Metro– Fallen Olympic star Ryan Lochte may have been cast adrift by sponsors like Speedo and Ralph Lauren, but he has been thrown a lifeline by a sex toy company.
The 32-year-old gold medal winning star has been at the centre of a storm since over exaggerating being ‘held at gunpoint’ and forced to hand over his wallet while out partying in notorious crime capital Rio de Janeiro in Brazil during the 2016 Games.
In the fallout he has seen his lucrative contract with Speedo cut, and his deals with Ralph Lauren, Airweave and Gentle Hair Removal come to an abrupt end.But the makers of the ‘crowdfunded blowjob robot everyone is talking about’ – the Autoblow2+ – have made him a tempting offer to become the face of their products.
‘It takes years of dedication and practice to win one Olympic Medal let alone 12, so I see in him a man with qualities our brand stands for,’ brand inventor Brian Sloan says.
‘I forgive him for his mistake and want to put him in front of an audience of men who admire him as the champion he is to help us promote the champion of masturbation devices: the Autoblow 2,’ he continues.‘The Autoblow 2’s tireless motor exemplifies the Olympic spirit much as Lochte did while winning his medals,’ he added.
As part of the deal, Autoblow will pay Ry $10,000 USD (£7,500 GBP) to pose with one of the robotic devices while smiling and pointing at it along with the caption ‘the masturbation device Olympic champions chose’.
Easy work if you can get it.
Steal of the century right? Easy 10k for a picture of cock stroker robot. Gotta take it. Look, It’s hard to be the face of something that’s on the fore front of technology because everyone’s to scared to be the face of an unproven brand. I’m sure Lochte would love to be sponsored by Sony or something but the fact of the matter is those opportunities are gone and he’s not getting younger. Are there chances that he’s gonna make it back to the Olympics? Probably not. Your career is essentially down the tubes as far as swimming goes. So maybe it’s time to make a business change and go in a different direction. And for someone that doesn’t have a known sex tape out yet, Ryan Lochte is the perfect person to have promote your deviant sex toy products. It’s a strong enough of a name so that it’s recognized nationally and the guy is still a gold medal winner and in good shape. The only problem is 10 grand for a photo seems kinda low for a decent promotion opportunity. Must be what the managerial team and agents of Lochte are waiting to pull the trigger on. 10k with an Olympian is horse shit. Try a million. Rapid cut shots of the Autoblow 2 in motion and Ryan Lochte swimming competing the hair color right out of his head. Fade to black and just the Autoblow 2. All you hear in the background. “…ooooooohhhhhhh Jeeeaaahhhhhhhh.” You don’t need to be Don Draper to come up with advertising thats that easy.
Daily Mail- While Michael Phelps is now considered the ‘greatest of all time’ with 23 Olympic gold medals, an unlikely competitor once bested him in the pool. More than two decades ago, basketball player Kris Humphries was a talented swimmer who beat Phelps – and 12-time Olympic medalist Ryan Lochte – in numerous events registered by USA Swimming. The Atlanta Hawks forward eventually quit the sport to pursue basketball, but Humphries still holds several records among his age group in Minnesota. In 1995, when Humphries was just 10 years old, the basketball player who later shot to fame after his brief marriage to Kim Kardashian out-swam Phelps in six events, NBA.com reported. Humphries beat the Olympian by nearly six seconds in the 200-meter individual medley, an event Phelps has dominated in the last four Olympics. While Phelps recorded the fastest 100-meter butterfly for his age group in the US that year, he lost to Humphries in the 100-meter freestyle by nearly four seconds. Humphries was an adept sprinter, posting faster times than Phelps in the 50-meter freestyle, butterfly, backstroke, and breaststroke. He also set two records in his age bracket in the 50-meter and 100-meter freestyle events, that lasted for more than 18 years. Ryan Lochte, Phelps’ best-known rival, also appears in the 1995 ledgers, losing out to Humphries in the 50-meter backstroke and 50-meter freestyle. But his love of the sport didn’t seem to last, and Humphries told People magazine in 2003: ‘I was so good at a young age that I got a little burnt out.’ I also grew up in the Michael Jordan era. For me, I watched [basketball] and saw it as a challenge. ‘It’s hard to stay focused on something when you have a ton of success at a young age, so I picked up basketball a little later and rolled with that.’The basketball player seems to enjoy the occasional dip in the pool, but lamented on Instagram last year: ‘Pool workout. Swimming isn’t that easy anymore.’
Ahh the question that comes up every 4 years. Would you rather be a pro athletes that play a real sport or one of these Olympic athletes that gets to compete for their country and try to win a gold medal. Now they say Michael Phelps was born with a perfect swimmers body but in hindsight, you think Kris Humphries would go back and choose swimming over Basketball? I mean the problem is out of the thousands of athletes competing at the Olympics probably 95% of them are just scrubs that work at subways making sandwiches and only bask in the glory for 2 weeks every 4 years. Now on one hand you’re Kris Humphries. Journey men NBA player who probably has no real notoriety if it wasn’t for the fact that he had sex with Kim Kardashian. That’s either a good or bad thing depending on if you think Kim K is hot or not but in the end is fucking around with a net worth of $18 mil. Sounds pretty decent being a career NBA player with a nice amount of pocket change. But then you have Michael Phelps who’s the most decorated Olympian with 23 gold medals and FIFTY-FIVE million dollars for swimming. I mean I know there’s a good chance with the way NBA salary caps and TV deals that there could of been a chance that Humphries got around that number but the fact of the matter is, he’s no Lebron or cracking anything near the top 10 highest paid ever. On a more comparable scale, Humphries beat Lochte too who has around $3 Million. Definitely would rather be Humphries now than Ryan Lochte getting robbed at gun point in Rio with only $3 mil to show for it. But he’s got to at least somewhere in the back of his mind probably think if he just stuck with it, he could be in Phelps shoes with nearly 30 gold medals hanging from his neck, $55 million, and free from all the controversy that was Kim Kardashian.