Ahh the question that comes up every 4 years. Would you rather be a pro athletes that play a real sport or one of these Olympic athletes that gets to compete for their country and try to win a gold medal. Now they say Michael Phelps was born with a perfect swimmers body but in hindsight, you think Kris Humphries would go back and choose swimming over Basketball? I mean the problem is out of the thousands of athletes competing at the Olympics probably 95% of them are just scrubs that work at subways making sandwiches and only bask in the glory for 2 weeks every 4 years. Now on one hand you’re Kris Humphries. Journey men NBA player who probably has no real notoriety if it wasn’t for the fact that he had sex with Kim Kardashian. That’s either a good or bad thing depending on if you think Kim K is hot or not but in the end is fucking around with a net worth of $18 mil. Sounds pretty decent being a career NBA player with a nice amount of pocket change. But then you have Michael Phelps who’s the most decorated Olympian with 23 gold medals and FIFTY-FIVE million dollars for swimming. I mean I know there’s a good chance with the way NBA salary caps and TV deals that there could of been a chance that Humphries got around that number but the fact of the matter is, he’s no Lebron or cracking anything near the top 10 highest paid ever. On a more comparable scale, Humphries beat Lochte too who has around $3 Million. Definitely would rather be Humphries now than Ryan Lochte getting robbed at gun point in Rio with only $3 mil to show for it. But he’s got to at least somewhere in the back of his mind probably think if he just stuck with it, he could be in Phelps shoes with nearly 30 gold medals hanging from his neck, $55 million, and free from all the controversy that was Kim Kardashian.
This is a rabbit or a duck. Its either the coolest thing to have happen to your life at that age or the grossest thing ever. I never want someones sweaty ass towel rubbed into my face. If that were me I might literally puke on Wade. But then again I think it would be awesome if it were Jagr’s or Ekblad or something. Just depends on how much you love the athlete. To his credit, he didn’t look like he was Niagra falls just dripping sweat all over the place so id take it i think. Just brag about a sweaty towel in your room from a early season 109-89 win to your friends who will stop caring after 5 minutes. Theres value to that.
Now I’m not gonna start blogging my dreams all the live long day because a) I forget that shit and b) i don’t think anyone cares but ever since the Jay Z/ Beyonce’s Sister elevator incident, i randomly called out that they were gonna get a divorce. Being the man that loves winning bets and calling things, I was jumping with joy when I found out and then immediately crushed when i found out it was just in my dreams. Any ways, let me break it down how it all happened.
I was in New York at the time getting ready for a wedding. It’s kinda crazy because that wedding is really happening and my friend is going to a wedding today. Funny how that works out in dreams. Anyways, it was like 9 am very foggy day and I’m in an apartment where you can and probably will kill your self accidentally because for some reason there was just some massive hole in a massive window where you can just walk out onto a ledge while you’re up a million feet in the air with winds blowing. Luckily I didn’t die this day. Instead I for some reason didn’t pack any winter clothes even though its in the winter and I forgot to pack a suit going into a wedding. I was wearing like a god damn white shirt with spaghetti stains all over the front and for some reason in my dream was just gonna roll with it? Clean it up, Ed. Gotta dress to the 9s at a wedding. Anyways I’m freaking out because the rest of my family shows up in suits and fancy tux that they got in Paris or some shit so I’m looking like the biggest retard on the block. Start panicking and just decide I’m gonna go buy one right before then and there.
As I head down stairs ( Because apparently every floor below the 26th floor apartments were apart of a mall) I try on suits and shit and couldn’t find one i liked, then i walked outside when it happened. I magically got a suit that materialized on me and then i hear a commotion. I run down like 6 flights of stairs and I’m magically wearing a suit when i hear moaning happening. Out of no where i just see Jay Z in the middle of a stage at the mall drop to his knees and begin crying. Hova just looking like the most vulnerable person on the planet at that moment blubbering tears. The whole crowd was shocked when they saw when they saw what was happening. All over the TV’s and intercoms was a live feed of Beyonce having sex with another man, and that man is none other than Paul Anthony Pierce. Number 34- small forward of the Los Angeles Clippers. The Motherfuckin Truth.
Welp, Have a nice Saturday, folks! Spread this rumor like wildfire!
Love it. All this talk about D-Wade getting old and not being able to play up to par anymore. Did you just see that? Guy just unloads a heater right at that kids body. High velocity, clean execution.
**Insert Fire Emoji** ** Repeat Inserting Fire Emoji**