This is DEVASTATING. I feel awful. I try to keep tabs on everyone in the world and I somehow let Jet Li slip by me. It was a huge shock to the system to see what has happened to him. I mean I will say, this one side by side is EXTREMELY jarring, but the other ones don’t look that bad where he looks like an 80 year old man which is a good thing. But no matter what he says about him being fine, I just know he’s not. We’ve seen him with a shaved head before that’s no big deal. Its a big deal though when it looks like you’ve stepped into a time machine and come out looking like a grandpa who’s about to break a hip and also an entirely different Chinese person. I mean kudos maybe to the guy who got the pic with him cause I don’t even think I could recognize him. Its at the point where he needs a transition photo. Like side by side just wont convince me, i needed more photos in totally different angles before i could actually believe that this frail old man my eyes were seeing was actually Gabrial Yulaw who made everyone in the prison colony universe his bitch in the movie The One. Shocking.
And how come no one else is talking about this? I mean I know he’s not main stream anymore but Guy has had a decent career in American cinema. Jackie Chan will always be my number 1, but Jet Li was fucking the truth. The two of them both bridged the gap between Chinese people and Black people all around and that was SUPER important for me growing up in South Florida where there is, in fact, a decent population of African Americans. All of which can kick my ass. But that didnt happen. Rush Hour probably saved me in middle school. But then came along Jet Li and Romeo Must Die. Oh boy was that special sure it was one thing for a Chinese and black cop to get along. A whole nother thing when we got Jet Li on the dance floor with a super sexy chick. And not just any ordinary hot chick but Aaliyah (Rest in Peace).
Yea he looks nervous as fuck dancing with her but that don’t matter. Its still a win in my books. In my fake imaginary world I pictured the two of them dating in real life and then it wouldn’t be so awkward when i try to ask a black chick out because there’s precedent in Hollywood.
Looking back at all this, I hope to god Jet li comes back in the world. Suppose to be playing a role in the live action Mulan which if we’re going for a very wise old Chinese master, he’s got that look going on and i know he’s still got the moves, but god damn I do hope that Jet Li gets better soon.
SCMP- The mystery surrounding the identity of a Hong Kong-based diamond buyer who now owns three of the world’s most expensive gems has been revealed: billionaire fugitive Joseph Lau Luen-hung has confirmed to the South China Morning Post that he was the buyer of the diamonds, and that he had renamed them after his seven-year-old daughter Josephine. The rare and flawless 12.03 carat “Blue Moon Diamond” sold on Wednesday for 48.6 million Swiss francs (US$48.4 million), setting world records for any gemstone at auction, Sotheby’s said. Lau, the former chairman of Chinese Estates Holdings, is listed by Forbes as the sixth richest man in Hong Kong and 114th wealthiest globally, with estimated assets worth US$9.8 billion as of November. He is also a fugitive, after being jailed in absentia in Macau in March last year for his part in a bribes-for-land racket involving Ao Man-long, the most corrupt public official ever brought to justice in the city’s history. He received a five-year jail term, but has not served one day in prison because the former Portuguese enclave does not have an extradition treaty with Hong Kong. Macau’s Court of Second Instance yesterday rejected appeals by Lau and Steven Lo Kit-sing against their bribery and money laundering convictions. The court upheld sentences of five years and three months against the pair. The sale came only one day after Lau paid 28.7 million Swiss francs for a magnificent 16.08 carat pink diamond at Christie’s. The pink stone was promptly renamed the “Sweet Josephine”. The blue has been renamed “The Blue Moon of Josephine”. Josephine’s mother is Lau’s girlfriend, called Chan Hoi-wan, a former entertainment reporter. The cushion-shaped blue stone, mounted on a ring, has the top grading of fancy vivid blue. A pre-sale estimate put its value at between US$35 million and US$55 million. “It is a new record price for any gemstone and per carat,” David Bennett, worldwide chairman of Sotheby’s international jewellery division, told a packed showroom in Geneva that erupted into applause on Wednesday. Lau and fellow Hong Kong property developer Steven Lo Kit-sing were each given jail sentences of five years and three months by Macau’s Court of First Instance last year after being found guilty of corruption and money laundering. But they will not serve any time unless they return to the city voluntarily. The court found that Lau and Lo offered a HK$20 million bribe to disgraced public works chief Ao Man-long to secure the site for their La Scala luxury development. Lau is also known as a collector of artworks and wine. His passion for art was revealed when he snapped up Andy Warhol’s famous painting of Mao Zedong for US$17.4 million and Paul Gauguin’s 1892 painting Te Poipoi (The Morning) for US$39.2 million – the highest amount paid by a Hongkonger for an artwork. Lau paid a record HK$1.4 million for a car number plate bearing the characters “1 LOVE U” during a Transport Department auction of personalised plates in 2006. The plate was used on a Mercedes-Benz for his partners, according to local media reports.
First things first. Fuck I wish this guy was my uncle or something. Rich, hostile business man and kind of bad ass because he’s a fugitive money laundering and bribing city officials and doesn’t have to go to jail unless he wants to go back to that city. He’s probably bribe his way out of that shit too. But onto the main part of the story.
48 mill for a diamond ring. Let that sink in. When I was a kid my favorite toy was this plastic T-Rex. Took him everywhere. Went with me to school, took him to the doctors office, everywhere. Guy was in my hand 24/7. One of the most devastating things to happen to me in my entire life was the day I lost that toy T-Rex. It was at a McDonalds ball pit. Should’ve left it inside or in the car but I just had to take it with me everywhere I went. Diving in the sea of Multi colored plastic balls my hands just opened a little and it was gone. No chance of me seeing that T-Rex ever again. There I was just sweeping balls across to try to find his tiny little hand for me to grasp and hold on to so i can drag him to safety but he was lost forever in that sea. That t-rex probably cost $5 dollars so it didn’t mean shit to my parents. Well one day I hope Josephine or who ever wears that absurd diamond ring as she dives into the McDonalds Ball pit and feel her finger get incrementally lighter until she realizes that that rock got swallowed into the ocean of plastic rainbow colored balls. (to scale $48 million might be the same as 5 dollars to a billionaire real estate tycoon so whatever. I hate that they’re rich and im not and i miss my toy T-Rex.)
Point Zero Five Mega Bytes Per Second. .05Mbps. Does that even constitute as having internet? I feel like i might just be getting residual signals off of neighbors DirectTV dish or something. Like i get a glimpse of internet if the wind blows a radio signal by my house. Do you realize how slow .05mbps is?
Im fucking 6 kilobytes slower than 56k! A fucking real life physical telephone line that sends little beeps and analog signals and shit through a long ass cable into a phone line like the matrix and travels, still through wire, to a cable company to relay signals. That moves faster than what im working with right now.
So let me explain my little situation. Im back living at home in South Florida with my family because my time in Orlando was just overdue. Now i can dig living here. I like my room. Got plenty of space for my dog on 3.5 acres. Parents at work all the time, and i can always just crash at a friends place or something. The problem is my parents are Chinese. Now all throughout life we’ve had like some crazy old Asian guy set up a bootleg satellite dish that picks up Chinese channels. Shit was seriously awful, when we first moved here the dish covered half my window, but that’s besides the point. I hate that we’re moving into a world where people are telling me i should stream shit. Those people that say that are self entitled assholes who have Google Fiber and don’t watch sports. They just watch Netflix and shit which is cool, dont get me wrong, but i like watching my Panthers on Tv or Sunday football through cable and i don’t like whatever im doing with the TV dipping its toes in my internet speeds.
But now, in case none of you are asian, the hottest thing on the streets for chinese families is this thing called “TvPad.” The thing is literally the hottest thing on the streets of China i think and its invading Chinese American house holds around the country. At first this guy showed it to my parents and then out of no where my cousin got one and then my cousins cousins and so on and so forth. My dad raced home at one point before his work day ended to set up the “new and updated” Tvpad he got. Shit spread like the plague in my mind. Shit just marketed to Asian parents so well somehow. A device that isn’t cable that is cheaper but doesn’t have a large range of content but is still cheaper and is what matters to our parents
Shit is single handedly ruining my life. As you can guess by now, its like a Chinese roku box or apple Tv thats streams shit all the way from fucking china. Do you know how far that is from here?
8247 miles! It probably takes all the bandwidth we have just to stream a commercial from China. And while my parents eyes are glued onto the TV watching their precious Tvpad do you think i have enough left over internet to even refresh my Facebook feed? The worst part of it all is this week my parents have relatives and family friends over from China and Philly. I just know they’re gonna crowd around the living room all night admiring their false idol, Tvpad laughing and crying at what ever it says while i hang from my ceiling fan in a noose.
Im planning on writing a Dolphins recap a little later because i was going to do it yesterday except i was coming off of tons of food, beer, and football, but shit, looks like there was a way more impressive game going on and that was between Xu Xin and Zhu Linfeng. I mean that has to be the match of the century right? Shit went 0 to 100 real quick. Simple serve and then chaos erupts running all across the floor trying to track that mother fucking ball. Granted I never watch ping pong but I assume by the way the chinese people were oo-ing and ah-ing that it was a sight to behold. You just know some chinese kid in the stands is wanting to grow up to be just like Xu Xin or Zhu Linfeng, which ever the guy in blue was, you just know it. Some one add their names to the list of greats: Zoran Primorac, Jan-Ove Waldner, Wang Tao, Jorg Rosskopf, Ashraf Helmy, Hugo Hoyama, and Andrzej Grubba
When ever you go to a restaurant you just shouldn’t speak to the waiter. Its far too dangerous of a game to call them out and have them in total control of the food you’re about to eat. Unless its to order your food just don’t say a thing. I don’t even like being nice and chit chatting with them because if they’re nice back i feel obligated to tip more even though I’m poor. And you most certainly shouldn’t say anything bad about the waiter right to his face. If anything complain to the boss after when foods already digesting and you’ve survived. But to complain to the waiter and pissing him off before you get your food? You’re asking for a massive bowl of blazing hot soup to the face.
DM- From the haircut to the hand gestures and even the ears, this President Obama lookalike has definitely got his act down to a tee. While China and America have not always enjoyed the easiest of relationships, that has not stopped Xiao Jiguo, 29, capitalising on his resemblance to the US president. The up-and-coming actor charmed audiences with his Obama impressions during a promotional tour in Shanxi province, northern China, on Tuesday. Xiao, who is originally from Sichuan province in central China, first gained fame after appearing on the TV talent contest ‘Chinese Dream Show’ in 2012, reported the People’s Daily Online. He soon landed small roles in television dramas and films following his success on the programme. The ambitious actor only realised he had a doppelganger after posting a video clip online, which attracted numerous comments about how much he looked like the US president. Remarkably, Xiao says that his birthday is August 5 – the day after President Obama’s birthday. According to Xiao, he has studied hundreds of video clips of Obama and studied English so that he would be able to recite his inauguration speech. He even had minor plastic surgery earlier this year in order to look more like the president. Xiao launched an online comedy series called ‘Aobama Goes on Dates’ in May, in which he showed off his amazing ability to mimic the president’s facial expressions (aobama is the Mandarin pronunciation for Obama). Before gaining fame as a lookalike, he worked as a waiter in Guangdong province, southern China, but had always wanted to be an actor and singer. He says his dream is to land a lead role in a television show and to be able to record his own songs.
If played correctly,Xiao Jiguo can have a pretty sweet gig right here. I mean part of me thinks its kinda crazy that you would bother to get any form of surgery to look like someone but the difference is no matter what cosmetic surgery is done to be im still gonna look just like a pudgy Chinese kid. This guy looks like a young Barack Obama. Legit had to do a double take. Its like the classic hollywood story holds true in Asia too. Work in Hollywood, maybe in this case Gaungdong Province, soon enough someone noticed you have something special. Brush up a bit on acting, mimicking youtube clips and all of a sudden your doing tours around the country shaking hands and kissing babies as if you actually were POTUS doing that classic Obama wave. I respect the hustle. Hope his CD turns out to be fire too, because every asian celebrity ever needs to some out with a hot Asian pop cd.
Sidenote- This might or might come off as ignorant and a little racist but it seems liek with the right hair cut, you can kinda fake being black. At least come off as a halfie. Earlier this week we had Shaun King who was a major activist for the Black Lives Matter movement being outted as actually white. Earlier in the summer it was Racheal Dolezal. The common denominator being hair i think in one way or another. Racheal had her dreaded hair all bum up like a traditional african haircut (i think) and then Shaun King had his hair all squared up with a little mustache looking like a light skinned T.I. Well Xiao jiguo again kinda has a taped up hair line, and has strong sturdier eyebrows. I dont know what Eye brows have to do at all with this but Xiao Jiguo looks like The President whos black or atleast half black and all the bread crumbs lead back to a little tan and their hair style. Just a thought. Peace.