By now I have a sick feeling inside that people might be getting a bit sick and tired of the fantastic actor Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson (His daughter happens to be my neighbor, not that that affects my opinion on him). People may scoff and ignore his next major Blockbuster release Rampage. Well how the fuck can you scoff now when the plot of it is basically happening right there there in Hong Kong. Like twice the length of the other puny hogs around him and with roughly 5000% more muscle bulk than the others. Honestly must be like a god amongst them. I mean I’ve always heard that pigs and hogs only have feeding and breeding on their mind which is why they get castrated on farms, so they only eat and grow massive for meat. Well if they can get their brains together for one second and realize they have a leader who can take on humans and rule the world if we were just going hand to hand. I mean short of a 50 cal bullet I’m not even sure other calibers can take Hogzilla out. I mean yea i know shit head poachers take out Elephants all the time but Hogs are a whole nother animal entirely, literally. Same logic where a 9mm can probably shoot any person but when a crazy coked out juiced meth head comes charging at you. It’s gonna take a couple .45 probably. Well same logic as hogzilla except times 100 and bullets look like they’ll bounce off him when he charges the streets of Hong Kong. I mean it’s eating trash! It’ll eat anything and every thing and continue to bulk up. That includes, half eaten steaks, bullets, trash, humans, skulls, etc. Guy’s such a monster it almost makes me think he’s a marketing ploy now just so people watch Rampage. I don’t want to know monsters can happen naturally out there in the wild.
What a heart on Octavia Spencer. Honestly that’s so dope of her. Black Panther looks like it’s gonna be awesome and from what I’ve heard with the World Premier earlier this week, it is awesome and gonna be a huge hit. To finally have a black super hero on screen in a good movie is a great thing and for Octavia Spencer to be able to connect children that can identify with a strong and powerful character like the king of Wakanda is amazing.
All that being said, I too, have been working on buying out a screening of a big movie as well. Only problem is I’m doing it because it think it would be very very fun to cuck nerds. But see it’ll be well deserved because of how many fucking movies a year I watch and how much I spend at Regal. 50+movies last year just racking up regal points all for the ultimate goal of having enough points to buy a theater like a boss. With an average smaller theater room having around 96 seats, I know I’m far from my goal but listen, the beauty of Hollywood is they keep on pumping out the same franchise stuff over and over again. By the time Avengers 8 comes out or Star Wars episode 69 hit’s theaters lord knows how many points I would’ve accumulated by then with movie viewings and popcorn purchases. Imagine the final Star Wars movie. Yoda comes back, Luke comes back. The nerds would refinance their home for that shit opening day if they need to. But the second they hop on Fandango looking to purchase a ticket for a 10 o’clock screening and they look to reserve their seat and then they become absolutely flummoxed. Absolutely ZERO seats available. They missed out. They sneak in the theater only to find one Chinese man sitting where ever the fuck I want changing seats 90 times because the fact is all those seats are mine. And when they try to sneak in and take a seat I’ll laugh as security shames them and escorts them out of the seat because it’s reserved for me. The theater all to myself. The dream.
Do people still like going thrift shopping? Felt like it was a fad that happened all because Macklemore made 1 fucking song and then hipsters all decided it was cooler to wear poor people clothes that’s used. Assholes just thinking buying used shit gives it character. Sure thing pal, you convince your self a 90’s plain crew neck that has been vomited on and has trace amounts of cocaine is better than a new wool cardigan.
All that being said, it would be considered a huge win if you can make it out of the store with a Rocket-propelled Grenade launcher complete and loaded WITH a live functioning grenade at your local goodwill. That’s just value you can’t get on the retail market. And that’s what thrift store shopping is all about right? Finding that one special item like a mahogany hand made table or some Italian vintage armor. In this case if you were looking for a large caliber weapon that fires explosives, this is exactly the find you were looking for. Never would’ve thought about going to a goodwill but now i might have a change of heart. It’s a charitable thing to let go of things you don’t need all so you can support charity, hence it would be charitable if I peruse the local goodwill and buy some second hand heavy artillery. In the name of charity.
Here’s a fun joke you can make to Marvel nerds.
“Hey I think i got splashed with some pym particles cause something just grew in my pants after watching this trailer.”
Get it? cause the Pym Particles can make things grow, and you just received an erection probably watching this trailer.
Not much to say but to think im looking forward to this more than i thought. Honestly that might be part of the charm to the Ant-man franchise. It’s the most under rated character in the Marvel arsenal. Ant man 1 wasn’t anything spectacular but it might be in my top 10. It takes a step away from from the mass chaos that has to be the other Marvel movies. Just have a little heist action, some funny jokes from Michael Pena, and watch another piece of the Avengers movies with out having the serious tone of the fate of the world on their shoulders. Now a little notes so far from the trailer.
-The Timeline is set after Civil War obviously. I’m curious to see how it plays though because we’re going to get Infinity Wars before Ant-man even though Ant-man is going to be in Infinity Wars. And more curious now how it plays into Avengers 4 because from set photos he plays a very important part what seems like some time travel mischief.
– I want to see what this Pym Mobile has. Cars and their gadgetry always sells and then I need to see Michael Pena rolling around in this pimped out hot rod Hyundai veloster. In a weird its a shame. Iron man gets Audi’s, there’s new Acura NSXs in Avengers, Black Panther has lexus, but here we’re stuck with the cheap ass hyundai’s for the Ant-man franchise. What ever, Blake Griffin pushes Kia’s, Ant-man pushes Hyundai and i have a strong feeling that’s Michael Pena behind the wheel for a bit.
– The fictional tech that is everything in the Marvel universe. Too see the helmet flip back and fold up into a small thing behind the neck like it’s Start tech made a drip come out. I don’t know why that is but they always are able to do these little things that help sell me. In Age of Ultron if you slow it down you see Stark Close in his hand so the gauntlet flying over can slip over his hand. The way Spider-man slaps down his webbing so it sticks to the boat ferry. Even Ant-man moving his head in a way as if it kicks the helmet back. It all sells it so it doesn’t make me thing it’s just CGI over everything even though it is.
-They knew this was going to make the trailer. Also, Evangeline Lilly, much hotter with long hair. I didn’t hate her character in Ant-man but the short hair cut and power suit did make her seem like a stiff. Now with the hair down, normal wear, suit that can shrink her into a little acrobatic wasp at her whim, she seems like her character can be much funner than her serious, bossy, father hating character she had mostly in Ant-man.
As The Ugly Orange’s Film guy, let me tell you about a little romantic comedy called Serendipity.
On a magical night when they are in in their 20s, Jonathan (John Cusack) meets Sara (Kate Beckinsale). He finds it love at first sight, but Sara believes in destiny. After 10 years the two — with 3,000 miles between them — must decide if fate wants them to be together again. When love feels like magic, it is called destiny; when destiny has a sense of humor, it is serendipity.
Now a huge part of that movie takes place at none other than Serendipity 3 in Manhatten. People talk about the magic of New York as if it’s not a shell of itself from the 80’s. Neighborhoods are safer, there’s bars on every corner that fits every ones needs financially and atmosphere wise, even the rich and snooty don’t seem as rich and snooty when there are start up companies around every corner with their apps making millions in a pinch. I can’t even find a hooker on the streets anymore. But something about Serendipity 3 still takes me into a different place, a different kind of New York that feels like from a different time. Maybe cause the interior is so absurd and the line to wait is always over an hour, but i know for a fact some of it has to be the magical chemistry of the John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale in Serendipity. I’ve been a few times now with friends and family and something so New York about being not dressed like a slob, going into this relatively pretentious place and sharing a frozen drink in the middle of winter. The idea of sitting across the table from Kate Beckinsale sharing Serendipity’s signature drink the frozen hot chocolate.Now imagine you bring a beautiful girl like Kate Beckinsale to any event what so ever, and decide to get a frozen and expect it to look like this.and then you end up with this trash like this.I mean what is that? How is that a “Creamy Frozen Hot Chocolate” I mean that looks like chocolate ice cream with I guess white chocolate balls, which i also thought were chickpeas to begin with. How the fuck is my girl suppose to get a billion likes on her instagram pic when it looks like basic ass bowl of chocolate ice cream? How the fuck do we share that together with a straw and look like a cute couple? What the fuck business does Andrew Zimmern have to recreate a pop culture classic frozen beverage? And seeing as Andrew Zimmern lives in Minnesota, do Minnesotans just like eating ice cream in the dead cold of winter like psychopaths?
You know how when you buy a bunch of groceries, you try to carry it all in one go? Left arm turns into steel with 9 grocery bags sending lactic acid straight into the forearm with your right arm completely free to key the lock and open the door. Well how the fuck was this guy gonna move what has to be like a couple thousand oranges all loose? Its comical to look at sure. Something you’d see in a cartoon or a comedy heist movie or something when oranges pour out onto the street, but when it comes to the fact of the matter, some one tossed oranges in the car one by one. That’s an excruciating amount of work for what can’t be more than 1000 dollars worth of oranges. Maybe a dollar over? Grand larceny that lends in what may be the least amount of street cred in the criminal underworld. I mean the least i can hope for is a sun roof that they could’ve just poured pounds of citrus into instead of one by one peddling oranges through the window, cramming the door closed in a packed car while still on alert waiting for 5-0 to come bust their ass with cargo pockets full of oranges.
Pal. Buddy. What is you doing? its 2018, not 1500 where you need to check your gold doubloons when bartering at the market? Not to mention, Batteries aren’t made of gold. They’re in fact made of shit that’s toxic as fuck and can melt shit. Like not for nothing but Asians get the rap of being nerd smart but look at these common folks, biting down on lithium-ion batteries like they’re Olympic gold medals. I don’t know kinda makes me feel better about my self knowing im above smart enough to not go molar to battery, but also not a math nerd. I’m in a nice medium blogging about the people above and below me. Now If i had to guess, maybe this guy got a bunk ass filling and conducted with the battery. That’s me thinking kinda fake smart coming up with theories. But that also gives me another idea.
Fucking cyanide capsules. It’s perfect timing that I saw this because I also just re-watched Skyfall. Fucking Raoul Silva biting into a cyanide capsule and it didnt kill him. Just burned his insides. Do you know what Hydrogen cyanide does to you?
It turns you into an ugly motherfucker. Do you think secret spy agents want to work knowing that if they get captured, they might have to kill them selves, only to find out their suicide method isn’t 100% fail proof and might end up looking like the Goonies monster, and still remained captured, and then laughed at for being a captured spy that now looks like Sloth? Fuck no. So maybe switch out the cyanide capsule and replace it with something that’s instant death. A little battery that explodes your entire head off. Don’t give the enemy the satisfaction of making fun of your goofy face because of a bad cyanide capsule. Now granted these chinese fellows didn’t die, but work out a few kinks, bury that battery deep in the molars and next thing you know when the russians apprehend Ethan Hunt, he can just blow his head off.