Monthly Archives: March 2017

Fuck This Dude With Out Legs Running On A Treadmill

 

Hey buddy, do you have lactic acid burning your entire lower region? No cause you don’t have a lower region anymore. I don’t want to be crass here but its the fact. Don’t go throwing around try hard inspirational videos that are a sham. Oh look at me, I can burn fat like crazy with out legs. False, you lost half your weight because your legs are gone. Like that Blade Runner dude who was actually a murderer. People thought it was great to see a guy run who has prosthetic legs. Wrong. He had like fucking robotic legs that can’t get tired and are made out of light weight carbon fiber. Way to teach the kids that they can be faster if they cut off their legs.

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No One Has Looked More Comfortable Rag Dolling A Guy Than This Alleged Rapist In Baby blue Eeyore Pajama Onsie

What a wild time in Vegas. First off, all those people just walking about like this wasn’t gonna be a prized fight about to go down in typical historic Vegas fashion is crazy. People pay thousands to watch a Mayweather fight live. This was a billion times better. You don’t have the regular stare down between boxers saying the other is going to beat the shit out of the other one. Instead we got people accusing people of being a rapist and the other party claiming he was drugged and that they stripped him of everything. Pacquiao never had any of that go down at the press conference. But the fight itself, bananas. First off if you’re gonna bring in a foreign object like a guitar into the mix, you gotta swing that thing like an Ax. You can’t bring your body half closer to try to gun butt the guy with your guitar with out getting susceptible to hits. And once he made that mistake it was pretty much over for him. But you know what was the absolute knock out? It was when Eeyore mustered ever last bit of strength he had to lift him 6 inches off the ground to body slam the guy into a coma. By far some of the weakest, yet thrilling match ups I’ve ever seen in a fight. Kind of need Jim Lampley calling this fight and Larry Merchant interviewing the pajama onsies guy afterward and ask him if he did in fact rape that girl. I mean we dont even need to get into the fact that the guy is in fact wearing a Baby blue Eeyore onsies pajama suit. Thats just Vegas being Vegas.

P.s- The guitar gun butt thing, thats one thing that always frustrated the shit out of me back then watching WWF. Always a feeling of being cheapened out when Triple H would pull out the sledge hammer and half over it with his hand and just ding the guys head with it. Thats no way to use a sledge hammer. I know it’s just entertainment but I wanted him to drop the hammer on mother fuckers like he was chopping wood with it. Obviously it would be manslaughter if he did that but if you’re gonna throw a sledge hammer into the mix then you kind of have to use it that way. At least use it to pound Kurt Angle’s ankles into dust.

I Don’t Hate This Felon’s Move For Hiding Behind A Massive Teddy Bear

WASHINGTON — News Release / Pierce County Sheriff — On the afternoon of Thursday March 9, two Department of Corrections officers conducted a compliance check on a subject who was on active DOC supervision at a residence on 28th Ave. E. in the Brookdale area of Tacoma. The deputies in our Gang Unit assisted in the compliance check because DOC had information that another person living in the residence had an active felony warrant for his arrest.
When deputies entered the residence they were told the wanted man was in the house. As they walked through the house, deputies initially did not see the see the suspect… but they did see a giant 6 foot tall stuffed teddy bear in the corner of one of the bedrooms… and the suspect was crouched down hiding behind it.

If there’s one thing that separates me from a normal intelligent functioning society, its the fact that I’ll believe whatever I see on a big screen if it’s convincing enough. I keep telling myself it’s outrageous we have to pay a monthly electric bill when we can just use arc reactor technology for clean sustainable free energy. Oh the world has a zika virus break out? Why the fuck aren’t we using the Ganali Device like in The Amazing Spiderman 2 and just cure the world one city at a time. Well tell me you havent seen this move play out before in movies? I mean what is even the point of these massive Costco sized 7 foot stuffed bears if not for hiding something illegal behind. I mean these things are MASSIVE. The only bad thing is theres no zipper for these i dont think in which case would be great cause you can probably just hide inside the damn teddy bear and no one would be the wiser. It probably has to do with the fact that the bear looks so god damn innocent. Would never think its used to conceal a criminal. I mean the fact is the first sweep around, they had no fucking idea the crook was hiding behind one of these. Happens in movies and happens in real life. Next time find a room full of stuffed animals and just have them cover your body and i bet they’ll just glance over it while you’re dead staring them in the face.

Why On Earth Were These Canadian People Just Driving On A Frozen Lake All Willy Nilly Until The Ice Cracked And Swallowed Their Truck.

Not gonna lie, being at this southern tip of South Florida really makes me feel like I’m disconnected from the world some times. Do people just willy nilly drive on frozen lakes up in the north? Like I know you can skate on it and ice fish but can you really drive across a frozen lake on a 5000 pound vehicle that’s powered by a combustion engine that gets warmer as it runs? Doesn’t seem like the most ideal method on crossing a frozen lake. Not gonna lie I dont know how anyone travels in the snow. I want to visit a snow area badly with my Husky but between winter tires and all wheel drive and trekking across ice lakes that your car can fall through, i have no idea if I’d ever survive making the journey north in one piece. Thousand percent chance I end up skidding on black ice into a frozen lake that just crumples like a sheet of tissue paper underneath. But I’m a south floridian, shame on these canadians for not knowing.

We Got Another HIGHLY Venomous Cobra Loose In Central Florida

HP- A central Florida neighborhood is on high alert after a man reported his two-foot suphan cobra missing on Monday night.
The highly venomous snake likely slithered out of its enclosure at a home in Oviedo around 9 p.m. It’s not yet clear whether it escaped the residence, the Florida Wildlife Commission said.
The snake’s owner, Brian Purdy, holds a venomous reptile permit. He reported his pet missing just after 11 p.m., wildlife officials said.
Purdy said he wasn’t home when the snake escaped. Instead, a man who had been shadowing him to obtain his own venomous reptiles permit opened its enclosure, the Ocala Star Banner reported, citing police.
The other man, who was using a shield for protection, opened the enclosure because he couldn’t see the animal inside, Purdy said. The cobra jumped at the man and then slid away. The man said he had made sure that the room was secured.

What a fucking asshole. At least once a year there’s one guy that lets a snake run wild that has the killing power of a god. What do these guys even do with a snake? Do they take it out for a walk? Try to pick up girls with a snake? No. They just keep them in Tupperware and let them stew and hate them and then feed them a mouse once every 3 days. I can get having fish because I’m asian and they look nice but if you get an animal that you can’t play with like outside and makes humans happier in life, then what the fuck are you doing it for? I’ve told this story before but I had a buddy who lives snakes and shit. Held one to me one time and said “look how cute it is!” It wasn’t Snakes don’t smile. Dogs do. My buddy ended up on a 3 month period where he binged heroin cause he made terrible life decisions. This guy let an animal lose which is the equivalent of a terrorist on the lose. Only difference between a snake and an ISIS member is this ones small and agile and can hide in small crevices and strike when no ones looking. This asshole let a terrorist on the lose so he should be detained and prisoned.

I’m Gonna Give This Charlize Theron Movie “Atomic Blonde” A Chance.

 

I’ll be absolutely frank here. I think in an effort to be original and steadfast in my own beliefs that I have become jaded and assume everything is a gimmick and nothing screams gimmick for a movie like lesbian scenes between some gunslinger chick. It’s like just printing money at that point because we’re all mindless horny idiots who will absolutely watch that in theaters and on DVD and on Demand. Now I like Charlize Theron. Maybe more so don’t hate her as opposed to like her but she’s done no real wrong in my book I don’t think so I’m gonna give this an unbiased watch. Its like a British government John Wick with a lesbian type movie. If It’s anything like John Wick, I’m sure it’ll be close to a cult classic/ smash hit. I can get down with that.

 

If You Live In Florida You Can Make Money Killing Pythons

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. (AP) — The state agency overseeing Everglades restoration projects plans to pay people to kill Burmese pythons in the wetlands.

The South Florida Water Management District said in a statement Thursday that 25 people will be selected for a 60-day pilot program that aims to remove the invasive predators from state-owned lands.

Starting April 1, participants will be given special access to python-infested district property in Miami-Dade County. They’ll be paid minimum wage up to eight hours each day, plus $50 per python. They’ll receive extra money for snakes measuring longer than 4 feet and for eliminating python nests with eggs.

Registration begins Friday at www.sfwmd.gov/pythonprogram.

Officials say pythons are decimating populations of native Florida mammals, which deprives panthers, alligators, bobcats and birds of their primary food source in the Everglades.

If it wasn’t for the fact that I’m too much of a pussy to go out looking for these snakes in anything short of an Iron Man suit, I would sign up for this gig in a heart beat. Got a 12 gauge fitted with the bells and whistles of lights and extra shell holder loaded with 00 buck and slugs ready to mow down the fucking snake population that’s decimating the habitat of native Floridian creatures. Not to mention, its not a bad gig either, just bucking snakes for minimum wage plus commission per snake. Not a bad day for doing gods work literally obliterating reincarnations of the devil. They only problem with me doing it, it i would absolutely get scared, slipped in a marsh swamp or something and end up getting all of my bones crushed to death and swallowed whole.  But if you are more masculine than me, you can be one out of 20 something people protecting Florida’s wildlife decapitating one snake at a time.

P.s- I dont mess around.