Tag Archives: cyanide

Biting Into Batteries? Not Smart!

Source- Chew on this: A man in China decides he needs to verify if a smartphone battery is legit ― so he bites it?!?!?
It’s a decision that literally blew up in his face, as the now-viral video above demonstrates.
Security camera footage captured Jan. 19 at a store in Nanjing City, Jiangsu Province, shows the unidentified man biting into the iPhone battery, presumedly to check its authenticity.
The move quickly proves to be a mistake, as the battery explodes. Amazingly, the man wasn’t seriously hurt in the blast.
Since then, the wisdom in chomping down on a toxic lithium-ion battery has been the subject of some debate.
Taiwan News noted that it’s common for people in China to test the authenticity of gold by biting it, which led Apple Insider to speculate the man somehow thought he could test the authenticity of the battery using the same technique.
Gizmodo rightfully noted that iPhone batteries don’t have much gold in them, but they do contain a lot of toxic items that no one should ingest.
On the rare occasions when a phone explodes, it’s often because the “positive” and “negative” battery plates have become joined, such as if the battery was pierced by a metal object, according to TeamKnowHow.com.
The website points out that lithium-ion batteries, though considered very safe, can explode if they’re overcharged.
It’s a problem associated with knockoff battery chargers and other dubious third-party accessories that are rampant in China, which may have explained why the man was biting the battery in the first place.

Pal. Buddy. What is you doing? its 2018, not 1500 where you need to check your gold doubloons when bartering at the market? Not to mention, Batteries aren’t made of gold. They’re in fact made of shit that’s toxic as fuck and can melt shit. Like not for nothing but Asians get the rap of being nerd smart but look at these common folks, biting down on lithium-ion batteries like they’re Olympic gold medals. I don’t know kinda makes me feel better about my self knowing im above smart enough to not go molar to battery, but also not a math nerd. I’m in a nice medium blogging about the people above and below me. Now If i had to guess, maybe this guy got a bunk ass filling and conducted with the battery. That’s me thinking kinda fake smart coming up with theories. But that also gives me another idea.

Fucking cyanide capsules. It’s perfect timing that I saw this because I also just re-watched Skyfall. Fucking Raoul Silva biting into a cyanide capsule and it didnt kill him. Just burned his insides. Do you know what Hydrogen cyanide does to you?

Skyfall (2012)

It turns you into an ugly motherfucker. Do you think secret spy agents want to work knowing that if they get captured, they might have to kill them selves, only to find out their suicide method isn’t 100% fail proof and might end up looking like the Goonies monster, and still remained captured, and then laughed at for being a captured spy that now looks like Sloth? Fuck no. So maybe switch out the cyanide capsule and replace it with something that’s instant death. A little battery that explodes your entire head off. Don’t give the enemy the satisfaction of making fun of your goofy face because of a bad cyanide capsule. Now granted these chinese fellows didn’t die, but work out a few kinks, bury that battery deep in the molars and next thing you know when the russians apprehend Ethan Hunt, he can just blow his head off.

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The Battle Of Autumn: Team Apple vs. Team Pumpkin

Apples

VS

pumpkins

Ahhh yes Fall is here. Now i know this doesn’t even really apply for Florida but god dammit it didn’t always use to be this way. I remember as a young boy, it was fall and just spent the day in school playing outside hanging out with friends. It was dress up day for Halloween. The winds blew and the air was crisp and i even think leaves turned all brown. I would go home, play outside with my dog running acres around the house. Go back inside and i specifically remember watching the Halloween episode of The Famous Jett Jackson. That’s right. Black teenage espionage Disney movies like you read about. Any ways, it was fall. The Environment was fall. I don’t know if its global warming or just growing up but i cling onto those days where the wind was cool and breezy in October.

Anyone who knows me knows i dream of just a farm up in like Vermont that i could go to to get away from it all with my dog and just play outside. Kick a ball around, play some football. Just watch the leaves change and shit. I’m all about that and that’s what i live for. I don’t want to die here in Florida. I want to be like the reverse Ben Affleck in The Town and instead of running away to Florida, i want to run away to New England. Until i get to that point i cling onto anything fall but one of the greatest injustice in modern life is the over rating of Pumpkin when it comes to Fall. A lot of this is due to the Buzzfeed culture and i just wont stand for it. In a 12 round heavy weight match, Apple would punch pumpkin in its dick every round and its not a question.

EXHIBIT A) Alcohol

redds-apple-ale-6-pack-bottles VS shipyard-pumpkinhead

Listen pumpkin beer is nice and all. I get it it has a nice flavor. But Apple Ale kicks pumpkin beers dick. Its crisp and refreshing and I’m pretty sure has more alcohol too so you get your buzz on faster. Yea i get it Pumpkin is more “seasonal” but again, that’s just some man made preconception. (p.s- i also like blueberry beer. That’s summer seasonal. Sea dog blueberry [that doesn’t make me gay])

EXHIBIT B) Pie/desert

Screen Shot 2015-09-10 at 2.16.17 PM

Pies. This is a monumental category. Its a lasting impression on the meal. Fourth quarter of the game. Now pumpkin pie is awesome. I do love it. Rich texture, sweet, its a tour de force for the autumn season. In team Apple we have classic apple pie. As American as George Washington. Now i know what you might say, Apple pie seems like a 4th of July thing. That’s the beauty of apple pie. You have conventional pie served a la mode. A nice Lattice cut for the 4th, and apple crisp for the fall. Pumpkin pie is always served cold which i feel like isn’t awesome all around. Apple pie/cobbler/crisp taste good hot or cold. Always comes out to play and brings its A game every time.

EXHIBIT C) Spices

pumpkinpiespice2

Now we’re getting down to microscopic powders that really make up what all the white girls want out of fall. The pumpkin spice lattes. Now for the sake of argument im gonna assume pumpkin pie spice is relatively the same thing as pumpkin spice. And here its pretty much a wash. Lets go to the tapeScreen Shot 2015-09-10 at 2.31.13 PM

Screen Shot 2015-09-10 at 2.31.47 PM As you can see the genetic make up of Fall spices mostly comprises of cinnamon, nutmeg, and allspice. Pumpkin spice has the extra ginger, but apple comes with ground cloves AND cardamom. In my house hold, extra is always the winner, but ill be generous and say this is a wash because I’m nice like that.

EXHIBIT D)Picking

pumpkin+picking

                                                        VS

Apples

Picking. An experience everyone should have multiple times in their life. Now both these experience are nice and all but the thing is Pumpkin picking is like picking one specific pumpkin. I mean no body ACTUALLY picks a pumpkin to eat (this comes into play afterwards). They pick the pumpkin for Jack-o-lanterns. Now pumpkins, as nice as they are, are all oblong shapes. You struggle to pick the correct one because they gotta work well for your jack-o-lantern face. Sure you can decorate with a few odd looking ones, but the kids all want that nice round one, a bit wider than long, can cut out a nice grin on its face. The struggle is real when trying to find the right pumpkin. Apple picking, is it ripe? yes or no. pick a billion of them, get them by the bushel, spend the afternoon breathing fresh air, and take a tractor ride back to your car. Enjoy football while your girl makes you apple pie/crisp/crumble or just take a bite into an apple and feel stronger.

EXHIBIT E)- MISCELLANEOUS

Different-Apples

When you gotta summon that extra burst of energy to make it through the day, you just gotta sugar rush yourself. No better way then caramel apples, lie to your self and say the apple is healthy, get the burst of energy from pure sugary caramel.

masthead_cider_donuts

15484b2b3785ea_5 IMG_3496-copy

Are pumpkin spice donuts a thing? Like it has to be a thing before Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts started reading buzzfeed on how to market to white women. All i know is Apple cider donuts are a thing, and to go with that Apple Cider, both regular or Sparking for the classy occasion. Is Pumpkin cider a thing? if so it sounds lame and just an apple copycat and nobody likes a copycat.

Perfect-Pumpkin-Bread

Now when i originally posed the thought of Apple over Pumpkin, i got some backlash obviously and the only thing i got back in where Pumpkin has a win over apple is Bread. I’ve never had Pumpkin bread. It sounds like a thing but i don’t really know of it. Either way, they have apple breads but ill put my trust in the public for once and prove I’m not biased. Ill give them the benefit that a pumpkin bread might be good. But if we’re gonna be totally honest, Banana nut bread is da bomb. And then if we’re gonna be totally totally honest, If i could have one sliced bread for sandwiches for the rest of my life it would be Panera’s Tomato Basil bread.

021+raw+pepitas 35b7f83dc71aee51eedadbe99f397a3a

I guessssss if im trying to find things to not be biased, Pumpkin seeds are a thing? I mean yea salted seeds are nice little snack every now and then so ill allow  for it especially since you can’t eat apple seeds. In case you’re not as worldly and full of information like i am, apple seeds contain cyanide. Now if you were to argue for team apple, Yea you can’t eat them but if you were to say plot a scheme where you kill someone with cyanide then about 85 grams or just about a cup of dry apple seeds, you can successfully kill someone. Eat the Apple to get healthy, use the seeds on you’re nemesis. Name something apples can’t do. you cant.

So there you have it folks. I laid my life on the line before you. Fought the war with every last breathe in my body. My bones were aching taking gun fine and explosions fighting the good fight but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’ll sleep when im dead. Thats my dedication to making apple king again. I don’t want to live in a world where buzzfeed dictates the world and thinks for us. Long before pumpkin came along, it was apples. Toe to Toe Apple beats pumpkin in almost every damn way shape or form. If i need to get into a fist fight with every white girl i will, but Im gonna end pumpkin as fall flavor and make sure they know Apple is the Lord, when i shall lay my vengence upon them. Ezekiel 25:17. I know this is all one big bold statement and I’ll even settle for co existence, but whenever it comes up in conversation im fighting for America’s first fall fruit. Team Apple always and forever.