walks in on the ER. He fills out some forms, select his health care provider probably, yada yada yada. Gets the sit down with his doctor and says “Hey doc, I think i swallowed something like close to 28 knives, some of them folded, some of them just fixed blade. Do you think you can help me out doc? It’s feeling rather uncomfortable.” Doctor replies back “Well sure thing! We’re gonna get you back to normal in no time. You will have to go under surgery, but It’s nothing i can’t handle!” Half way through the procedure the doc goes “Well, that just about does it, removed 28 knives. But you know what? I bet this rascal ate a knife or two more and just doesn’t remember. Let’s double check just to be sure” **removes 12 additional knives** “See! What did I tell ya! Happens all the time.”

Somehow after an extensive medical procedure to remove 40 objects used to cut and tear flesh and muscle tissue, do they bother to ask “hey man, why the fuck did you swallow all of this?” Some one should turn that into a reality tv show honestly. The emergency room in an Indian hospital where they have people that have extra limbs and skin conditions that make them look like a tree and idiots who just casually swallow 40 knives over a two month time span. I picture like an A&E Network show like Pawn Stars/ Miami Ink meets House meets every medical anomaly in India. What a show that would be.

United States Soldier Lt. Sam Kendricks Stops Mid Run To Stand Attention For The National Anthem

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What an incredible scene. It was like taking a high powered super car going 100 mph to 0 in 10ft. Guy just stops everything he does when he hears that sweet tune play. It was like watching Elaine’s boyfriend Brett when he hears Desperado play on the radio. Everything needs to be silent when the National Anthem plays. You can play what ever Witchy Woman Brazilian Anthem all you want but he’s not gonna give a fuck about that. The best part was on top of that he was like searching out for an American Flag I’m pretty sure.  Hunted it out in the crowd like a shark sniffing blood. That’s like how lethal his patriotism is. 100 bucks says if they played the Star Spangled Banner mid jump he’ll float in mid air staring at that flag. And he’ll land it cleanly.

These Guys Don’t Know How To Play Frisbee

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My god. I don’t know if I’m more amazed at the fact that its 2016 and these two idiots don’t know how to throw a fucking Frisbee or the fact that they threw it like they did and were somehow able to get that shit across 10 feet of ocean and winds. You hear stories all the time about people wanting to study how secluded tribes in South America and aborigine tribes would react to technologies like camera and television. Well I’ll give a very strong guess in saying their brains would explode because we have people born in modern times in a very culturally populated place and don’t know how to throw a fucking Frisbee. I mean at first I was going to be a little embarrassed when I saw the link because I’ll admit it, I’m pretty bad at Frisbee. No aim what so ever so 50% of the time I’m throwing quick cutting dive bombs. My stuff is absolute trash, but compared to these two nitwits, I’m like a Frolfing master. Seriously, It’s been 78 years since Fred Morrison threw a pizza pan along the beach of New Haven marking the first flight of the Frisbee. When you see a disc shaped object, it’s just so natural to throw it the normal way to let it glide across the air. How do we as people grow for nearly 100 years and then out of no where have two idiots that fuck that process up?

 

The Marlins Aren’t Sending Anyone To See Tim Tebow Work Out

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SBnation- Former NFL Quarterback Tim Tebow wants to join a major league baseball club and is planning a workout, but Marlins President David Samson told Barry Jackson of The Miami Herald he “doubts” the Marlins will send someone to attend the workout.

Team president David Samson said he doubts the Marlins will send anyone to Tim Tebow’s audition for big-league teams. “Nothing is harder in sports than hitting a baseball and to not take a swing in [a game] for 10 years” makes this difficult for Tebow, Samson said.

Tebow, if he signs with a club, will be forced to work his way through an organization’s minor league system. While Miami’s plans with regard to its starting outfielders are unclear, the club doesn’t have room for Tebow.

Giancarlo Stanton, Marcell Ozuna and Christian Yelich form what the Marlins believe to be the best outfield in baseball, leaving Tebow without a place to play.

Tebow is beloved by Gators fans throughout Florida after having a successful collegiate football career. However, as Samson noted, his athleticism alone might not be enough to result in an effective baseball career.

Perhaps attending the workout might have been tempting for the old Marlins, but under Don Mattingly, every player has a specific role. Tebow doesn’t seem to fit into the mix.

Listen, I don’t think Tebow would make a great baseball player. I’m sure by now everyone has nitpicked apart his wide stance and swing a million times by now. Even more, I’m not one to sign players just for the publicity because that’s all smoke and mirrors and when things don’t work out you deservedly get a shit ton of hate thrown your way. But this is America and I believe that people deserve second chances if they mean it. I mean it already blows my mind that somehow Tebow can’t fill in as a back up for any of the 32 NFL teams. You telling me Manziel was a better option than Tebow? Guy has trained for being an NFL player non stop since he was cut all while Johnny was in nightclubs rolling face with Bieber and shit. All I know is Tebow has heart. His style might’ve worked well in College and didn’t cross over to the big leagues but he just seems like he would be able to at least try to change and adapt if he were given the right coaching team around him. Same way I feel about Tebow in baseball. Seclude him to a baseball diamond, gym, and a little prison cell with only a mattress and a Barry Bonds as his celly and I just think the guy will willingly learn to have a great stance and swing. I know that’s a ridiculous sounding scenario, and still would end up being a horrendous baseball player. All I’m saying is why not just look at the guy. Charge a flight to Tebow’s work out on Jeffrey Loria’s card and see what the guys got.

Florida Apparently Has A Capybara Problem

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Joining an already robust list of invasive species, capybaras, the world's largest rodents, are now popping up in Florida. Speaking at the 53rd Annual Conference of the Animal Behavior Society, biologist Elizabeth Congdon, of Bethune-Cookman University in Daytona Beach, says a known group of capybaras are living and breeding in Northern Florida. It's believed the semi-aquatic South American mammal was accidentally released in Florida (meaning, someone's pet escaped) sometime in the early 21st century. The massive rodent prefers to live in tropical forest areas along rivers, lakes and marshes and it's estimated that there are at least 50 currently living in the Florida wilds. Congdon just really hopes to study these oversized guinea pigs. “They might be able to make a go of it in the United States,” Congdon said to Red Orbit. “We want to keep them from spreading, but can we please not kill them all so I can study them?”

Orlando Weekly- Joining an already robust list of invasive species, capybaras, the world’s largest rodents, are now popping up in Florida.
Speaking at the 53rd Annual Conference of the Animal Behavior Society, biologist Elizabeth Congdon, of Bethune-Cookman University in Daytona Beach, says a known group of capybaras are living and breeding in Northern Florida.
It’s believed the semi-aquatic South American mammal was accidentally released in Florida (meaning, someone’s pet escaped) sometime in the early 21st century.
The massive rodent prefers to live in tropical forest areas along rivers, lakes and marshes and it’s estimated that there are at least 50 currently living in the Florida wilds.
Congdon just really hopes to study these oversized guinea pigs. “They might be able to make a go of it in the United States,” Congdon said to Red Orbit. “We want to keep them from spreading, but can we please not kill them all so I can study them?”

Can you name another state with as many invasive species as us? Literally every reptile under the sun i think has made its way to Florida. Iguanas, snakes of all sorts, giant monitor lizards etc. There are probably a variety of exotic tropical birds breeding somewhere here now. Unidentified species of jungle monkeys. And now we have Capybaras. Whatever that’s just what Florida does. It’s the true melting pot of America and the world. We take in people from all sorts from all those Latin American countries and those snow birds from Canada. Well we’ll just take in animals of all sorts too. Frankly i was getting sick of all the reptile and gross stuff invading the area. I would prefer we got something that’s vegetarian like this guy too. He;s like a giant beaver dog. that wont take a chuck out of my arm or anything. Those are my only stipulations. No gross skin, wont attack the shit out of me, has to be cute. That goes out too any person of any nationality coming here too.

P.s- Remember this detroit guy? it was probably him

 

Girl Matches With Olympian Joseph Schooling On Tinder. Ignores Him Because She Thought He Was Trolling.

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Yo if that dude is just in your area, strong chance you guys can actually match up again on tinder right? That’s how technology works? I mean i know you shouldn’t sound like a desperate gold digging chick but if you get the chance to find this guy again it would be a pretty nice notch on the belt to say you banged the dude who beat Michael Phelps. But more importantly for this guy, that has to be his new Tinder Bio right? Like no one can really discern the difference between 100M butterfly and whatever else one of the god knows how many different styles of swimming Michael Phelps competed in. All you have to do is get the pic of your gold medal and say “I thrashed Michael Phelps at his own game for 100M”. You got to do it while your hot on the streets right now too. Once the summer is over and the Olympics are long forgotten your chance to cash that card dies down quickly unless you’re gonna be in Tokyo 2020 but at that point if Phelps not even in it, whats really the point. Throw it to this chick for the hell of it, but make sure you strike while the irons hot. It’s what the ancient Greek Olympians like Leonidas of Rhodes and Cynisca of Sparta would have wanted

Fuck This Cook Book Trying To Tell Me An Apple Is A Donut

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Doughnuts come in all shapes and sizes, but there is one general thing that’s consistent: they are made of dough. If there isn’t dough, the item touting itself as a “doughnut” is an imposter and should be discarded immediately. Enter this “Apple Doughnut.” These “doughnuts” are apple slices with assorted accoutrements: melted chocolate, peanut butter, chocolate chips, etc.They are NOT doughnuts. If, as is instructed in the recipe, you made these for children and said they were doughnuts, we imagine the children would slap the snack out of your hand. Why? Because children, too, know doughnuts and these are not them. This doughnut imposter comes from The I Heart Naptime Cookbook, a recipe book filled with recipes intended to be made in less than an hour.

Source- Doughnuts come in all shapes and sizes, but there is one general thing that’s consistent: they are made of dough.
If there isn’t dough, the item touting itself as a “doughnut” is an imposter and should be discarded immediately.
Enter this “Apple Doughnut.”
These “doughnuts” are apple slices with assorted accoutrements: melted chocolate, peanut butter, chocolate chips, etc.They are NOT doughnuts. If, as is instructed in the recipe, you made these for children and said they were doughnuts, we imagine the children would slap the snack out of your hand. Why? Because children, too, know doughnuts and these are not them.
This doughnut imposter comes from The I Heart Naptime Cookbook, a recipe book filled with recipes intended to be made in less than an hour.

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Take that apple and throw it in the trash. Not because it’s not good because it looks delicious as fuck. But you can’t just break all conventions to cooking and throw logic out the window by calling this a doughnut. It’s outrageous. A doughnut is a confection that need to be baked or fried and needs to be made with dough. I already said I hate foods that are too complicated, well you know what? I’ve had a bigger food gripe all my life and It’s time i air my grievances. Growing up my mom has been vegetarian since i was knee high to a duck. I’m use to getting my greens in but something that’s always plagued my mom was when she would make me fake ass vegetarian food with “vegetarian meat”. We’d get like a tofu block that’s been loaded with MSG  and shaped into a fish or fake meat made from mushrooms. If you’re gonna be vegetarian, i want you to be vegetarian meaning you don’t get to eat the knock off meat stuff either. What’s the point in being a leaf eater if you want the leafs to taste and pretend enough to be meat. Just eat fucking meat. Same logic applies to this donut. Don’t you dare tell me you’re gonna give me a donut and then hand me a fucking apple and say “Its healthy!” and then ruin all healthyness by dousing it in chocolate and caramel and shit. You’re just lying to your self. Id rather just eat a powdered donut and then an apple. Or better yet, once Fall comes around give me a bakers dozen of apple cider donut and leave me alone.

P.s- If she says yes then all credibility goes out the window.Screen Shot 2016-08-16 at 10.56.24 PM