Tag Archives: Florida

Florida Man Changes His Name To “Bruce Jenner” To Preserve The Names Heterosexual Roots

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SunSentinal- Bruce Jenner is back in the public eye. Before your jaw drops at the possibility that the Olympic gold medalist may have backtracked, be forewarned: This Bruce Jenner is not the transgender athlete who is now known as Caitlyn. Caitlyn Jenner is still very much around. This Bruce Jenner was formerly Mark Behar, an actor and bodyguard who legally had his name changed in order to preserve the “heterosexual roots” of Jenner’s original name, according to a statement from his publicist, Tom Madden. "We're representing Mark who is now legally Bruce so the famous Bruce Jenner name will return to its heterosexual roots where our client believes it belongs instead of hanging around out with the likes of the Kardashians and getting into car accidents as Caitlyn," Madden was quoted saying in a press release from TransMedia Group, the PR firm representing the former Behar

SunSentinal– Bruce Jenner is back in the public eye.
Before your jaw drops at the possibility that the Olympic gold medalist may have backtracked, be forewarned: This Bruce Jenner is not the transgender athlete who is now known as Caitlyn. Caitlyn Jenner is still very much around.
This Bruce Jenner was formerly Mark Behar, an actor and bodyguard who legally had his name changed in order to preserve the “heterosexual roots” of Jenner’s original name, according to a statement from his publicist, Tom Madden.
“We’re representing Mark who is now legally Bruce so the famous Bruce Jenner name will return to its heterosexual roots where our client believes it belongs instead of hanging around out with the likes of the Kardashians and getting into car accidents as Caitlyn,” Madden was quoted saying in a press release from TransMedia Group, the PR firm representing the former Behar

I get that Bruce Jenner (Caitlyn Jenner) was a great athlete, but does Bruce Jenner (Mark Behar) really need to go out there and name him self “Bruce Jenner” in the name of heterosexuality? I mean I get that you want to do it because Bruce Jenner (Caitlyn Jenner) now goes by Caitlyn Jenner (Caitlyn Jenner) but the guy wasn’t exactly screaming Alpha Male of Mr. Heterosexual. I would understand if he was a power lifter or a star QB of the Cowboys or something, but he was a decathlon runner in the Olympics. 2/3 of that is running and hurdling and both genders do that, and at a impressive and comparative speed anyways. He also wasn’t exactly known for putting up Wilt Chamberlain numbers when it came to sticking his dick in girls. So what about him is worthy of changing your name to his? Congrats, you changed your name to a fast person that was on the wheaties box. Now granted maybe Bruce Jenner (Caitlyn Jenner) was just Bruce Jenner’s (Mark Behar) childhood hero. None of my childhood heros decided to change their gender or sexual orientation for that matter so maybe I can’t be in the same mind set. But maybe one day i’ll inspire so much heterosexuality and if I decide to say fuck it and become a chinese woman, some one will change their name to Ed Lee.

Sidenote- You know who was Alpha Male as fuck? Elliot Stabler. Now that guy is an American Hero worthy of changing your name for. Decorated War Veteran, Catholic, spent years on the force dedicating his time to fighting sex crimes with a 97% closer rate. Badge number 6313. If somehow the SVU show writers wrote him as a tranny, i would try my damn hardest to make a character in his name. Might even buy a badge with 6313 on it in his name. Would consider the name change but Ed Lee is so much faster to write or say.

Whats Love? It’s Running Over Your Boyfriend With Your Car For Going To A Strip Club But He Then Bails Her Out Of Jail

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A mother-of-two was arrested this weekend after running over her boyfriend in the parking lot of a strip club. Erikka Christine Hope, 24, was charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon, battery, leaving the scene of an accident with injuries and possession of a controlled substance. The incident happened Saturday around 1am, when Hope drove to the PinUps Gentleman's Club in Palm Bay, Florida, where her live-in boyfriend was hanging out. The two got into an argument in the strip club's parking lot and surveillance footage reportedly shows Hope slapping and punching her boyfriend before getting into her car. She then backed the Toyota up, halted and then took aim at her boyfriend standing in the parking lot - striking him and causing him to roll up onto the hood of the car and hit the windshield. Hope then proceeded to hit two more vehicles as she fled the scene. She was later arrested at the home they both shared. When they arrested her, police also found several tablets of Xanax in her car, leading them to slap her with the possession of a controlled substance charge. Authorities say they identified her by the 'still standing' tattoo on her leg. While Hope's boyfriend has not been named, a man on Facebook named Anthony Martin claims he was the man injured in the incident - and has even posted pictures of his battered face. Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3508059/Mother-two-24-ran-live-boyfriend-caught-strip-club-bailed-jail.html#ixzz43s04RvIE Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook In a photo showing cuts and bruises to his face and shoulder, Martin writes: 'Glory to God I'm stil standing s*** could of been worse but God been watchin over me and I kno he would never let up #godbless [sic]'. When concerned friends pressed him for more information, Martin wrote that a 'drunk driver' hit him, before posting a screenshot of a news article which included his girlfriend's mugshot. Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3508059/Mother-two-24-ran-live-boyfriend-caught-strip-club-bailed-jail.html#ixzz43rzzMhy6 Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook When a friend joked whether that was their 'honeymoon,' Martin responded: 'I didn't take her. She showed up. And I still bonded her [f***] a** outta jail [for what]'. According to photos posted on her Facebook, Hope appears to be the mother of two young sons. She was booked at the Brevard County Jail on $33,000 bond, which her boyfriend claims to have paid on Facebook. Her next court appearance is scheduled for May 3.

DailyMail- A mother-of-two was arrested this weekend after running over her boyfriend in the parking lot of a strip club.
Erikka Christine Hope, 24, was charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon, battery, leaving the scene of an accident with injuries and possession of a controlled substance.
The incident happened Saturday around 1am, when Hope drove to the PinUps Gentleman’s Club in Palm Bay, Florida, where her live-in boyfriend was hanging out.
The two got into an argument in the strip club’s parking lot and surveillance footage reportedly shows Hope slapping and punching her boyfriend before getting into her car.
She then backed the Toyota up, halted and then took aim at her boyfriend standing in the parking lot – striking him and causing him to roll up onto the hood of the car and hit the windshield.
Hope then proceeded to hit two more vehicles as she fled the scene.
She was later arrested at the home they both shared. When they arrested her, police also found several tablets of Xanax in her car, leading them to slap her with the possession of a controlled substance charge.
Authorities say they identified her by the ‘still standing’ tattoo on her leg.
While Hope’s boyfriend has not been named, a man on Facebook named Anthony Martin claims he was the man injured in the incident – and has even posted pictures of his battered face.
In a photo showing cuts and bruises to his face and shoulder, Martin writes: ‘Glory to God I’m stil standing s*** could of been worse but God been watchin over me and I kno he would never let up #godbless [sic]’.
When concerned friends pressed him for more information, Martin wrote that a ‘drunk driver’ hit him, before posting a screenshot of a news article which included his girlfriend’s mugshot.
When a friend joked whether that was their ‘honeymoon,’ Martin responded: ‘I didn’t take her. She showed up. And I still bonded her [f***] a** outta jail [for what]’.
According to photos posted on her Facebook, Hope appears to be the mother of two young sons.
She was booked at the Brevard County Jail on $33,000 bond, which her boyfriend claims to have paid on Facebook.
Her next court appearance is scheduled for May 3.

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That’s some type of love, folks. See, I don’t go around judging how couples operate. Sometimes the girl’s in charge, sometimes the guy’s in charge. Some couples are all cutesy and lovey dovey and some are just screaming matches and pure relent. And sometimes in relationships, you get run the fuck over because you were chilling out at the local titty bar and then you gotta “bond her fuck ass” outta jail for what seems like no reason. Well, Anthony Martin, that reason is because of love. You love your girl. Yea I might be out side of Pinups Gentleman’s Club yelling Worldstar! and wildin out saying how his main chick just bulldozed his ass with her toyota, but in the end, deep down inside what they got is love for one another that made him bail her ass out of prison for attempted murder/vehicular manslaughter charges. Am I willing to do the same for love? Fuck no. But that’s what makes everyone’s definition of love special.

Monster Jam Accidentally Sells Toy With Code Symbols For Pedophiles

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TAMPA, Fla. (WFLA) – Nicole O’Kelly couldn’t believe it when she heard the stuffed toy she bought for her daughter at Monster Jam may have a symbol meant for pedophiles. “I’m absolutely sick. I bought this for my 2-year-old little girl. This toy was made for little girls. I wanted answers,” O’Kelly said. When she got the answers as to why there was a strange heart symbol on her daughter’s stuffed toy truck she nearly threw up. The souvenir recently purchased at a Monster Jam event held a sick secret; a disgusting calling card for creeps. The heart on the toy was a symbol for pedophiles. “This is pink,” O’Kelly said. “This is for little girls, especially at a predominately male event.” It was designed in the Tampa Bay area, at Feld, Inc. Here’s what the heart means. When a pedophile sees children with the heart symbol, it’s a code. It means this child is ready to be traded for sex. The company, Feld Inc, admits they are shocked and did not realize this was going on. They have since pulled the toys from the shelves. Anyone who attended the Monster Jam event on January 16th or February 6th should contact detectives. A company spokesperson released the following statement: “We’re shocked. We had no idea. We reacted immediately. We wanted to do the right thing as quickly as possible. Clearly we’re in the business with providing high quality family entertainment. This was really obscure. Until yesterday, I had no idea there was an underlying meaning of these symbols and the deplorable behavior. We just don’t know if a crime was committed here. We have not been contacted by LEOs. We just want to make sure it doesn’t happen again,” said Stephen Payne, with Feld Inc.

TAMPA, Fla. (WFLA) – Nicole O’Kelly couldn’t believe it when she heard the stuffed toy she bought for her daughter at Monster Jam may have a symbol meant for pedophiles.
“I’m absolutely sick. I bought this for my 2-year-old little girl. This toy was made for little girls. I wanted answers,” O’Kelly said.
When she got the answers as to why there was a strange heart symbol on her daughter’s stuffed toy truck she nearly threw up.
The souvenir recently purchased at a Monster Jam event held a sick secret; a disgusting calling card for creeps. The heart on the toy was a symbol for pedophiles.
“This is pink,” O’Kelly said. “This is for little girls, especially at a predominately male event.”
It was designed in the Tampa Bay area, at Feld, Inc.
Here’s what the heart means. When a pedophile sees children with the heart symbol, it’s a code. It means this child is ready to be traded for sex.
The company, Feld Inc, admits they are shocked and did not realize this was going on. They have since pulled the toys from the shelves. Anyone who attended the Monster Jam event on January 16th or February 6th should contact detectives.
A company spokesperson released the following statement:
“We’re shocked. We had no idea. We reacted immediately. We wanted to do the right thing as quickly as possible. Clearly we’re in the business with providing high quality family entertainment. This was really obscure. Until yesterday, I had no idea there was an underlying meaning of these symbols and the deplorable behavior. We just don’t know if a crime was committed here. We have not been contacted by LEOs. We just want to make sure it doesn’t happen again,” said Stephen Payne, with Feld Inc.

First things first, I’m glad this lady reported these Monster Jam pedophile symbol toys and all, but i kinda want her computers detained and searched through for child porn. Maybe I’ve just watched too man SVU episodes in my life but im picturing a scenario where her husband is like some NAMBLA member and when she saw her own daughter playing with a toy that screamed “I’m for pedophile trade”, she freaked out and spilled the secrets. Is it far-fetched? This is Tampa, Florida. Nothings far-fetched. One doesn’t randomly start investigating symbols on toy plush monster trucks right? her brain had to know already that it was child porn related? Why? because maybe shes dabbled in it herself. Not to mention i think Monster Truck Rallys are the perfect cover operation to wrangle in pedophiles. I pictured a lot of heavy mustached guys wearing oakleys and letting the sounds of supercharged v8 engines roaring over their conversations of child touching. Not to mention as kids, I know we all wanted to go to Monster Jam at least once. Everyone wanted to see Grave Digger fly and run over shit. Well luckily I never went because for all I know i could’ve marked my self to the Jared Fogles of the world.

P.s- Now i kinda want to go just to seek out pedophiles and citizens arrest them like im some SVU agent.

P.P.S- this blog took a dark turn.

 

Don’t You Ever Talk Shit To Mike About Cleveland Strip Clubs Or Else You’ll Get Shot

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(NEWSER) – If you find yourself in Cleveland, keep your strip club opinions to yourself. So learned Antonio Cummings early Saturday. The 24-year-old from Orlando, Fla., was at the Ohio city's Lido Lounge for a birthday party, WKYC reports, and while standing outside of the club, Cummings got into an argument with a guy identified only as Mike. The two were debating the difference between strip clubs in Florida and Ohio, and the argument turned into a fight that culminated in Mike allegedly shooting Cummings in the left thigh then fleeing in a vehicle. Friends took Cummings to the hospital. The investigation (into the shooting, not which state has better strip clubs) is ongoing.

(NEWSER) – If you find yourself in Cleveland, keep your strip club opinions to yourself. So learned Antonio Cummings early Saturday. The 24-year-old from Orlando, Fla., was at the Ohio city’s Lido Lounge for a birthday party, WKYC reports, and while standing outside of the club, Cummings got into an argument with a guy identified only as Mike.
The two were debating the difference between strip clubs in Florida and Ohio, and the argument turned into a fight that culminated in Mike allegedly shooting Cummings in the left thigh then fleeing in a vehicle. Friends took Cummings to the hospital. The investigation (into the shooting, not which state has better strip clubs) is ongoing.

I guess since this is a Florida site, you would expect me to have Antonio Cummings back here. Defend Florida’s honor and go on a tirade about Mike how he’s just some slug from Cleveland and how their strippers probably look like beat up dogs. Nope! Any guy who has ever been through Orlando knows that the biggest flaw to one of the largest vacation spots Florida has to offer is that they have the biggest bull shit law ever about strip clubs. Girls essentially have to hover over your dick by at least like a foot. What the fuck is the point of that? They wear pasties and g strings, charge over priced drinks, and are basically hovering over your dick or dancing around you like a lunatic. Sure you could try to bribe her into fucking her after but still, maybe its 3 am and I want to get a few lap dances first so i can take the ride for a spin to see if i want to fully commit to paying for sex. It’s a bullshit rule. Its a terrible time for me and terrible for the ladies cause no chance in hell I tip her enough to buy McDonalds if she doesn’t rub her ass against me or nearly smother me to death with her tits. So I don’t know what the fuck Antonio can be arguing for here. Are Cleveland strip clubs even worse than Orlando strip clubs or something? Can’t be right? they don’t have the political strings being pulled by Micky Mouse and they seem like a place that are pretty much at the point where they could openly solicit prostitution there. I base that solely on the fact that the Browns and all of Cleveland stinks so they turn to prostitution to ale their woes.

 

Florida’s Natural With Some Pulp: Jenna

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Her grip isn’t perfect, she can get more support from her left hand if she gets higher to the bore axis especially with glocks, but at least she isn’t going a full blown teacup grip. That would be a major faux pas. Oh and her ass looks great in those white shorts. Definitely no faux pas there.

Follow her on instagram: @jennahocking

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Does This Look Like The Face Of A Man Who Stole A $1600 Dollar Dog To Sell For Crack?

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LARGO, FLORIDA — On January 12, 2016, just before 2:00 PM, 38-year-old Wayne Junior Barfield entered All About Puppies located at 7190 Ulmerton Road. The subject left the store shortly afterward; concealing a 9 week old Yorkie puppy. The individual was observed entering an older model, white truck. Barfield was arrested Friday and charged with grand theft. According to the AP, the suspect traded the dog for crack and cash in St. Petersburg. The dog is still missing. The animal has a microchip and veterinarians in the area have been alerted.

LARGO, FLORIDA — On January 12, 2016, just before 2:00 PM, 38-year-old Wayne Junior Barfield entered All About Puppies located at 7190 Ulmerton Road. The subject left the store shortly afterward; concealing a 9 week old Yorkie puppy. The individual was observed entering an older model, white truck.
Barfield was arrested Friday and charged with grand theft. According to the AP, the suspect traded the dog for crack and cash in St. Petersburg. The dog is still missing. The animal has a microchip and veterinarians in the area have been alerted.

There’s a lot of people to blame in this story. If you have a pet shop, how the fuck do you not realize when someone has stolen one of your dog? I mean im completely basing this off of my dog but when my boy was a pup at 9 weeks old, he wasn’t fitting in my pants pocket. Guy was the size of my arm at least. Can’t exactly just chest him and throw a hoodie on with out noticing unless you’re the most dense employee on the planet. Second, how the fuck did he steal it? Now im thinking its like when you walk into pet supermarket and they have them in the boxes with no top for gerbils and hamsters. Did he just pick this guy up and walk away? If you have a puppy over a grand you might want to make sure no one can touch it without permission none the less fleece it right under your nose. Third, hey puppy, try to make some noise or something for me one time man. Let me know you’re getting kidnapped by a crack head. You’re suppose to be born with the instincts to detect when shit ain’t kosher. Pee on him to distract him and give a yelp or something or else you just don’t care enough about living a good life and if that’s how you’re gonna act then be a cat or something else next time. Fourth and final, if you’re a crack dealer, don’t accept puppies as part of your payment. That shit has to be paper every time or else whats next? You’re gonna have bums stealing a million toaster ovens trying to tell you that together they’re worth a few crack rock or you’ll have people bringing you cats for just a quick bump to get them off. 10 crack commandments Number 6: that goddamn credit? Dead it. No DUIs in this business and New Rule Number 6(a): Don’t except puppies either and pay your customer the remaining amount for the puppy.

If You Live In Kissimmee This Weekend And Had To Deal With A Power Outage, Its Because Of A God Damn Balloon

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KISSIMMEE, Fla., Jan. 6 (UPI) -- Utility officials in a Florida city said 339 customers lost electricity when a Mylar balloon collided with power lines. The Kissimmee Utility Authority said 339 homes lost power Monday after the balloon, made from the metalized nylon substance Mylar, touched the power lines and caused damage. The KUA said the incident happened in Kissimmee's Siesta Lago neighborhood and crews removed three other Mylar balloons from utility wires in the area Monday morning.

KISSIMMEE, Fla., Jan. 6 (UPI) — Utility officials in a Florida city said 339 customers lost electricity when a Mylar balloon collided with power lines.
The Kissimmee Utility Authority said 339 homes lost power Monday after the balloon, made from the metalized nylon substance Mylar, touched the power lines and caused damage.
The KUA said the incident happened in Kissimmee’s Siesta Lago neighborhood and crews removed three other Mylar balloons from utility wires in the area Monday morning.

This seems like a simple thing and something not worth bothering but deep down it kinda makes my blood boil. Its fucking 2016 now and every now and then the people in this god damn state have to deal with power outages. Back when Katrina happened we were left with out power for like 2 weeks. TWO WEEKS. While we pretty much were scooping water outside to bath our ass, all those lucky assholes in Weston had the privileged of living in a community where they were smart enough to bury their power lines underground. Oh we live in a state that gets ravaged by hurricanes every couple of years? Maybe we should do something about the giant poles that stick out of the ground that provides electricity to houses since everything runs on electricity these days. I mean if a fucking Mylar balloon whipped out a power grid in a major major city in Central Florida do you think we can really stand a chance next hurricane? Figure it out, 2016.

Looks Like Our Florida Panthers Hockey Team Is Slowly Turning Broward Into Hockeytown, FL!

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It’s worth noting both games were held in Sunrise, with huge nights at the box office (standing room/full sellout on the 2nd; 15,426 on the 3rd against a Western Conference non-factor). A seven-game stretch of consecutive victories heading into the Saturday/Sunday block may have something to do with it, but we’re pleased whatever the reasoning.

Via SBnation

Ohhhh shit. Look like its time to move forward. Onto 2016. No more of South Floria being built on Football and basketball. The Dolphins STUNK this year. Absolute garbage. Marlins, trash. Both teams owned by people not suited to own teams and ended up firing coaches. Heat are still playing good basketball but people need to get over the Lebron era since Wayde is aging. Instead here we have the toast of the town winning 9 straight, top of the division, 2nd in the conference and 5th in the league, Florida Panthers! Do you see those stats and numbers?? We’re going to the playoffs and aint no one gonna stop us! Its gonna be a fleet of drop top ferraris cruising across town on 595 and 95 with the cup for the parade!

All jokes aside, this teams good. Right now one of the hottest teams in the NHL. Despite this though, we’ll just always have the crowd of people joking about attendance numbers. Listen, If Tuscaloosa, Alabama started an NHL franchise and won 2 straight Cups in its 1st years, im pretty sure the attendance would be similar. The South is just a football town first and foremost. It sucks but its true. People gotta realize BB&T isn’t exactly in a metropolitan area where people have high incomes and dead set on going out and spending money. We deal with it. When they’re winning they have a good crowd but even at that, i wouldn’t expect them to sell out the crowd every night with Panthers fans. Not to mention we also have the crowd of people chirping about more Montreal fans when we play them. Listen, we can’t help it that Snow birds want to leave their shitty frozen province for South Florida instead. If they want to catch a game they’re more than welcome but if we stomp a team’s dick like Montreal and the Rangers, then I don’t even want to hear it how theres more so and so fans than Panther fans at the game. Teams like the Caps can laugh all they want and have all the attendance they want but in the end its still all about winning to the players and fans and as it stands they’re in the same place as us. So all people blasting us about attendence still can suck a dick. We’re winning over 25 other teams in this league and that matters more.

Does This Look Like The Face Of A Guy Who Was Too Embarrassed To Buy A Butt Plug And Fake Pussy Toy So Instead He Got Caught Stealing It?

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A Florida man caught shoplifting two sex toys from a Spencer’s store told police that he had enough money for the items, but was “too embarrassed” to pay for them at the cashier. According to police, Christopher Masters, 32, was in the Vero Beach store Thursday evening when a manager spotted him removing an “Arouz’d screw butt plug” from its packaging. Masters, cops reported, placed the item in his khaki shorts. Masters then allegedly did the same with an “Arouz’d stroker can.” After walking around Spencer's for a few minutes, Masters (seen at right) exited the business with the purloined anal plug and the “ridged tunnel stroker,” which cops valued at a combined $29.98. Masters, who was collared by store security, “admitted to stealing the screw butt plug and stroker can,” noted police. “Masters further stated that he had enough money on him but he was too embarrassed to pay for them because they were sex toys.” Masters, who is listed as a mechanic in jail records, was charged with shoplifting, a misdemeanor, and booked into the county jail (from which he was later released on bond). A police report does not indicate whether the sex toys were seized as evidence.

Smoking Gun– A Florida man caught shoplifting two sex toys from a Spencer’s store told police that he had enough money for the items, but was “too embarrassed” to pay for them at the cashier.
According to police, Christopher Masters, 32, was in the Vero Beach store Thursday evening when a manager spotted him removing an “Arouz’d screw butt plug” from its packaging. Masters, cops reported, placed the item in his khaki shorts. Masters then allegedly did the same with an “Arouz’d stroker can.”
After walking around Spencer’s for a few minutes, Masters (seen at right) exited the business with the purloined anal plug and the “ridged tunnel stroker,” which cops valued at a combined $29.98.
Masters, who was collared by store security, “admitted to stealing the screw butt plug and stroker can,” noted police. “Masters further stated that he had enough money on him but he was too embarrassed to pay for them because they were sex toys.”
Masters, who is listed as a mechanic in jail records, was charged with shoplifting, a misdemeanor, and booked into the county jail (from which he was later released on bond).
A police report does not indicate whether the sex toys were seized as evidence.

EXHIBIT A)

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EXHIBIT B)

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I’m gonna try to help out Masters here and say that its not entirely his fault stealing a butt plug that’s pretty much just a dildo and a pocket pussy from Spencer’s. Why? because its fucking Spencer’s. One of the more revered stores in the mall. That place is strictly for high schoolers to buy gag gifts or bring your girlfriend to look at the sex stuff and convince her to try BJs and anal. But no chance any guy actually buys the sex toys from there. Its society’s fault. You can’t just casually bring a twisted dildo up to the checkout counter in a crowded mall where everyone is shopping for sweaters and eating shitty mall food court food and pretend that you’re just making a casual purchase. You gotta buy sex toys at a sex shop where people can’t judge you because almost everyone there is fucked up sexually already. No ones gonna judge you for buying a butt plug. Why? because there’s a strong chance the next person walking into the store is looking for an even large butt plug because the 1st one they got wore out a few weeks ago and now they need a bigger one to get off. You gotta find your self a shitty run down Sex shop in some strip mall that is always brightly lit when you walk in and porn covering the walls all over. The Lions Den on 95, Hustler on Sunrise, Premier Couples on OBT any of those big sex shops are fine. If not that then its 2015 and Amazon prime that butt plug right to your front door. Skip all that worrying about judging eyes and order sex toys from Adam & Eve. You Live and learn, Kid. You live and learn.

P.s- Why does it look like he’s wearing a barbers gown thing? Probably because he’s wearing one of those crude r-rated t-shirts that they sell at Spencers. I dont know how old this guy is but you just shouldn’t even go into a Spencers past like 19. Grow up bro.

 

ATTN Ladies: Aaron Ekblad Should Be Your Dream Man (But Stay Off, On The Off Chance Him And I Turn Gay And We Could Have A Chance For Each Other)

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2015 NHL Awards - Nominee Media Availability

https://www.periscope.tv/w/1rmxPdZNNPnxN

So today I guess Ekblad took a trip to NHL studios and they set him up with a little periscope Q+A. Now normally I would skip these over, but not when it comes to my guy Aaron Ekblad. Now I had been under the assumption all along he was still with Claude Lemieux’s daughter, Claudia. Well I tuned in and boy did my ears perk up when he said he didn’t have a girlfriend. My mans on the open market! Mind went racing. Maybe I’ll hit up downtown Ft. Laudy more? Guy with that good looks has to be hitting up the town right? I can see him and Smith cruising Las Olas looking for tail. But that sounds so superficial. Yea obviously he’s a good looking dude. Guy has swedish blood in him, he was genetically predetermined to look like a model. But guess what? Ekblad is a genius too. I mean did you hear him slip it in a half way through that he was taking courses at Harvard(Yea he didn’t finish any but the fact that he’s trying is like probably the equivalent of getting a Masters at FSU)? Get out of here, Dominic Moore. You aint the only Harvard Alum in the NHL. My boy Aaron Ekblad is a learned man of higher education. So lets break it down: Professional Ice Hockey Defense Man in the NHL, who lives in a condo in Fort Lauderdale (i think) who makes millions, dabbles as a male model for John Varvatos, makes millions, is single, studies at the prestigious Ivy League Harvard University, is of swedish heritage and only NINETEEN years old. My god if i was a woman. I would just whore it out at BB&T with a giant billboard sign off I-75 asking Aaron to please come take me. Might even do it as a guy.

P.s- He could also play baseball at a professional level im pretty sure. Pretty sure that ground ball would’ve slipped Jeter’s glove and I’m pretty sure he hit that second one busted through the studio. Without cleats too.

Double P.S- According to George Richards, we got some details into the new jersey. Link to it here but let me give you the gist. Lot less blue, more red, and deeper gold with maybe a head logo of the Panthers. Gonna have a look similar to the Habs. I’m curious. Gonna be the biggest change since the franchise started and some players apparently think its cool so I’m on board. Kinda thinking with the red and gold it’ll look like the Iron man suit but if it pops on the ice then it pops.

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