Hey Mr. Holland, this isn’t your average garden variety lizard chilling on your window screen or even like an iguana chilling on the side of the road. Its a like a fucking genetically modified lizard/alligator/dinosaur/Lizard from Spider Man chilling along the side of your brick house. That mother fucking is scaling your walls and here you are lackadaisically just taking pictures of it for the gram as if its not a danger to the human race. Don’t give me that shit about it just wants to be left alone. It wants to eat and the bigger it grows the more it needs to satiate its fucking hunger and when tiny ass animals aren’t enough, you can bet a million koalas this thing is gonna start hitting up Aussie villages and towns to look for food, dead or alive.
And I’ll tell ya, the worst thing about hearing about these giant ass animals that randomly pop up around the world is they use the fucking metric system. I have no idea how those measurements work and I can’t retrain my brain to figure out what those stupid units of measurements are but here i am trying to figure it out. Heres how my brain process worked for this mother fucker- two meters? well in my car they use kilometers so thats gotta be kind of the same thing, so its like 2/1000 of a mile and a mile is very very long for me because i walk slow, there for, this lizard has to be like 20 ft in length. 20 kilograms? 20 bricks of coke because I head them talking about moving KIlos in rap songs and from what i’ve seen in the movies, thats heavy product. So there you have it, in my brain this lizard is the size of a pick up truck and about as heavy as a freshly harvested cocaine field. Fucking Monster of a lizard. Does that make me a dumb ignorant idiot about how this lizard lives and operates? Maybe, but rest assure I wouldn’t be dumb enough to let it live going unchecked while it eats all the kangaroo babies and causes a tear through out the villages of Australia.