Wildly boring. You would think that 2 primordial beast that look like the most primitive of animals would clash off and make it look like Jurassic Park. Wrong. Most vanilla thing ever. I mean nothing died/ got eaten. What the fuck was the point if one doesn’t get torn to shreds. In fact I’m starting to hate these alligator videos. People just get so mystified by them cause they look like a dinosaur and grow fucking massive. What ever. Size don’t mean shit if it isn’t using it to dominate something. The weaker one just rolled and swam away like it was nothing. Yea it can maim a gazelle and anything else that’s a vegetarian but i want to see a gator fight a gator, loser gets eaten. And also, what the fuck is with all these gators on golf courses. Handle that shit better, put up fences or something. I never played golf but I kinda would like to not pack a shotgun in my golf bag for when I’m trying to avoid landing near a water hazard. Seriously, Golf courses seem to be a breeding ground for alligators.
FORT LAUDERDALE — Step aside, Burmese python — you may no longer be Florida’s scariest invasive species.
Researchers have confirmed that three Nile crocodiles were captured near Miami, and they say it’s possible more of the man-eating reptiles are still out there, although no one can say for sure.
The big question now: How did they get to Florida?
“They didn’t swim from Africa,” University of Florida herpetologist Kenneth Krysko said. “But we really don’t know how they got into the wild.”
I love it. Here I am thinking Florida can’t get anymore dangerous or bizarre but some way we make things even more absurd. He we are just at the hanging piece of turn clinging to America’s asshole hot as hell on the brink of summer which means 100 degree weather. We have all kinds of bizarre drug news, shootings, we got hurricanes that ravage the lives of the people living here. Sea levels are supposedly rising at an abundant rate that’s suppose to kill us all in years. And now we have some rich dumb fuck probably releasing dangerous violent cousins of American alligators, an already dangerous, vicious, prehistoric reptile. Love it. Its like we recognize the joke about us and we’re just layering it even more and more until people cant think of a joke that fits all our stereotypes anymore. Soon enough we’re gonna have Polar bears roaming south beach amidst news of some rival drug cartel/race/sexual orientation related murder or something 2016 can’t really even comprehend. Its almost why this blog exist. Give me your weirdest.
Was expecting the Jaguar to pull out some giant catfish or something. Didn’t expect him to yank out a god damn alligator by the neck. Plus he did that shit with the quickness. Aimed it up perfectly. Dive in right with his mouth at the neck and don’t let go. Fucking awesome.
BREVARD COUNTY, Florida – A Florida man on the prowl to burglarize homes was eaten by an alligator after fleeing deputies, according to the Brevard County Sheriff’s Office.
The Sheriff’s Office said that 22-year-old Matthew Riggins of Palm Bay, Florida, whose body was discovered in a Barefoot Bay lake on November 23, drowned as a result of the alligator attack.
During the recovery of Riggins’ body, Sheriff’s Dive Team members encountered a large alligator aggressively approaching the area where the body was located. Due to trauma observed on the body, a Florida Fish and Wildlife Commission trapper was called and an alligator approximately 11-foot in length was trapped and euthanized. A forensic examination of the alligator located remains consistent with the injuries to Riggins inside the alligator’s stomach.
Investigators believe that the following events led up to the death of Riggins:
During the late evening/early morning hours of November 12-13, 2015, Riggins advised his girlfriend that he was going to Barefoot Bay to commit burglaries with another male subject.
At approximately 2 a.m. on November 13, deputies responded to the area of Tequesta Drive in Barefoot Bay after a resident called reporting that two males, dressed in black, were walking behind houses in the area. During a search of the area, two males were observed on Royal Palm Boulevard. Upon seeing the deputies, the male subjects fled on foot in an attempt to avoid apprehension.
Fucking Florida, man. I’ve always said to anyone moving here for the first time that you should never start shit with people because in The Sunshine State, you never know which psychopath has a gun and wants to use it. Like the whole Road Rage incident a few years back. The heat gets to our brains and we can’t control our tempers anymore here. Well my second piece of advice is, if you’re on the lam, don’t hide in the wilderness because something in there almost assuredly can and wants to kill you. Its not even like this kid was hiding out in marsh land either. If he was hiding in Billie Swamp Safari, he should 100% expect to get eaten by the 100 or so animals that can kill you out there. But I get the feeling he was almost in some neighborhood retention pond and still got his ass mauled to death by an 11 foot gator. That’s what he have here now self patrolling our streets I guess. Giant ass 11 foot gators in case criminals try to run and hide in residential neighborhoods. I don’t really want anyone to die, but if its a proven method to stopping criminals I’ll be sure to bring it up at the next HOA meeting, having gators patrol the streets at night in case of criminals.
Source- ERIC Holland was just killing time in his shed when he came across a mature Lace Monitor in his backyard earlier this week.
“I was just doing a repair job in my shed when I opened the door and I saw this huge thing run across the ground and out of sight,” Mr Holland said.
“I went inside after I saw it in the backyard and heard a banging noise coming from the side of the house,”
“When I went outside I saw him on the side of the house with his tail hitting the drain pipe,” Mr Holland said.
Mr Holland was quick enough to snap a photo of the estimated five-foot goanna scaled on the side of his Thurgoona home.
Mr Holland has lived in the area for 18 years and said he has never seen anything similar on his property.
“It was a big surprise really,”
“I sometimes get blue tongues and lizards in the backyard but never anything quite like this.”
The goanna quickly shuffled off Mr Holland’s property. Mr Holland has not sighted the reptile since.
The NSW Office of Environment and Heritage said it would not be unusual for a Lace Monitor to be found in the area around Albury.
Lace Monitors can grow to around two metres in length and weigh up to 20 kilograms.
Hey Mr. Holland, this isn’t your average garden variety lizard chilling on your window screen or even like an iguana chilling on the side of the road. Its a like a fucking genetically modified lizard/alligator/dinosaur/Lizard from Spider Man chilling along the side of your brick house. That mother fucking is scaling your walls and here you are lackadaisically just taking pictures of it for the gram as if its not a danger to the human race. Don’t give me that shit about it just wants to be left alone. It wants to eat and the bigger it grows the more it needs to satiate its fucking hunger and when tiny ass animals aren’t enough, you can bet a million koalas this thing is gonna start hitting up Aussie villages and towns to look for food, dead or alive.
And I’ll tell ya, the worst thing about hearing about these giant ass animals that randomly pop up around the world is they use the fucking metric system. I have no idea how those measurements work and I can’t retrain my brain to figure out what those stupid units of measurements are but here i am trying to figure it out. Heres how my brain process worked for this mother fucker- two meters? well in my car they use kilometers so thats gotta be kind of the same thing, so its like 2/1000 of a mile and a mile is very very long for me because i walk slow, there for, this lizard has to be like 20 ft in length. 20 kilograms? 20 bricks of coke because I head them talking about moving KIlos in rap songs and from what i’ve seen in the movies, thats heavy product. So there you have it, in my brain this lizard is the size of a pick up truck and about as heavy as a freshly harvested cocaine field. Fucking Monster of a lizard. Does that make me a dumb ignorant idiot about how this lizard lives and operates? Maybe, but rest assure I wouldn’t be dumb enough to let it live going unchecked while it eats all the kangaroo babies and causes a tear through out the villages of Australia.
NAPLES, Fla. —
Instead of taking off a hand, like in the movie “Happy Gilmore,” this golf course gator is making a meal out of a python.
Club member Pat Aydellot snapped a photo of the nature-based meal, which was posted on the Facebook page for The Classics Country Club at the Lely Resort in Naples even though Aydellot was playing at a different course at the time.
That free advertising right there. How do you get people to come to your Country Club and Resort in Naples besides the appeal of white sand beaches and tropical warm weather and tons of Coastal activities? You send out pictures of two prehistoric primordial dinosaur like creatures fighting right in your backyard concluding with a giant ass alligator closing its jaw lined with sharp teeth down on a giant ass python with close to 3,000 PSI of pressure killing it and inevitably devouring it. That’ll definitely gonna get the snow birds flocking to your resort this holiday season.