What an incredible scene. It was like taking a high powered super car going 100 mph to 0 in 10ft. Guy just stops everything he does when he hears that sweet tune play. It was like watching Elaine’s boyfriend Brett when he hears Desperado play on the radio. Everything needs to be silent when the National Anthem plays. You can play what ever Witchy Woman Brazilian Anthem all you want but he’s not gonna give a fuck about that. The best part was on top of that he was like searching out for an American Flag I’m pretty sure. Hunted it out in the crowd like a shark sniffing blood. That’s like how lethal his patriotism is. 100 bucks says if they played the Star Spangled Banner mid jump he’ll float in mid air staring at that flag. And he’ll land it cleanly.
Yo if that dude is just in your area, strong chance you guys can actually match up again on tinder right? That’s how technology works? I mean i know you shouldn’t sound like a desperate gold digging chick but if you get the chance to find this guy again it would be a pretty nice notch on the belt to say you banged the dude who beat Michael Phelps. But more importantly for this guy, that has to be his new Tinder Bio right? Like no one can really discern the difference between 100M butterfly and whatever else one of the god knows how many different styles of swimming Michael Phelps competed in. All you have to do is get the pic of your gold medal and say “I thrashed Michael Phelps at his own game for 100M”. You got to do it while your hot on the streets right now too. Once the summer is over and the Olympics are long forgotten your chance to cash that card dies down quickly unless you’re gonna be in Tokyo 2020 but at that point if Phelps not even in it, whats really the point. Throw it to this chick for the hell of it, but make sure you strike while the irons hot. It’s what the ancient Greek Olympians like Leonidas of Rhodes and Cynisca of Sparta would have wanted
Ahh the question that comes up every 4 years. Would you rather be a pro athletes that play a real sport or one of these Olympic athletes that gets to compete for their country and try to win a gold medal. Now they say Michael Phelps was born with a perfect swimmers body but in hindsight, you think Kris Humphries would go back and choose swimming over Basketball? I mean the problem is out of the thousands of athletes competing at the Olympics probably 95% of them are just scrubs that work at subways making sandwiches and only bask in the glory for 2 weeks every 4 years. Now on one hand you’re Kris Humphries. Journey men NBA player who probably has no real notoriety if it wasn’t for the fact that he had sex with Kim Kardashian. That’s either a good or bad thing depending on if you think Kim K is hot or not but in the end is fucking around with a net worth of $18 mil. Sounds pretty decent being a career NBA player with a nice amount of pocket change. But then you have Michael Phelps who’s the most decorated Olympian with 23 gold medals and FIFTY-FIVE million dollars for swimming. I mean I know there’s a good chance with the way NBA salary caps and TV deals that there could of been a chance that Humphries got around that number but the fact of the matter is, he’s no Lebron or cracking anything near the top 10 highest paid ever. On a more comparable scale, Humphries beat Lochte too who has around $3 Million. Definitely would rather be Humphries now than Ryan Lochte getting robbed at gun point in Rio with only $3 mil to show for it. But he’s got to at least somewhere in the back of his mind probably think if he just stuck with it, he could be in Phelps shoes with nearly 30 gold medals hanging from his neck, $55 million, and free from all the controversy that was Kim Kardashian.
I feel like this alone should be like a Japanese requirement right now. Like the government should front the bill for Kohei Uchimura here. I mean this is like the duel threat quintessential Japanese here representing at the 2016 Rio Olympics. All he does is gymnastics and catching Pokemon. Everyone is all uptight about Zika, sewage, hotels that make penitentiaries look like 3 star accommodations. That doesn’t stop the competitive Japanese spirit in Kohei. Just running around on balance beams and trying to find Mewtwo. All the other competitors probably getting a little nervous about how unfazed he is going about lobbing pokeballs at pidgeys and rattatas while racking up roaming data charges out the ass knowing fully well his child might end up with a mutated skull from a mosquito bite. Can’t really fault him on that and really the government shouldn’t even bill him that. That’s just being a representative of the Japanese culture.
I get that Bruce Jenner (Caitlyn Jenner) was a great athlete, but does Bruce Jenner (Mark Behar) really need to go out there and name him self “Bruce Jenner” in the name of heterosexuality? I mean I get that you want to do it because Bruce Jenner (Caitlyn Jenner) now goes by Caitlyn Jenner (Caitlyn Jenner) but the guy wasn’t exactly screaming Alpha Male of Mr. Heterosexual. I would understand if he was a power lifter or a star QB of the Cowboys or something, but he was a decathlon runner in the Olympics. 2/3 of that is running and hurdling and both genders do that, and at a impressive and comparative speed anyways. He also wasn’t exactly known for putting up Wilt Chamberlain numbers when it came to sticking his dick in girls. So what about him is worthy of changing your name to his? Congrats, you changed your name to a fast person that was on the wheaties box. Now granted maybe Bruce Jenner (Caitlyn Jenner) was just Bruce Jenner’s (Mark Behar) childhood hero. None of my childhood heros decided to change their gender or sexual orientation for that matter so maybe I can’t be in the same mind set. But maybe one day i’ll inspire so much heterosexuality and if I decide to say fuck it and become a chinese woman, some one will change their name to Ed Lee.
Sidenote- You know who was Alpha Male as fuck? Elliot Stabler. Now that guy is an American Hero worthy of changing your name for. Decorated War Veteran, Catholic, spent years on the force dedicating his time to fighting sex crimes with a 97% closer rate. Badge number 6313. If somehow the SVU show writers wrote him as a tranny, i would try my damn hardest to make a character in his name. Might even buy a badge with 6313 on it in his name. Would consider the name change but Ed Lee is so much faster to write or say.