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The Panthers Reveal Their New Logo And Sweaters: Beautiful Things Don’t Beg For Attention

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Im just going to jump right in with the score. Its an A. Maybe not an A+ because we haven’t seen them in action just yet but rest assure its an A. I hate literally EVERYONE saying they hate it for what ever reason they have. Look I dont hate the old logo, they just look so dated. Will be fun to wear that in like a throw back game or something, but make no mistake about it, those things look and belong in the 1990’s. I’ve said it in an earlier post, that they just screamed 90’s expansion team. All the people calling for the front office’s head asking to bring back the old leaping cat because its more intimidating need to get with the times. They just want hard hitting and loud brash logos. All of those things are all bark and bite but this isn’t a dog fight, its hockey. A game that’s now speed and possession driven with data to support right decisions. So lets address all the pros and cons one by one starting with the Cons just to shoot down all your silly notions.

CONS

1.) The Leaping Cat Was More Intimidating!

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Of the 30 NHL clubs which logo can you actually say is intimidating? Panthers pre-last Thursday I guess you can say looks intimidating although you can argue that the cat is leaping to give you a hug. Other than that, Minnesota, Nashville, and San Jose I would say are the other 3 “most intimidating” logos. Minnesota is almost in 100% agreement that they were better as the North Stars. Nothing intimidating about the letter “N” and nothing intimidating about a forest scenery embedded in an animal skull.  Nashville? I guess I would be afraid of a Saber tooth tiger if evolution and natural events didn’t wipe them off the face of the earth, but then again I would realize it has the largest over bite in the world and can’t actually eat me. So intimidation factor? 0%. San Jose Sharks? In the past few years they’ve been a bit of a Washington Capitals and blowing up from underneath when they look poised to win the Stanley Cup. They’re 1-3 now facing elimination on Friday for a chance to lose in their first Cup Finals. Congrats, but not intimidating. The fucking Penguins logo is a happy Skating Penguin and their about to claim another cup. So really intimidation logos can GTFO of my face. You know whats intimidating? Knowing guys like Ovi can fire a rocket from the top circle into the goal. That you can go up 3 nothing in the 3rd but guys like Toews, Crosby, Tavares can laugh that off and find a way to win. Thats what’s intimidating. The Red Wings have a tire with wings on it. Literally two of the most random object pairings a brain can think of and they’re still intimidating. Having the leaping cat as some type of intimidation factor is a joke when we’ve made the playoffs 5 times. That shit wasn’t intimidating no one.

Bonus Round Religious Intimidation Logo- NJ Devils. Not even the most god fearing nun is afraid of the devils right now.

2.) They Look Like International Jerseys! Like Finland or Czech or Russian Jerseys!

I guess people might have somewhat of a point here. I guess they do kinda look like Finland or Czech Olympic jerseys but you say that as if its a problem which it isn’t and if you disagree there are two guys I’d like you to meet that’ll change you’re mind.barkov___finland Jagr_Czech1

Do you have something bad to say about international looking jerseys still? I think not.

P.s- I remember towards the end of last season I saw a beautiful European girl at the BB&T wearing a Suomi Barkov jersey and I nearly wanted to rip it right off her back. Yea it would’ve been sexual assault but but I also would need to make the mug shot of me desperately trying to squeeze into a Barkov Suomi jersey as my profile picture for all social media platforms.

3.) They Look Like Soccer Jerseys! Welcome To Panthers F.C.!

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Google Soccer jerseys or Futbol “kits” and try to find me a jersey that looks like the new sweaters. Oh wait you can’t because these are two different sports with entirely different jersey types. Honestly its one of the more absurd comments I’ve heard. Now I assume when people say that they mean to say the logo itself looks like a soccer logo. Why? because its some shield or crest shape logo?  If anything I’d argue that a shield/crest logo is the highest forms of logos. They command respect. No one has ever said “Oh man those Rangers home whites look terrible with their logo!” because they all know it would be lying.  I also saw someone say that they remind them immediately of F.C. Dallas logo. Bro there’s no chance in hell you thought of some random MLS logo. Liars.

4.) Our New Logo Is Nala From The Lion King!12991116_1771066346468521_1684550524035650323_n

Uhh was this suppose to be a bad thing? Nala, that bitch was regal as fuck. Who is a man with out his woman to support him? Who is Simba with out Nala? A virgin ass lion who betrayed his land and cowered away from his position as the King because he was dumb enough to fall for evil uncle’s tricks. Oh and kind of a race trader for befriending a warthog and a meerkat, but its 2016 so that’s progressive. He shamed his father until Nala helped convince him to beat that asshole Scar up. Nala was the backbone to Simba and the main reason Pride Rock was Jumpin once Scar died. Not to mention everyone knows the female lions do most of the hunting.

P.s- If the Thrashers were still a thing it would be kinda funny if they had a logo redesign that looked like Zazu, mostly because Zazu is a funny name that makes me giggle.

5.) They Look Like The Jags New Logo!

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Not gonna lie, this one hurts, but like the Jags, we’re both young teams compared to the rest of the league and filled with years of disappointment. Also like the Jags, I’m pretty sure they wanted to change to reflect dumping away the older years and bring in something modern with new personnel and try to win. For them it was Blake Bortles (UCF stand up) for us, it was Barkov, Huberdeau, Ekblad, Luongo, Jagr with Tallon heading it all and Gallant coaching the shit. So the difference is we should be showing them how to do it up.

6.) It Looks Like A Cougar or Mountain lion, not a Panther!

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Hey did you dummies flunk Biology?  Cougars and mountain lions are the same! Cougars, Mountain Lions, and Panthers, even the Florida versions! Genus: Puma Species: P. Concolor. Did Vinnie Viola get it wrong? No. You guys just don’t understand Latin and the concept of taxonomy. It’s now a subspecies that is hardly even recognized by scientist so I don’t expect artist to make a rendering that provides distinct biological differences when scientist don’t even recognize differences. Not to mention with Vinnie Viola under the helm, be lucky he didn’t just change the name entirely to some branch of the Military because given the option I bet he would.

P.s- You see the rounded ears bit? This new logo is more anatomically correct than the old one.

PROS

That should cover all the complaints I’ve seen around the web. For all I know this might just be the vocal minority but either way i just squashed their silly opinions. On to the pro’s and just general changes.

1.) Clean AF

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This might just be because Ekblad is the team model and everyone knows Riley Smith crushes pussy but those are clean and sexy as fuck. Simple. Bold. Regal. It might be one thing to judge the logo itself on a plain navy blue background but those things on body and in motion look awesome. The red is so bright. The white I think will look clean on the ice. A touch of navy blue to make all the others pop and one thing I’ve never liked on the old jersey was the yellow. Just the word right now seems unappealing. “Yellow.” It reminds me of macaroni and cheese or some nacho cheese color and that was all over the old sweaters. This did away with that. Now legit Gold and the right amount to not over take the red or white. There’s less going on now. You can say the leaping cat looked more intimidating all you want but if you stare right into the eyes and mouth, something about it always looked robotic. This one looks noble and serious as should be the direction the team is moving towards.

2.) Logo crest

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A huge talk about the logo was that it was based on the 101 Airbourne division. Now obviously they’re shapped different but the other one would’ve looked too much like the Rangers logo. We’re talking strictly NHL, no team has a logo like this. And c’mon its based off of the Division that helped win WWII. South Florida should appreciate it along with the rest of Florida, the entire United States, Normandy France, and all the other allies in combat. If you don’t you’re kind of being a bit of a terrorist/nazi.

3.) Shoulder Logo

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Now you could not find a bigger proponent of the old shoulder logo the cats were rocking than me. I loves the Palm tree and hockey stick. Loved it more than the main logo itself. It said everything that the North wanted. Sunshine and hockey. You think these millionaire athletes want to spend a majority of their time in the frigid north? Definitely not. There’s a reason why almost half of the license plates at BB&T at from Quebec when you go to a Panthers game.  Do I miss it? Yes, absolutely but do I hate these new ones? Absolutely no. Technically when it comes to success there are 3 California teams that can boast about Palm trees and hockey, and winning hockey none the less. I like the homage to the old logo with the sun logo in the center. Aside from that though I like the state flag patch. Its a great touch. When you think of Florida you don’t think of the Tampa, You think of Miami and the south with beaches and stuff. Don’t even know if schools teach that seal to kids in places outside of the southern region. Central Florida is all Disney, Gainesville is Gators football, and Tallahassee is the place you hope to go to collect lottery winnings and until only recently, football. They’re all random parts. South Florida is what that flag represents (ignore St. Augustine) and once the wheels on the Lightning fall off, we should be the name people think of when you say Florida hockey.

4.) Captaincy Patch

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Now i don’t know if they’re gonna do away with the “C.” If so that’ll be pretty big. But like the rest of the military theme, This kinda fits that. Its really different but I don’t hate it either. You know who else does something weird with the Captain’s C? The Red Wings. They want to be different and have it on a different side? Fine. We’re going to wear it on the sleeve like its a ranking in the military. Its more than a hockey game now. Its combat.

5.) Laces

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Love laces. No idea why but the concept of laces on hockey sweaters just go together. Hated that we never had laces, but honestly I don’t know if they would’ve worked well with the other ones. Enjoy the red and white ones too, when the reds are crisscrossed they kinda have a Florida flag look. Do any other teams have that? No, we’re special so embrace that.

 

So there you have it. New sweaters, new team, new year. I get everyone missing the old jerseys but they’re gone and probably won’t come back. I don’t know how you can read all of this and still think the new look isn’t awesome. Combine that with what Vinnie was going for with the new look and it gets my blood flowing for the next season.

“The idea when we came into Florida and took responsibility for the stewardship of the franchise, was to start anew and create traditions that were unique to this new start,” Panthers Chairman, Owner & Governor Vincent Viola said. “I think the logo harkens to the vanguard of courage; the idea that you put a shield on the hockey uniform. It’s something to protect, but you also protect it. We wanted something that began a new tradition of winning and demonstrated courage and selfless dedication to a team pursuit of victory.”

Beautiful. I honestly think now more teams should try to strive to have a shield logo. The old look was attached to memories of losing and never getting far and teams just falling so far from the goal. This new one should usher in new memories of winning.

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Need to have a sit down with Mr. Viola to discuss getting rid of Victor E. Rat. Hate that motherfucker and he’s a joke to keep around. I have you in my cross hairs

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Bold Move From This Guy Trying To Get A Loan So He Could Buy Some Meth.

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TSG- A South Carolina man was arrested yesterday after applying for a loan so that he could purchase methamphetamine, investigators allege. According to a police report, Grady Carson, 58, went to a Carolina Title Loans office in Spartanburg to secure a loan against his automobile. According to its web site, the loan company provides “fast cash to deal with an unexpected expense” and charges interest rates that begin at 96 percent. A Carolina Title Loans employee told cops that Carson--who was pacing as he filled out paperwork--told her he "needed the money to purchase meth." Since her manager was at another store, the worker “faxed a help letter” to the second employee, who contacted cops. When officers arrived at the loan business, Carson was handcuffed and a search of his pockets turned up “a glass container with a off white rock like substance inside.” Carson, cops noted, “stated it was cocaine but he was not going to smoke it because he did meth.” Carson, seen above, was charged with narcotics possession and booked into the county jail. He was released from custody around 4:40 AM today.

TSG- A South Carolina man was arrested yesterday after applying for a loan so that he could purchase methamphetamine, investigators allege.
According to a police report, Grady Carson, 58, went to a Carolina Title Loans office in Spartanburg to secure a loan against his automobile. According to its web site, the loan company provides “fast cash to deal with an unexpected expense” and charges interest rates that begin at 96 percent.
A Carolina Title Loans employee told cops that Carson–who was pacing as he filled out paperwork–told her he “needed the money to purchase meth.”
Since her manager was at another store, the worker “faxed a help letter” to the second employee, who contacted cops.
When officers arrived at the loan business, Carson was handcuffed and a search of his pockets turned up “a glass container with a off white rock like substance inside.” Carson, cops noted, “stated it was cocaine but he was not going to smoke it because he did meth.”
Carson, seen above, was charged with narcotics possession and booked into the county jail. He was released from custody around 4:40 AM today.

I believe any financial adviser would tell you not to invest a large portion of your money on a start up. You just don’t want the personal risk when a bank loan within reason can cover that for you. Well the same kind of deal should apply when it comes to trying intravenous drugs. Sure maybe you’d feel a lot safer spending money from your savings to buy multiple strains of weed but there’s not as big of a financial risk as all weed should for the most part get you high with out you spazzing out when you’re coming down from your high. I mean from the banks perspective should you be loaning money out to people who are probably looking to buy enough crystal meth to die without paying back the loan? No. But you got to at least tip your cap to the man for making a wise financial decision while his brain is thinking through a cloud of addiction.

Hey If You’re Walking Around And Going To Church Concerts With A $6 Million Dollar Diamond Encrusted Gold Eagle Statue, You Probably Shouldn’t Tell People You Have It In Your Backpack

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NEWSER) – An 18-pound, solid-gold eagle statue adorned with 763 diamonds and a massive emerald recovered from a 17th-century shipwreck has been stolen—but it wasn't exactly a Mission: Impossible-esque heist. Owner Ron Shore says he had the "Maltese Eagle," apparently worth somewhere between $5 million and $9 million, near Vancouver, BC, on Sunday. A man tells CTV that Shore bragged that the valuable piece—which had just been on display at an art exhibit—was in his backpack while attending a church concert. Witnesses later saw two men beat Shore on the street before grabbing his backpack. Shore then tried to hang on to the assailants' vehicle, reports the National Post. "I struggled as hard as I could and yet wasn't able to prevent the robbery," Shore tells CBC News, adding a security guard was present. He was treated at a hospital and released. Police are saying little about the incident other than they are trying to "establish exactly what happened" and get descriptions of the assailants. Shore says he mortgaged his house to commission the statue years ago after his sister-in-law died of breast cancer days after giving birth. "I thought the bulk of my life had been selfish and I had not given back to the community enough," he tells CNN. He wrote a book with clues to a real-life treasure hunt—the eagle was one reward—and hoped to raise $100 million for breast cancer charities, but book sales were poor. Recently, he had hoped to sell the statue and use the proceeds to fund a charity concert. But "without the eagle, I don't have anything," he says. "I'd hate to think it’d be melted down," the sculptor adds. "That's my fear."

NEWSER– An 18-pound, solid-gold eagle statue adorned with 763 diamonds and a massive emerald recovered from a 17th-century shipwreck has been stolen—but it wasn’t exactly a Mission: Impossible-esque heist. Owner Ron Shore says he had the “Maltese Eagle,” apparently worth somewhere between $5 million and $9 million, near Vancouver, BC, on Sunday. A man tells CTV that Shore bragged that the valuable piece—which had just been on display at an art exhibit—was in his backpack while attending a church concert. Witnesses later saw two men beat Shore on the street before grabbing his backpack. Shore then tried to hang on to the assailants’ vehicle, reports the National Post. “I struggled as hard as I could and yet wasn’t able to prevent the robbery,” Shore tells CBC News, adding a security guard was present. He was treated at a hospital and released.
Police are saying little about the incident other than they are trying to “establish exactly what happened” and get descriptions of the assailants. Shore says he mortgaged his house to commission the statue years ago after his sister-in-law died of breast cancer days after giving birth. “I thought the bulk of my life had been selfish and I had not given back to the community enough,” he tells CNN. He wrote a book with clues to a real-life treasure hunt—the eagle was one reward—and hoped to raise $100 million for breast cancer charities, but book sales were poor. Recently, he had hoped to sell the statue and use the proceeds to fund a charity concert. But “without the eagle, I don’t have anything,” he says. “I’d hate to think it’d be melted down,” the sculptor adds. “That’s my fear.”

Not really much to say besides HnfZhkc

Not A Hot Take: If You Pay Speeding Tickets With Pennies You’re An Asshole

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NEW YORK (FOX5NY) - Brett Sanders of Frisco, Texas, used pennies to pay for a speeding ticket because he wanted "to make a big spectacle of it." He used 22,000 pennies to pay for a $212 fine. Sanders created a video of the incident that has gone viral. "I'm not a big fan of extortion. I was convicted by a jury for driving 39 in a 30 and was subject to $212 at the barrel of a gun," wrote Sanders. In the video, he is seen calling a bank to ask if they would have 22,000 pennies available. It also shows Sanders bringing the coins in buckets and pouring them onto a counter at a municipal court house. According to local media, the court clerks brought the pennies to Coinstar locations. Sanders is reportedly owed $7.81 for overpaying.


NEW YORK (FOX5NY) – Brett Sanders of Frisco, Texas, used pennies to pay for a speeding ticket because he wanted “to make a big spectacle of it.” He used 22,000 pennies to pay for a $212 fine.
Sanders created a video of the incident that has gone viral. “I’m not a big fan of extortion. I was convicted by a jury for driving 39 in a 30 and was subject to $212 at the barrel of a gun,” wrote Sanders.
In the video, he is seen calling a bank to ask if they would have 22,000 pennies available.
It also shows Sanders bringing the coins in buckets and pouring them onto a counter at a municipal court house.
According to local media, the court clerks brought the pennies to Coinstar locations.
Sanders is reportedly owed $7.81 for overpaying.

“I was on my residential street when I got a ticket for going nine miles over the speed limit,” he told CNN. “I thought it was unfair. I did not injure anyone, and I did not endanger anyone.”

Bro, shut the fuck up. I could care less if you’re a fan of extortion, but the facts of the matter is you were going over. They got every fucking right to give you a ticket because speeding is speeding. To make things worse if you’re speeding in a neighborhood. Like on the highway its one thing. I could care less if you have NOS tanks loaded and doing a buck twenty on the turnpike. But yo if you have kids and someones speeding any bit over you get nervous as fuck. Its a principle thing. Paying in pennies does absolutely fucking nothing. And all the people cheering this guy on can suck a dick to because all of them are saying “Hey man! the government gets the money any ways! He’s just proving a point!” Point exactly. They get the money so why the fuck dump literally the lowest form of currency and walk out. What point does that make? If this guy has any balls. He would lay the two buckets down and stay there and let them count every single penny. If you don’t do that, you’re just being a pussy who wanted to make a viral video.

 

P.s- if I were that lady who had to collect all of those pennies, which I’m pretty sure they just swept it up, I would pocket that $7.81 and buy some McDonalds.

Double P.s- Yo you know who’s sneaky worse in this? Who ever the fuck is filming this. If you can watch this guy be a dick to a lady with out saying anything, we’re an asshole too.

 

THIS BLOG CONTINUES

Yo this guy is seriously one of the biggest assholes ever.

Although Sanders’s latest video places the spotlight on himself, he told The Post that he made it to highlight a problem that disproportionately affects low-income people. During a recent stint behind bars for refusing to show an officer his pistol permit, he said he was both angered and inspired by a senior citizen he met in jail. The man was was serving a week behind bars for unpaid traffic tickets that led to his arrest and imprisonment.

Sanders called the encounter “a powerful meeting.”

“None of his tickets were for a crash or a hit and run,” Sanders told The Post. “They were just traffic tickets, but his license had been suspended and he’d lost his job and couldn’t pay and ended up sitting in jail. It’s a perpetual system and it disproportionately affects the poor.”

Bro you were just in jail because you refused to prove you had a right to carry a pistol! Get the fuck out of here. Guns, cars, property, all of that shit is a privilege to own that comes with responsibilities and shit. You don’t get to play like you’re some disenfranchised citizen when you can afford to own these things and then play the part of a poor humble guy who has been beaten down by the system. If you can’t deal with all that comes with owning this shit, you, that old man who repeatedly drove illegally can go kick rocks.

 

Guy Spends 3 Days Making A Lego Sculpture Only To Have It Destroyed 1 Hour After Displaying it.

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NINGBO, China — A Chinese artist spent three days and roughly $15,000 crafting a LEGO statue, only to have it knocked down within an hour of its public display.

According to multiple reports, Chinese artist Zhao built a giant figure of Nick Wilde, the fox from “Zootopia.” But less than one hour after it was placed in a shopping mall in Ningbo, China, for A LEGO expo, a young boy knocked it over.

Photos circulated on social media showing the destroyed statue as it lay in pieces on the floor.

The boy’s parents reportedly apologized to the Zhao for the accident, but that the artist denied compensation.

Perfect. I wouldn’t want this to happen any other way. I don’t know if I can explain it but its like just the right amount of disappointment for this kid. If it were some kid intentionally being a dick and straight up smashing your LEGO statue to bits then Zhao has every right to pile drive the kid on top of every jagged square piece of LEGOs that made up Nick Wilde’s body and still demand compensation. But he didn’t because it was just an accident and you can’t fault a kid for an accident. Maybe it was you’re dumb fault for not protecting your piece by cheating and gluing all the pieces together so they’re stuck like that forever through out time. And then all that’s left are his god damn feet/shoes and parts of his legs. I picture Zhao just staring at the bits and pieces of a genuinely well done creation, now smashed to bits but all that remains are his shoes. To me I just visualize like if someone were to vanish off the face of the earth his body gone with all thats left are his empty cloths and pair of shoes that didn’t even leave the ground. Must be devastatingly haunting because he knows he has the foundation to start it back up but if he really going to spend another 3 days building it back up? I think Zhao has to just give up LEGOs entirely. Just a perfect way to end the kids hobby forever.

 

Latina English Teacher Done Got Her Self In A Predicament By Getting Pregnant From Her 13 Year Old Student And Other Sex Stuff

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HOUSTON – Students remember Alexandria Vera as the “cool teacher” who let kids at Stovall Middle School use cell phones in class. They also long suspected her to be romantically involved with an eighth-grader. Vera, 24, is charged with continuous sex abuse of a child. She turned herself in on Wednesday morning in Conroe. Vera's bond was set at $100,000. She remains in custody at this time. Harris County prosecutors said Vera had sex and got pregnant by a 13-year-old boy who was also her student. The victim turned 14 after the alleged crimes. draft Alexandria Vera. (Photo: Facebook) “That kid was always over (Vera’s house in Spring) and she always told (neighbors) it was her brother,” said one neighbor, who did not want to be identified. Vera sometimes had as many as five teenage boys over at one time, according to neighbors. draft Alexandria Vera. (Photo: Facebook) “She was having a lot of kids in her home,” one neighbor said. “There was drinking in the front. We always found beer bottles and beer cans on her side of the lawn and half of the (teens) did not look older than high school, maybe.” According to court documents, Vera said she and the victim “love each other.” They had sex almost daily for nine months, Vera told investigators, according to court documents. She said the two met in summer school, then grew close the following school year. During an open house in the fall, Vera claimed she was introduced to the victim’s parents as “his girlfriend.” She also told investigators the boy’s family accepted the relationship, invited her to family gatherings and became “very supportive and excited” when told Vera was pregnant with the victim’s child in January, according to court records. But when Child Protective Services showed up at the school to question Vera and the victim, she said she got nervous and later had an abortion. Vera already has a 4-year-old daughter. Neighbors said they have not seen either for days. A man answered Vera’s door Tuesday and said he did not know where she went. Police issued a warrant for her arrest before she turned herself in on Wednesday.

HOUSTON – Students remember Alexandria Vera as the “cool teacher” who let kids at Stovall Middle School use cell phones in class. They also long suspected her to be romantically involved with an eighth-grader.
Vera, 24, is charged with continuous sex abuse of a child. She turned herself in on Wednesday morning in Conroe.
Vera’s bond was set at $100,000. She remains in custody at this time.
Harris County prosecutors said Vera had sex and got pregnant by a 13-year-old boy who was also her student. The victim turned 14 after the alleged crimes.
“That kid was always over (Vera’s house in Spring) and she always told (neighbors) it was her brother,” said one neighbor, who did not want to be identified.
Vera sometimes had as many as five teenage boys over at one time, according to neighbors.
“She was having a lot of kids in her home,” one neighbor said. “There was drinking in the front. We always found beer bottles and beer cans on her side of the lawn and half of the (teens) did not look older than high school, maybe.”
According to court documents, Vera said she and the victim “love each other.” They had sex almost daily for nine months, Vera told investigators, according to court documents. She said the two met in summer school, then grew close the following school year.
During an open house in the fall, Vera claimed she was introduced to the victim’s parents as “his girlfriend.” She also told investigators the boy’s family accepted the relationship, invited her to family gatherings and became “very supportive and excited” when told Vera was pregnant with the victim’s child in January, according to court records.
But when Child Protective Services showed up at the school to question Vera and the victim, she said she got nervous and later had an abortion.
Vera already has a 4-year-old daughter. Neighbors said they have not seen either for days.
A man answered Vera’s door Tuesday and said he did not know where she went. Police issued a warrant for her arrest before she turned herself in on Wednesday.

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Love a good teacher sex story in the middle of the week to get me through the day and this one is an A plus. I mean going back in history, I never really had a stand out hot teacher like ever. More importantly I didn’t have a young 20 something Spanish mami with her tits popping teaching me words in the English language. Id love to be the fly on the wall in the teachers lounge with all the other guy teachers that have to put up with all the shit head students when the only bright light to their day is when they see Ms. Vera coming in with her hammers just staring down the entire office staff. Must kill them to know one of the students who keeps acting up in class is actually motor-boating their extremely hot and sexual co worker for 9 months straight. I mean shit even I’m jealous he hit that. And the plot twist, he got to let his seed ride inside her. And then double plot twist apparently the kids parents were kinda cool with it. And then triple plot twist, she turned herself in so you wont get to see her great pair anymore and its probably going to get replaced with a 70 year old with enough sag to let you know you’re life sucks as you walk back to your class room and try to explain a subject that kids will never use in their adult life time.

P.s- The Gym teacher or like the JV softball coach DEFINITELY has tried to fuck her.

Screen Rant: “Captain America: Civil War”

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Trying to bring another weekly segment for all you who just can’t get enough of Ed Lee’s stupid opinions in life. At one point in my life i actually wanted to go to school for Film but didn’t because I hate all those artsy hipster types and hated everyone in film school who took film and obviously casted themselves in a short film where there’s a scene with them in bed with a girl. Happens all the time. So I have no expertise in film, i just know i like being entertained, but this segment isn’t even necessarily a review on movies. Im not trying to be Roger Ebert here besides the fact that he loved Steak n’ Shake. Im here just to talk about a film weekly, in theaters or not, the way you and you’re friends talk about film. All this is, is a ranting about movies. This will contain spoilers. Enjoy.

Well here we are folks, we have officially entered Summer blockbuster season in the world of cinema and with Captain America Civil War being out, I took the time to go watch.  Overall grade, a solid 8.9. Its a banger of a marvel film/comic book film/action film. It’s got everything i need from some mild humor, believable action, star loaded cast etc. Now im not a comic book person but i have taken an interest in movies from the MCU and DCEU. I don’t quite want to be THAT person but Marvel and the MCU just takes a dump all over DCEU’s stuff. Batman v. Superman I wanted like so much. I told myself that everyone hated it so much that I was just going to force myself to love it, and while i did think some parts weren’t THAT bad, I’d over all just give that a 6.9 (ni.ce) maybe a 7. If those DC nerds jump on your throat tell em to send em my way.

Now obviously if you haven’t gotten the memo, Captain America: Civil War is based on the comic book cross over of Marvel: Civil War. When the 1st trailer came around i decided i wanted to delve into this shit and i read Civil war and im gonna be honest. I could care less about the differences between the two. If anyone follows that @GeeksandCleats chick, along with the other assortment of people who want to slam on the MCU, on twitter you’ll hear her rambling saying “If they’re gonna do civil war, it should be CIVIL WAR!” That type of thinking is just dumb. Their argument is directed to the now famous airport scene in this movie where both sides line up and charge head to head where it should look like a comics splash page like this:wallpaper-civil-war-face-off-the-marvel-comic-wallpapers-wallpaper-310487

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Yea don’t get me wrong, I get that there’s a huge difference, but the simple fact of the matter is they don’t have the rights to most of those characters and since the MCU at this point is one on going series, do these idiots on twitter REALLY think it would be reasonable to out of no where add like 500 different comic book heros? fucking no. The movie industry is a business in the end and one that’s keeping the comic book industry alive probably. You think i give 2 shits to READ about Tony Stark and Steve Rodgers being mad at each other over 20 different comics? No. Throw it in an action packed movie in an air conditioned theater with reclining seats however, and all of a sudden i decided to actually read some of the comics (illegal download so they don’t see any of that money but tevs.) But after reading the comics, that version kinda stinks. Captain America just gives up all of a sudden because he realizes he was gonna murder the shit out of Iron Man when the world likes Iron Man because he was a face they could trust because he was willing to give into the demands of the people. All in all movies holds up and entertains way more than the comics. I give it a solid 8. Now onto things that no one else is talking about in the movie….

Women Were The Cause Of This Mess.

Women, I tell ya. Can’t live with em, can’t live with out em. Now did Captain America and Tony Stark have a budding rivalry since they met in the Avengers? Yes. But lets turn to the each sides respective captains and the booty that blinds them. First we got Captain and his legacy of Carter women he wants to run through.MmtsLrY

Listen not all of us are bona fide studs growing up. Some kids are a bit nerdy, maybe too dumb or what have you. Steve Rodgers was a a tiny little shrimp who wear his own weight in clothing. 5’4″ 95 pounds of nothing but heart is respectable but that alone didn’t get you laid in the 1940’s. They wanted soldiers with guns, muscles, and big dicks. No chance a woman besides his mother ever gave Steve any attention. Next thing you know he’s in Camp Lehigh with a Agent Carter batting eye lashes at you with sexual red lipstick eye fucking your scrawny ass. Those moments in life when you think you first get the change to get your dick wet are memorable ones. And you know who else makes a memorable moment? The one that got away. You know you were one move away from taking down your white whale. Like you’re one corner away from finding the elusive snow leopard. Those moments in life were taken by Peggy Carter. That chick lives on a pedestal in Cap’s mind and if it wasn’t for the fact that her bones were about as fragile as paper thin glass, he would fuck her nearly dead lifeless body as long as she could still breathe with or with out a life support system. She’s that impressionable in his mind and probably even more since that super soldier serum multiplies things. So he already has a compound affect of being booty blinded by just one girl.

Couple decades later after spending time frozen in snow with no pussy to show for it, this hot young blonde moves in next door and finds out shes actually a sleeper agent set up to spy on you so you know shes seen his whole super soldier deal. She wants it. You know it, she knows it, the whole Marvel Cinematic Universe knows it. So when life takes away the one pussy you’ve wanted your entire 98 years of existence and you find out the girl next door who is dtf and related to the same chick from the 40s. You have to fuck her no matter the games she plays. It’s like 3 movie chick cliches, The first love, the one that got away, and the girl next door wrapped into one hot blonde, you gotta do what you can to nail that chick even if it means letting her influence your decision that can risk the lives of every single person on earth and can mean your immediate detainment.

We all know where ever Steve goes Falcon goes with. Literally need to convince one person to sign the treaty and The Avengers can be whole again, fighting crime with the world behind them because the people have a say in what the people want when it comes to letting superheros entering your land and turning it into an active war zone, but no, it couldn’t be that simple all because of Sharon Carter and her stupid eulogy and antiquated quote from her grandma who, at the time, had to fight for woman’s rights in the world in a completely different era that operates different from our modern times. Even in Winter Soldier Peggy admits the world has changed and that they should start over with things. But that’s what happens when you’re booty blinded man. You try to do what ever it you can to get that booty, the only difference is for any regular man it doesn’t mean tearing apart a team that’s been used to save the world from eminent death.

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(I don’t know what this is from or if its just photo-shopped but whatever)

The Carter women aren’t the only one fucking with men and the lively hood of billions who need saving in times of chaos. Fucking Pepper Potts takes some blame here too. So spoiler alert, you find out that her and Tony are on a little break because she can’t handle Tony’s hobby/career. Listen its one thing if you’re boyfriend is a drug addict and just can’t drop the habit of using, another thing if your boo is some war criminal murdering millions. But Pepper Potts is literally asking her man to stop creating technology that can change the human life for the better as well as stop fighting not just petty crimes, but crimes and danger that can risk the end of the world. Everyone knows you need a smart guy in your crew and when the stakes are that high risking millions of lives, he needs to be a genius and Pepper is literally trying to take that away from the Avengers. Thor is a Norse god and a sexual Adonis but all he knows to do is hit things with a hammer, he ain’t gonna lead the crew out of sticky situations. Sure Black Widow and Bruce Banner can figure their way around the computer but one is a devious bitch who you can still shoot in the face and the other is lost at sea and according to the next Thor movie, will be in another planet in a different galaxy so that wont help either. One would think a fortunate girl like Pepper would appreciate Tony for giving her a job title that made her a coffee fetcher into the worlds most successful and powerful woman. A little confidence and support in her man would kinda be appreciated, Pepper, but instead she’s gonna make you work less hours and tear apart The Avengers. Women I tell ya. Can’t live with them, can’t live without them.

Movie Technology That Needs To Be Real:  The Self Cooking Hot Dog

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So in Stark’s introduction into the movie, it shows Stark showing off some pretty cool and stylish binary augmented retro-framing sunglasses that apparently hijacks the hippocampus region of the brain to clear traumatic memories in people, we come across a little gem of a technology that the real world needs to invent, and that’s the self cooking hot dog. Now when the dean or principle brings up inventing this type of technology he mentions loading up a hot dog with some sort of chemical detonator but then was rudely cut off from explaining how this genius idea would work. Listen hot dogs are the type of food you don’t want to think about, just eat. Sure in the back of your mind you know its probably made from a pigs asshole and meat sections they would probably feed to zoo animals but you don’t care because it’s delicious. Knowing that, you’re probably okay with eating a little chemical detonator if it means a nice toasty brat ready to eat merely seconds after pulling it from the fridge. No one wants the hassle of turning on a grill or boiling a pot of water just to make a hot dog. Instead, I picture it being like one of those hot emergency hand warmers or like cracking a glow stick to make it glow. I’m sure there’s some science out there that can make it happen and once its found its a million dollar idea. Someone tell Hillshire or Kraft to get this idea to their R&D department asap.

Bonus Round Hot Take: Is Ant-man a member of ISIS or any other terrorist group?

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San Quentin State Prison is a maximum security prison right? Probably a couple or lower level terrorist in there roped up in the same section as Scott Lang. After spending a couple months locked away from the free society I wouldn’t be surprised is Lang converted to radical Islam and got told to carry out orders to destroy those Jesus loving Avengers in the name of Allah even if it means self sacrifice. Doesn’t once think about his family or the legacy he leaves behind before his sarcastic happy going ass decides to turn into Giant Man. Just a reckless move all around. Hydra might’ve been the problems of the 1940’s to 2015 but all that finally got put to end after Sokovia. The next threat on humanity in 2016 is ISIS and I’m not so sure Ant Man isn’t one of them. Screen Shot 2016-05-31 at 7.26.46 PM

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After After Credit Bonus: Peggy Carter/ Hayley Atwell has BOMBS28faa3a9f9066ee978d1033da8c04050 a4e875798556ae25862cd076b5696a05 maxresdefault Screen Shot 2016-05-31 at 7.43.25 PM tumblr_nl2i6fttEK1qaho1po3_250 tumblr_ntao8rZGSw1s6qwwxo1_540

 

 

 

Things Are Getting Weird Where I Live. Gators Found Eating A Corpse

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A gruesome drama played out on the edge of the Everglades Monday night, as police tried to recover a human body being eaten by two alligators. Two fishermen called the police after encountering the scene in a canal west of U.S. 27 in the town of Southwest Ranches in western Broward County. The cause of death was not immediately known, and the police said the body appeared to have been in the water for a long time. Officers from the Davie Police Department, which patrols Southwest Ranches, arrived and attempted to scare off the alligators, said Davie Police Capt. Dale Engle. Although the animals retreated, he said, they lingered nearby. A dive team was called in, as officers armed with AR-15 rifles stood ready to shoot any approaching alligators. An alligator trapper from the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission was sent to the scene. By 10 p.m. they had recovered the body.

Sun Sentinal– A gruesome drama played out on the edge of the Everglades Monday night, as police tried to recover a human body being eaten by two alligators.
Two fishermen called the police after encountering the scene in a canal west of U.S. 27 in the town of Southwest Ranches in western Broward County. The cause of death was not immediately known, and the police said the body appeared to have been in the water for a long time.
Officers from the Davie Police Department, which patrols Southwest Ranches, arrived and attempted to scare off the alligators, said Davie Police Capt. Dale Engle. Although the animals retreated, he said, they lingered nearby.
A dive team was called in, as officers armed with AR-15 rifles stood ready to shoot any approaching alligators. An alligator trapper from the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission was sent to the scene. By 10 p.m. they had recovered the body.

For 20 years I’ve lived here I’m honestly shocked there’s not more obscure death murders or weird shit going on in these neck of the woods. I mean don’t get me wrong every now and then this place gets some sort of thing that spreads through the neighborhoods. When I first moved here it was that it was built on top of an Indian Burial Ground so ghost and spirits would come up and swallow our souls or something. Believable when its quiet in the dead of night and a random horse or cow makes loud noises when it should be asleep. A few years after that story came, there was a story of a murder where the father in law blew the head off of his girls husband. After that though, nothing. I mean we’re talking about a place with multi millionaire old guys with loads of gated private land and away from the busy public. Its perfect area for weird crimes. I need more stories like this coming up so I can go poking my noise into the dark corners of Southwest Ranches that some people aren’t willing to look. I mean yea this could be some canal fisherman who fucked up and slipped into bog water infested with gators, but I’d like to think it was crime related that leads to some seedy dark underground cult ring. Guess a guy can dream but since nothing’s confirmed about the dead guy then I’m gonna assume the latter. Sure it seems nice here, but in reality, you’re in Carcosa now.

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The Scripps National Spelling Ending In A Tie Is One Of The Worlds Greatest Travesty

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Hands down a top 5 sporting event of the year. Kids that are no more than like 13 years old living and dying with each letter trying to spell a word that I’m not even sure is a real word. Its electric and i need more of it in my life. The only problem is the past 3 years its come down to a tie. Last year had like a fly ass Indian dude in Jordan’s tying with the cuntiest Indian speller chick ive ever seen Just rattling off letters and getting them right every time. I didn’t like that it came down to a tie but I grit my teeth and accept it. This year I couldn’t be more sour about it ending in a tie. It came down to two competitors in one of the most edge of your seat spelling performances you’d ever see, I give you Jairam Hathwar and Nihar Janga.

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Who we have here is Jairam Hathwar. Comes from a family of spellers. His brother was the Co-champion in 2014 and. He’s a number 1 draft pick when it came to big league spelling. He’s just got that pedigree that you just knew he’d rattle off the letters needed in a complex word break down. And yet on the other hand we had Nihar Janga.

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When you see and hear this kid speak theres only one person that pops into my mind and that person is draft day Tom Brady. c86a0285763628f4f09312b48bf7f0d2_crop_exact

I mean that’s the Indian Tom Brady. Kinda looks like a dope with no previous spelling back ground history. You here him speak and he sounds a bit slow kinda just mumbling words but next thing you know you blink and its round 20 of 25 in the world championship and he’s playing for the Superbowl title. It’s not that he knew how to spell the words, He knew their definition. At some point i honestly wondered if it was possible that this little kid could’ve some how been the one to invent the words because be was just putting on a spelling clinic. He had it all. Showmanship, knowledge, balls, grit. When it came down to the final two, it should’ve been a run away performance from Nihar. I mean the kid just knew when Jairam fucked up. May-28-2016 13-34-12

Ultra vicious with the head shake. Like the Dikembe Mutombo No No No! Finger wave but no comedic affect what so ever, just pure embarrassment on a stage in front of judges and on national television. Nihar took the next one and was one letter away from winning it all and im almost certain he threw the spellling at the very end just to keep the competition going. I was shocked. Literally gasped out loud when he missed the word. and with the rounds winding down we got to a tie and im even more convinced that Nihar just wanted to shame Jairam in every single way possible even through the celebration rounds. The whole world watching knew Nihar blew away the competition but that just wasnt enough for Nihar. I mean Jairam might die of embarrassment. I mean first of all you get left hanging on stage with your stupid hand claps while Nihar was throwing up a chest thump to Dez Bryant X.

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The he far and away takes that trophy and barely lets you sniff the thing and im pretty sure he told him to get the fuck off his trophy.May-28-2016 13-36-09

And here he was lapping up the celebration getting lifted by the fam because he was far and away the greatest to ever spit letters on the biggest stage in Spelling Bees.

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Panthers Trade Gudbranson To Vancouver

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I slept for 4 hours last night because i stayed up with a buddy drinking. I had to work tonight. My brain isnt working. I can’t process this. I have to watch Peter Deboer, Jonas Donskoi, and Scotty upshall play in the WCF. Bigger write up on this tomorrow but for now just eat ice cream or something and dont think about the fact that we might be missing 3 of 4 of our top 2 pairs going into next season. (We still have Ekblad though and if we had to part ways with him, id kidnap the entire front office myself.)