Tag Archives: Pro Wrestling

If You’re Gonna Do Wrestling Moves In A Fight, You Better Have The Pageantry To Sell It

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Never in my life was I so amped for something only to be let down. Something any guy envisions is getting into a fight like an absolute bad ass and knocking out fools left and right like a Kung-fu flick. Doing all sorts of crazy shit but definitely doing some variation of a wresting move you saw from the 90’s attitude era. The DDT is absolutely one of them. Just being dropped on your skull onto a chair or the Spanish announcers table. Something that will really leave a dent to prove that you gave your opponent at least a grade 2 concussion but instead we got this sad attempt at a DDT.

What the hell happened? Imagine tossing a basketball up in the air expecting it to bounce when it hits the floor but instead it just laid still. Like on a humanity level I’m glad Red Shirt is fine but learn a little pageantry for me one time dude. Flail around, shoot the legs up as if your spine just went into extreme impact. Instead he rubbed his head as if he bumped it against a kitchen counter. That’s not good enough. The other guy isn’t without blame either. Anyone who knows what the DDT is and sees that flat side front end of a car I guarantee you was expecting to drive his head straight through the engine block. Ultimately despite growing out of the wrestling phase that’s why I still respect the fuck out of WWE stars. You gotta be able to sell baby. Take the bumps take the hits. Electrify the crowd. When the guy put him in a head lock getting ready to shatter this guys skull I expected him to point to the crowd and chant to electrify the audience but nope. Just the worst performed DDT.

Im glad this guy enjoyed it though. My guy here was pumped to see a DDT in a real fight. He gets it.

 

I Need The WWE To Start Mixing In More Lawn Maintenance Tools If They Want Me To Start Watching Again.

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Like many 90’s kids growing up, I watched wresting when it was still the WWF. It was a beautiful time in life. Summers in New York me and my 8 or 9 cousins would all gather around a cramped ass government housing apartment and watch Smackdown every Thursday like it was the Superbowl (we didn’t have cable so we didn’t watch Raw.) The attitude era had it all. The best of the fighting with the more unique movies, the stage presence had enough humor and violence, and everyone had character. Now I don’t know whats happened in this like 15 year time span but wrestling has been so washed out I honestly don’t know if they’ll ever rope me back.

I mean for gods sake, I just looked on their website and they don’t even have the Hardcore Championship belt anymore. What the fucks up with that? That title is a top 5 title of all time. That’s like a badge of honor that you can lose in 5 seconds. Retaining that title is harder than winning it and that’s what makes it the best. I don’t even know if they have hardcore matches anymore with no belt and all but goddammit the WWE should bring the title back in a way that honors its name. And that’s by adding a little two-cycle gasoline powered lawn equipment. PPV main event some wrestler pulls out an edge trimmer with spinning blades wailing on some guys arm. Drag their corpse around the ring tied to a lawn mower waving the title belt around. Sure we should keep the good old tables, ladders, and chairs involved because they’re a staple to the game, but why not add some gardening sheers and a weed wacker? Sure as a wrestler you probably don’t like the idea of plastic cable spinning a billion RPM cutting your flesh but guess what? That wrestler doesn’t deserve the title of Hardcore Champion.