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Screen Rants: Wonder Woman ****SPOILERS****

Before she was Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot), she was Diana, princess of the Amazons, trained to be an unconquerable warrior. Raised on a sheltered island paradise, Diana meets an American pilot (Chris Pine) who tells her about the massive conflict that’s raging in the outside world. Convinced that she can stop the threat, Diana leaves her home for the first time. Fighting alongside men in a war to end all wars, she finally discovers her full powers and true destiny.

 

Well well well looks like DCEU has come out with a respectable movie. This was all the hype this week so you guys know this is what was coming. To be honest I actually saw Wonder Woman on wednesday but was too busy to actually get to blog it. Why? Because Miami is a fucking nightmare to drive through. See I decided to go to one of those booooogie ass theaters all the way in miami. Shit was pretty much a night club and I was about as under dressed as a hooker to a funeral. Seriously people were wearing silk shirts and shit to peep Wonder Woman. But besides that there was about an hours worth of construction traffic to treck through just to get back close to 95 and then another 20 minutes there so I was just dead stuck late as balls and the affect of Wonder Woman wore out. So yea, you get this blog a few days later, but then again this is also my site so I don’t have to make excuses to none of y’all.

So Wonder Woman. A lot of hype has gone down and well deserved because this is the first major expansion piece in the DCEU that hasn’t been affected by Zach Snyder. First part in actively competing with Marvel Studios and I think it did a great job. Now me personally I have some qualms. Things I don’t like in movies in general. Personally I think the movie was awesome for about 90% of it. I don’t know what the original origin story of Wonder Woman was, because I know they changed it a bit, but it was a good enough modern take on Wonder Woman, I thought. It was good that it was an origin story and wasn’t super tied to the other DC movies which let it kinda gave it free reign to go which ever direction they wanted. Now obviously this does tie into Batman v Superman, and I’m not sure how much was written then regarding the photograph scene used in BvS, but either way, they incorporated it really well into this origin story. Now what happens after this, I’m not sure about because I think the origin story and the setting of it all is what I like a lot about this movie, where I thought Diana Prince in BvS was cool, not great, but everything after as Wonder Woman I’m not sure of because she’s mostly just a Superman character after this. If Patty Jenkins stays and they have free reign to do what ever story type they want, maybe films after will be fine but if not, I’m expecting just a normal super hero conflict where this one she played the fish out of water character which was fun and well acted as well and had a really good emotional draw with World War 1 as the setting.

Speaking of World War 1, I think that was the best part of this movie. Her interaction with the world at such a bleek moment in history and what she could bring to the table. Honestly, fuck that fictional earth for liking Superman more. Did he ever fight in the Great War? No. Her origin in Themyscira and the land they built there was awesome and all kinda made sense and wasn’t an absurd story line which was great but once she stepped foot in the real world that’s where I really started enjoying the movie. There is a component where I just like non-modern times in action movies but really this one I liked because the contrast of a very brutal war on screen and what her fight in it was. I hate to compare it to other comic book movies but, its almost like Captain America mixed with Thor. Has that same pride filled character with a sense of duty as Steve Rodgers but was a fish out of water like Thor, only done much better than both those. But like I said, I liked 90% of it. What I didn’t like though was the last bit. Its very hard to do things differently and I’ll fully admit that because she is a Super hero with abilities and stuff but every time in the last fight scene where they do something with powers beyond normal human ability it gets a littttllllleeee cheesey. It just has a small bit of Zach Snyder stench that I just couldnt rub off. Some of it has to do with CGI probably and just outrageous action happening. But also it has something to do with ********SPOILERSSSSS*********** the fact that the final enemy was actually Ares. Don’t get me wrong, I do think it is in line with the movie, but I personally, liked the concept of Ares in this movie and her thought that Ares actually existed when in fact it was just the war and brutality of man. I mean I do think her motivations to fight would change a bit if it were just that, but I just didn’t think Ares himself needed to be in this movie. Now I fully understand her being in this world absolutely means that Ares is too. But to have him, be the final guy was a bit out there for me when I really enjoyed the down to earth grittyness of war. I figured the smelling salts that was turning Danny Huston’s character into the incredible hulk would actually turn him into an opponent that Wonder Woman couldn’t curb stomp right away or that there would be some tense moment where they needed to do the impossible to save a village from German soldiers.

All together it was a great movie and a huge win for DC. People though so far in the early releases are giving it an 8.5. That is a bit too high on my scale. For one like i said, I don’t like some of the cheesier self righteous dialogue and fighting towards the end. I get it but just not my cup of tea and I think could be done better. And also if you’re going to criticize Marvel for their weak villains I think you could make the same argument here. I mean again Ludendorff and the Doctor Poison lady were kind of weak to me. No real story behind them of driving factor and they both were pretty disposable. And I get Ares is the main bad guy in the end but I didn’t really care for his portrayal from who played him, to his look, to the heavy CGI fight scene. Like I said, me personally I didn’t liek the last bit but that is really only the last like 15 minutes of a great super hero action movie. Total score= 7.95 to 8.05. Gal Gadot was great pick. Honestly thought in my head that they shoulda picked a more jacked chick but Gadot was great and the chemistry with Chris Pine, who was also good, made for a great team up. The only thing is that stench of Zack Snyder lingers just enough to me and depending on my mood can swing between the two scores.

 

 

Now for some other stuff!

 

Gal Gadot/ Princess Diana and the Amazonians

Gal Gadot. What a smoke bomb. And the other Amazonians in Themyscira, it must suck to be you. I never saw a single episode of Orange is the New Black but I imagine Themyscira is some what similar to an all female penitentiary except its on a tropical island. They must hate the super hot chick. I believe it was Al Bundy who said “Don’t try to understand women. Women understand women and they hate each other.” Well that last part must ring true all over Themyscira. Just chicks passive aggressively hating the fuck out of Diana. Sure there’s no competition for men there on their made up land but when your mom looks like Gisele Bundchen and the rest of the women in the yard look like girls from Pittsburgh with broad shoulders that would scare away any man, there’s a major reason for jealousy. Before i saw the movie I said I thought they shoulda went with a more jacked chick. Sure it wouldn’t be as hot probably but if I’m gonna believe this person fights the entire Central Army in the Great War, she’s gotta be able to bench at least like 200. Well I missed the point entirely. Diana, obviously born of god is like the coach’s son. Just privileged as fuck in god given ability even though she doesn’t look like she can curl 30s. Fights an entire army and doesn’t even sweat in the least and still looks like she can walk a run way. I said earlier above that I wasn’t sure how I would feel about any sequel to Wonder Woman just because it probably looses some allure for me if shes fighting in the modern world. Well the only natural event to happen in the DCEU is all the women of Themyscira become salty as shit and revolt to try to take out the pretty chick. I don’t remember what happens in Mean Girls either but I feel like its the Super hero version of that. All the chicks be catty towards the hot one and one of them will say “thats so fetch.”

 

Feminist Want Wonder Woman To Have Armpit Hair

Give an inch and they’ll take a mile. You get a strong female lead that does well financially and opens the doors to many other female lead roles, but that’s not enough, they want arm pit hair. Honestly why would women even want arm pit hair. First off who’s to say Amazonians aren’t just the perfect breed of females who just don’t grow arm pit hair? Who’s to say she didn’t use Zeus’s sword to get the closest and most comfortable shave ever? Its recorded in comic book lore that Diana’s sword is so sharp it can slice electrons apart. That my friends is a close shave. But listen, you want to be a butch and ugly worker who doesn’t care about her looks because she too tired to shave after chopping trees, go ahead. You want to look like a super smoke paris run way model, go ahead. The point is Wonder Woman is hot and can flip a tank on your heads and all that shit. Oh and shes a symbol of truth and justice and all that other stuff.

 

 

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6 Rebuttals To ” 6 Reasons Why ‘Justice League’ Can Be Better Than ‘Avengers'”

At this point I think I’m just gonna be a full on DC Hater. From what i gather from nerds, DC is ruling in the comic book world while Marvel is killing it on screen. Lucky fro Marvel, I watch comic book movies, not read them like some nerd. and from the 10 year span Marvel has done a solid job while every DC movie just stinks in comparison. Now they don’t have as many, but they want to set the scale and be up to par with an action packed super hero movie, then I’ll judge it as so. And while Heroic Hollywood wants to defend what Justice League seems to be, I’m here to trash it into the ground. Buckle up cause its about to get Nerdy as Fuuucckkkkkk

6.) Age of Heros

While Batman and Wonder Woman will have had a little more time to shine on the big screen when Justice League comes out, Cyborg, Aquaman and Flash are really all making their big-screen debut here. Wonder Woman calls the time period around Justice League a new “Age of Heroes” during the trailer, and I really want to see that angle pushed. Now that the Marvel Universe is torn apart and the Avengers need to slowly come back together, it falls on DC to show us what a fun superhero team looks like right now.
Under Zack Snyder’s supervision, Superman never struck me as overtly heroic. Hopefully, in his death, he will serve as an inspiring force who pushes others to heroic heights. Batman was visibly jaded throughout most of Batman V Superman, and I’m hoping we will see a Batman in Justice League who pushes others to do what’s right.
Flash is one of my all-time favorite comic book characters and I’m excited to see how they handle him on the big-screen. Barry Allen has always been the team’s hopeful optimist, and I think this movie will see the DC Universe embrace a lighter, more joyous tone going forward. Batman and Wonder Woman will need all the help they can get as they work to assemble a team to defend Earth from the threat posed by Darkseid and his loyal followers.

This is a reason? We “immediately” need a teamed up Super Hero movie? By the time Justice League Rolls around, I’m pretty sure GotG Vol. 2 will roll around on Blu-Ray which would probably be better, if not maybe get Spiderman Homecoming probably around then as well. Oh and Thor who teams up with the Hulk in Thor Ragnarok comes out like the week before JL. How can you say,  a team up super hero action movie is better than the other when the other has already done 2, 2.5 team up movies with a 3rd in the making that has a cast of 64 different unique comic book characters? Marvel tore the team apart so they couldn’t immediately curb stomp Thanos. They’ve been around long enough to build up, tear em down, and build em back up again.

5.) Aquaman

Jason Momoa is the DC cast member I’m most excited to see blossom and grow within the cinematic universe. Momoa, a Hawaiian born actor, said he is excited to blend the character’s origin with some of the water deities associated with his culture. Aquaman is the butt of a lot of jokes, but it’s hard to laugh at him when it’s Momoa’s tough mug staring down at audiences. Momoa has martial arts experience due to his roles in Game of Thrones and Conan, meaning he will have no problem making things look good when Aquaman has to tear through a few enemies.
That isn’t saying there won’t be any comedy for Momoa. My favorite parts of the most recent Justice League trailer feature Momoa cracking jokes and smiling as he and his teammates ready for battle. His cocky attitude is just as fitting (and perhaps annoying for his fellow League members) on the battlefield as it is in the mess hall and I’m excited to see how his teammates react. Batman and Wonder Woman seem hard and serious in the DC cinematic Universe, so it will fall to Momoa to make sure the audience is smiling in the middle of what will likely be a dark and dour movie.

Tell me this guy isn’t holding his breath underwater

Guy might look like a bad ass biker type when he’s on land and all but why the fuck do I care about Aquaman when he’s on land? Guy looks like he’ll choke and drown if I pinch and hold his nose. As an Aquaman, you kinda lose all respect if you can’t breathe underwater. Not to mention Marvel has been kinda hinting at having their water guy Namor being introduced into the MCU as well and I’m not ruling him out for Infinity Wars. But as of now, you can’t have a guy that can’t breath underwater, who plays a king of water, as a reason it’s suppose to be better than a billion dollar franchise. Do better.

4.) Intro to the New Gods

The New Gods are a group of cosmic beings in the DC Universe created by the legendary Jack Kirby.
These New Gods emerged after Ragnarok (the death of the old gods) and quickly developed roles for themselves. All of them originally lived together, but now they have splintered and find themselves living on two separate planets. Highfather leads the people of New Genesis while Darkseid controls the inhabitants of Apokolips as the two groups compete for power and influence across the universe.
Not only are they mythical creatures with magical power, they also belong to technologically advanced societies. Their technology has often bled over into Earth and the presence of the mother box in the Justice League trailers provides a hint that the New Gods will be featured somehow. Rumors even point to Cyborg being integrated with New God technology, making it more likely that they will become key players for the DC cinematic universe soon. Plus, if the Justice League is prepping to take on Darkseid, the New God equivalent to Hades, they are likely going to need the help of Orion, his oldest son and one of the League’s strongest members, to defend Earth.
For people searching for a good entryway into the New Gods, look out for Tom King and Mitch Gerads upcoming Mister Miracle 12-issue series set to debut in August. It was only announced last week and it’s already my most anticipated comic of the year. Hopefully Mister Miracle will make his big-screen debut in future Justice League movies as the battle with Darkseid becomes more established.

From what I gather this means that they introduce aliens with god like strength and it bleeds into earth? So Stark tech mixed with Chitari tech mixed with a little Thor? And all of this is based on rumors instead of what’s been released plot wise? Are you allowed to count hypotheticals as solid reasons? No. I hypothetically could have sex with a billion girls, doesn’t mean my sex count is higher than Gosling.

3.) War between Atlantis and Amazon

It’s already been established that the movie will feature a prologue from the past featuring Atlanteans and Amazonians competing over a mother box lost on Earth, but I hope there is more conflict for these two groups in the future. Both groups consider themselves above the rest of the world and that type of sureness can only be accepted by the other side for so long before they snap and start fighting. It’d also be really cool if we learn that these two groups have been locked in eternal skirmishes and a lot of natural events can be blamed on their conflicts. Imagine if the burning of Pompeii or the sinking of the Titanic weren’t caused by natural disasters but instead by dangers presented whenever the King of Atlantis and Queen of Thymsceria battled.
After the Justice League takes down Darkseid in a future movie, I want to see a movie focusing on a war between Amazonia and Atlantis. Not only will it feature some crazy action sequences that show two distinct, advanced civilizations squaring off, but it will put the team in the middle of an emotional conflict without an obvious moral choice to make. Wonder Woman and Aquaman, who should be the focus of whatever movie finally touches on this conflict, will both have to choose between their old friends/families and their new teammates as they try to dissolve the tension and stop the fighting.

This is all this list is, future events that may or may not happen. Yea if Marvel can pull any story line from their past that will be epic I’m sure they could, but they also gotta worry about making the movie good. Man of Steel stunk, Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice stunk, Suicide Squad was trash. Im sure DC can pump out all they want with a green screen and poorly lit color pallet but I’m siding with the score board here. You want to see 2 advanced civilizations square off? Well I got that. Avengers, Mad war titan Thanos vs one of the best civilizations ever, Humans. We’ve accomplished so much with so little, I’ll never turn my back on Humans.

 

2.) Batman

I know I already briefly mentioned him in this article, but honestly Batman alone is a solid reason to think Justice League could be an amazing movie. In fact, I don’t even think we really need the other League members, we should just have seven Batmen running around.
Throughout his cinematic career Batman has primarily worked alone, but Justice League will finally see him take a leadership position within the superhero community. It doesn’t matter who Batman is fighting against or with, he is always the most dangerous person on the battlefield. For all of Batman V Superman‘s problems, Batman’s fighting abilities were awesome to watch. Seeing him zip away from Superman’s laser or easily take down Luthor’s thugs are things I want to see expanded upon in Justice League. I want to see Batman run fist-first into a group of Parademons and emerge unscratched on the other side. Batman is simultaneously the brains and the brawn, and it will be interesting to watch him slowly develop a team and expand upon his desire to play with others.
He might not be the hero we need, but Batman is always the hero we deserve and I can’t wait to see him kick some alien ass.

The second line of this is basically them saying they dont want a Justice League movie, rather a Batman one. Now I like Batman for the most part. Nolan’s Batman movies are awesome and are top tier comic book movies that I can’t dispute. But man fuck that guy. Always dealing with issues abotu his dead parents. The Martha bit in BvS was honestly a joke that kinda feels like jumped the shark but in the end when you break it down, would you give an ISIS leaders a pass because they shared the same name as your mom? No. And people think Superman was fucking lucky being unstoppable strong and fast with all the power in the world to dominate, well fucking same deal with Batman. They just always end up writing him as the best. Some how he’s fast enough to zip away from a laser at high speeds? He’s always the master of the strategy even though u can plop him in space and oh yea he had a space suit ready just because he’s batman. The Writers made him a cheap fuck and I wont stand for it anymore. He might be the Brain but you can’t say he’s the brawn when he himself technically like a small fraction of Superman’s strength. But oh he invented some thing that made him stronger and had it ready just like that so he can pull it out of his pants pocket. Fuck that guy. Im glad his parents are dead.

1.) Darkseid

A lot of you may think DC is copying Marvel by featuring a giant purple alien as the big baddy in the background, but Thanos is actually a direct copy of Darkseid.
Darkseid is the tyrannous leader of Apokolips, a planet that has been ravaged by war and destruction. He leads an extremely militant society and views everyone as an extension of himself and the state he has world he has built. His control over the dangerous anti-life equation bends people to his will and serves as his most powerful weapon as he tries to expand his reign across the universe. His goal will be achieved only when free will is wiped away from the universe and everyone works for and serves Darkseid’s image.
Darkseid views other deities as a threat and has been known to murder New Gods, Greek Gods and Olympians just to secure his own position. His intense power makes him a huge threat and he has no problem taking Superman down single-handedly. While his uncle Steppenwolf is the main villain in Justice League, played by Game of Thrones alum Ciaran Hinds, expect to see Darkseid plotting in the background as he lays the groundwork for a full-scale invasion of Earth.

You think I give a fuck who was made first or who copied who? Who showed up on screen first and better? Thanos. Let’s just go with what will happen in the cinematic universes, Thanos get’s a glove that can erase the universe from existence. Darkseid is after some thing to bend people’s will? The Mind Gem in the Infinity gauntlet I’m pretty sure can do that alone. Darkseid = Trash. Thanos is better/ he’s being played by Josh Brolin/ Kelly T., a lady who cut my hair once in Boston, also cut Josh Brolin’s hair. Me and Thanos having the same Hairstylist once makes him better alone.

 

Screen Rant: Suicide Squad (**Spoilers**)

 

3072003-suicide-squad-group-posterThis movie stunk. Like not good. It’s not that I hate DC movies, honestly, I could care less. I watch Man of Steel all the time cause Christopher Meloni’s in it and I actually thought Batman vs. Superman was decent and overall fun to watch. I couldn’t watch this with out thinking about how much I hated the characters so I might not even know if the plot is really great but as I write this blog im gonna let that mull over a little too. The trailers certainly sold the movie as the movie brought in a little under a gazillion dollars even though all the critics and for the most part I think the popular consensus was that the movie stunk. When it released opening night it was at a solid 9.2 rating on IMDB. Here we are a week removed and its a very lack luster 6.9 (ni.ce). There are plenty of options out in theaters that are probably better. The new Bourne movie if espionage action movies are your thing, if not War Dogs looks pretty funny and a cool story. If you’ve exhausted your options i guess give Suicide Squad a watch. If you just want to be entertained for over 2 hours go at it. It’s not the worst thing in the world, but it certainly isn’t or shouldn’t be the gold standard of the DC Extended Universe.

Honestly this should be like a netflix series. I hate to compare the two, but there really is no other option. Marvel has their Netflix properties to take care of the low to mid tier villains because it’s unrealistic to have Dare Devil try to fight Loki. You save these scenarios that threaten the Earth for The Avengers. Well why the fuck would you send these criminals to try to save the entire planet when you could just as well assemble the Justice League. Actual “meta-humans” that have the resources and abilities to ward off shit that can obliterate the planet. If they had episodes that show more of each character it would be great but instead we’re given a quick rundown of characters that really have no business fighting crime of this proportion. I don’t want to give too much away in case people do actually want to see it because the marketing works so all I’ll say for now is that i would give it a 6.3/10. Do what you will with that.

As I said earlier a big gripe i had was with the characters. Hated almost all of them for different reasons. So I took some time to sit down and think why I hated their character, but better yet, If we had to really assemble a Suicide Squad, who would we pick? The most hated people to send out to do our bidding risking their lives so if and when all hell breaks loose, we can just blame them.

Amanda Waller1b3dbab0-3afa-0134-b057-0a814d95abff

All things considered, Amanda Waller was a pretty good character. Ruthless bitch. Knows she has a job to do. Now it is her plan to assemble this cast of characters which everyone knows would be a headache to manage, but she’s a woman that doesn’t mind getting her hands dirty. Now I know she herself isn’t a squad member, she’s just the GM, but the GM is just as important. Who would I send in her place? Wendy Williams. Do people hate her? I don’t really know but I assume so. Why? Because of the video of Method Man is chilling getting a hair cut getting all mad at Wendy Williams because she outted Method Man’s wife as a cancer patient. Leave their personal business alone, Wendy you trifling bitch. Oh and as for Oprah? She was apparently actually a choice for the studios to play Amanda Waller and I get probably no one on earth hates her but o wait. Remember the time she said she’d give all KFC customers free chicken? Yea that shit never worked for me so I hate her now. You owe me some free Oprah chicken, you lying bitch.

Captain BoomerangScreen Shot 2016-08-13 at 11.31.40 PM

How can I care about a character that is so god damn useless to the story. What in gods name would be the point of bringing aboard a backstabbing diamond thief on your mission to kill an evil entity? The guy uses a fucking boomerang. A boomerang. Dead fucking technology. Might as well just hire a cast of actors in a Roman war reenactment and just have them throw javelin spears because it would be just as effective except you don’t have to deal with a drunk aussie criminal. Now who would I pick to send in? The Donald. Listen, this list isn’t solely based on resemblance. Sometimes you just gotta send in people you hate. Donald is border line a hate monger at these rallies calling Obama the creator of ISIS. They both just talk to much, shits annoying. Send them in the front lines and let captain boomerang just die. Slick talking and want millions while not giving a fuck is in the way. Send in Trump but rewrite the story to say Captain Boomerang dies because he’s a fucking mortal human with no abilities what so ever.

Slipknot

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When I saw Adam Beach was in this movie I gasped. Kickin wing. Kickin wing Animal doctor who’s suppose to be kicking ass. Guy was involved in one of the most puzzling cases of Law and Order SVU after being arrested for the killing of a fellow police officer. Unfortunately, by the end of the movie, if I polled the entire audience in every single theater across America I guarantee you more than half of them forgot that he was even in this movie. Guy came and went like two ships in the night. Now for the sake of my own enjoyment, I want Alex Jones to be this guy. Fucking annoying with his screaming and conspiracy theories. Kill him off in the first 5 minutes.

Killer Croccropped_alex-rodriguez-mirror.vadapt.955.high.10

Now’s where we get more interesting with characters that should matter. Killer Croc is a great villain. The guy is like part crocodile, you know how badass that is? Some cannibalistic mutant just fucking people up. But now think for a second, what is the most menacing part of a croc. Its teeth. This Killer Croc, used none of that. Instead he was just punching people. How lame is that? Let me see him rip some guys face off. If you’re gonna do a PG-13 movie don’t give me characters that should be a hard R for disturbing violence. You know who else has that type of brute power and is hated among many? Alexander Enmanuel Rodriguez. Give Killer Croc a baseball bat and meatball and I guarantee you he’s rounding home in an instant. With his character flaw of looking ugly as fuck, He’s always talking about how beautiful he is and attractive to cope with it. You know who else thinks of them self as beautiful? The guy in the original photo above who is kissing himself in the fucking mirror. Who else is half man and half beast other than Arod who is a man centaur  Oh yea and the whole “Killer Croc is a cannibal” thing, remember when Arod brought a cooler with his own food to a fancy restaurant for them to heat up? Hmmmmm……

EnchantressScreen Shot 2016-08-14 at 12.39.53 AM

Yo June Moon the archeologist fucking suuuucckkked at her job. Went exploring and fell down a fucking hole. Now if you were making some great exploration tell me, do you preserve everything as is and document all your findings or do you pick up some jinxed idol, break it, and release a 7000 year old witch lady that will posses your body? Sucks you never saw the full grasp of her powers too. you saw her like teleport but she’s got to be able to do more with all her powers and shit right? Now this pick is one that’s purely in the news that made my brain go to her but you just have to send in Hope Solo. No one likes her right? Choked in the Rio Olympics like June Moon Choked at not falling down a hole. Bending and contorting all weird and shit and you know what? Since Hope’s nudes were released, I can confidently say she probably shares a similar looking vagina to the 7 millennia years old Enchantress.

KatanaScreen Shot 2016-08-14 at 10.36.34 AM

Has a character that’s suppose to be so bad ass been as non nonchalantly introduced into a movie like Katana? I mean I know Flag gives the exposition of she has a sword that steals souls or whatever, but she literally just shows up on a plane and he says “This is Katana” and moves on. You see none of the described sword’s real powers because it was shot in the dark and so fast and what ever they did show int he trailer got cut in final production. And even though many people still think its bad ass the whole samurai master of the sword look is, the fact still remains that swords are dead technology. .45 caliber bullets are stronger and more devastating and faster. For the sake of the story though, you learn that Katana is a revengeful girl with that sword hacking away at her husband’s killer. You know who else is spite-filled bitch with a blade? Laurena Bobbitt. Talk about one of the more revered and heinous crimes in American history. She’s top of the list as the new groups Katana. Who else would be a great fit? Amy Fisher and Tonya Harding. Tonya Harding certainly has the hate brewing in her heart but she wasn’t the one carrying out the act of smashing a girls femur in half so I can only give her half credit. Amy Fisher on the other hand was ready to double tap Mary Jo in the back of the head. Not to mention, In my head Katana’s husband can be some auto body shop owner in japan doing oil changes on GTRs like he’s the Tokyo Joey Buttafuoco.

Rick Flag

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Rick Flag was just bland as fuck but you hate him because he was just an uptight asshole. So unprofessional of him to fall in love with a demon witch lady. Nothing likeable about him one bit. With held info from the team and shit using his authority to make the crew of mass murderers feel like they’re below him with their lives dangling in the palm of his hand. Such a dick move. You know who else was hated by everyone who can shoot though? Christian Laettner. Rick Flag was the only main character who wasn’t a villain. Christian Laettner was the only one who was a college athlete in the 92 Dream Team. Rick Flag is Christian Laettner of the Suicide Squad. Privileged good looking white guy who bullies the rest of them and still a bad ass special forces guy.

El Diablo

diablo-2

I fucking hated this guy. All the powers in the world that he can control for his entire life yet when all hell breaks loose he just chills back not doing a fucking thing. All because he killed his wife and kids? And another thing i can’t stand about these Mexican LA gang banger types is they always give some deep talk saying “I loved my wife, she was my everything but i killed her.” Hey guy, that’s some dumb ass logic. And what the fuck was her deal? Why on earth would you marry someone that can create flames out of no where and still think he’s a good guy? His name is El Diablo you dumbie. Its madness. Fuck this guy for not doing shit till the very end and also for killing his wife. But you know who else people hate and also killed a lover of theirs? Oscar Pistorius. You want a bad guy with a cool nickname like El Diablo? Well his is Blade Runner. Or you can pick almost all top level LA gang member and it would probably be the same. Hate this guy.

Harley Quinn

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I don’t have much of an issue with Harley Quinn, they just didn’t explain her story like at all. This is where a Harley Quinn in a Netflix series would be great to build up the character and how she got involved with the joker. Instead they just kinda glossed over the foundation of their relationship and then made the Joker continually tried to get her back in 3 minute increments spread through the movie for a combined 15 minutes of air time from the Joker. Absurd, but I digress. You know who’s a LUNATIC that has the body to portray Harley Quinn? Tila fuckin Tequila. That bitch is a psycho. One minute she’s internet famous for reasons I don’t know, the next shes on MTV with her own show and now you scroll through her Twitter timeline and shes a bonafide Nazi KKK lunatic.  Sure Harley wasn’t going around specifically beating up non whites in the movie, but if we’re talking about a psycho with out any inhibitions regarding smashing someones head in with a baseball bat, it’s Tila Tequila.

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Deadshot. Again, another person that’s suppose to be the most ruthless scum of the earth when really he’s a glorified contract killer that cares nothing more than the well fare of his daughter. The thing that bugs me is if you’re that good, you can somehow parlay your way into some military contract worth millions doing shit like Blackwater security stuff. Decorated sniper with a whole movie motion picture deal with tons of money in royalties type of guy. Anyways, when you see Deadshot get his hands on the artillery for the first time it’s like a homeless man getting thrown into a thanksgiving dinner. Just an all out assault. You know who else would love that kind of weaponry? Kevin Garnett. I guess some of the DC universe people are suppose to hate Deadshot, and regardless, tons of people hate KG too and you know he’s a ready to go to war type of guy. I mean you can just picture them both sitting in the house, loading up the pump. Loading up the Uzi. Got a couple M-16s, couple nines. Got a couple joints with some silencers on em. They’re both just loadin up clips. Got a couple grenades, couple missile launchers, with, you know, a couple missiles. They’re just ready for war…..Oh and they both like to talk slick and shit telling people their wives taste like Honey Nut Cheerios and shit.

Well there you have it! a crew of some of the most hated people you can blame anything on but in the off chance you need them to save Midway city, they might have a chance even though none of them are really anything special besides Diable even though Oscar Pistorious doesn’t have real legs. Moving on!

IMDB Commenters Screen Shot 2016-08-15 at 1.27.44 PMIm gonna play on the DC side for a second and give them the benefit of the doubt. Superman in theory can die if in the time line, the government learns of the power of Kryptonite, fashions a jacketed kryptonite bullet, fired out of a high powered assault rifle, then Deadshot can in theory kill Superman. Captain boomerang with a kyrptonite Boomerang? Harley Quinn with a kryptonite baseball bat that she swings at Supermans face while he’s distracted from staring at her tits. Diablo and his gang of cholo’s decide to change their gang colors from what ever their Hillside gang is to just the right shade of green might even be menacing enough to scare the pants off of that sissy boy Superman.

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If this is the case then DC has a strong hand over Marvel. It’s 2016 where gays are hot in the streets so that would be a big win for the studios.

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Hey Menthol_Rock_n_Roll, describing a guy as creepy hot is pretty much an oxymoron. Like there are no social pariah hot sluts out there. If a guy is creepy he’s creepy, if he’s hot, he’s hot. If the two some how come together then you have a sociopath, which to the joker and Jared Leto’s credit, might be a good thing, but you should also check your self in to therapy.

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Im just gonna use this post as a shout out out Lita, Trish Stratus, and any of those cruiser weight high flying Wrestlers for perfecting the Huracanrana/Head scissor takedown move as it has become a staple move for girls like Black Widow and Harley Quinn. If I had to give credit to one it would be to Lita, because she use to do that shit alot and also because i like how she pulled her thong all the way up above her pants.

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See! Freeze-well gets it! He probably read this blog even though i haven’t even pressed Publish yet.

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Straight up Hokey stuff, no doubt.

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See the thing about black guys is they’re all street smart and usually keep their cool. The Joker is a white mans game because white people do delusional type crimes. Plus if a black guy does white face, that’s offensive. No way a studio that didn’t have the balls to make a supposed “dark” movie rated R is going to make a black guy go white face.

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Why on earth would they have a sequel using a team of average joes when they’re gearing up to make the Justice League?

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Buffalo_carrot might be onto something here. Batman doesn’t square off. In fact he usually takes people out while their not looking. Kinda like when you shoot someone in the back because you don’t have the balls to kill him face to face.

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Pretty decent compromise if it can ease tension between a former axis power.

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There were two great post about the IMDB rating being at 6.9. The beauty of it was the thread that proceeded had no mention of a 69 joke what so ever. You know? like the sexual position where you both eat each other out? See the tail end on the “6” and “9” represent our genitalia where the other portion of the number represents our head, thus making it symbolize us giving each other oral sex. Flew right past all the DC comic book nerd’s head with that one.

 

DC Nerds Petitioned (and failed) To Take Down Rotten Tomatoes Because The Aggregate Website Gave Suicide Squad Bad Reviews

If you look up the ratings on Rotten Tomatoes for the DCEU, prepare yourself. Really, it’s not all that pretty. All of the films rank well under 60% to clinch a ‘rotten rating’ with Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice sitting at 27%. Even the much-anticipated Suicide Squad has earned at 34% rating, and frankly, fans are fed up with the site’s reporting. In fact, they’re so fed up that they’ve started a petition to make Rotten Tomatoes shut down. With just 413, the petition has one goal in mind: get rid of Rotten Tomatoes. Hosted by change.org, the petition’s description sums up its mission succinctly: “We need this site to be shut down because It's Critics always give The DC Extended Universe movies unjust Bad Reviews, Like 1- Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice 2016 [,] 2- Suicide Squad 2016 and that Affects people's opinion even if it's a really great movies.” Should you scroll down to read comments left on the petition, fans have flooded them with their sympathetic views. Many agree the site does offer biased reviews for DC’ films and think it's pathetic that people would try to intentionally make the studio's cinematic universe fail. Other fans reference Marvel Studios and their films’ higher ratings, insisting the difference is due to Hollywood’s double-standards. However, it looks as if some of these fans aren't quite sure of how Rotten Tomatoes work. As the website only aggregates externally published reviews to create its ratings, Rotten Tomatoes doesn’t actually award frivolous reviews on their own. To put it simply, the just do the math based on other outsourced reviews. But, of course, there are fan who’re accusing the site of selectively collecting certain reviews that further their ‘diabolical’ plot to ruin the DCEU. Many movie-goers, however, usually just ignore the site’s critical ratings and only care about the film's audience score. As that specific ranking is created by fans’ reviews, the rating is a more approachable number to digest. And, if you look at the DCEU's audience scores, fans can see their films all have ratings at or above 65%. So, hey - that's awesome!

Comicbook- If you look up the ratings on Rotten Tomatoes for the DCEU, prepare yourself. Really, it’s not all that pretty. All of the films rank well under 60% to clinch a ‘rotten rating’ with Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice sitting at 27%. Even the much-anticipated Suicide Squad has earned at 34% rating, and frankly, fans are fed up with the site’s reporting. In fact, they’re so fed up that they’ve started a petition to make Rotten Tomatoes shut down.
With just 413, the petition has one goal in mind: get rid of Rotten Tomatoes. Hosted by change.org, the petition’s description sums up its mission succinctly: “We need this site to be shut down because It’s Critics always give The DC Extended Universe movies unjust Bad Reviews, Like 1- Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice 2016 [,] 2- Suicide Squad 2016 and that Affects people’s opinion even if it’s a really great movies.”
Should you scroll down to read comments left on the petition, fans have flooded them with their sympathetic views. Many agree the site does offer biased reviews for DC’ films and think it’s pathetic that people would try to intentionally make the studio’s cinematic universe fail. Other fans reference Marvel Studios and their films’ higher ratings, insisting the difference is due to Hollywood’s double-standards.
However, it looks as if some of these fans aren’t quite sure of how Rotten Tomatoes work. As the website only aggregates externally published reviews to create its ratings, Rotten Tomatoes doesn’t actually award frivolous reviews on their own. To put it simply, the just do the math based on other outsourced reviews. But, of course, there are fan who’re accusing the site of selectively collecting certain reviews that further their ‘diabolical’ plot to ruin the DCEU.
Many movie-goers, however, usually just ignore the site’s critical ratings and only care about the film’s audience score. As that specific ranking is created by fans’ reviews, the rating is a more approachable number to digest. And, if you look at the DCEU’s audience scores, fans can see their films all have ratings at or above 65%. So, hey – that’s awesome!

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So sad for DC fan boys. They’re like the hockey fans who are just begging people to like their sport. They were hell bent on making sure people knew Suicide Squad was going to be the best comic book movie after Batman V. Superman got a steamy hot dump on from critics. Now listen, i didn’t hate Batman v. Superman. It was for the most part entertaining for a summer action flick. And I don’t think Suicide Squad is that bad either for a normal every day viewer. I just don’t know what it is though, Marvel just seems to have their world much more relatable and has such a clean modern look. They do action scenes in the bright of day instead of this constant use of crime fighting at night where things are poorly lit and just doesn’t look that great visually. I don’t know, it’s just a harder world to sell and that’s the thing. Marvel took like 6 years and 6 movies to explain the background on all the main characters. DC is doing it in 3 years over like 3 movies. I’m no pro critic but that seems rushed.

Like I said, I’ll watch it and probably have a fun time watching Margot Robbie Bash people’s skulls in like a lunatic and Will Smith dropping killer one liners. It just sucks because I’m embedded in this internet world where I’ll have to sift through the nonsense DC fanboys will litter the web with going back and forth with Marvel People. It’s to the point where I wish there were real superheros out here in the world. Not because i need them to fight terrorism, violence, and evil polluting the world, but because I need them to just fight each other so we can get a definitive answer on who’s better. And what kills me inside is Superman can literally come crash landing from Krypton into the middle of Florida and we can just dose a human in radioactive gamma rays until he becomes The Hulk and make them fight. Once one guy loses their fan boys will just say “No way! This or that isn’t canon!” or “He didn’t have prep time, if they had the adequate prep time he would stomp!” They’re the worst.

Screen Rant: “Captain America: Civil War”

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Trying to bring another weekly segment for all you who just can’t get enough of Ed Lee’s stupid opinions in life. At one point in my life i actually wanted to go to school for Film but didn’t because I hate all those artsy hipster types and hated everyone in film school who took film and obviously casted themselves in a short film where there’s a scene with them in bed with a girl. Happens all the time. So I have no expertise in film, i just know i like being entertained, but this segment isn’t even necessarily a review on movies. Im not trying to be Roger Ebert here besides the fact that he loved Steak n’ Shake. Im here just to talk about a film weekly, in theaters or not, the way you and you’re friends talk about film. All this is, is a ranting about movies. This will contain spoilers. Enjoy.

Well here we are folks, we have officially entered Summer blockbuster season in the world of cinema and with Captain America Civil War being out, I took the time to go watch.  Overall grade, a solid 8.9. Its a banger of a marvel film/comic book film/action film. It’s got everything i need from some mild humor, believable action, star loaded cast etc. Now im not a comic book person but i have taken an interest in movies from the MCU and DCEU. I don’t quite want to be THAT person but Marvel and the MCU just takes a dump all over DCEU’s stuff. Batman v. Superman I wanted like so much. I told myself that everyone hated it so much that I was just going to force myself to love it, and while i did think some parts weren’t THAT bad, I’d over all just give that a 6.9 (ni.ce) maybe a 7. If those DC nerds jump on your throat tell em to send em my way.

Now obviously if you haven’t gotten the memo, Captain America: Civil War is based on the comic book cross over of Marvel: Civil War. When the 1st trailer came around i decided i wanted to delve into this shit and i read Civil war and im gonna be honest. I could care less about the differences between the two. If anyone follows that @GeeksandCleats chick, along with the other assortment of people who want to slam on the MCU, on twitter you’ll hear her rambling saying “If they’re gonna do civil war, it should be CIVIL WAR!” That type of thinking is just dumb. Their argument is directed to the now famous airport scene in this movie where both sides line up and charge head to head where it should look like a comics splash page like this:wallpaper-civil-war-face-off-the-marvel-comic-wallpapers-wallpaper-310487

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Yea don’t get me wrong, I get that there’s a huge difference, but the simple fact of the matter is they don’t have the rights to most of those characters and since the MCU at this point is one on going series, do these idiots on twitter REALLY think it would be reasonable to out of no where add like 500 different comic book heros? fucking no. The movie industry is a business in the end and one that’s keeping the comic book industry alive probably. You think i give 2 shits to READ about Tony Stark and Steve Rodgers being mad at each other over 20 different comics? No. Throw it in an action packed movie in an air conditioned theater with reclining seats however, and all of a sudden i decided to actually read some of the comics (illegal download so they don’t see any of that money but tevs.) But after reading the comics, that version kinda stinks. Captain America just gives up all of a sudden because he realizes he was gonna murder the shit out of Iron Man when the world likes Iron Man because he was a face they could trust because he was willing to give into the demands of the people. All in all movies holds up and entertains way more than the comics. I give it a solid 8. Now onto things that no one else is talking about in the movie….

Women Were The Cause Of This Mess.

Women, I tell ya. Can’t live with em, can’t live with out em. Now did Captain America and Tony Stark have a budding rivalry since they met in the Avengers? Yes. But lets turn to the each sides respective captains and the booty that blinds them. First we got Captain and his legacy of Carter women he wants to run through.MmtsLrY

Listen not all of us are bona fide studs growing up. Some kids are a bit nerdy, maybe too dumb or what have you. Steve Rodgers was a a tiny little shrimp who wear his own weight in clothing. 5’4″ 95 pounds of nothing but heart is respectable but that alone didn’t get you laid in the 1940’s. They wanted soldiers with guns, muscles, and big dicks. No chance a woman besides his mother ever gave Steve any attention. Next thing you know he’s in Camp Lehigh with a Agent Carter batting eye lashes at you with sexual red lipstick eye fucking your scrawny ass. Those moments in life when you think you first get the change to get your dick wet are memorable ones. And you know who else makes a memorable moment? The one that got away. You know you were one move away from taking down your white whale. Like you’re one corner away from finding the elusive snow leopard. Those moments in life were taken by Peggy Carter. That chick lives on a pedestal in Cap’s mind and if it wasn’t for the fact that her bones were about as fragile as paper thin glass, he would fuck her nearly dead lifeless body as long as she could still breathe with or with out a life support system. She’s that impressionable in his mind and probably even more since that super soldier serum multiplies things. So he already has a compound affect of being booty blinded by just one girl.

Couple decades later after spending time frozen in snow with no pussy to show for it, this hot young blonde moves in next door and finds out shes actually a sleeper agent set up to spy on you so you know shes seen his whole super soldier deal. She wants it. You know it, she knows it, the whole Marvel Cinematic Universe knows it. So when life takes away the one pussy you’ve wanted your entire 98 years of existence and you find out the girl next door who is dtf and related to the same chick from the 40s. You have to fuck her no matter the games she plays. It’s like 3 movie chick cliches, The first love, the one that got away, and the girl next door wrapped into one hot blonde, you gotta do what you can to nail that chick even if it means letting her influence your decision that can risk the lives of every single person on earth and can mean your immediate detainment.

We all know where ever Steve goes Falcon goes with. Literally need to convince one person to sign the treaty and The Avengers can be whole again, fighting crime with the world behind them because the people have a say in what the people want when it comes to letting superheros entering your land and turning it into an active war zone, but no, it couldn’t be that simple all because of Sharon Carter and her stupid eulogy and antiquated quote from her grandma who, at the time, had to fight for woman’s rights in the world in a completely different era that operates different from our modern times. Even in Winter Soldier Peggy admits the world has changed and that they should start over with things. But that’s what happens when you’re booty blinded man. You try to do what ever it you can to get that booty, the only difference is for any regular man it doesn’t mean tearing apart a team that’s been used to save the world from eminent death.

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(I don’t know what this is from or if its just photo-shopped but whatever)

The Carter women aren’t the only one fucking with men and the lively hood of billions who need saving in times of chaos. Fucking Pepper Potts takes some blame here too. So spoiler alert, you find out that her and Tony are on a little break because she can’t handle Tony’s hobby/career. Listen its one thing if you’re boyfriend is a drug addict and just can’t drop the habit of using, another thing if your boo is some war criminal murdering millions. But Pepper Potts is literally asking her man to stop creating technology that can change the human life for the better as well as stop fighting not just petty crimes, but crimes and danger that can risk the end of the world. Everyone knows you need a smart guy in your crew and when the stakes are that high risking millions of lives, he needs to be a genius and Pepper is literally trying to take that away from the Avengers. Thor is a Norse god and a sexual Adonis but all he knows to do is hit things with a hammer, he ain’t gonna lead the crew out of sticky situations. Sure Black Widow and Bruce Banner can figure their way around the computer but one is a devious bitch who you can still shoot in the face and the other is lost at sea and according to the next Thor movie, will be in another planet in a different galaxy so that wont help either. One would think a fortunate girl like Pepper would appreciate Tony for giving her a job title that made her a coffee fetcher into the worlds most successful and powerful woman. A little confidence and support in her man would kinda be appreciated, Pepper, but instead she’s gonna make you work less hours and tear apart The Avengers. Women I tell ya. Can’t live with them, can’t live without them.

Movie Technology That Needs To Be Real:  The Self Cooking Hot Dog

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So in Stark’s introduction into the movie, it shows Stark showing off some pretty cool and stylish binary augmented retro-framing sunglasses that apparently hijacks the hippocampus region of the brain to clear traumatic memories in people, we come across a little gem of a technology that the real world needs to invent, and that’s the self cooking hot dog. Now when the dean or principle brings up inventing this type of technology he mentions loading up a hot dog with some sort of chemical detonator but then was rudely cut off from explaining how this genius idea would work. Listen hot dogs are the type of food you don’t want to think about, just eat. Sure in the back of your mind you know its probably made from a pigs asshole and meat sections they would probably feed to zoo animals but you don’t care because it’s delicious. Knowing that, you’re probably okay with eating a little chemical detonator if it means a nice toasty brat ready to eat merely seconds after pulling it from the fridge. No one wants the hassle of turning on a grill or boiling a pot of water just to make a hot dog. Instead, I picture it being like one of those hot emergency hand warmers or like cracking a glow stick to make it glow. I’m sure there’s some science out there that can make it happen and once its found its a million dollar idea. Someone tell Hillshire or Kraft to get this idea to their R&D department asap.

Bonus Round Hot Take: Is Ant-man a member of ISIS or any other terrorist group?

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San Quentin State Prison is a maximum security prison right? Probably a couple or lower level terrorist in there roped up in the same section as Scott Lang. After spending a couple months locked away from the free society I wouldn’t be surprised is Lang converted to radical Islam and got told to carry out orders to destroy those Jesus loving Avengers in the name of Allah even if it means self sacrifice. Doesn’t once think about his family or the legacy he leaves behind before his sarcastic happy going ass decides to turn into Giant Man. Just a reckless move all around. Hydra might’ve been the problems of the 1940’s to 2015 but all that finally got put to end after Sokovia. The next threat on humanity in 2016 is ISIS and I’m not so sure Ant Man isn’t one of them. Screen Shot 2016-05-31 at 7.26.46 PM

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After After Credit Bonus: Peggy Carter/ Hayley Atwell has BOMBS28faa3a9f9066ee978d1033da8c04050 a4e875798556ae25862cd076b5696a05 maxresdefault Screen Shot 2016-05-31 at 7.43.25 PM tumblr_nl2i6fttEK1qaho1po3_250 tumblr_ntao8rZGSw1s6qwwxo1_540