Tag Archives: Florida

Florida Did It Again: Lady Got Shot BY Police Office In A Citizen Police Training Academy

PUNTA GORDA –A woman was killed in an accidental shooting Tuesday evening at the Punta Gorda Citizen Police Academy.

Multiple witnesses tell NBC2 the officer involved in the shooting was Officer Lee Coel.

Controversy surrounded Officer Coel earlier this year after a man sued the City of Punta Gorda and the police department claiming Cole and his K9 went too far during a traffic stop arrest. A video showed Coel sending his K-9 to help take down a bicyclist, and then allowed the dog to stay latched on for nearly two minutes.

Chief Tom Lewis called Tuesday night’s incident a “horrible accident.” He said the shooting happened during a “shoot or don’t shoot” scenario in which they use simulated lethal force in a live role play.

Two participants were randomly selected. Lewis said there were approximately 35 people in attendance.

Lewis said the victim, 73-year-old Mary Knowlton, was “mistakenly struck with a live round.”

Knowlton was transported to Lee Memorial and pronounced dead.

“I am devastated for everyone involved in this unimaginable event. If you pray, please pray for Mary’s family, and for the officers who were involved. Everyone involved in this accident is in a state of overwhelming shock and grief,” Lewis said.

City Manager Howard Kunik expressed his sympathy during a news conference Wednesday morning. He called Knowlton a vital part of the community.

“We want to express our dearest sympathy for the family and friends of Mary Knowlton. We are shocked by this horrific accident and are grieving deeply over Mary’s passing,” Kunik said.

Kunik said this incident has had a huge impact on the other participants in the room who saw the shooting. He said the chief immediately called the police chaplain, and they are doing everything they can to support those affect.

The officer involved in the shooting has been placed on administrative leave until the investigation is complete. The Florida Department of Law Enforcement is investigating the incident.

 

Well god dammit. Police authority shooting has been the hottest of hot button issues for the past 3 years and now Florida is all mixed in it with the dumbest shooting of all. First off by all accounts, Officer Coel probably wasn’t the best choice to teach the crowd. Like if you’re going to impart wisdom about a job that gets scrutinized these days for their unfair abusive, excessive use of force treatment towards people, then maybe don’t have an officer who lets his police K-9 maul a bicyclist for an unreasonable amount of time, be the one to do it. I’m not saying getting the desk officer who’s never been out in the field once. You need a seasoned all around officer. Now I don’t know a thing about this cop Coel, but off the top of my head you should get a cop who was a D.A.R.E. officer. Those guys can’t fuck up doing one of these teaching presentations or else, like say switch scenarios, they would end up shooting a little kid in the face. Yea i get they’re just trying to get kids to not smoke weed even though they will in the future probably, but still. Need someone who can work the crowds and is cautious enough to not live fire when you’re just teaching mostly in theory.

Woman Sues School For Not Hiring Her As A Spanish Teacher Even Though She Doesn’t Know Spanish

Tracy Rosner, a third-grade teacher at Coral Reef Elementary, filed a federal lawsuit in the Southern District of Florida last week claiming employment discrimination on the basis of her race — which is white. Miami-Dade School Board attorneys have not filed a formal response in court and did not return calls for comment Thursday. We'll update this post if they provide one. Rosner's attorneys write that her school's students are on three tracks: college preparatory, gifted, and extended foreign language (EFL), where they receive one hour of foreign language instruction per day. In May 2015, Rosner requested to be reassigned to the EFL track, where students are taught both English and another language.But Rosner says the principal had an unfair policy of requiring its foreign language teachers to actually speak the language they were teaching. In a totally ¿En serio? moment, Rosner claims that she was "otherwise fully qualified" for the job and that the policy is discriminatory. Her complaint says the school could have given her the job and then just had someone else teach the foreign language component for one hour per day. After she was denied the job, Rosner says, the school's principal retaliated by doubling her workload and asking her to teach all the subjects instead of just reading and language arts. Rosner apparently complained to the superintendent and even made a formal complaint to the school district's civil rights office, but administrators there found no probable cause and closed the case. The lawsuit claims that non-Spanish speakers are a minority population in Miami-Dade County and that seeking employment solely from Spanish speakers "disproportionately affects" Rosner and others like her. "As a direct and proximate result of the retaliation against Ms. Rosner, and the violation of her rights... Ms. Rosner was provided a less desirable position and has damages including emotional pain, suffering, inconvenience, mental anguish, [and] loss of enjoyment of life," the lawsuit states.

MNT- Tracy Rosner, a third-grade teacher at Coral Reef Elementary, filed a federal lawsuit in the Southern District of Florida last week claiming employment discrimination on the basis of her race — which is white.
Miami-Dade School Board attorneys have not filed a formal response in court and did not return calls for comment Thursday. We’ll update this post if they provide one.
Rosner’s attorneys write that her school’s students are on three tracks: college preparatory, gifted, and extended foreign language (EFL), where they receive one hour of foreign language instruction per day. In May 2015, Rosner requested to be reassigned to the EFL track, where students are taught both English and another language.But Rosner says the principal had an unfair policy of requiring its foreign language teachers to actually speak the language they were teaching. In a totally ¿En serio? moment, Rosner claims that she was “otherwise fully qualified” for the job and that the policy is discriminatory. Her complaint says the school could have given her the job and then just had someone else teach the foreign language component for one hour per day.
After she was denied the job, Rosner says, the school’s principal retaliated by doubling her workload and asking her to teach all the subjects instead of just reading and language arts. Rosner apparently complained to the superintendent and even made a formal complaint to the school district’s civil rights office, but administrators there found no probable cause and closed the case.
The lawsuit claims that non-Spanish speakers are a minority population in Miami-Dade County and that seeking employment solely from Spanish speakers “disproportionately affects” Rosner and others like her.
“As a direct and proximate result of the retaliation against Ms. Rosner, and the violation of her rights… Ms. Rosner was provided a less desirable position and has damages including emotional pain, suffering, inconvenience, mental anguish, [and] loss of enjoyment of life,” the lawsuit states.

Now at first I thought this teacher was being foolish. Like why on earth would you want to teach Spanish to half a class filled with Spanish kids cause it’s Miami when you don’t know Spanish. It’s Miami we’re talking about here. Those kids are ruthless in high school. We had one teacher that taught french who looked like Yoda but the big knock was that she never even been to France. She commanded no respect. From the kids. Why get a white lady who’s never even been to french teach french, let alone a Spanish teacher who doesn’t even speak Spanish. It would be like finding a power slugger outside of Cuba to join the Cuban baseball team . There’s just so much more talent readily available.

But then apparently this is 3rd grade Spanish? who the fuck cares about third grade Spanish. your brain doesn’t learn foreign languages at that age. Our brains probably can’t even understand our 1st language yet at that age. I can’t recall a lick of any thing when i was in 3rd grade. Not even sure I had a Spanish teacher even though i know our school required it every year. In south Florida I’m pretty sure how it works is you just learn to conjugate verbs and learn when to put an “s” or “es” at the end of things. And then all Spanish teachers in SoFla will teach you that “Boca Raton” means the “mouth of the Mouse or Rat”. Anyone out there who had a Spanish language class in south Florida try to tell me other wise. See I think this lady should be able to teach 3rd grade Spanish because I’m pretty sure i just taught everything they normally teach.

We Got 14 Cases Of Zika Down In Wynwood!

en more people have caught Zika from local mosquitoes in Miami, Florida Gov. Rick Scott has announced. It means there are now 14 cases of locally-transmitted Zika in the state, the first local outbreak of the virus in mainland America. The new cases are clustered in the same square-mile neighborhood in Miami-Dade County identified last week. Florida health officials said in a news release Monday they believe active transmissions of Zika are occurring only in that area. But despite their insistence that everything is under control, Gov Scott has finally agreed to call in a CDC Emergency Response Team (CERT). Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-3718434/Governor-14-Florida-Zika-cases-likely-caused-mosquito.html#ixzz4G6t8J7MP Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

ten more people have caught Zika from local mosquitoes in Miami, Florida Gov. Rick Scott has announced.
It means there are now 14 cases of locally-transmitted Zika in the state, the first local outbreak of the virus in mainland America.
The new cases are clustered in the same square-mile neighborhood in Miami-Dade County identified last week.
Florida health officials said in a news release Monday they believe active transmissions of Zika are occurring only in that area.
But despite their insistence that everything is under control, Gov Scott has finally agreed to call in a CDC Emergency Response Team (CERT).
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-3718434/Governor-14-Florida-Zika-cases-likely-caused-mosquito.html#ixzz4G6t8J7MP
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

Hey future baby mama’s out there, hate to break the news to you but our child will probably have a deformed skull or something. That’s just the Florida life now. Don’t think it’s some medical disaster. That’s just the adaptive culture that is South Florida. The same way Seattle enjoys stealing all the culture of Japan because they’re close by, we just steal all the culture of South America because they’re close by. We get a small amount of Cuban population influx, we start opening up Romeus and Las Vegas restaurants. Your Mexicans are looking for more of a variety when shopping that Publix can’t supply, we give them a Sedanos. Brazilians making their way over here, we start opening Brazilian steak houses and contracting Zika viruses. We’re a second home to most of these people who are use to living in the poor squalor of their developing country and we just try to acclimate them as well as possible. We’re almost like a bootleg New York where we just let people in. And sure you can come here and try to make an honest living with out having a corrupt government keeping you as poor as possible, but you can’t escape zika cause now that’s just apart of your everyday culture that reminds you a little bit about home.

Sidenote- Another great conspiracy should be that the government brought over zika virus and released it in Wynwood to rid Miami of the hipster art scene. Someone should run with that headline.

Quick Side question- How did people know they were infected by zika. I thought that shit only affected pregnant people with babies. But like it also takes 9 months to cook a baby inside so has zika been here for 9 months? this question might be stupid but i dont read all the way so if someone could tell me that would be great.

Florida Twin Kills Twin Sister, Probably Because Being Twins Suck

Source- Identical twin sisters Anastasia and Alexandria Duval (“yoga entrepreneurs” from Florida), were seen arguing in a car pulled over by the side of the road. Things escalated and Anastasia was seen pulling Alexandria’s hair and screaming. Then witnesses saw the vehicle “accelerate forward and then take a sharp left over the cliff” and plunge 60m onto rocks. The passenger, Anastasia, was pronounced dead at the scene. The driver, Alexandria was taken to hospital in a critical condition. The 37-year-old has now appeared in court, charged with the second-degree murder of her sister. Prosecutors allege she intentionally drove the car off the cliff and made no attempt to stop.

Source- Identical twin sisters Anastasia and Alexandria Duval (“yoga entrepreneurs” from Florida), were seen arguing in a car pulled over by the side of the road.
Things escalated and Anastasia was seen pulling Alexandria’s hair and screaming.
Then witnesses saw the vehicle “accelerate forward and then take a sharp left over the cliff” and plunge 60m onto rocks.
The passenger, Anastasia, was pronounced dead at the scene.
The driver, Alexandria was taken to hospital in a critical condition. The 37-year-old has now appeared in court, charged with the second-degree murder of her sister. Prosecutors allege she intentionally drove the car off the cliff and made no attempt to stop.

I don’t know if I ever said it on the blog but Twins and Ed Lee are just three things I think will never get along. Just had a sour history with them. In high school there were 3 twins in our graduating class. I’m always more down with one over the other, but over all just hated their guts. They always thought they were so unique and special when it reality its the exact opposite. Probably nothing less unique then one human is another human that is exactly like you genetically. Only met one cool twin in my life who’s a buddy of mine but even he’s not normal and has weird medical conditions where he can’t sweat at night and sometimes he thinks his heart stops pumping. Just a whole host of nonsense problems that wouldn’t happen if he didn’t have to share a uterus for 9 months before he saw sunlight.

This doesn’t surprise me though that one twin wanted their own spot light for once. Tired of having weird feelings randomly hit because the other ones thinking it. Tired of all the “hey did you feel it when I fucked you’re sister!” jokes. Sounds pretty lame being a twin if we’re being honest. Well seems like Alexandria was fed up with it as well. My only thing is she probably could’ve gotten away with it with no charges right? Just switch seats and say it was the other one that tried to kill her? If any eye witness did see anything they’d be shit out of luck when they find out they were identical twins in the car. And if all else fails, she has to play the “I’m a twin, if I tried to kill her, it would be like if I tried to kill myself. Do you really think I would do that?” defense. I’d lose a little respect for her using the twin card in the court of law, but then again she’s not a twin anymore so I can treat her like a normal person now so it kind of evens out.

Does This Look Like The Face Of A Guy Who Pretended To Be Jason Aldean To Swindle Cash And Sex From A Woman?

LARGOS, Fla. — Authorities arrested a Florida man after he allegedly posed as country music star Jason Aldean and swindled a mentally handicapped woman out of cash. He also allegedly convinced her to have sex with him. >> Read more trending stories Largos police arrested Daniel Michael Farris, 27, on Tuesday, according to records from the Pinellas County Sheriff's Office. He faces charges of scheming to defraud a person of less than $20,000 and grand theft. Police said Farris pretended to be Aldean on Facebook and also posed as a friend of Aldean's. "Allegedly, Farris would collect the funds by telling the victim Jason Aldean loved her, but was on tour and his friend needed money," WFLA reported. Farris got $230 from the woman, according to an affidavit obtained by WFLA, and asked her to give him $2,000. He admitted to taking the cash, officers said in the affidavit, and said he used the money to fuel his addiction to prescription pills. He remained jailed Saturday morning.

LARGOS, Fla. —
Authorities arrested a Florida man after he allegedly posed as country music star Jason Aldean and swindled a mentally handicapped woman out of cash. He also allegedly convinced her to have sex with him.
Largos police arrested Daniel Michael Farris, 27, on Tuesday, according to records from the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office. He faces charges of scheming to defraud a person of less than $20,000 and grand theft.
Police said Farris pretended to be Aldean on Facebook and also posed as a friend of Aldean’s.
“Allegedly, Farris would collect the funds by telling the victim Jason Aldean loved her, but was on tour and his friend needed money,” WFLA reported.
Farris got $230 from the woman, according to an affidavit obtained by WFLA, and asked her to give him $2,000.
He admitted to taking the cash, officers said in the affidavit, and said he used the money to fuel his addiction to prescription pills.
He remained jailed Saturday morning.

Scummy move all around, glad this guys going to have to serve some time more likely than not since it sounds like they caught him red handed, but I want to make something abundantly clear. This guy knows he’s going to have to face time in prison and he’s probably already accepted that, but I bet he probably thinks he’s gonna be the cool cat in the state locked up with a gangster story about how he impersonated a relatively famous country singer and duped a girl out of money and sex. That girl was mentally challenged, bro. None of that shit counts. Guy probably thinks mighty of himself like he pulled off the disguise of the century even though if you take almost any normal pudgy white guy with short hair and a deep enough voice can say they look like so and so country singer. Mix in the fact that you’re swindling someone that probably has the mental capacity of a 13 year old, even I could probably trick her into thinking I’m Jason Aldean and I’m Chinese. It’s one thing if you duped a rich smart cultured woman, but he went low ball as shit and picked a mentally challenged person and cheated her out of a couple hundred bucks. Some people might not think this matters and all since he’s probably going to prison regardless, but sometimes its how you dress the story that makes all the difference.

P.s- Its always Pinellas County. Like how in the Town almost 90% of bank robbery crimes committed are by people from Charlestown. Well the most absurd, lewd, or cooky criminal stories are for the most times coming out of Pinellas County.

It’s Sea Turtle Nesting Season So Please Remember To Not Leave Any Trash On The Beach Or A Brick Of Cocaine For That Matter.

Sun Sentinel- When Doug Phinney walked into a bar on A1A about 1 a.m. Tuesday with an open kilo of suspected cocaine in his hands, he wasn't looking to make a sale or even worried about being arrested. In fact, he was looking for a cop. "I finally flagged down an officer driving by," said Phinney, 52, from Wilton Manors. "And I showed him what I found." Phinney made his discovery on the sands of Fort Lauderdale beach during a routine nighttime patrol as a volunteer with the Sea Turtle Oversight Program, designed to protect the behemoth sea creatures during the summer nesting season. During his four-hour patrol he did spot 11 loggerhead turtles who swam ashore to lay eggs.But it was the drugs that made the night memorable. "I was doing what I always do," said Phinney, on summer break from teaching legal studies at the online Florida Virtual School. "It was raining, the surf was crashing, there was a ton of seaweed on the beach, and then I saw this package the size of a brick. As soon as I picked it up I knew what it was." Phinney said he used a knife to slice open the package and found a white sticky substance that a Fort Lauderdale police dog seemed to recognize as cocaine. When police received a call about found narcotics, Officer Giovanni Morales responded, according to records. Three officers were soon on the scene, and all seemed rather blasé about the find, Phinney said. But the patrons of a nearby bar just north of Las Olas Boulevard were excited, Phinney said. "They said, 'You found that right out there? Man, you should have given it to me,'" said Phinney. Police made a report, and took possession of the suspected cocaine, Phinney said. Richard WhiteCloud, founding director of the Sea Turtle Oversight Program, said a monitor found a bale of suspected marijuana while on patrol about two weeks ago. But coming upon contraband is rare, he said. Phinney said when he cut the package open and got some of the product on his fingers he was tempted to rub a bit on his gums, as he's seen done in the movies. But he refrained. "You did the right thing," Phinney said the police told him.

Sun Sentinel– When Doug Phinney walked into a bar on A1A about 1 a.m. Tuesday with an open kilo of suspected cocaine in his hands, he wasn’t looking to make a sale or even worried about being arrested.
In fact, he was looking for a cop.
“I finally flagged down an officer driving by,” said Phinney, 52, from Wilton Manors. “And I showed him what I found.”
Phinney made his discovery on the sands of Fort Lauderdale beach during a routine nighttime patrol as a volunteer with the Sea Turtle Oversight Program, designed to protect the behemoth sea creatures during the summer nesting season. During his four-hour patrol he did spot 11 loggerhead turtles who swam ashore to lay eggs.But it was the drugs that made the night memorable.
“I was doing what I always do,” said Phinney, on summer break from teaching legal studies at the online Florida Virtual School. “It was raining, the surf was crashing, there was a ton of seaweed on the beach, and then I saw this package the size of a brick. As soon as I picked it up I knew what it was.”
Phinney said he used a knife to slice open the package and found a white sticky substance that a Fort Lauderdale police dog seemed to recognize as cocaine.
When police received a call about found narcotics, Officer Giovanni Morales responded, according to records.
Three officers were soon on the scene, and all seemed rather blasé about the find, Phinney said.
But the patrons of a nearby bar just north of Las Olas Boulevard were excited, Phinney said. “They said, ‘You found that right out there? Man, you should have given it to me,'” said Phinney.
Police made a report, and took possession of the suspected cocaine, Phinney said.
Richard WhiteCloud, founding director of the Sea Turtle Oversight Program, said a monitor found a bale of suspected marijuana while on patrol about two weeks ago. But coming upon contraband is rare, he said.
Phinney said when he cut the package open and got some of the product on his fingers he was tempted to rub a bit on his gums, as he’s seen done in the movies. But he refrained.
“You did the right thing,” Phinney said the police told him.

My first thought was “these damn kids and drug mules these days.” Absolutely no respect for public property and nature. As well known and popular as Ft Laudy beach is, you will occasionally find scraps of junk washed up on shore. I remember our 6th grade end of the year beach field trip ended with a buddy getting sea lice on his balls, but also with me finding scraps of a junked car that floated ashore. And then I think I also left like 30 soda cans on the floor because for some reason i decided to crack them open and pour them down my face like Stone Cold Steve Austin. Kids just have no respect for nature just leaving their trash and distribution amount of drugs everywhere

But then now thinking about it and growing up to see how absurd the world can be, It would be kinda fun, and maybe possible, to have a scenario where drug lords are intercepting wild sea turtles on mating season and strapping bricks of cocaine on them and having them bury it while they lay their sea turtle eggs. You laugh at that idea now but I think the term “Drug Mule” has at least a little something to do with actual real life actual mule animals. Think about it now, operation takes place at night, sea turtles bury things in sand, you can’t arrest sea turtles. Not saying its a well established drug trafficking plan. Maybe this was a test embargo. Yea it didn’t go quite accordingly with this one drop but if all things played out perfectly, sea turtles can probably move a couple hundred kilos by the end of mating season. Its the perfect crime.

 

Things Are Getting Weird Where I Live. Gators Found Eating A Corpse

A gruesome drama played out on the edge of the Everglades Monday night, as police tried to recover a human body being eaten by two alligators. Two fishermen called the police after encountering the scene in a canal west of U.S. 27 in the town of Southwest Ranches in western Broward County. The cause of death was not immediately known, and the police said the body appeared to have been in the water for a long time. Officers from the Davie Police Department, which patrols Southwest Ranches, arrived and attempted to scare off the alligators, said Davie Police Capt. Dale Engle. Although the animals retreated, he said, they lingered nearby. A dive team was called in, as officers armed with AR-15 rifles stood ready to shoot any approaching alligators. An alligator trapper from the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission was sent to the scene. By 10 p.m. they had recovered the body.

Sun Sentinal– A gruesome drama played out on the edge of the Everglades Monday night, as police tried to recover a human body being eaten by two alligators.
Two fishermen called the police after encountering the scene in a canal west of U.S. 27 in the town of Southwest Ranches in western Broward County. The cause of death was not immediately known, and the police said the body appeared to have been in the water for a long time.
Officers from the Davie Police Department, which patrols Southwest Ranches, arrived and attempted to scare off the alligators, said Davie Police Capt. Dale Engle. Although the animals retreated, he said, they lingered nearby.
A dive team was called in, as officers armed with AR-15 rifles stood ready to shoot any approaching alligators. An alligator trapper from the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission was sent to the scene. By 10 p.m. they had recovered the body.

For 20 years I’ve lived here I’m honestly shocked there’s not more obscure death murders or weird shit going on in these neck of the woods. I mean don’t get me wrong every now and then this place gets some sort of thing that spreads through the neighborhoods. When I first moved here it was that it was built on top of an Indian Burial Ground so ghost and spirits would come up and swallow our souls or something. Believable when its quiet in the dead of night and a random horse or cow makes loud noises when it should be asleep. A few years after that story came, there was a story of a murder where the father in law blew the head off of his girls husband. After that though, nothing. I mean we’re talking about a place with multi millionaire old guys with loads of gated private land and away from the busy public. Its perfect area for weird crimes. I need more stories like this coming up so I can go poking my noise into the dark corners of Southwest Ranches that some people aren’t willing to look. I mean yea this could be some canal fisherman who fucked up and slipped into bog water infested with gators, but I’d like to think it was crime related that leads to some seedy dark underground cult ring. Guess a guy can dream but since nothing’s confirmed about the dead guy then I’m gonna assume the latter. Sure it seems nice here, but in reality, you’re in Carcosa now.

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High School Girl Has Sex With TWENTY FIVE Boys In A High School Bathroom

FORT MYERS, Florida — Multiple male students from South Fort Myers High School are believed to have had sex with a 15-year-old female in a campus bathroom after school ended Tuesday. Principal Melissa Layner reported the incident to the Lee County Sheriff’s Office’s school-based deputy, Jarrod Cantrell, the following morning. Using footage captured from a hallway camera, Cantrell “observed 25 male students go inside the restroom over the time-frame of the female being inside the restroom,” an LCSO report states. Layner spoke with the female student, who “confirmed that she had sex with a number of willing males.” Because of the female’s age, the special victims unit was called in, and the incident was reported to the Florida Abuse Hotline.

FORT MYERS, Florida — Multiple male students from South Fort Myers High School are believed to have had sex with a 15-year-old female in a campus bathroom after school ended Tuesday.
Principal Melissa Layner reported the incident to the Lee County Sheriff’s Office’s school-based deputy, Jarrod Cantrell, the following morning.
Using footage captured from a hallway camera, Cantrell “observed 25 male students go inside the restroom over the time-frame of the female being inside the restroom,” an LCSO report states.
Layner spoke with the female student, who “confirmed that she had sex with a number of willing males.”
Because of the female’s age, the special victims unit was called in, and the incident was reported to the Florida Abuse Hotline.

Im gonna make this real quick because im not gonna go on and on about a 15 year old fucking 25 guys but yo, this chick, who’s 15 had sex with 25 dudes (allegedly). To put that into context, picture a football field with an offense and defense and like 3 refs. That’s a DIESEL amount of sex. It almost ruins the fun of it. The thrill of the chase, the games we play, trying to hide what people most obviously know. No fun when you just have to go take a leak and next thing you know its like a line of coal miners punching their ticket to clock out or get their D’s S’d at the local pisser of your high school.

Fun News! We Got Nile Crocodiles Invading Our Waters Now!

FORT LAUDERDALE — Step aside, Burmese python — you may no longer be Florida's scariest invasive species. Researchers have confirmed that three Nile crocodiles were captured near Miami, and they say it's possible more of the man-eating reptiles are still out there, although no one can say for sure. The big question now: How did they get to Florida? "They didn't swim from Africa," University of Florida herpetologist Kenneth Krysko said. "But we really don't know how they got into the wild."

FORT LAUDERDALE — Step aside, Burmese python — you may no longer be Florida’s scariest invasive species.
Researchers have confirmed that three Nile crocodiles were captured near Miami, and they say it’s possible more of the man-eating reptiles are still out there, although no one can say for sure.
The big question now: How did they get to Florida?
“They didn’t swim from Africa,” University of Florida herpetologist Kenneth Krysko said. “But we really don’t know how they got into the wild.”

I love it. Here I am thinking Florida can’t get anymore dangerous or bizarre but some way we make things even more absurd. He we are just at the hanging piece of turn clinging to America’s asshole hot as hell on the brink of summer which means 100 degree weather. We have all kinds of bizarre drug news, shootings, we got hurricanes that ravage the lives of the people living here. Sea levels are supposedly rising at an abundant rate that’s suppose to kill us all in years. And now we have some rich dumb fuck probably releasing dangerous violent cousins of American alligators, an already dangerous, vicious, prehistoric reptile. Love it. Its like we recognize the joke about us and we’re just layering it even more and more until people cant think of a joke that fits all our stereotypes anymore. Soon enough we’re gonna have Polar bears roaming south beach amidst news of some rival drug cartel/race/sexual orientation related murder or something 2016 can’t really even comprehend. Its almost why this blog exist. Give me your weirdest.