Tag Archives: Captain America

How Salty is Luc Besson That Marvel Movies Rake In Billions While His Movie Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets Was a Box Office Flop And A Bad Movie

NYDN- Steve Rogers is apparently catching some flak for his role as steward of America.

French director Luc Besson, whose latest film “Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets” hit theaters last month, spoke with a Brazilian journalist about an increasingly familiar term in the film industry: superhero fatigue.

Besson lambasted Hollywood’s portrayal of Captain America, saying that the superhero genre always attempts to bolster America’s standing on the world stage.

Besson went as far as to call Captain America “propaganda.”

“I’m totally tired of it, totally. I mean, it was great 10 years ago when we saw the first ‘Spider-Man,’ ‘Iron Man.’ Now it’s like, number five, six, seven,” Besson said. “The superhero is working with another superhero, but it’s not the same family. I’m lost.”

“What bothers me most, is that it’s always here to show the supremacy of America, and how they are great. I mean, which country in the world would have the guts to call a film, ‘Captain Brazil,’ or ‘Captain France?’ I mean, no one. We would be so ashamed and say, ‘No, no, c’mon, we can’t do that.’ They can . They can call it ‘Captain America’ and everybody thinks it’s normal.”

“I’m not here for propaganda, I’m here to tell a story,” Besson continued. “And ‘Valerian’ is another proposal….different, where, you really travel. You meet aliens, a lot. And there are real themes. I mean, Valerian and Laureline are not superheroes, they’re not even heroes. They’re people like you and me. They’re cops, they do their job. But sometimes, they can be heroic. That’s what I love, because I can relate to that. I can’t relate to a superhero, I don’t have superpowers.”

“Valerian,” which holds a 50% on Rotten Tomatoes, underperformed at the box office, earning $90 million off a budget around $180 million. Meanwhile, in its third week, superhero film “Spiderman: Homecoming” earned over $5 million more at the box office than Besson’s film.

Honestly how much is Luc Besson crying that his precious Valerian movie stunk in theaters nationwide while every Marvel movie seems to be a smash hit and makes millions in box office and toy sales around the globe. Seriously way to pick a fight with the largest fucking production studio on the planet. Don’t get me wrong, I can understand someone saying its tired. We’ve hit around close to 41 comic super hero movies since the 2000s and half of which have come in under 10 years and we get about 3 or 4 yearly now. I get it can be tired, but guess what? if it’s good and still makes money, they’re still gonna make them, and we’ll still be entertained. It’s only recently they started cooking up a new method too by making them genre films to reinvent comic book super heros so god knows when kids who share the comic book super hero movie get sick of Spider Man. Sure, the second I hear a 9 year old walk out of Spiderman Homecoming 5 saying “God, this spiderman is so derivitive of the earlier works of previous Spiderman blah blah blah” then I’ll credit Luc Besson for being in on it early but remember these are movies for kids and are entertaining enough for Adults to watch. That’s a sweat money market that I’m okay with.

But besides all of that, Besson’s other takes are just as trash has Valerian. Like, why you gotta diss Captain America like that. I’m sorry a comic book character created in the 40’s in the middle of World War II was created as a symbol of patriotism in a country that entered the war to save allied countries from being over run by a Fascist dictator. Guess what, thats what America did, we along with our allied pals came in and stomped Hitler’s dick. That’s why Captain America is who he is. Because he is the living embodiment of what is right in America and he’s not afraid to call Hitler a fuck face with his super jacked muscles. Listen some guy in Brazil wants to create a comic book character called Captain Brazil go for it. Want to make a Captain France, be my guest. Most likely he would surrender in war so I don’t think that would be the greatest Comic book character but sure go ahead and make one. But blaming Steve Rodgers, a comic book character, for being a character created in the middle of the Second World War as a archetype of the perfect American soldier who selflessly volunteered to enter the war despite being physically capable to do much but wants to because he doesn’t like bullies and because standing up to bad guys was the right thing to do, and was subsequently turned into a billion dollar movie character, is the definition of salty.

Don’t even get me started on him trying to defend Valerian. Is there room for a good, entertaining movie to be in there? Sure. I mean you have all these space things going on, theres detective work, aliens, bad guy twist, sure there could be a good movie there but between Dane Dehaan not being able to lead in a big time studio movies, his actually shitty character, and the useless shit going on in the movie, Valerian stunk. Guy’s making it out to seem like theres some great space voyage movie where you’ll leave with an encyclopedia of alien knowledge after watching this movie. Here’s all it is **Spoilers** aliens got wiped out, Dane Dehaan really wants to fuck Laureline, and then the movie derails into a teen love movie with Dehaan learning about love from a shape shifting Rihanna, and then they figure out who blew up the planet along time ago. You don’t really travel. It’s disguised as travel because they built unrealistic environments that are some how explained because of some mcguffen alien space station. You don’t really see aliens as more than faces on screens, besides the main aliens that are hardly on screen besides the beginning or the end and the shape shifting Rihanna. and I guess you learn a theme of Love, one of the most played out themes in the world. Trash movie. And to say that these are relatable characters. Such a weird concept in movies. Sure making relatable characters are fun. But unless there’s a movie about a Chinese blogger, how the fuck is that suppose to relate to me? Oh Alien space cop, super relatable characters. Super sophisticated super British spy in James Bond, Not relatable. A badass professor of archeology who searches for hidden relics, not relatable. Any person in any action movie ever because they can run more than a mile to save their life, not relatable.  And on the other end of the spectrum, its a fucking movie, guy. If i wanted to see relatable characters that did boring as shit instead of saving the world from Thanos and what ever imminent threat is lurking in the corner, then Id just stay home and watch Animal Planet. I don’t want relatable characters, I want fucking awesome characters doing awesome things. And trust me, Luc, we know you don’t have super powers.

Sidenote- I feel like they don’t even call him specifically “Captain America” much in the movies. Steve, Rodgers, Steve Rodgers, Captain Rodgers, Cap etc. Shits just the title man. And then even at that point, people just refer to the sequels as Civil War or Winter Soldier. Much easier to say that Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets.

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Screen Rant: “Captain America: Civil War”

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Trying to bring another weekly segment for all you who just can’t get enough of Ed Lee’s stupid opinions in life. At one point in my life i actually wanted to go to school for Film but didn’t because I hate all those artsy hipster types and hated everyone in film school who took film and obviously casted themselves in a short film where there’s a scene with them in bed with a girl. Happens all the time. So I have no expertise in film, i just know i like being entertained, but this segment isn’t even necessarily a review on movies. Im not trying to be Roger Ebert here besides the fact that he loved Steak n’ Shake. Im here just to talk about a film weekly, in theaters or not, the way you and you’re friends talk about film. All this is, is a ranting about movies. This will contain spoilers. Enjoy.

Well here we are folks, we have officially entered Summer blockbuster season in the world of cinema and with Captain America Civil War being out, I took the time to go watch.  Overall grade, a solid 8.9. Its a banger of a marvel film/comic book film/action film. It’s got everything i need from some mild humor, believable action, star loaded cast etc. Now im not a comic book person but i have taken an interest in movies from the MCU and DCEU. I don’t quite want to be THAT person but Marvel and the MCU just takes a dump all over DCEU’s stuff. Batman v. Superman I wanted like so much. I told myself that everyone hated it so much that I was just going to force myself to love it, and while i did think some parts weren’t THAT bad, I’d over all just give that a 6.9 (ni.ce) maybe a 7. If those DC nerds jump on your throat tell em to send em my way.

Now obviously if you haven’t gotten the memo, Captain America: Civil War is based on the comic book cross over of Marvel: Civil War. When the 1st trailer came around i decided i wanted to delve into this shit and i read Civil war and im gonna be honest. I could care less about the differences between the two. If anyone follows that @GeeksandCleats chick, along with the other assortment of people who want to slam on the MCU, on twitter you’ll hear her rambling saying “If they’re gonna do civil war, it should be CIVIL WAR!” That type of thinking is just dumb. Their argument is directed to the now famous airport scene in this movie where both sides line up and charge head to head where it should look like a comics splash page like this:wallpaper-civil-war-face-off-the-marvel-comic-wallpapers-wallpaper-310487

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Yea don’t get me wrong, I get that there’s a huge difference, but the simple fact of the matter is they don’t have the rights to most of those characters and since the MCU at this point is one on going series, do these idiots on twitter REALLY think it would be reasonable to out of no where add like 500 different comic book heros? fucking no. The movie industry is a business in the end and one that’s keeping the comic book industry alive probably. You think i give 2 shits to READ about Tony Stark and Steve Rodgers being mad at each other over 20 different comics? No. Throw it in an action packed movie in an air conditioned theater with reclining seats however, and all of a sudden i decided to actually read some of the comics (illegal download so they don’t see any of that money but tevs.) But after reading the comics, that version kinda stinks. Captain America just gives up all of a sudden because he realizes he was gonna murder the shit out of Iron Man when the world likes Iron Man because he was a face they could trust because he was willing to give into the demands of the people. All in all movies holds up and entertains way more than the comics. I give it a solid 8. Now onto things that no one else is talking about in the movie….

Women Were The Cause Of This Mess.

Women, I tell ya. Can’t live with em, can’t live with out em. Now did Captain America and Tony Stark have a budding rivalry since they met in the Avengers? Yes. But lets turn to the each sides respective captains and the booty that blinds them. First we got Captain and his legacy of Carter women he wants to run through.MmtsLrY

Listen not all of us are bona fide studs growing up. Some kids are a bit nerdy, maybe too dumb or what have you. Steve Rodgers was a a tiny little shrimp who wear his own weight in clothing. 5’4″ 95 pounds of nothing but heart is respectable but that alone didn’t get you laid in the 1940’s. They wanted soldiers with guns, muscles, and big dicks. No chance a woman besides his mother ever gave Steve any attention. Next thing you know he’s in Camp Lehigh with a Agent Carter batting eye lashes at you with sexual red lipstick eye fucking your scrawny ass. Those moments in life when you think you first get the change to get your dick wet are memorable ones. And you know who else makes a memorable moment? The one that got away. You know you were one move away from taking down your white whale. Like you’re one corner away from finding the elusive snow leopard. Those moments in life were taken by Peggy Carter. That chick lives on a pedestal in Cap’s mind and if it wasn’t for the fact that her bones were about as fragile as paper thin glass, he would fuck her nearly dead lifeless body as long as she could still breathe with or with out a life support system. She’s that impressionable in his mind and probably even more since that super soldier serum multiplies things. So he already has a compound affect of being booty blinded by just one girl.

Couple decades later after spending time frozen in snow with no pussy to show for it, this hot young blonde moves in next door and finds out shes actually a sleeper agent set up to spy on you so you know shes seen his whole super soldier deal. She wants it. You know it, she knows it, the whole Marvel Cinematic Universe knows it. So when life takes away the one pussy you’ve wanted your entire 98 years of existence and you find out the girl next door who is dtf and related to the same chick from the 40s. You have to fuck her no matter the games she plays. It’s like 3 movie chick cliches, The first love, the one that got away, and the girl next door wrapped into one hot blonde, you gotta do what you can to nail that chick even if it means letting her influence your decision that can risk the lives of every single person on earth and can mean your immediate detainment.

We all know where ever Steve goes Falcon goes with. Literally need to convince one person to sign the treaty and The Avengers can be whole again, fighting crime with the world behind them because the people have a say in what the people want when it comes to letting superheros entering your land and turning it into an active war zone, but no, it couldn’t be that simple all because of Sharon Carter and her stupid eulogy and antiquated quote from her grandma who, at the time, had to fight for woman’s rights in the world in a completely different era that operates different from our modern times. Even in Winter Soldier Peggy admits the world has changed and that they should start over with things. But that’s what happens when you’re booty blinded man. You try to do what ever it you can to get that booty, the only difference is for any regular man it doesn’t mean tearing apart a team that’s been used to save the world from eminent death.

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(I don’t know what this is from or if its just photo-shopped but whatever)

The Carter women aren’t the only one fucking with men and the lively hood of billions who need saving in times of chaos. Fucking Pepper Potts takes some blame here too. So spoiler alert, you find out that her and Tony are on a little break because she can’t handle Tony’s hobby/career. Listen its one thing if you’re boyfriend is a drug addict and just can’t drop the habit of using, another thing if your boo is some war criminal murdering millions. But Pepper Potts is literally asking her man to stop creating technology that can change the human life for the better as well as stop fighting not just petty crimes, but crimes and danger that can risk the end of the world. Everyone knows you need a smart guy in your crew and when the stakes are that high risking millions of lives, he needs to be a genius and Pepper is literally trying to take that away from the Avengers. Thor is a Norse god and a sexual Adonis but all he knows to do is hit things with a hammer, he ain’t gonna lead the crew out of sticky situations. Sure Black Widow and Bruce Banner can figure their way around the computer but one is a devious bitch who you can still shoot in the face and the other is lost at sea and according to the next Thor movie, will be in another planet in a different galaxy so that wont help either. One would think a fortunate girl like Pepper would appreciate Tony for giving her a job title that made her a coffee fetcher into the worlds most successful and powerful woman. A little confidence and support in her man would kinda be appreciated, Pepper, but instead she’s gonna make you work less hours and tear apart The Avengers. Women I tell ya. Can’t live with them, can’t live without them.

Movie Technology That Needs To Be Real:  The Self Cooking Hot Dog

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So in Stark’s introduction into the movie, it shows Stark showing off some pretty cool and stylish binary augmented retro-framing sunglasses that apparently hijacks the hippocampus region of the brain to clear traumatic memories in people, we come across a little gem of a technology that the real world needs to invent, and that’s the self cooking hot dog. Now when the dean or principle brings up inventing this type of technology he mentions loading up a hot dog with some sort of chemical detonator but then was rudely cut off from explaining how this genius idea would work. Listen hot dogs are the type of food you don’t want to think about, just eat. Sure in the back of your mind you know its probably made from a pigs asshole and meat sections they would probably feed to zoo animals but you don’t care because it’s delicious. Knowing that, you’re probably okay with eating a little chemical detonator if it means a nice toasty brat ready to eat merely seconds after pulling it from the fridge. No one wants the hassle of turning on a grill or boiling a pot of water just to make a hot dog. Instead, I picture it being like one of those hot emergency hand warmers or like cracking a glow stick to make it glow. I’m sure there’s some science out there that can make it happen and once its found its a million dollar idea. Someone tell Hillshire or Kraft to get this idea to their R&D department asap.

Bonus Round Hot Take: Is Ant-man a member of ISIS or any other terrorist group?

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San Quentin State Prison is a maximum security prison right? Probably a couple or lower level terrorist in there roped up in the same section as Scott Lang. After spending a couple months locked away from the free society I wouldn’t be surprised is Lang converted to radical Islam and got told to carry out orders to destroy those Jesus loving Avengers in the name of Allah even if it means self sacrifice. Doesn’t once think about his family or the legacy he leaves behind before his sarcastic happy going ass decides to turn into Giant Man. Just a reckless move all around. Hydra might’ve been the problems of the 1940’s to 2015 but all that finally got put to end after Sokovia. The next threat on humanity in 2016 is ISIS and I’m not so sure Ant Man isn’t one of them. Screen Shot 2016-05-31 at 7.26.46 PM

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After After Credit Bonus: Peggy Carter/ Hayley Atwell has BOMBS28faa3a9f9066ee978d1033da8c04050 a4e875798556ae25862cd076b5696a05 maxresdefault Screen Shot 2016-05-31 at 7.43.25 PM tumblr_nl2i6fttEK1qaho1po3_250 tumblr_ntao8rZGSw1s6qwwxo1_540

 

 

 

Yesterday Social Media Wanted Captain America To Be Gay And Now He’s Apparently Been Apart Of Hydra All Along

When a hashtag campaign to #GiveCaptainAmericaABoyfriend caught fire on Twitter this week, a common refrain echoed across the Internet aiming for the ears of Disney execs: Give the Marvel superhero a man to love… because he pretty much already has one. When it comes to Captain America’s heart, everyone knows that ticker bleeds red, white, and blue, and that it belongs to one person. No, not Peggy Carter or her beautiful young niece, but Bucky Barnes, Cap’s long-lost bestie. Just about no one was really rooting for Steve Rogers and Sharon Carter to hook up in Captain America: Civil War—especially when he planted that shoehorned-in kiss on her so soon, too soon, after Peggy’s death. The better partner has been firmly entrenched in Cap’s heart since 1945.

DailyBeast- When a hashtag campaign to #GiveCaptainAmericaABoyfriend caught fire on Twitter this week, a common refrain echoed across the Internet aiming for the ears of Disney execs: Give the Marvel superhero a man to love… because he pretty much already has one.
When it comes to Captain America’s heart, everyone knows that ticker bleeds red, white, and blue, and that it belongs to one person. No, not Peggy Carter or her beautiful young niece, but Bucky Barnes, Cap’s long-lost bestie. Just about no one was really rooting for Steve Rogers and Sharon Carter to hook up in Captain America: Civil War—especially when he planted that shoehorned-in kiss on her so soon, too soon, after Peggy’s death. The better partner has been firmly entrenched in Cap’s heart since 1945.

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t’s All-New, All-Different Marvel! It’s the All-New, All-Different adventures of Steve Rogers, back in action today as Captain America! And Steve has an All-New, All-Different gimmick to his history that will change the Marvel Universe forever... if by forever you mean a few months or so, although you wouldn’t know it by the way everyone is freaking out. So what’s the twist, you may ask? It’s not Cap’s shiny new shield, which has a fancy laser cutter on it to make up for the fact that Sam Wilson is still running around with the old Captain America shield. No, it’s a twist that, in all honestly you may have already brazenly read on the front pages of Time, or Entertainment Weekly, or the AP (because screw courtesy, right?), but yes, SHOCKING NEWS: Steven Rogers has secretly been a Hydra Agent all along!

io9– it’s All-New, All-Different Marvel! It’s the All-New, All-Different adventures of Steve Rogers, back in action today as Captain America! And Steve has an All-New, All-Different gimmick to his history that will change the Marvel Universe forever… if by forever you mean a few months or so, although you wouldn’t know it by the way everyone is freaking out.
So what’s the twist, you may ask? It’s not Cap’s shiny new shield, which has a fancy laser cutter on it to make up for the fact that Sam Wilson is still running around with the old Captain America shield. No, it’s a twist that, in all honestly you may have already brazenly read on the front pages of Time, or Entertainment Weekly, or the AP (because screw courtesy, right?), but yes, SHOCKING NEWS: Steven Rogers has secretly been a Hydra Agent all along!

What a whirlwind of a past 24 hours its been for the First Avenger. Here your character lies after breaking apart the team built to save the world from eminent danger, hiding out in a secluded African nation cryofreezing your long lost friend who’s also a weapon for a terrorist super group. After a long day like that you’d think you’d want a nice vacation for a couple weeks just to get away and relax but next thing you know the world is petitioning you to be gay and you find out you secretly been a hydra agent all along. In 24 hours you’ve pretty much joined the opposite side of your life tenants. Cap was born in the 20’s basically every man’s dream at the time was to go to war just so they can come home and get picked up from the docks so they can unload sperm into women, the baby boom. That was just the times back then. And then on top of that you’ve spent you’re entire life fighting the Nazi deep science division and now guess what, you’re one of them. Cut off one head, two more shall takes its place. Makes room for what ever gay pal you want to bring along I guess. Hope they somehow work this into Infinity Wars with Cap and Bucky trying to get Falcon to assassinate Dr Strange or something giving him deep stares of wanting to try black dudes or something. Lets get weird.