Tag Archives: Buzzfeed

Girl Finds A Tortoise On Land, Tries To Save It By Tossing It Into A Lake. Unfortunately Tortoise SInks To The Bottom

Orlando Weekly- Gopher tortoises don't swim. They sink. However, a recent SnapChat from a Florida woman shows her "saving" a poor gopher tortoise by hurling it into a lake. "Here's a little note to self to anyone who finds a turtle – save it. Don't just leave it on the road. They're so cute," says the woman, holding the doomed reptile.   "Turtle saving is a hobby," she proclaims before sending the little guy to a watery grave.  Apparently Floridians tossing gopher tortoises into water is a recurring problem. This unfortunate turtle death comes only 5 months after a string of incidents where people "helped" tortoises into the ocean. News13 even ran a story titled, "Gopher tortoises don't swim. Don't help them into the ocean." According to the the FWC, gopher tortoises are a threatened species and are currently protected under Florida state law.

Orlando Weekly- Gopher tortoises don’t swim. They sink. However, a recent SnapChat from a Florida woman shows her “saving” a poor gopher tortoise by hurling it into a lake.
“Here’s a little note to self to anyone who finds a turtle – save it. Don’t just leave it on the road. They’re so cute,” says the woman, holding the doomed reptile.
“Turtle saving is a hobby,” she proclaims before sending the little guy to a watery grave.
Apparently Floridians tossing gopher tortoises into water is a recurring problem. This unfortunate turtle death comes only 5 months after a string of incidents where people “helped” tortoises into the ocean. News13 even ran a story titled, “Gopher tortoises don’t swim. Don’t help them into the ocean.”
According to the the FWC, gopher tortoises are a threatened species and are currently protected under Florida state law.

Well it seems like we’re just preaching for animals to be left alone between the Animal activist kidnapping dogs and this foolish little girl thinking she’s doing some good in the world. I hope this rocks her to her very core and it should. Here she was all high and mighty trying to preach to people and pumping her ego and snapchat score with this and probably wants to go viral and on buzzfeed as girl who saves turtle. Well guess what? You murdered that poor fucking tortoise Gambino crime family style swimming with the fishes and you fucking smiled doing it. Listen any testudine creature (big fucking word) are fucking longevity creatures. They just last. They don’t need to see the world at a million miles per hour or from some safe confines. They just exist at the pace they do and they fucking live for like 100 years perfectly fine just doing so. I get your intentions were good with the turtle, but you murdered the sucker. You do you and try to stay out of other animals business or you probably will end up killing it.

I also thought of Kevin Malone in The Office who runs over a turtle and tries to save it but its already dead. Good intention, Poor execution/ decisions/ gluing skills in Kevin’s case.

Apparently People Aren’t That Crazy About Pumpkin Spice Latte’s (Kinda Like I’ve Said The Whole Time)

(NEWSER) – You'd think our pumpkin latte obsession would have to be pretty bad to warrant a study on their sales, but it turns out most of us like a taste only about once every season. Market research firm NPD Group reviewed fall and winter receipts from some 35,000 diners last year to find 72% of people who indulged in a pumpkin latte did so only once; 20% bought two, while 8% bought three or more, reports the Chicago Tribune. You might be surprised given that pumpkin flavor appears in everything from yogurt to beer and at places like Dunkin' Donuts and McDonald's. But it turns out the real perk to having a pumpkin drink on the menu is that it brings in new customers who keep coming back. Still, it doesn't hurt that those who do buy the limited-edition drink spend more than those who avoid it: Pumpkin latte buyers paid out $7.81 on average, compared to $6.67 for other consumers. People who bought another seasonal beverage, the white mocha, spent even more: $8.37 on average as opposed to $6.84 for buyers who purchased something else. The higher tallies tended to involve food purchases, notes NPD Group. "We do see more chains trying to drive visits with these special limited-time offers," says Warren Solochek of NPD Group. "It gives chains a chance to talk about themselves." While the study focused on beverages, Solochek notes seasonal food items, like the McRib at McDonald's, likely enjoy similar success. While the short offer period limits how many times consumers will actually get a taste, "one thing the McRib does is generate a ton of positive press for McDonald's," he says. "It's one of those promotions that McDonald's does really well." (Until recently, Starbucks' pumpkin latte didn't include real pumpkin.)

(NEWSER) – You’d think our pumpkin latte obsession would have to be pretty bad to warrant a study on their sales, but it turns out most of us like a taste only about once every season. Market research firm NPD Group reviewed fall and winter receipts from some 35,000 diners last year to find 72% of people who indulged in a pumpkin latte did so only once; 20% bought two, while 8% bought three or more, reports the Chicago Tribune. You might be surprised given that pumpkin flavor appears in everything from yogurt to beer and at places like Dunkin’ Donuts and McDonald’s. But it turns out the real perk to having a pumpkin drink on the menu is that it brings in new customers who keep coming back. Still, it doesn’t hurt that those who do buy the limited-edition drink spend more than those who avoid it: Pumpkin latte buyers paid out $7.81 on average, compared to $6.67 for other consumers.
People who bought another seasonal beverage, the white mocha, spent even more: $8.37 on average as opposed to $6.84 for buyers who purchased something else. The higher tallies tended to involve food purchases, notes NPD Group. “We do see more chains trying to drive visits with these special limited-time offers,” says Warren Solochek of NPD Group. “It gives chains a chance to talk about themselves.” While the study focused on beverages, Solochek notes seasonal food items, like the McRib at McDonald’s, likely enjoy similar success. While the short offer period limits how many times consumers will actually get a taste, “one thing the McRib does is generate a ton of positive press for McDonald’s,” he says. “It’s one of those promotions that McDonald’s does really well.” (Until recently, Starbucks’ pumpkin latte didn’t include real pumpkin.)

I was right! It was all an elaborate farce perpetuated by stupid ass buzzfeed culture people! listen if you think about warm mushy pumpkin tossed into coffee you would probably get diarrhea right away. Its just the spices, not the pumpkin itself that people like. Now listen, i don’t want to be a brag really but i kinda said this in my blog about #TeamApple Vs. #TeamPumpkin. Sure they aren’t making an Apple latte or anything i don’t think but the point is pumpkin is just this culture that exploded by buzzfeed basic white girls who can’t think for them selves. They’ll always say they love their pumpkin spice lattes but turns out that they only buy one probably just to take an instagram photo and be done with it BECAUSE IT STINKS! I dont want to pat my self on the back really but Me and #TeamApple are about to stuff #TeamPumpkin into a locker and may never let it free.

The Battle Of Autumn: Team Apple vs. Team Pumpkin

Apples

VS

pumpkins

Ahhh yes Fall is here. Now i know this doesn’t even really apply for Florida but god dammit it didn’t always use to be this way. I remember as a young boy, it was fall and just spent the day in school playing outside hanging out with friends. It was dress up day for Halloween. The winds blew and the air was crisp and i even think leaves turned all brown. I would go home, play outside with my dog running acres around the house. Go back inside and i specifically remember watching the Halloween episode of The Famous Jett Jackson. That’s right. Black teenage espionage Disney movies like you read about. Any ways, it was fall. The Environment was fall. I don’t know if its global warming or just growing up but i cling onto those days where the wind was cool and breezy in October.

Anyone who knows me knows i dream of just a farm up in like Vermont that i could go to to get away from it all with my dog and just play outside. Kick a ball around, play some football. Just watch the leaves change and shit. I’m all about that and that’s what i live for. I don’t want to die here in Florida. I want to be like the reverse Ben Affleck in The Town and instead of running away to Florida, i want to run away to New England. Until i get to that point i cling onto anything fall but one of the greatest injustice in modern life is the over rating of Pumpkin when it comes to Fall. A lot of this is due to the Buzzfeed culture and i just wont stand for it. In a 12 round heavy weight match, Apple would punch pumpkin in its dick every round and its not a question.

EXHIBIT A) Alcohol

redds-apple-ale-6-pack-bottles VS shipyard-pumpkinhead

Listen pumpkin beer is nice and all. I get it it has a nice flavor. But Apple Ale kicks pumpkin beers dick. Its crisp and refreshing and I’m pretty sure has more alcohol too so you get your buzz on faster. Yea i get it Pumpkin is more “seasonal” but again, that’s just some man made preconception. (p.s- i also like blueberry beer. That’s summer seasonal. Sea dog blueberry [that doesn’t make me gay])

EXHIBIT B) Pie/desert

Screen Shot 2015-09-10 at 2.16.17 PM

Pies. This is a monumental category. Its a lasting impression on the meal. Fourth quarter of the game. Now pumpkin pie is awesome. I do love it. Rich texture, sweet, its a tour de force for the autumn season. In team Apple we have classic apple pie. As American as George Washington. Now i know what you might say, Apple pie seems like a 4th of July thing. That’s the beauty of apple pie. You have conventional pie served a la mode. A nice Lattice cut for the 4th, and apple crisp for the fall. Pumpkin pie is always served cold which i feel like isn’t awesome all around. Apple pie/cobbler/crisp taste good hot or cold. Always comes out to play and brings its A game every time.

EXHIBIT C) Spices

pumpkinpiespice2

Now we’re getting down to microscopic powders that really make up what all the white girls want out of fall. The pumpkin spice lattes. Now for the sake of argument im gonna assume pumpkin pie spice is relatively the same thing as pumpkin spice. And here its pretty much a wash. Lets go to the tapeScreen Shot 2015-09-10 at 2.31.13 PM

Screen Shot 2015-09-10 at 2.31.47 PM As you can see the genetic make up of Fall spices mostly comprises of cinnamon, nutmeg, and allspice. Pumpkin spice has the extra ginger, but apple comes with ground cloves AND cardamom. In my house hold, extra is always the winner, but ill be generous and say this is a wash because I’m nice like that.

EXHIBIT D)Picking

pumpkin+picking

                                                        VS

Apples

Picking. An experience everyone should have multiple times in their life. Now both these experience are nice and all but the thing is Pumpkin picking is like picking one specific pumpkin. I mean no body ACTUALLY picks a pumpkin to eat (this comes into play afterwards). They pick the pumpkin for Jack-o-lanterns. Now pumpkins, as nice as they are, are all oblong shapes. You struggle to pick the correct one because they gotta work well for your jack-o-lantern face. Sure you can decorate with a few odd looking ones, but the kids all want that nice round one, a bit wider than long, can cut out a nice grin on its face. The struggle is real when trying to find the right pumpkin. Apple picking, is it ripe? yes or no. pick a billion of them, get them by the bushel, spend the afternoon breathing fresh air, and take a tractor ride back to your car. Enjoy football while your girl makes you apple pie/crisp/crumble or just take a bite into an apple and feel stronger.

EXHIBIT E)- MISCELLANEOUS

Different-Apples

When you gotta summon that extra burst of energy to make it through the day, you just gotta sugar rush yourself. No better way then caramel apples, lie to your self and say the apple is healthy, get the burst of energy from pure sugary caramel.

masthead_cider_donuts

15484b2b3785ea_5 IMG_3496-copy

Are pumpkin spice donuts a thing? Like it has to be a thing before Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts started reading buzzfeed on how to market to white women. All i know is Apple cider donuts are a thing, and to go with that Apple Cider, both regular or Sparking for the classy occasion. Is Pumpkin cider a thing? if so it sounds lame and just an apple copycat and nobody likes a copycat.

Perfect-Pumpkin-Bread

Now when i originally posed the thought of Apple over Pumpkin, i got some backlash obviously and the only thing i got back in where Pumpkin has a win over apple is Bread. I’ve never had Pumpkin bread. It sounds like a thing but i don’t really know of it. Either way, they have apple breads but ill put my trust in the public for once and prove I’m not biased. Ill give them the benefit that a pumpkin bread might be good. But if we’re gonna be totally honest, Banana nut bread is da bomb. And then if we’re gonna be totally totally honest, If i could have one sliced bread for sandwiches for the rest of my life it would be Panera’s Tomato Basil bread.

021+raw+pepitas 35b7f83dc71aee51eedadbe99f397a3a

I guessssss if im trying to find things to not be biased, Pumpkin seeds are a thing? I mean yea salted seeds are nice little snack every now and then so ill allow  for it especially since you can’t eat apple seeds. In case you’re not as worldly and full of information like i am, apple seeds contain cyanide. Now if you were to argue for team apple, Yea you can’t eat them but if you were to say plot a scheme where you kill someone with cyanide then about 85 grams or just about a cup of dry apple seeds, you can successfully kill someone. Eat the Apple to get healthy, use the seeds on you’re nemesis. Name something apples can’t do. you cant.

So there you have it folks. I laid my life on the line before you. Fought the war with every last breathe in my body. My bones were aching taking gun fine and explosions fighting the good fight but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’ll sleep when im dead. Thats my dedication to making apple king again. I don’t want to live in a world where buzzfeed dictates the world and thinks for us. Long before pumpkin came along, it was apples. Toe to Toe Apple beats pumpkin in almost every damn way shape or form. If i need to get into a fist fight with every white girl i will, but Im gonna end pumpkin as fall flavor and make sure they know Apple is the Lord, when i shall lay my vengence upon them. Ezekiel 25:17. I know this is all one big bold statement and I’ll even settle for co existence, but whenever it comes up in conversation im fighting for America’s first fall fruit. Team Apple always and forever.

A San Fransico Writer Is Pissed At McDonalds Because They Apparently Stole His Idea Of An “Engagement” Photo.

Business Insider-A San Francisco writer claims McDonald's copied his work to sell cheeseburgers. David Sikorski says McDonald's copied photos of him posing with a burrito in a mock engagement photo montage. The photos went viral online after BuzzFeed published them on July 13. On August 3, McDonald's launched an ad campaign for its $2.50 double cheeseburger "combo" deal. The company's ads, which also had the theme of a mock engagement, strongly resembled Sikorski's photos.

Business Insider-A San Francisco writer claims McDonald’s copied his work to sell cheeseburgers.
David Sikorski says McDonald’s copied photos of him posing with a burrito in a mock engagement photo montage.
The photos went viral online after BuzzFeed published them on July 13.
On August 3, McDonald’s launched an ad campaign for its $2.50 double cheeseburger “combo” deal.
The company’s ads, which also had the theme of a mock engagement, strongly resembled Sikorski’s photos.

As the old adage goes, Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Well in this case it may or may not apply but either way i dont care because if you’re from San Fransico and you’re mad because a billion dollar industry that services me, stole you’re idea of a photo of you sleeping next to a burrito, then you’re probably just being a whiney asshole. I mean i picture this guy stomping his feet whining like a child because they took your idea portraying how much you love one food item. I think anyone who intentionally takes a photo like that is an asshole. shits so inconvenient, and its like you’re trying too hard for the likes on instagram. Like Chipotle has now been over run by hipsters who need to make it known their love for chipotle when no one cares. Thats what i think of this person and their burritos. So throw a fit all you want about McDonalds taking your idea but at $2.50 for a double cheeseburger combo deal and no headache of some San Fransican yelling about who came up with an idea first, im siding with McDonalds.