Metro– A bride has proved to her father that her ‘hymen is intact’ with a certificate of purity. Brelyn Bowman presented the document, signed by her gynaecologist, to her father Michael on her wedding day to prove that she is a virgin. She married long-time boyfriend Timothy in front of 3,500 people. She wrote on instagram: ‘I was able to present a certificate of purity to [my dad] signed by my doctor that my hymen was still intact.’ ‘If one person has made a decision to wait until marriage or decide to stop & wait we have done our job,’ she wrote on another photo. ‘Let’s make Jesus famous!’ The certificate says: ‘On the 10th of May 2006, I, Brelyn Freeman, made a vow to glorify God in my body and spirit which are God’s because I have been bought with a price (Jesus). ‘I have kept this commitment and present this certificate to my father Dr Michael A. Freeman to show how I have honored God and my earthly father in my body by maintaining my purity and that my hymen is intact on this 10th day of October 2015.’
Well Father of the bride, I hope you know once night falls on that wedding day, that certificate is certified garbage that can be burned or tossed in the trash. Please recycle. Like im glad you know that for however many years of her life she wasn’t a complete and utter slut, but once they tie the knot, his dick is going IMMEDIATELY inside her.
Its almost kind of like reverse peer pressure. The fake non existent pressure of being a virgin is stupid. You know you want to do it, everyone else does it, its a lot of fun, its going to happen eventually, as long as you pull out/use a condom, you 99.99999999% chance wont have a teen pregnancy situation, you hopefully wont get any like super bad STDs, and again, its fun and everyone else does it. The pressure of “you’re first time” is just dumb. Just get it out of the way. Like Mayweather holding his 49-0 streak. Sure he manipulated the situation by only fighting opponents that know he’s gonna beat, but for whatever reason, that looming thought of breaking the streak just sucks. Every team wants to be the 72 Dolphins but sometimes the best way to go about it is lose early and improve. Now this lady and her dad are gonna have to live knowing for a fact that paper can be torn in half much so like her hymen and pussy that is going to get F’ed that wedding night and all through out their honeymoon.
P.s- I can probably print that up in Microsoft Word. That shit is probably so fake
Pss- Hymen is kind of a gross word. Normal people aren’t married virgins at that age so this only reminds me of like child rape no thanks to S.V.U.
NYDN– A jilted bride put her wedding feast to good use by feeding Sacramento’s homeless, according to a local report. A salmon and tri-tip smorgasbord coordinated by Quinn Duane and her unidentified would-be husband would have fed 120 of the bride’s friends and family Saturday afternoon, but the pricy $35,000 wedding was scrapped at the last minute when the groom got cold feet just five days before the reception. The new guests, including a slew of less fortunate families with children from local shelters, took advantage of the Duane family’s kindness, matriarch Kari Duane told KCRA-TV. “When I found out on Monday that the wedding would not be taking place, it just seemed, like, of course this would be something that we would do to give back,” Duane told the TV station. The reception was catered by the posh restaurant at the Citizen Hotel, where on Saturday underserved Sacramento residents snaked around tables while in line for the buffet. Erika Craycraft, her husband Rashad Abdullah and their five children, were among those filling their stomachs. “I think it’s really generous to lose out on something so important to yourself and then give it to someone else is really giving,” Craycraft told the TV station. The bride stayed home instead of attending Saturday’s dinner, but will be getting a vacation out of her situation. Before tackling mounting bills tied to the wedding, mother and daughter will take off to Belize with the non-refundable honeymoon tickets and reservations.
Ahhhh weddings. Love a good wedding. Some food, some dancing, some alcohol. Get dressed to the 9s all stylish hoping to find a lady for the night. Everything looks classy on the surface, bet thats what the Venue and Bride both wanted out of this lovely event. What they were not hoping for was 120 homeless people all gathered in a “posh” restaurant inside whats suppose to be a lovely hotel. Sure its a nice gesture I guess if you’re the Moral Police, but the fact is, the bride was probably at home contemplating ending it all while a recovering drug addict was sitting where her friends and family were suppose to sit eating her expensive ass “Salmon and Tri-tip smorgasbord” because her fiance said fuck it and bailed.
Who hates this the most though, isn’t the bride, it’s the hotel. Now apparently this was suppose to be a nice ritzy venue?
Apparently so. Except looking back at the picture above, it looks like they stripped it down to the bare bones knowing that the parent’s decided to use it to pedal exquisite food to bums. That place looks like you’re average senior citizen bingo hall now and I don’t blame em. You don’t know what kinda smells linger because of the homeless’ lack of hygiene. If they kept the open bar who knows what kind of catastrophe you’re in for with recovering addicts. A Hotel’s suppose to be where people go away to physically and mentally. I don’t want to leave my 500 dollar a night hotel room and potentially get stabbed on the way to the concierge desk because some nice white folks decided to feed the mass of homeless. If i were the Hotel id just tell them its off. Not worth the degradation of class. Yea you and the bride might be emotionally wrecked and want to do some good out of a shitty event, but you’re gonna be jet setting to Ibiza from you’re non-refundable honeymoon tickets while we have to steam clean the entire conference hall because you wanted to let bums eat there. Hope they didn’t use the fancy silverware or fine china either. Feed em in the broom closet with paper plates and plastic utensils cause you know if not they’ll steal that shit to pawn off later.
P.s- FMD Medina has a pretty strong stance on Marriage. #Score1ForTheHomeTeam
HP- A couple who celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary last week have revealed one secret to keeping their marriage from getting stale: eating cake that is very, very much so. Ann and Ken Fredericks of Satellite Beach, Florida, celebrate their anniversary by eating a bite from their wedding cake every year — the remains of which they’re now keeping covered in plastic wrap inside a metal coffee can, Florida Today reports. But they don’t store it inside a refrigerator or freezer. The cake’s actually sitting inside a closet at room temperature. Ann Fredericks, 81, said their children are “appalled” they’re still eating the decades-old dessert, but said the dark fruit cake will keep indefinitely. They pour brandy over the cake to moisten it before digging in, and usually break open a bottle of champagne to go with it, she said. “Believe me, it’s quite tasty, as long as it’s got enough brandy on it. And it’s never made us sick,” she told Florida Today. She did tell ABC News that “it’s a little dry.” The two are surprised by the amount of media attention they’ve received over the cake. “”We just never thought of this as being unusual,” Ann Fredericks told ABC. A representative from Ask Karen, a food safety chat service sponsored by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, expressed some skepticism over the cake’s safety. “We wouldn’t recommend practically any food that old,” the spokesperson told The Huffington Post. A 60-year-old cake would likely remain safe to eat if it’s kept in the freezer at or near zero degrees Fahrenheit, but probably wouldn’t taste great, the Ask Karen rep noted.
Now you know when you see those gross smoking ads on television that show what a cigarette does to your lungs and how your lungs look after years of habitual smoking does? That is the same thing as that dark lump of coal they call a fruit cake from their wedding. Yea i guess its romantic nd makes all the girls go awwwwww! but the fact of the matter is every year to recount the courtship that solidified their future together forever is spoiled at the end of the night probably sloppy drunk from champagne and shitting in their adult diapers because they are eating rotten cake. I hope its like Seinfeld where they both switched pieces with a piece of Entenmann’s chocolate cake and are just trying to fool the other cause if not this tradition will probably kill them. I mean do you know what happens to a butter based frosting after 6 decades in a poorly ventilated florida cupboards? Its pure punishment.