Hey Longville, you guy’s just let Duke and all of Cormorant’s citizens drag their nuts all over your face. Do the right thing and make Bruno mayor already.
Sometimes I hate growing up where I did. Relatively large population in nice neighborhood homes with one spectrum being retirement center and the other being the Miami nightlife. Local legends aren’t born from places like that. They’re born in places like Longville, Minnesota and that’s what we have with Bruno here. Almost as if he appears out of no where out in the ether he just walks 4 miles all around town. Says hi to the Ice cream man. Stops for some cold cuts from the Deli counter. Says hi to all the folks in town getting gas. Never bothers anyone, no one dares bother Bruno. Just go on about his day. What really bothers me though is how come the school hasn’t adopted him already? How is he not in City Hall in the Mayors office? What’s a better mascot then Bruno? He’s got the heart of an angel yet the tenacity to never be held down. That’s all you need on the playing field. Heart and tenacity. Let all the schools coming in on Friday night in the fall know that this is Bruno’s town and with his spirit, they’re gonna beat the shit out of you. You try to tackle a receiver, the spirit of Bruno guides him past your safety like Bruno dodges traffic on his 4 mile stroll. They’re begging for mercy to not run the score up? Bruno doesn’t stop. The citizens of Longville, Minnesota don’t stop. Kills me that I grew up in boring ass Cooper City. Probably could’ve done so much more is Bruno was in my life growing up.
Hey remember what I said about harming dogs a few blogs back? How if you do something like take an animal so happy and sweet like a dog and pollute his spirit with crystal meth, its like killing and drinking unicorn blood in Harry Potter where you lived a cursed half life. Well I think even worse should happen if you fucking chop off his two legs of a dog with a sword like you’re in the barbaric 18th century B.C. Seriously like first off the punishment didn’t fit the crime. A dog who’s teething bites your cheap shitty Thai shoes that are worth like 5 dollars to make and you go and chop off a dogs fucking legs? What kind of insane shit is that. Just ask for new shoes. Seriously man what kind of fucked up logic is that. No one thinks this is right besides the lunatic that did it. And if that is the case then logic should dictate that he should have his legs cut off. See If he got mad the dog for ruining his shoes which resulted in cutting off his legs, well since the people find it unjust, he should have his legs chopped off as well right?
Look I don’t want to get into all of that limb chopping nonsense right now. I’m just happy for Cola here. Seriously sci-fi movies and shit have always tried to come up with wacky human animal DNA crosses for what ever medical reason. Sharks so we’re immune to diseases, spiders so Stan Lee can create Spiderman. Well if we somehow harnessed the happy-ness DNA in a dog there wouldn’t be a need for any of that other nonsense. Think about it now. If I were to get my arms chopped off and had to deal with plastic robotic arms that can’t function like normal I might dwell in anger and violently murder who ever chopped off my arms. That’s not a dogs thought though. Once the pain stops and the blood clots up, he’s back to being a waggy bushy tailed puppy. Hobbling around on his back legs like a kangaroo didn’t matter. Guy’s just happy to live another day. What a fucking outlook on life. Glad Cola can run around now on all fours like he’s suppose to. I don’t think he even thinks of himself as a crippled dog with fake legs, probably thinks its like he got some super sleek cleats or something. Makes my heart grow.
Really proud of Bubba here. Proud of anyone who gets the help they need to make themselves a better person. I’ve watched Intervention so many times and seen all those people fuck up while their doing their stint in rehab and most of the time I think they send em to pretty much a 7 star hotel. Passages Malibu looks like a great time where you don’t need to get high but that’s just how crazy Heroin and Meth is, they get you by the soul. And the thing is most of the time I could care less about people who get peer pressured in because you can still say no. But Bubba the dog here is man’s best friend so he has no choice but to do meth with his drug addled owner. Shame on Josh West. When that guy gets out of prison he better not get another dog. Like taking an animal so sweet and corrupting it with crystal meth and shit should be like a mortal sin. This will sound nerdy as fuck but its like in Harry Potter when they say killing a unicorn for its blood will give you a cursed half life? Well if you get a happy puppy hooked on intravenous drugs, you should just rot in prison.
So I was scrolling through my Facebook feed and out of no where this kinda caught my eye. Is this a thing that white people do? get their dogs blessed? I’m not a really religious folk by any stretch of the imagination. I think the same year I technically got baptized to be a Buddhist I also went to church for the first time on Christmas with friends and then a few months after I think I masturbated for the first time so, religion didn’t quite stick with me as you can see. But this Saturday is my dogs birth day. Dudes turning like 7 so that’s like 49 in human years. I know for me, I definitely don’t want to get hexed and I certainly won’t mind being blessed if I didn’t have to go out of my way to get blessed. I don’t know, dudes 7/49, I was thinking a nice little outing in the morning running and playing around outside, sneak in a quick afternoon blessing of St. Francis of Assisi, and eat like a steak for dinner. I feel like that’s a decent birthday for a dog at least.
I dont want to be cruel and cynical because we’re talking about animal kidnapping/the health of an animal/ and an animals fucking ball sack here but I would be kind of intrigued if we cut into the criminal underbelly of the corrupt dog breeding/show world. Just saying.
That aside, you gotta be salty as fuck to contact the owners of the dog like years later, make up a story where he’s gonna breed again, when in actuality you plan on cutting its balls off. I feel like in the Show dog world this lady has to be like Fergie from The Town or something pulling off crime sprees and gelding dogs with out batting an eyelash. Its a tad bit absurd though of Mary and her husband to sue for damages claiming she never recovered from the news. I mean its not like the dog died. He god neutered which sucks if you’re in the competition world but lets not act like your old ass was about to witness generations of magic because of this dog and his sperm. You’d think the lady neutered the people in all this with the amount of emotional trauma this lady claims to have now.
Vickie Halstead does looks like a total bitch though.