Category Archives: Uncategorized

6 Rebuttals To ” 6 Reasons Why ‘Justice League’ Can Be Better Than ‘Avengers'”

Leave a reply

At this point I think I’m just gonna be a full on DC Hater. From what i gather from nerds, DC is ruling in the comic book world while Marvel is killing it on screen. Lucky fro Marvel, I watch comic book movies, not read them like some nerd. and from the 10 year span Marvel has done a solid job while every DC movie just stinks in comparison. Now they don’t have as many, but they want to set the scale and be up to par with an action packed super hero movie, then I’ll judge it as so. And while Heroic Hollywood wants to defend what Justice League seems to be, I’m here to trash it into the ground. Buckle up cause its about to get Nerdy as Fuuucckkkkkk

6.) Age of Heros

While Batman and Wonder Woman will have had a little more time to shine on the big screen when Justice League comes out, Cyborg, Aquaman and Flash are really all making their big-screen debut here. Wonder Woman calls the time period around Justice League a new “Age of Heroes” during the trailer, and I really want to see that angle pushed. Now that the Marvel Universe is torn apart and the Avengers need to slowly come back together, it falls on DC to show us what a fun superhero team looks like right now.
Under Zack Snyder’s supervision, Superman never struck me as overtly heroic. Hopefully, in his death, he will serve as an inspiring force who pushes others to heroic heights. Batman was visibly jaded throughout most of Batman V Superman, and I’m hoping we will see a Batman in Justice League who pushes others to do what’s right.
Flash is one of my all-time favorite comic book characters and I’m excited to see how they handle him on the big-screen. Barry Allen has always been the team’s hopeful optimist, and I think this movie will see the DC Universe embrace a lighter, more joyous tone going forward. Batman and Wonder Woman will need all the help they can get as they work to assemble a team to defend Earth from the threat posed by Darkseid and his loyal followers.

This is a reason? We “immediately” need a teamed up Super Hero movie? By the time Justice League Rolls around, I’m pretty sure GotG Vol. 2 will roll around on Blu-Ray which would probably be better, if not maybe get Spiderman Homecoming probably around then as well. Oh and Thor who teams up with the Hulk in Thor Ragnarok comes out like the week before JL. How can you say,  a team up super hero action movie is better than the other when the other has already done 2, 2.5 team up movies with a 3rd in the making that has a cast of 64 different unique comic book characters? Marvel tore the team apart so they couldn’t immediately curb stomp Thanos. They’ve been around long enough to build up, tear em down, and build em back up again.

5.) Aquaman

Jason Momoa is the DC cast member I’m most excited to see blossom and grow within the cinematic universe. Momoa, a Hawaiian born actor, said he is excited to blend the character’s origin with some of the water deities associated with his culture. Aquaman is the butt of a lot of jokes, but it’s hard to laugh at him when it’s Momoa’s tough mug staring down at audiences. Momoa has martial arts experience due to his roles in Game of Thrones and Conan, meaning he will have no problem making things look good when Aquaman has to tear through a few enemies.
That isn’t saying there won’t be any comedy for Momoa. My favorite parts of the most recent Justice League trailer feature Momoa cracking jokes and smiling as he and his teammates ready for battle. His cocky attitude is just as fitting (and perhaps annoying for his fellow League members) on the battlefield as it is in the mess hall and I’m excited to see how his teammates react. Batman and Wonder Woman seem hard and serious in the DC cinematic Universe, so it will fall to Momoa to make sure the audience is smiling in the middle of what will likely be a dark and dour movie.

Tell me this guy isn’t holding his breath underwater

Guy might look like a bad ass biker type when he’s on land and all but why the fuck do I care about Aquaman when he’s on land? Guy looks like he’ll choke and drown if I pinch and hold his nose. As an Aquaman, you kinda lose all respect if you can’t breathe underwater. Not to mention Marvel has been kinda hinting at having their water guy Namor being introduced into the MCU as well and I’m not ruling him out for Infinity Wars. But as of now, you can’t have a guy that can’t breath underwater, who plays a king of water, as a reason it’s suppose to be better than a billion dollar franchise. Do better.

4.) Intro to the New Gods

The New Gods are a group of cosmic beings in the DC Universe created by the legendary Jack Kirby.
These New Gods emerged after Ragnarok (the death of the old gods) and quickly developed roles for themselves. All of them originally lived together, but now they have splintered and find themselves living on two separate planets. Highfather leads the people of New Genesis while Darkseid controls the inhabitants of Apokolips as the two groups compete for power and influence across the universe.
Not only are they mythical creatures with magical power, they also belong to technologically advanced societies. Their technology has often bled over into Earth and the presence of the mother box in the Justice League trailers provides a hint that the New Gods will be featured somehow. Rumors even point to Cyborg being integrated with New God technology, making it more likely that they will become key players for the DC cinematic universe soon. Plus, if the Justice League is prepping to take on Darkseid, the New God equivalent to Hades, they are likely going to need the help of Orion, his oldest son and one of the League’s strongest members, to defend Earth.
For people searching for a good entryway into the New Gods, look out for Tom King and Mitch Gerads upcoming Mister Miracle 12-issue series set to debut in August. It was only announced last week and it’s already my most anticipated comic of the year. Hopefully Mister Miracle will make his big-screen debut in future Justice League movies as the battle with Darkseid becomes more established.

From what I gather this means that they introduce aliens with god like strength and it bleeds into earth? So Stark tech mixed with Chitari tech mixed with a little Thor? And all of this is based on rumors instead of what’s been released plot wise? Are you allowed to count hypotheticals as solid reasons? No. I hypothetically could have sex with a billion girls, doesn’t mean my sex count is higher than Gosling.

3.) War between Atlantis and Amazon

It’s already been established that the movie will feature a prologue from the past featuring Atlanteans and Amazonians competing over a mother box lost on Earth, but I hope there is more conflict for these two groups in the future. Both groups consider themselves above the rest of the world and that type of sureness can only be accepted by the other side for so long before they snap and start fighting. It’d also be really cool if we learn that these two groups have been locked in eternal skirmishes and a lot of natural events can be blamed on their conflicts. Imagine if the burning of Pompeii or the sinking of the Titanic weren’t caused by natural disasters but instead by dangers presented whenever the King of Atlantis and Queen of Thymsceria battled.
After the Justice League takes down Darkseid in a future movie, I want to see a movie focusing on a war between Amazonia and Atlantis. Not only will it feature some crazy action sequences that show two distinct, advanced civilizations squaring off, but it will put the team in the middle of an emotional conflict without an obvious moral choice to make. Wonder Woman and Aquaman, who should be the focus of whatever movie finally touches on this conflict, will both have to choose between their old friends/families and their new teammates as they try to dissolve the tension and stop the fighting.

This is all this list is, future events that may or may not happen. Yea if Marvel can pull any story line from their past that will be epic I’m sure they could, but they also gotta worry about making the movie good. Man of Steel stunk, Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice stunk, Suicide Squad was trash. Im sure DC can pump out all they want with a green screen and poorly lit color pallet but I’m siding with the score board here. You want to see 2 advanced civilizations square off? Well I got that. Avengers, Mad war titan Thanos vs one of the best civilizations ever, Humans. We’ve accomplished so much with so little, I’ll never turn my back on Humans.

 

2.) Batman

I know I already briefly mentioned him in this article, but honestly Batman alone is a solid reason to think Justice League could be an amazing movie. In fact, I don’t even think we really need the other League members, we should just have seven Batmen running around.
Throughout his cinematic career Batman has primarily worked alone, but Justice League will finally see him take a leadership position within the superhero community. It doesn’t matter who Batman is fighting against or with, he is always the most dangerous person on the battlefield. For all of Batman V Superman‘s problems, Batman’s fighting abilities were awesome to watch. Seeing him zip away from Superman’s laser or easily take down Luthor’s thugs are things I want to see expanded upon in Justice League. I want to see Batman run fist-first into a group of Parademons and emerge unscratched on the other side. Batman is simultaneously the brains and the brawn, and it will be interesting to watch him slowly develop a team and expand upon his desire to play with others.
He might not be the hero we need, but Batman is always the hero we deserve and I can’t wait to see him kick some alien ass.

The second line of this is basically them saying they dont want a Justice League movie, rather a Batman one. Now I like Batman for the most part. Nolan’s Batman movies are awesome and are top tier comic book movies that I can’t dispute. But man fuck that guy. Always dealing with issues abotu his dead parents. The Martha bit in BvS was honestly a joke that kinda feels like jumped the shark but in the end when you break it down, would you give an ISIS leaders a pass because they shared the same name as your mom? No. And people think Superman was fucking lucky being unstoppable strong and fast with all the power in the world to dominate, well fucking same deal with Batman. They just always end up writing him as the best. Some how he’s fast enough to zip away from a laser at high speeds? He’s always the master of the strategy even though u can plop him in space and oh yea he had a space suit ready just because he’s batman. The Writers made him a cheap fuck and I wont stand for it anymore. He might be the Brain but you can’t say he’s the brawn when he himself technically like a small fraction of Superman’s strength. But oh he invented some thing that made him stronger and had it ready just like that so he can pull it out of his pants pocket. Fuck that guy. Im glad his parents are dead.

1.) Darkseid

A lot of you may think DC is copying Marvel by featuring a giant purple alien as the big baddy in the background, but Thanos is actually a direct copy of Darkseid.
Darkseid is the tyrannous leader of Apokolips, a planet that has been ravaged by war and destruction. He leads an extremely militant society and views everyone as an extension of himself and the state he has world he has built. His control over the dangerous anti-life equation bends people to his will and serves as his most powerful weapon as he tries to expand his reign across the universe. His goal will be achieved only when free will is wiped away from the universe and everyone works for and serves Darkseid’s image.
Darkseid views other deities as a threat and has been known to murder New Gods, Greek Gods and Olympians just to secure his own position. His intense power makes him a huge threat and he has no problem taking Superman down single-handedly. While his uncle Steppenwolf is the main villain in Justice League, played by Game of Thrones alum Ciaran Hinds, expect to see Darkseid plotting in the background as he lays the groundwork for a full-scale invasion of Earth.

You think I give a fuck who was made first or who copied who? Who showed up on screen first and better? Thanos. Let’s just go with what will happen in the cinematic universes, Thanos get’s a glove that can erase the universe from existence. Darkseid is after some thing to bend people’s will? The Mind Gem in the Infinity gauntlet I’m pretty sure can do that alone. Darkseid = Trash. Thanos is better/ he’s being played by Josh Brolin/ Kelly T., a lady who cut my hair once in Boston, also cut Josh Brolin’s hair. Me and Thanos having the same Hairstylist once makes him better alone.

 

Sometimes When You Try To Rob A Guy’s House, You’re Ragdolled By A 3 Ton Pickup Truck

Leave a reply

 

I hate how our legal system isn’t perfect, case and point, I know that this guy is going to get in trouble some how because he shoved a moving vehicle up a guys asshole until their spine gave out probably, but this should 100% be legal. Like as long as the guy’s not dead its not manslaughter right? Maybe attempted vehicular manslaughter but frankly as long as these burglars can breathe and are alive, I don’t think smashing into them with a moving vehicle is beyond the scope of what’s fare. Like if you’re a criminal it should be pirate rules. You steal my loot, I’m allowed to attempt to run you over in my pick up truck. That’s the legal system I want. A judge in court might rule it as excessive. In my mind, its fair. Pirate rules.

p.s- this is some weird fancy house with a garage in the living room? And how about the motorcycle person who just casually parks their bike and drops their helmet off and runs up stairs to take a pee or something. Its 2017, pull out your cell phone when you see some one get bucked 5 feet across your garage from a pick up truck and an attempted robbery just happened in front of your face.

Science News: Hot Scientist Aren’t Taken As Seriously As Ugly Scientist

Leave a reply

ITV- Beautiful scientists may draw a crowd but are seen as less academically able than their less attractive colleagues, researchers in Cambridge have found.
It is thought the good looks of former musician and TV physicist Brian Cox and anatomy expert Alice Roberts may have played a big part in their roles as science communicators.
But, if the results of a study by psychologists at Cambridge University are to be believed, neither are rated as highly competent scientists by members of the public.
Lead researcher Dr Will Skylark, from the Department of Psychology, said he wanted to find out what impact good looks had on the perception of scientists.
“Given the importance of science to issues that could have a major impact on society, such as climate change, food sustainability and vaccinations, scientists are increasingly required to engage with the public.
“We know from studies showing that political success can be predicted from facial appearance, that people can be influenced by how someone looks rather than, necessarily, what they say. We wanted to see if this was true for scientists.”
– Dr Will Skylark, University of Cambridge.
In the first of a series of trials, volunteers were shown photos of more than 300 British and American scientists and asked to rate them for intelligence and attractiveness.
Other groups of participants then indicated how keen they would be to know more about what each scientist did, and whether they thought the academics were likely to be carrying out accurate and important research.
People were more interested in learning about the work of scientists who were seen as physically attractive and who appeared “competent and moral”.
But when it came to judging scientific ability, having an attractive face counted against the researchers. The better looking and more sociable they were perceived to be, the less they were expected to be conducting high-quality research.

That is about the warmest take ever to come out of the science world. Hey smart guy, no shit we don’t take hot scientist as seriously. Next you’re gonna tell me a new study was conducted only to find out scientist aren’t funny. Its as clear as day.

Here’s the scenario, you tell me the we’re all going to die unless we do so and so.

You can tell me the first person to die on earth is my mother and the thing is my first reaction would be me wondering what it would be like to cum on your glasses and what it’s like to motor boat your T’s. And this is the same for hot scientist bros too. Real like Brad Pitt scientist from World War Z can tell a chick there’s no hope and that she’s gonna turn into a zombie and the fact of the matter is the first thing on her mind is that she want’s to ride you.

I’ve said it before when writing the review for Arrival. Jeremy Renner just isn’t a scientist. Not a real one at least. They don’t have time to get hair cuts when they’re busy studying dirt. Scientist if anything eat junk food, stare at computer screens and microscopes until their eyes bleed and see the opposite sex as coworkers only. That’s how life works. It creates a fair balance. You think I can compete with a guy who’s 6’3 muscular, and knows how to cure aids? Fuck no. Pound for pound Stephen Hawking can probably create a black hole in his office but I think i could make a girl laugh, if not, at least go with her for a charming little walk in the park and talk about real life things. That’s the trade off. You can be smart and a nerd and save the world, but you can’t be hot also. You can be a 6’3 quarter back that has talent and makes money, but you’re also probably a dummy meat head and can’t deal with real life stuff because you have agents and managers handle things for you. If you’re a hot scientist, you’re probably not smart enough to particle accelerate atoms and shit. Balance.

Universal Studios To Roll Out Remakes Of Classic Monster Movies Titled “The Dark Universe”

Leave a reply

Universal Pictures is bringing its roster of classic movie monsters back to the forefront with its newly named Dark Universe series — the long-promised web of films kicking off with The Mummy this summer. The next film in the series to hit theaters will be Bride of Frankenstein on Feb. 14, 2019.

Universe has ditched its previous plans to release a Dark Universe movie in 2018 and will instead focus on the 2019 Bride of Frankenstein, which will be directed by Beauty and the Beast’s Bill Condon. There are no details on who will play the titular role, though Universal Pictures chairman Donna Langley called the movie a story about “a very modern woman in a very classic tale.”

As for other characters in the cinematic universe, Johnny Depp and Javier Bardem are already onboard to play the roles of The Invisible Man and Frankenstein’s Monster, respectively, while Russell Crowe is making his debut as Dr. Jekyll in The Mummy. The cast for that film also includes Tom Cruise as the lead and Sofia Boutella in the role of the mummy. According to Universal, the films are connected by the “mysterious, multi-national organization” Prodigium, specifically led by Dr. Jekyll.

In a video released on its website and Twitter, Universal teased a retrospective of the classic films to build hype for its “new world of gods and monsters.”

Every Head studio Exec in Hollywood right now in board meetings:

Wild news coming out of Hollywood. Honestly didn’t think to consider the fact that The Mummy coming out next month would be part of a shared movie universe. Honestly thought it was more of a Tom Cruise was tired of fighting The Syndicate in the MI franchise and wanted to up the action by fighting mystical monsters like ancient Egyptian mummy gods or whatever. I was gonna go see it but didn’t really take an interest in it till now knowing that it’s suppose to be a small part of a larger franchise and then I looked at the cast and realized Russell Crowe was going to be Doctor Jekyll.

This might be Hollywood getting out of hand and some could say it’s ruining movies. It is getting kind of annoying having to spend money to watch a movie that’s poorly written because it has to share things and lead into things for other movies that’s gonna come out. Its almost like the idea of writing a movie in mind for a sequel except the sequel has almost nothing to do with this one. Almost. If they do it well enough and cover enough of the primary story I could care less. Iron Man 2 alluded to Thor in an end credit. If that’s all there is, little easter eggs, bring it on. But if half way through The Mummy Tom Cruise is speaking to Doctor Jekyll and then half way through morphs into Mr. Hyde and bounces out and we’re just left with that then Id be pissed.

 

If You Find A Rattle Snake, You Probably Shouldn’t Attempt To Kiss It

Leave a reply

BOSTWICK, Fla. (WSVN) — A north Florida man had to be airlifted after a rattlesnake bit him on the tongue Tuesday.
Neighbors told Fox 30 that Ron Reingold was attempting to kiss the rattlesnake when it bit and critically injured him.
Charles Goff told the station he found the snake Monday night in Bostwick, about an hour south of Jacksonville. Since he said he knows how to handle snakes, Goff put it in a tank. But he said some of his neighbors tried to play with the reptile, with disastrous results.
“The next morning before I got up, they were playing with the snake,” Goff said. “One boy said, ‘I’m going to kiss it in the mouth,’ and the snake bit him in the face.”
Reingold had to be airlifted to a local hospital, where he was listed in critical condition, according to Putnam County Fire Rescue.
Family members said Reingold is showing signs of improvement and is expected to survive.
“Ron was just acting silly, you know? I guess he said he could kiss the devil and get away with it, but evidently he didn’t,” Goff told Fox 30.
Goff said he believes his neighbors let the snake go after it bit Reingold.
“So the snake is still out here running around somewhere,” he said.

In what world is it cool to have kids dancing around a basement loaded with exotic untamed animals and especially ones known for their venom and striking ability? In what world is that fine? Like we know when we buy a gun we’ll get scrutinized by media telling us we need at least a gun safe that’s thick enough to survive lava and has locking features that require things like retinal scanners and voice pattern recognition to the point where you can’t even get your gun out for whatever situation. Mean while this fuck has pythons and pit vipers slithering around his living room letting people play around with it like it’s a teenage puppy. Trying to kiss it in the mouth like letting a puppy lick you face except this guy probably has no more lips now. We’ve all seen photos every now and then what happens when you get bit by one of these fuckers. All your nerves just dying at rapid pace. RIP to this guy’s face but that’s also what you get for trying to kiss a Rattle Snake. An Animal that has absolutely ZERO pro stories to it’s name ever through out history. Zero. You get what you deserve.

There’s So Much Pressure Marrying A Japanese Princess Who Will Become A Commoner The Second She Says “I Do”

Leave a reply

DailyMail- A Japanese princess will give up her royal status when she marries a beach tourism worker she met in a restaurant.
Princess Mako, the granddaughter of Japan’s emperor, is getting married to ocean lover Kei Komuro who can ski, play the violin and cook, it has been claimed.
The man who won the princess’ heart, was a fellow student at International Christian University in Tokyo, where Princess Mako, 25, also graduated.
Once they say ‘I do’, she will lose her status – despite being Emperor Akihito’s granddaughter – as Japanese tradition dictates and become a commoner.

Yo Kei Komuro, you better have the goodest dick in at least all of japan to be able to be okay with letting Princess Mako become a commoner. This isn’t like marrying a little outside of your tax bracket, It’s taking her from the highest position possible and turning her into a low life poor person with no royal connections ever again. That’s giving up a lot for your tour guide ass. He’s not some ripped hot bod ninja guy, not rich, not a respectable job. Is he funny? maybe? But that alone isn’t worth giving up royalty for. Also quick note of advise if I were Princess Mako here. Have guards at his doors and 24 hour surveillance leading up to the wedding. Enormous amount of pressure is probably caving down on him the second her parents were enthused about her marrying a bum. And I get it on their part, when there’s royalty at play you gotta do what you can to claim the throne. If this girl wants to give up that royalty life then go ahead, no ones stopping her. But he knows once she steps into the normal life and just becomes Mrs. Mako the fairy tale illusion goes away and she’s waiting in line for her sushi coffee order and pays the same amount as the bums and that’s it. That’s life as non royalty and it sucks.

Cue The In-N-Out Fan Boy Outrage When It Falls As The Number 2 Ranked Burger

Leave a reply

I never pay attention to these polls cause they’re all dumb but man o man does it feel satisfying to have In-N-Out fall from grace into the number 2 spot. And listen, I’ve never had In-N-Out. I’m sure its a tasty burger for a decent price, but what I’m saying is that it’s over rated as fuck. A good burger doesn’t need much, a bun, beef, cheese, some toppings etc. Let me walk into your burger establishment and say I want a Cheese burger or a hamburger. What I don’t want is a busy ass place with over privileged California kids say “Oh I want a triple triple triple animal style and blah blah blah it’s lit suh dude.” All of that is nonsense. Just give me a burger. I don’t want a fancy name. I don’t want a stupid paper hat. I don’t want thousand island dressing on my fries that people get because it’s on a “secret menu” that every one in the state of California, with the highest population of all 50 U.S. states totaling to over 38 million people, know. If I live in Cali, I get it. Its a good burger at a good price. But coming from me here, I’m tired of all the assholes that say its the best with it’s gimmick menu and over complicated ordering process. And I might just go to Five Guys tonight just to rub it in their faces.

 

SIDENOTE- Steak n Shake falling to number 10 is criminal. I get it’s not a Burger but the frsico melt is so dangerously good that if we technically add melts to the burger category it should wipe out half the competition. And then some of the diversity there. The Guac burger, the Wisconsin buttery that is an instant heart attack. Delicious. Smashburger is trash, Sonics was one of the worst fast food experience in my life time and that includes shitting my pants almost immediately after having a breakfast buritto from McDonalds. Steak n Shake should be like 5 on the list.

High Schoolers Voluntarily Get Pepper Sprayed For Their Criminal Science Class

Leave a reply

 

Yo shout of the girl in the middle who apparently has eyeballs that can withstand xenomorph blood.

I’ve never personally experienced pepper spray directly in my face but I imagine its like squirting a lemon into your eyes times a billion. Maybe she just has the worlds most impenetrable eye lids on the face of the earth that’s keeping it from seeping into her pupils, I dont know. But either way, she has some balls compared tot he rest of them. I know my reaction would probably be something similar to these guys.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

All of them looking like a hawk just ripped their eyeballs from their head and I don’t blame them one bit. I mean this shit is for stopping criminals in their track. Getting your eyes fucked with can reduce The Hulk into a whimpering baby on the floor probably.  But not that one chick. Bitch is just so stone cold taking pepper spray to the eyes like its nothing.

Hackers Are Supposedly Holding A Disney Movie For Ransom

Leave a reply

Bloomberg– Walt Disney Co. Chief Executive Officer Bob Iger said hackers claim to have stolen an unreleased film and are threatening to distribute it online if they aren’t paid a ransom. The company is declining to do so.
Iger made the comments Monday in a town-hall meeting with ABC staff before the network’s fall season presentation to advertisers Tuesday in New York. A Disney spokesman declined to comment on the threat.The alleged extortion attempt to a string of cybercrimes that are rattling industries from financial services to health care. Last week cyberattackers infected more than 200,000 computers around the world with so-called ransomware, encrypting their files and demanding payment to release the data. Hospitals in the U.K. were among the targets of what one government official there called the “biggest criminal cyberattack in history.”
The threat received by Disney is similar to one encountered last month by Netflix Inc., in which hackers stole unreleased episodes of the company’s hit “Orange is the New Black.” Netflix declined to pay any ransom and the shows were leaked online. Variety and other outlets reported that hackers apparently obtained the show through a breach at a post-production company.

Yo fuck these cyber criminals. They’re just in it for the potential money. What happen to the type of hackers that did it to fuck over billion dollar enterprises. If these Hackers had any balls they would say fuck the money and just release it. Prove to Disney that they got it so next time they won’t even question handing over the money. Not to mention If you’re a hacker that good can’t you hack some bank? That’s the kind of hacker id be afraid of. One that can change the global economy like in Live Free or Die Hard type shit.  Yea I don’t want Anonymous taking what little money I have left in my back account and shit but If they did I would respect them more. But all of that is besides the point right now. The real question is what movie do they possibly have? Cause if they have like the next Star Wars ready to be pirated across the internet, I will in fact find a way to jump on the dark web and look for it. The Dark Web is a scary place and navigating it along the way I might end up buying heroin and illegal firearms or even put a hit out on someone, but if there’s a little chance that the next Billion dollar franchise movie is out there for me to torrent, I have to at least give it a look.

Screen Rants: King Arthur: Legend of the Sword *** Spoilers***

Leave a reply

After the murder of his father, young Arthur’s power-hungry uncle Vortigern seizes control of the crown. Robbed of his birthright, he grows up the hard way in the back alleys of the city, not knowing who he truly is. When fate leads him to pull the Excalibur sword from stone, Arthur embraces his true destiny to become a legendary fighter and leader.

Before we start off with what I think of the movie, I’m gonna get into a little discussion here because it deals with all the promo stuff. Why they fuck is “King Arthur” in “king arthur” not capitalized? All of the promo photos I see online have it all lower case. They did that intentionally and I want to know why. Its the name King Arthur, that shit demands capitalization.

Anywho, the movie in my opinion is what everyone else is saying. Its all style no substance. When I think of King Arthur, you normally would think of Knights of the Round Table, Lancelot, Merlin, and Excalibur. Don’t get me wrong, they mention all those things, minus Lancelot. But it’s just that, minor mentions. The mention of the Knights of the Round Table at the end leads me to think they’re going for a sequel, there’s no mention of Lancelot, Merlin is said maybe two times in the movie and never really scene, and Excalibur, for a sword that’s suppose to dominate everything, it really doesn’t get much mention itself. Just that it’s a powerful sword and then 2 hours of Jax Teller over coming some internal struggle that doesn’t really involve the sword at all but some how makes it so that he can truly wield it. Just a bad movie adaptation.

It’s not terrible and maybe people just aren’t interested in generic a mid-evil Game of Thrones knock off movie. If they focused the story more on certain things maybe it would be better. Merlin and his relationship to Arthur’s family, The weird Ursula bitch that gives Vortigern his powers, their powers itself, the mythology of the sword etc. I don’t know how because I’m not a film maker but I think there was just a better movie to be made from this. It’s just that it seems to be a big mess that is really only good for mindless action and even at that, there’s really not much action. One fight/chase scene thats kinda cool. Has the signature snorricam effect that Guy Ritchie uses. Towards the end it gets pretty CGI which looks cool to a degree but id rather see more grittier practical action.  I wouldn’t pay Saturday night ticket prices to see this. Maybe a matinee if you want to skip work or are bored as shit for 2 hours and already burned through everything good on Netflix. Total Ugly Orange Score- 6.1. Jax Teller isn’t Arthur. This Movie stinks.

SPOILER FILLED DISCUSSIONS

Guinevere The Mage

Would you have sex with her? I mean she was like the only chick in the movie besides, Arthur’s Family who gets fucked in the 1st 5 minutes and then his fake family that gets fucked in the 1st 10 minutes of the movie. The question has to be asked. It got kind of annoying this whole sub-side plot that Arthur wanted to get in bed with her. Like 5 lines of flirting but spread out enough that It makes you wonder if they’re gonna bang. Ultimately I wouldn’t. You can’t fuck with a magical girl if you yourself don’t have the magic to throw shit back at her encase she fucks with you. That’s just a rule I have. But also, this girl is kind of a bitch. Their whole plot to kill the king right? They go through this elaborate scheme where they try to assassinate him when this whole time this bitch could just summon a MASSIVE snake to eat the shit out of the entire army.  Why not lead with that?

The Gross Sea Witch LadyNow I’ll be honest, I had no idea what the deal was with Jude Law killing his wife. Why? Because It was a mess of a movie. No Idea he was sacrificing bitches he loved to some Ursula looking lady. I don’t even think she comes up until she tells Jude Law about the sword and it’s true owner but at that point she says “you know what you have to do if you want more power.” I thought that meant he had to give her the D. Appalling. Fucking that gross slimy bitch to get more power. Yea later on you find out that what he has to do is actually sacrifice his daughter but I don’t want to play that hypothetical. Right now 2017 is some gross Ursula lady plopped outta no where hanging out in your shower and she says she can give you magical powers if you fucked her would u do it? Even more maybe she wont even leave your shower unless you bang her would u do it? You definitely wont enjoy it but like if she had a hypothetically normal pussy area, i think you have to do it. Nothing more humbling than having sex with an ugly gross thing. The upside though is you can use her as a real gross slump buster and after job gets finished you can turn into a Demon Knight for fun. That can be a useful skill whether medieval times or modern times. Yea your friends will make fun of you for fucking a hog with tentacles, but you can always become a fire demon and tell them to cut the shit, it was only for the powers and they’ll get it.

Oh I’d probably fuck her too to get her out of my shower. Gotta also do it for the story.

Arthur Was A Snitch

Yo how about Arthur, I guess someone who’s suppose to be of the people, snitching on Goosefat Bill. Yea I get he probably just didn’t want any trouble with the King and his Court but guy just up and snitches on the guy. That’s how you make enemies in life. Sure Arthur becomes king and all and they all seem happy and cool as a cucumber, but once he makes bad moves and relegates Goosefat to some lame managerial position, he’s gonna want to come after Arthur when he’s not looking. Don’t be a snitch, Arthur. They get stitches.

Excalibur!

The scene where Arthur is suppose to pull the sword from the stone should be some grand moment. Like you figure it would be some huge character arch or some really inciting moment in the story. Nope. Arthur wanted to get back to the hooker den he manages so he decides to give it a shot and unbeknown to him, he yanks it out. That happens in the 1st half hour of the movie. I can’t imagine being a film maker and having my colleagues talking behind my back about how you take one of the most iconic pieces of weaponry in history dating back an entire millennium and make it’s reveal one of the most boring scene in the entire movie. Also not to mention. Kinda weird for Arthur to pull the sword from his dad’s spine right? Obviously he doesn’t know that at the time but once things are all settle in England and the village is thriving, at one point at night he’s probably gonna realize technically the sword was stuck in his dad’s fossilized body.

Charlie Hunnam

Charlie Hunnam is a hot looking dude. No one’s debating that. But this dude just doesn’t look like a King Arthur. I think it’s the hair color and the way he speaks. Guy is just too slick of a dude. First off, he’s the only one in the town with a hot hair cut. Everyone else is getting their hair chopped off with the meat cleaver they use to butcher swine while this guy is getting his side’s buzzed and hair slicked back with pomade. Don’t get me wrong, if i were a king I’d definitely be hot as shit but the point is Arthur is suppose to be from humble beginnings (I think). This guy was like a local hot shot swindling and beating people up for money while looking like an adonis. That’s not the rags to riches king look. Maybe if he had brown hair and didn’t look like he could afford work out supplements in the 10th century then I would say he fits the role but right now the Slick back hot haircut and chiseled body in leather pants look just doesn’t seem like an Arthur look. Maybe also because Arthur is a really lame name.

The Graffiti

I don’t know what was up with the graffiti in the movie. It feels like they were making it a pretty symbolic and culturally interesting thing that the kids do. They were just weird dumb symbols. See another thing they could’ve scrapped to attempt to make this a solid movie but nope. just have kids draw dicks on the wall with paint and mention it having something to do with Arthur and his town.