National Post– The practice of hiring funeral strippers in rural China faces tighter curbs after the government announced cash rewards for people who report them to a special hotline. The ministry of culture said it was targeting “striptease” and other “obscene, pornographic, and vulgar performances” at funerals, weddings and traditional new year public gatherings. Authorities started clamping down on the practice in 2006 and began a second campaign in 2015. The latest is focused on 19 cities in the provinces of Henan, Anhui, Jiangsu and Hebei, the ministry said on its website, which also gave the hotline number. Communities in rural China reportedly believe such shows enourage bigger attendances at funerals in order to honour the dead and bring them good fortune. The media has blamed it on increasing materialism as the country opens up to the West, while experts say the shows pay tribute to fertility. The Global Times reported that rural households were showing off their disposable incomes by hiring “actors, singers, comedians, and – most recently, strippers – to comfort the bereaved and entertain the mourners”.
Man let me share a personal story with y’all. When my family first came to America it was my dad, uncle, and aunties, all 7 of them, with my Grandma and Grandpa all cramped into a small one bed room apartment in the small outskirts in Chinatown, New York City. One day some low life scum bag took a pipe and hit my grandpa in the back of the head damaging his brain. Guy was never able to form memories for long. Growing up he was a quiet guy, never really spoke, just got angry and went for his daily walks around town to get a milk tea and sit at home with out making a noise. Fast Forward to a few years ago he passed away and it came time for his funeral. I was blown away. The amount of people that came to give their condolences was mind blowing because I figured only a handful of family members would come. Didn’t think he had friends because he never spoke after that day he was attacked. They all remembered him as one of Chinatowns first accountant I think? Either way a couple hundred people came and went. It was a surprise and heart warming moment to see them all come pay their respects.
Now that being said……
Hypothetically, lets say if this was a thing. If I knew Chinese chicks were around back of the funeral home grinding their asses on peoples dicks, I don’t think I would mind. It’s an emotional time people! It would be one of those things where the family hosting the funeral probably know, but you know what? It’s just nice to hear nice things people have to say about loved ones that passed. Its also nice to have a girl with a nice ass whispering sweet nothings in your ear. I mean if there was a black sheep family member at a funeral you know he doesn’t really have nice things to say and you know its a conflicted past, but the wife of the deceased probably appreciated him just being there. Probably feels some what the same way when the town gas station attendant comes to mourn the loss in sweat pants and one dollar bills sticking out his pocket. It’s such a genius business idea too. From the words of the great Chazz Reinhold “grief is nature’s most powerful aphrodisiac.”
P.s- “The media has blamed it on increasing materialism as the country opens up to the West,” Yo China, unless I’ve been lied too, I’ve been to A number of funerals and we’re not the ones telling the farming communities in China to have strippers at Funerals.
P.P.S- Besides Milk tea and being quiet to turning into the Hulk in 5 seconds, the only other thing I know for a fact about my Grandpa was he loved Sunkist. When he would stay with us in Florida, he would walk a mile for a can of Sunkist.
Source- Chew on this: A man in China decides he needs to verify if a smartphone battery is legit ― so he bites it?!?!? It’s a decision that literally blew up in his face, as the now-viral video above demonstrates. Security camera footage captured Jan. 19 at a store in Nanjing City, Jiangsu Province, shows the unidentified man biting into the iPhone battery, presumedly to check its authenticity. The move quickly proves to be a mistake, as the battery explodes. Amazingly, the man wasn’t seriously hurt in the blast. Since then, the wisdom in chomping down on a toxic lithium-ion battery has been the subject of some debate. Taiwan News noted that it’s common for people in China to test the authenticity of gold by biting it, which led Apple Insider to speculate the man somehow thought he could test the authenticity of the battery using the same technique. Gizmodo rightfully noted that iPhone batteries don’t have much gold in them, but they do contain a lot of toxic items that no one should ingest. On the rare occasions when a phone explodes, it’s often because the “positive” and “negative” battery plates have become joined, such as if the battery was pierced by a metal object, according to TeamKnowHow.com. The website points out that lithium-ion batteries, though considered very safe, can explode if they’re overcharged. It’s a problem associated with knockoff battery chargers and other dubious third-party accessories that are rampant in China, which may have explained why the man was biting the battery in the first place.
Pal. Buddy. What is you doing? its 2018, not 1500 where you need to check your gold doubloons when bartering at the market? Not to mention, Batteries aren’t made of gold. They’re in fact made of shit that’s toxic as fuck and can melt shit. Like not for nothing but Asians get the rap of being nerd smart but look at these common folks, biting down on lithium-ion batteries like they’re Olympic gold medals. I don’t know kinda makes me feel better about my self knowing im above smart enough to not go molar to battery, but also not a math nerd. I’m in a nice medium blogging about the people above and below me. Now If i had to guess, maybe this guy got a bunk ass filling and conducted with the battery. That’s me thinking kinda fake smart coming up with theories. But that also gives me another idea.
Fucking cyanide capsules. It’s perfect timing that I saw this because I also just re-watched Skyfall. Fucking Raoul Silva biting into a cyanide capsule and it didnt kill him. Just burned his insides. Do you know what Hydrogen cyanide does to you?
It turns you into an ugly motherfucker. Do you think secret spy agents want to work knowing that if they get captured, they might have to kill them selves, only to find out their suicide method isn’t 100% fail proof and might end up looking like the Goonies monster, and still remained captured, and then laughed at for being a captured spy that now looks like Sloth? Fuck no. So maybe switch out the cyanide capsule and replace it with something that’s instant death. A little battery that explodes your entire head off. Don’t give the enemy the satisfaction of making fun of your goofy face because of a bad cyanide capsule. Now granted these chinese fellows didn’t die, but work out a few kinks, bury that battery deep in the molars and next thing you know when the russians apprehend Ethan Hunt, he can just blow his head off.
1.) That might be one of the slowest motorcycle accidents I’ve ever seen. Cruising slowly into an intersection at speeds that I’m pretty sure could be stopped if a 200 lb man in front was blocking. We’re not talking about pulling a Tom Cruise tuck n roll out of a moving vehicle scenario here. Guy coulda just hopped off the back casually and would’ve been fine. Not to mention the bus wasn’t exactly flying into the turn either. It was slowly cruising 1st gear clearing that turn as cautious as possible.
2.) The placement of the crash was so spot on. Nailing right in the cut between the cargo area and the actual truck body. Something out of an action movie. You can’t choreograph it any better with the dudes head bobbing right in the middle of the garbage truck.
3.) That shit got volatile quiiiccckkk. no smoke, just fire. A fire that erupted outta no where with absolutely no explosion what so ever. With out the fire this is your run of the mill Foreign country traffic accident video. With the fire, it’s just awesome.
Furious at this teammates’ incompetence which had led to his defeat in a League of Legends match, one very hardcore gamer took out all of his frustration on his computer.
Consumed by rage, the guy delivered a ferocious headshot to the innocent computer screen, smashing through the screen and leaving his head stuck inside. It’s not clear how long he remained stuck there before his friends and internet cafe workers decided to help him out, but it was definitely long enough for other gamers to snap photos, which have gone viral on Chinese social media.
The computer screen was left with a sizable hole, while the guy’s head was left dripping blood.
The scene occurred in Lanzhou last Thursday. A local reporter recently visited the internet cafe where workers confirmed that the bizarre incident did in fact happen, adding that they had already thrown away the unfortunate computer screen.
I hate this guy so much. I hate any ultra hardo that gets too steeped into their subcultures and especially video games. Video games do nothing for me. Its like putting on a movie except you have to control the movie and it takes like 10 hours and more likely than not, you keep on dying so its like you have to re-watch a scene over and over again doing all the work. Video games suck and they’re too complicated. 15 different buttons do do different things, joy sticks popping all over the place. I miss games that were just Mario launching fireballs and jumping on goombas. Simplicity. I don’t feel bad for this loser at all. I hope his team mates call him an idiot for using his skull cap as a battering ram for an LCD screen. Besides who rams their head at shit? When you’re mad you throw a fist into the wall or screen of team mates face. Who head butts things? Psychopath losers that’s who. Its a fucking video game. Unless he’s playing for major money he has no reason to be a whiney baby.
DailyMail- A farmer in China is hoping to sell a rare mushroom so that her son could afford to find a wife. The woman, from the village of Xianghe, said her son, named Xiao Li, found the 176-pound giant mushroom a few days ago in a pond, reported People’s Daily Online. The family have shown the media their treasured fungus, known as Tai Sui, which is considered to be the medicine for immortality in traditional Chinese medicine. According to the report, Xiao Li picked up the priced fungus while catching fish in a pond near his house. He said at first he didn’t know what it was. Li said: ‘I touched a soft lump. At first I startled, then I examined further and realised it was massive.’ He and his father transported the mysterious object home with a tricycle. Li then added: ‘I looked up online and realised it is Tai Sui and it has medical value.’ The family now hope experts could help them value the fungus which they keep in their warehouse. Li’s mother is especially glad about the prized find. She told Chinese media that she expected the mushroom to bring the family a handsome profit. She added that her son is still single, so she hoped the money could help him to afford a wife. Although variations of the mushroom has been used for medicinal purposes in China and Japan for more than two millennia, it’s promise of longevity has never been officially proven. However, some active compounds isolated from the mushroom were shown to have anti-cancer properties in human trials according to the National Center for Biotechnology Information. What’s more, the legends that surround the mushroom’s magical powers, which are supposed to help people live forever without getting old, means that it continues to be in demand today.
Ummmmm I hate to break the news to Xiao Li here but that thing is just a massive hunk of shit im pretty sure. Boeing bombs. Them airplanes they dump their toilets at 3600 feet and the stuff freezes and falls to earth. That’s a big ol frozen chunk of poopy. Now assuming that this isn’t a massive frozen airplane turd from tourist eating weird exotic stuff, how much is this guy really gonna get for that? After doing some internet googling research this thing is also called a “Wild Reishi Mushroom.” That shits worth 30 bucks a pound but I’ll be reasonable and give him the high value at $50 at 176 pounds that brings home a whopping $8,800. Not even 10 grand! Bro you think you’re gonna bring in a wife with less than 10 grand? Fuck outta here with that noise. But who knows, the world is filled with weird weird places and the oriental far east is one of the weirder ones. Maybe they value a hunk of space shit over there and some one’s crazy enough to buy it. Or even crazier maybe someone will marry this momma’s boy farmer who has no cash and at max is looking at a fortune of 8 grand even though i spend that much a year at least on utilities and shit. Good luck with that.
NINGBO, China — A Chinese artist spent three days and roughly $15,000 crafting a LEGO statue, only to have it knocked down within an hour of its public display.
According to multiple reports, Chinese artist Zhao built a giant figure of Nick Wilde, the fox from “Zootopia.” But less than one hour after it was placed in a shopping mall in Ningbo, China, for A LEGO expo, a young boy knocked it over.
Photos circulated on social media showing the destroyed statue as it lay in pieces on the floor.
The boy’s parents reportedly apologized to the Zhao for the accident, but that the artist denied compensation.
Perfect. I wouldn’t want this to happen any other way. I don’t know if I can explain it but its like just the right amount of disappointment for this kid. If it were some kid intentionally being a dick and straight up smashing your LEGO statue to bits then Zhao has every right to pile drive the kid on top of every jagged square piece of LEGOs that made up Nick Wilde’s body and still demand compensation. But he didn’t because it was just an accident and you can’t fault a kid for an accident. Maybe it was you’re dumb fault for not protecting your piece by cheating and gluing all the pieces together so they’re stuck like that forever through out time. And then all that’s left are his god damn feet/shoes and parts of his legs. I picture Zhao just staring at the bits and pieces of a genuinely well done creation, now smashed to bits but all that remains are his shoes. To me I just visualize like if someone were to vanish off the face of the earth his body gone with all thats left are his empty cloths and pair of shoes that didn’t even leave the ground. Must be devastatingly haunting because he knows he has the foundation to start it back up but if he really going to spend another 3 days building it back up? I think Zhao has to just give up LEGOs entirely. Just a perfect way to end the kids hobby forever.
Source- A farmer keeps pests away using a scarecrow made from an inflatable sex doll. The muddy sex doll also wears a yellow safety helmet and has reportedly been effective at scaring off birds – as well as people. The stark-naked blow-up doll is thought to have belonged to a worker at a construction site near the field in Chengdu, capital of China’s south-western Sichuan Province. It was then found by a local rapeseed farmer, who stood it up in the patch of greenery in order to ward off crows and other unwanted pests.
I would really like to know the special brand of people in china or around the world who go out of their way to order a blow up inflatable sex doll that looks like Smeagol from lord of the rings wearing a rag with a cut out for huge tits and a yellow construction hat. I mean maybe if you’re a child and still into big tits maybe that description turned you on but for me, it just made me imagine this thing crawling out of my laptop screen like the bitch from The Ring. It goes without saying that of course these birds wouldn’t want to come near this thing. I half expect the doll to come to life or its like the Jeepers Creepers thing where it pretends to be a scare crow and when a bird lands on it it snatches them with its mammoth hands and eats it or steals their soul or something.
Point Zero Five Mega Bytes Per Second. .05Mbps. Does that even constitute as having internet? I feel like i might just be getting residual signals off of neighbors DirectTV dish or something. Like i get a glimpse of internet if the wind blows a radio signal by my house. Do you realize how slow .05mbps is?
Im fucking 6 kilobytes slower than 56k! A fucking real life physical telephone line that sends little beeps and analog signals and shit through a long ass cable into a phone line like the matrix and travels, still through wire, to a cable company to relay signals. That moves faster than what im working with right now.
So let me explain my little situation. Im back living at home in South Florida with my family because my time in Orlando was just overdue. Now i can dig living here. I like my room. Got plenty of space for my dog on 3.5 acres. Parents at work all the time, and i can always just crash at a friends place or something. The problem is my parents are Chinese. Now all throughout life we’ve had like some crazy old Asian guy set up a bootleg satellite dish that picks up Chinese channels. Shit was seriously awful, when we first moved here the dish covered half my window, but that’s besides the point. I hate that we’re moving into a world where people are telling me i should stream shit. Those people that say that are self entitled assholes who have Google Fiber and don’t watch sports. They just watch Netflix and shit which is cool, dont get me wrong, but i like watching my Panthers on Tv or Sunday football through cable and i don’t like whatever im doing with the TV dipping its toes in my internet speeds.
But now, in case none of you are asian, the hottest thing on the streets for chinese families is this thing called “TvPad.” The thing is literally the hottest thing on the streets of China i think and its invading Chinese American house holds around the country. At first this guy showed it to my parents and then out of no where my cousin got one and then my cousins cousins and so on and so forth. My dad raced home at one point before his work day ended to set up the “new and updated” Tvpad he got. Shit spread like the plague in my mind. Shit just marketed to Asian parents so well somehow. A device that isn’t cable that is cheaper but doesn’t have a large range of content but is still cheaper and is what matters to our parents
Shit is single handedly ruining my life. As you can guess by now, its like a Chinese roku box or apple Tv thats streams shit all the way from fucking china. Do you know how far that is from here?
8247 miles! It probably takes all the bandwidth we have just to stream a commercial from China. And while my parents eyes are glued onto the TV watching their precious Tvpad do you think i have enough left over internet to even refresh my Facebook feed? The worst part of it all is this week my parents have relatives and family friends over from China and Philly. I just know they’re gonna crowd around the living room all night admiring their false idol, Tvpad laughing and crying at what ever it says while i hang from my ceiling fan in a noose.
Im planning on writing a Dolphins recap a little later because i was going to do it yesterday except i was coming off of tons of food, beer, and football, but shit, looks like there was a way more impressive game going on and that was between Xu Xin and Zhu Linfeng. I mean that has to be the match of the century right? Shit went 0 to 100 real quick. Simple serve and then chaos erupts running all across the floor trying to track that mother fucking ball. Granted I never watch ping pong but I assume by the way the chinese people were oo-ing and ah-ing that it was a sight to behold. You just know some chinese kid in the stands is wanting to grow up to be just like Xu Xin or Zhu Linfeng, which ever the guy in blue was, you just know it. Some one add their names to the list of greats: Zoran Primorac, Jan-Ove Waldner, Wang Tao, Jorg Rosskopf, Ashraf Helmy, Hugo Hoyama, and Andrzej Grubba
SCMP– A shipyard welder in eastern China gave up his job to fullfill a promise to his son and build a robot replica based on the Transformers action movies. Standing 5m high and 3m wide, the dazzling yellow version of “Bumblebee Autobot”, character in the film, towers over onlookers in Wang Liansheng’s backyard in Suqian, Jiangsu province. It all started when Wang told his two-year-old son that he would make a model for him because he couldn’t afford to buy one after they watched the latest Transformers movie last July, Thepaper.cn reported. His son took his words to heart, and Wang realised he had to keep his promise. “As a father, I can’t just say something and not do it,” Wang said. He gave up his job and spent 140,000 yuan (HK$170,000) on his pet project. In a year, he scoured enough old car parts and other scrap metal across the city to assemble the robot. Wang says it was the worth the effort, especially when his son proudly tells people: “My father made this.” He next plans to make a model of the Transformers character Optimus Prime, and maybe try to make a business out of it.
Im sure this is kind of cliche at this point but back then I always wanted my dad to build us a tree house. We had tons of land growing up. Loved to play outside, and had tons of trees so naturally we wanted a tree house. My dad never made that tree house for us. Said he was thinking about it but never did. You know why? Because he kept his job so we didn’t have to live like a poor person 24/7.
I get it, its something a father did for his son so they can both be proud of each other, blah blah blah. Its nice I get that. But in the same way i don’t hate and resent my dad for not building a tree house, this kids not gonna hate his dad if he didn’t build a useless model statue of a bootleg Bumblebee. I mean i don’t know how the math or logic works where you don’t have the money to buy a toy, but instead spend all your hong kong dollars to build one that cost exorbitantly more than a toy, and just build a knock off version. I mean it doesnt even have the Autobots symbol for christ sakes. That shit might have some play over there where knock offs thrive and you’re young and can show it off but once you’re in your teens and poor because dad doesn’t have a job because no one wants to buy massive knock off transformer statues, then its just gonna be a 5 meter high robot statue telling you to your face that your poor.
P.s- this is what bumble be actually looks like. A for effort, C+ in execution. But then again i dont know if they have Camaros over there in china so ill give it a B-