Daily Mail- He may be in the midst of a bruising presidential election campaign. But Ted Cruz has now found himself the butt of the jokes on social media, with commentators remarking on his uncanny resemblance to the Zodiac Killer. Following the debate in Houston last night, people on Twitter joked about how Cruz was in fact the serial killer and a confession was now his only way to defeat Donald Trump. Public Policy Polling cheekily included the question at the end of their Florida polls and found that 10 per cent of people thought Cruz was the Zodiac Killer, with 28 per cent saying they were ‘unsure’. Jim Williams, who put the question on the poll, said: ‘People are pretty serious about politics so we like to throw some curve balls to keep things light.’ The ‘Is Ted Cruz actually the Zodiac Killer’ meme began when an activist used it on T-shirts to support abortion clinics threatened with closure in Texas, where the senator has slashed public funding and supported measures to limit women’s access to birth control through their employers or churches. Cruz, along with rival candidate Marco Rubio, enjoyed a successful night in Houston. Together, they teamed up on the front-runner and unleashed a barrage of attacks on the billionaire. Cruz challenged Trump’s claim that he is the only candidate who will tackle illegal immigration head on.
Well that’s politics in 2016 for ya. One second you’re trying to push your republican platform and foreign policies to win the heart of the republican party and next thing you know you’re being compared to an unidentified notorious California murderer from the late 60s. Now am I keeping up with the political race going on? Absolutely not. If I just woke up and you peppered me with political questions about who’s gonna be the next president Id probably say Obama. All of this goes right over my head. But what I do know is that Ted Cruz is taking a beating, not because 100% of America disagrees with his idea on politics, but because the internet is a relentless force that continues to deliver punches to Cruz. I mean first off we had his room mate bashing the shit out of him calling him an asshole in college, and now the people have taking it into their own hands comparing him to the likes of Grandpa Munster and Kevin Malone from the Office.
Put a bald cap and gain 40 lbs and him and Kevin Malone are like blood brothers. I don’t even think he looks like the Zodiac Killer, but that might be the best result so far between the three. I mean would you rather people think you look like an old vampire on a CBS comedy sitcom or a character that is pretty much an over weight functioning retard? The answer is definitely a notorious murderer that no one has ever seen. I would rather jokes about me murdering 37 people than running over a turtle and trying to glue it back together.
P.s- You know what famous police sketch has always stuck out in my mind? Biggie’s murder suspect. Something about the bow tie and facial hair have always been burned into the back of my skull. Can’t wait till we get a black candidate that looks like him.
Orlando Weekly- Gopher tortoises don’t swim. They sink. However, a recent SnapChat from a Florida woman shows her “saving” a poor gopher tortoise by hurling it into a lake. “Here’s a little note to self to anyone who finds a turtle – save it. Don’t just leave it on the road. They’re so cute,” says the woman, holding the doomed reptile. “Turtle saving is a hobby,” she proclaims before sending the little guy to a watery grave. Apparently Floridians tossing gopher tortoises into water is a recurring problem. This unfortunate turtle death comes only 5 months after a string of incidents where people “helped” tortoises into the ocean. News13 even ran a story titled, “Gopher tortoises don’t swim. Don’t help them into the ocean.” According to the the FWC, gopher tortoises are a threatened species and are currently protected under Florida state law.
Well it seems like we’re just preaching for animals to be left alone between the Animal activist kidnapping dogs and this foolish little girl thinking she’s doing some good in the world. I hope this rocks her to her very core and it should. Here she was all high and mighty trying to preach to people and pumping her ego and snapchat score with this and probably wants to go viral and on buzzfeed as girl who saves turtle. Well guess what? You murdered that poor fucking tortoise Gambino crime family style swimming with the fishes and you fucking smiled doing it. Listen any testudine creature (big fucking word) are fucking longevity creatures. They just last. They don’t need to see the world at a million miles per hour or from some safe confines. They just exist at the pace they do and they fucking live for like 100 years perfectly fine just doing so. I get your intentions were good with the turtle, but you murdered the sucker. You do you and try to stay out of other animals business or you probably will end up killing it.
I also thought of Kevin Malone in The Office who runs over a turtle and tries to save it but its already dead. Good intention, Poor execution/ decisions/ gluing skills in Kevin’s case.