Tag Archives: harley Quinn

Screen Rant: Suicide Squad (**Spoilers**)

 

3072003-suicide-squad-group-posterThis movie stunk. Like not good. It’s not that I hate DC movies, honestly, I could care less. I watch Man of Steel all the time cause Christopher Meloni’s in it and I actually thought Batman vs. Superman was decent and overall fun to watch. I couldn’t watch this with out thinking about how much I hated the characters so I might not even know if the plot is really great but as I write this blog im gonna let that mull over a little too. The trailers certainly sold the movie as the movie brought in a little under a gazillion dollars even though all the critics and for the most part I think the popular consensus was that the movie stunk. When it released opening night it was at a solid 9.2 rating on IMDB. Here we are a week removed and its a very lack luster 6.9 (ni.ce). There are plenty of options out in theaters that are probably better. The new Bourne movie if espionage action movies are your thing, if not War Dogs looks pretty funny and a cool story. If you’ve exhausted your options i guess give Suicide Squad a watch. If you just want to be entertained for over 2 hours go at it. It’s not the worst thing in the world, but it certainly isn’t or shouldn’t be the gold standard of the DC Extended Universe.

Honestly this should be like a netflix series. I hate to compare the two, but there really is no other option. Marvel has their Netflix properties to take care of the low to mid tier villains because it’s unrealistic to have Dare Devil try to fight Loki. You save these scenarios that threaten the Earth for The Avengers. Well why the fuck would you send these criminals to try to save the entire planet when you could just as well assemble the Justice League. Actual “meta-humans” that have the resources and abilities to ward off shit that can obliterate the planet. If they had episodes that show more of each character it would be great but instead we’re given a quick rundown of characters that really have no business fighting crime of this proportion. I don’t want to give too much away in case people do actually want to see it because the marketing works so all I’ll say for now is that i would give it a 6.3/10. Do what you will with that.

As I said earlier a big gripe i had was with the characters. Hated almost all of them for different reasons. So I took some time to sit down and think why I hated their character, but better yet, If we had to really assemble a Suicide Squad, who would we pick? The most hated people to send out to do our bidding risking their lives so if and when all hell breaks loose, we can just blame them.

Amanda Waller1b3dbab0-3afa-0134-b057-0a814d95abff

All things considered, Amanda Waller was a pretty good character. Ruthless bitch. Knows she has a job to do. Now it is her plan to assemble this cast of characters which everyone knows would be a headache to manage, but she’s a woman that doesn’t mind getting her hands dirty. Now I know she herself isn’t a squad member, she’s just the GM, but the GM is just as important. Who would I send in her place? Wendy Williams. Do people hate her? I don’t really know but I assume so. Why? Because of the video of Method Man is chilling getting a hair cut getting all mad at Wendy Williams because she outted Method Man’s wife as a cancer patient. Leave their personal business alone, Wendy you trifling bitch. Oh and as for Oprah? She was apparently actually a choice for the studios to play Amanda Waller and I get probably no one on earth hates her but o wait. Remember the time she said she’d give all KFC customers free chicken? Yea that shit never worked for me so I hate her now. You owe me some free Oprah chicken, you lying bitch.

Captain BoomerangScreen Shot 2016-08-13 at 11.31.40 PM

How can I care about a character that is so god damn useless to the story. What in gods name would be the point of bringing aboard a backstabbing diamond thief on your mission to kill an evil entity? The guy uses a fucking boomerang. A boomerang. Dead fucking technology. Might as well just hire a cast of actors in a Roman war reenactment and just have them throw javelin spears because it would be just as effective except you don’t have to deal with a drunk aussie criminal. Now who would I pick to send in? The Donald. Listen, this list isn’t solely based on resemblance. Sometimes you just gotta send in people you hate. Donald is border line a hate monger at these rallies calling Obama the creator of ISIS. They both just talk to much, shits annoying. Send them in the front lines and let captain boomerang just die. Slick talking and want millions while not giving a fuck is in the way. Send in Trump but rewrite the story to say Captain Boomerang dies because he’s a fucking mortal human with no abilities what so ever.

Slipknot

Screen Shot 2016-08-13 at 11.43.27 PM

When I saw Adam Beach was in this movie I gasped. Kickin wing. Kickin wing Animal doctor who’s suppose to be kicking ass. Guy was involved in one of the most puzzling cases of Law and Order SVU after being arrested for the killing of a fellow police officer. Unfortunately, by the end of the movie, if I polled the entire audience in every single theater across America I guarantee you more than half of them forgot that he was even in this movie. Guy came and went like two ships in the night. Now for the sake of my own enjoyment, I want Alex Jones to be this guy. Fucking annoying with his screaming and conspiracy theories. Kill him off in the first 5 minutes.

Killer Croccropped_alex-rodriguez-mirror.vadapt.955.high.10

Now’s where we get more interesting with characters that should matter. Killer Croc is a great villain. The guy is like part crocodile, you know how badass that is? Some cannibalistic mutant just fucking people up. But now think for a second, what is the most menacing part of a croc. Its teeth. This Killer Croc, used none of that. Instead he was just punching people. How lame is that? Let me see him rip some guys face off. If you’re gonna do a PG-13 movie don’t give me characters that should be a hard R for disturbing violence. You know who else has that type of brute power and is hated among many? Alexander Enmanuel Rodriguez. Give Killer Croc a baseball bat and meatball and I guarantee you he’s rounding home in an instant. With his character flaw of looking ugly as fuck, He’s always talking about how beautiful he is and attractive to cope with it. You know who else thinks of them self as beautiful? The guy in the original photo above who is kissing himself in the fucking mirror. Who else is half man and half beast other than Arod who is a man centaur¬† Oh yea and the whole “Killer Croc is a cannibal” thing, remember when Arod brought a cooler with his own food to a fancy restaurant for them to heat up? Hmmmmm……

EnchantressScreen Shot 2016-08-14 at 12.39.53 AM

Yo June Moon the archeologist fucking suuuucckkked at her job. Went exploring and fell down a fucking hole. Now if you were making some great exploration tell me, do you preserve everything as is and document all your findings or do you pick up some jinxed idol, break it, and release a 7000 year old witch lady that will posses your body? Sucks you never saw the full grasp of her powers too. you saw her like teleport but she’s got to be able to do more with all her powers and shit right? Now this pick is one that’s purely in the news that made my brain go to her but you just have to send in Hope Solo. No one likes her right? Choked in the Rio Olympics like June Moon Choked at not falling down a hole. Bending and contorting all weird and shit and you know what? Since Hope’s nudes were released, I can confidently say she probably shares a similar looking vagina to the 7 millennia years old Enchantress.

KatanaScreen Shot 2016-08-14 at 10.36.34 AM

Has a character that’s suppose to be so bad ass been as non nonchalantly introduced into a movie like Katana? I mean I know Flag gives the exposition of she has a sword that steals souls or whatever, but she literally just shows up on a plane and he says “This is Katana” and moves on. You see none of the described sword’s real powers because it was shot in the dark and so fast and what ever they did show int he trailer got cut in final production. And even though many people still think its bad ass the whole samurai master of the sword look is, the fact still remains that swords are dead technology. .45 caliber bullets are stronger and more devastating and faster. For the sake of the story though, you learn that Katana is a revengeful girl with that sword hacking away at her husband’s killer. You know who else is spite-filled bitch with a blade? Laurena Bobbitt. Talk about one of the more revered and heinous crimes in American history. She’s top of the list as the new groups Katana. Who else would be a great fit? Amy Fisher and Tonya Harding. Tonya Harding certainly has the hate brewing in her heart but she wasn’t the one carrying out the act of smashing a girls femur in half so I can only give her half credit. Amy Fisher on the other hand was ready to double tap Mary Jo in the back of the head. Not to mention, In my head Katana’s husband can be some auto body shop owner in japan doing oil changes on GTRs like he’s the Tokyo Joey Buttafuoco.

Rick Flag

Screen Shot 2016-08-14 at 1.36.11 PM

Rick Flag was just bland as fuck but you hate him because he was just an uptight asshole. So unprofessional of him to fall in love with a demon witch lady. Nothing likeable about him one bit. With held info from the team and shit using his authority to make the crew of mass murderers feel like they’re below him with their lives dangling in the palm of his hand. Such a dick move. You know who else was hated by everyone who can shoot though? Christian Laettner. Rick Flag was the only main character who wasn’t a villain. Christian Laettner was the only one who was a college athlete in the 92 Dream Team. Rick Flag is Christian Laettner of the Suicide Squad. Privileged good looking white guy who bullies the rest of them and still a bad ass special forces guy.

El Diablo

diablo-2

I fucking hated this guy. All the powers in the world that he can control for his entire life yet when all hell breaks loose he just chills back not doing a fucking thing. All because he killed his wife and kids? And another thing i can’t stand about these Mexican LA gang banger types is they always give some deep talk saying “I loved my wife, she was my everything but i killed her.” Hey guy, that’s some dumb ass logic. And what the fuck was her deal? Why on earth would you marry someone that can create flames out of no where and still think he’s a good guy? His name is El Diablo you dumbie. Its madness. Fuck this guy for not doing shit till the very end and also for killing his wife. But you know who else people hate and also killed a lover of theirs? Oscar Pistorius. You want a bad guy with a cool nickname like El Diablo? Well his is Blade Runner. Or you can pick almost all top level LA gang member and it would probably be the same. Hate this guy.

Harley Quinn

Screen Shot 2016-08-14 at 10.14.18 PM

I don’t have much of an issue with Harley Quinn, they just didn’t explain her story like at all. This is where a Harley Quinn in a Netflix series would be great to build up the character and how she got involved with the joker. Instead they just kinda glossed over the foundation of their relationship and then made the Joker continually tried to get her back in 3 minute increments spread through the movie for a combined 15 minutes of air time from the Joker. Absurd, but I digress. You know who’s a LUNATIC that has the body to portray Harley Quinn? Tila fuckin Tequila. That bitch is a psycho. One minute she’s internet famous for reasons I don’t know, the next shes on MTV with her own show and now you scroll through her Twitter timeline and shes a bonafide Nazi KKK lunatic.¬† Sure Harley wasn’t going around specifically beating up non whites in the movie, but if we’re talking about a psycho with out any inhibitions regarding smashing someones head in with a baseball bat, it’s Tila Tequila.

DeadshotWill-Smith-Deadshot-Ben-Affleck-Batman-Movie

Deadshot. Again, another person that’s suppose to be the most ruthless scum of the earth when really he’s a glorified contract killer that cares nothing more than the well fare of his daughter. The thing that bugs me is if you’re that good, you can somehow parlay your way into some military contract worth millions doing shit like Blackwater security stuff. Decorated sniper with a whole movie motion picture deal with tons of money in royalties type of guy. Anyways, when you see Deadshot get his hands on the artillery for the first time it’s like a homeless man getting thrown into a thanksgiving dinner. Just an all out assault. You know who else would love that kind of weaponry? Kevin Garnett. I guess some of the DC universe people are suppose to hate Deadshot, and regardless, tons of people hate KG too and you know he’s a ready to go to war type of guy. I mean you can just picture them both sitting in the house, loading up the pump. Loading up the Uzi. Got a couple M-16s, couple nines. Got a couple joints with some silencers on em. They’re both just loadin up clips. Got a couple grenades, couple missile launchers, with, you know, a couple missiles. They’re just ready for war…..Oh and they both like to talk slick and shit telling people their wives taste like Honey Nut Cheerios and shit.

Well there you have it! a crew of some of the most hated people you can blame anything on but in the off chance you need them to save Midway city, they might have a chance even though none of them are really anything special besides Diable even though Oscar Pistorious doesn’t have real legs. Moving on!

IMDB Commenters Screen Shot 2016-08-15 at 1.27.44 PMIm gonna play on the DC side for a second and give them the benefit of the doubt. Superman in theory can die if in the time line, the government learns of the power of Kryptonite, fashions a jacketed kryptonite bullet, fired out of a high powered assault rifle, then Deadshot can in theory kill Superman. Captain boomerang with a kyrptonite Boomerang? Harley Quinn with a kryptonite baseball bat that she swings at Supermans face while he’s distracted from staring at her tits. Diablo and his gang of cholo’s decide to change their gang colors from what ever their Hillside gang is to just the right shade of green might even be menacing enough to scare the pants off of that sissy boy Superman.

Screen Shot 2016-08-15 at 1.28.36 PM

If this is the case then DC has a strong hand over Marvel. It’s 2016 where gays are hot in the streets so that would be a big win for the studios.

Screen Shot 2016-08-15 at 1.33.33 PM

Hey Menthol_Rock_n_Roll, describing a guy as creepy hot is pretty much an oxymoron. Like there are no social pariah hot sluts out there. If a guy is creepy he’s creepy, if he’s hot, he’s hot. If the two some how come together then you have a sociopath, which to the joker and Jared Leto’s credit, might be a good thing, but you should also check your self in to therapy.

Screen Shot 2016-08-15 at 1.38.12 PM

Im just gonna use this post as a shout out out Lita, Trish Stratus, and any of those cruiser weight high flying Wrestlers for perfecting the Huracanrana/Head scissor takedown move as it has become a staple move for girls like Black Widow and Harley Quinn. If I had to give credit to one it would be to Lita, because she use to do that shit alot and also because i like how she pulled her thong all the way up above her pants.

Screen Shot 2016-08-15 at 12.45.29 PM

See! Freeze-well gets it! He probably read this blog even though i haven’t even pressed Publish yet.

Screen Shot 2016-08-15 at 12.47.27 PM

Straight up Hokey stuff, no doubt.

Screen Shot 2016-08-15 at 12.47.35 PM

See the thing about black guys is they’re all street smart and usually keep their cool. The Joker is a white mans game because white people do delusional type crimes. Plus if a black guy does white face, that’s offensive. No way a studio that didn’t have the balls to make a supposed “dark” movie rated R is going to make a black guy go white face.

Screen Shot 2016-08-15 at 12.47.48 PM

Why on earth would they have a sequel using a team of average joes when they’re gearing up to make the Justice League?

Screen Shot 2016-08-15 at 12.48.05 PM

Buffalo_carrot might be onto something here. Batman doesn’t square off. In fact he usually takes people out while their not looking. Kinda like when you shoot someone in the back because you don’t have the balls to kill him face to face.

Screen Shot 2016-08-15 at 12.50.20 PM

Pretty decent compromise if it can ease tension between a former axis power.

Screen Shot 2016-08-15 at 12.51.39 PM

There were two great post about the IMDB rating being at 6.9. The beauty of it was the thread that proceeded had no mention of a 69 joke what so ever. You know? like the sexual position where you both eat each other out? See the tail end on the “6” and “9” represent our genitalia where the other portion of the number represents our head, thus making it symbolize us giving each other oral sex. Flew right past all the DC comic book nerd’s head with that one.

 

Advertisements

Recapping The Biggest News At Comic Con (Only The Stuff I Care About).

CCILogo-R_Large

Biggest time of the year for entertainment besides sports pretty much. One of these years i always say I’m gonna go and do the full experience. Dress up like one of those weirdos even though in a convention hall packed to the brim and air conditioning working overtime even though everyone still sweats a few gallons because of their ridiculous outfits. I swear once being a nerd becomes full on mainstream and they start having sex there’s gonna be a staph outbreak from all the people sweating on top of each other in batman costumes listening to RDJ talking about reprising his role as Iron Man for the twentieth time. But I’d still go. Some of those anime girls get down. Anyways onto the main shit.

MARVEL NEWS

Doctor Strange

Interesting to say the least. There were rumblings that the MCU wants Dr. Strange to be the next Iron Man of series. That the addition to him is gonna change the shape of the MCU world. Looks funky enough with the Inception like world they’re dicking around in being all magical and shit. I think what the Iron Man, Captain America, and The Avengers movies did so well was grounding the film in the real modern world. It was California, New York, and DC. Nothing looked too silly or out of place and was relatable. I’m not gonna lie, when I first saw they were doing a Dr. Strange movie and figured what all of that was about I was skeptical because now I have to picture a guy floating around NYC like an asshole doing magic tricks and shit. Well so far it doesn’t seem too crazy at all after this trailer. Feels like they’re kind of fighting on a different plane but still within the real world. I mean they’re mishmoshing NYC teleporting and shit with normal people still walking around doing their 9-5 like they pay no mind. Like i picture them like ghost walking among humans where its the earth but they can’t be seen….I’ve gone too far for someone who doesn’t read or know shit about the comic books but what i do know is I will always have feelings for Rachel McAdams.

Thor: Ragnarokpeftdwo7x5cydddtasko

Not gonna lie, I love the look of the logo but I don’t get it. It looks like an 80’s movie or video game from Atari even though this is suppose to be the Apocalypse that kills all of Thor’s people. Ain’t hating on it too much, just curious. Any who, everyone who’s followed knows Thor’s teaming up with Banner for Ragnarok but I guess this is where Marvel is trying to tie in more Planet Hulk story line with this got damn Hulk Gladiator outfit.ZZ5A6C532B-700x725

Never understood why Marvel’s great equalizer would need a shield, war helmet, and a battle axe but I’m not gonna pass judgement till I see the movie. The Thor movie’s and Hulk movie weren’t exactly a cash cow for the MCU, maybe throwing them together in some gladiator, end of the world Jeff Goldblum Grandmaster type shit will bump them up in the charts.

Black Panther

5793e0ee65d0c

I don’t think they brought anything new for Black Panther aside from announcing who each actor is playing. Not much else aside from that. Michael B. Jordan is playing the villain to Chadwick Boseman’s Black Panther as the character Erik Killmonger. From the looks of the comics it looks like he’s suppose to have dreads so it’ll be interesting to see how that look plays out. He also looks way more fucking yoked so i guess Adonis Creed is gonna need to pack on the protein.

Spiderman: Homecoming

600

Decent little tease going on with some concept art. Guess this is what Vulture is going to look like portrayed by Michael Keaton. After Civil War people loved the portray of this version of Spiderman from the mannerisms to speech. Looks like this rendition of Vulture would be a good match up considering in the comics he looked like a god damn old ass man in a bird suit.latest

Such a ridiculous look, but I think the new one on screen will look good.

Captain Marvel

By the time Captain Marvel comes out these comic book movies might very well become so tired as well as Brie Larson, but for now, they’re hot. Marvel’s about half way through their planned line up and Brie Larson dominating Hollywood. Such a crazy jump. Played a teenager 4 years ago in 21 Jump Street, then she was in the Gambler which stunk and for some reason i kept on thinking her make up looked awful and she had like acne in the movie, I didn’t watch Trainwreck all the way because it sucked but she was in that. Next thing you know she’s an Oscar winner and joins Hollywood’s biggest cash cow studio. Crazy career she’s had. If comic book movies are still fun and she doesn’t look like shes had an acne outbreak, I’m sure ill enjoy Captain Marvel because I kinda loved her in Room.

DC Extended Universe News

Wonder Woman

Far and away I love what Marvel brought to the table so much more than what the DC universe has brought up until recently. I thought Batman V Superman was decent of a movie but didn’t like the look of a lot of it but still elements that I did like. Now I feel like they’re finally catching up a bit. So far the scenes look great from the trailer but it is still a trailer and a great trailer doesnt always mean the film is gonna be good. We saw a bit of Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman in BvS in modern times but I am curious how her story is gonna play out in that time period. Also, Chris Pine, is he a superstar yet? I always feel like he’s on the cusp but never fully there. Almost like he’s living in the Hemsworth Shadow. Guy needs to date a super star or something.

Justice League

Again, looks pretty interesting. Gonna see batman play the role of Nick Fury recruiting the team. Now out of the crew I think Batman and Wonder Woman work the best. Aquaman, I have my gripe with. In BvS he looked like he was holding his breath underwater. I do not know why that annoys me but it does. Guy is suppose to be able to live underwater. He shouldn’t look like he’s holding his breath. It’s crazy but that’s what I’ve come to expect from movies in 2016. Next one is Cyborg. The CGI looks decent but don’t really know how the guy’s suppose to look. At one point he kinda looks like a bunch of shards of a mirror glued all around to make a suit of some sort. Don’t know if i would care to like the character. Last of all is Flash, the suit looks weird on his body but does look kind of interesting. Over all im curious. We know the villain is suppose to be the Steppenwolf dude. As with most of these comic book movies, it’s only as good as the villain so hope that he brings some thing to the table.

Suicide Squad

Not that we haven’t known about Suicide Squad since it’s being released next week but they gave us another look at it. I don’t know, a lot of nerds are super hyped on this. My buddy might go to the opening night of it even though he’s like a recluse . Me personally i could care less. I think Joker looks like a hot topic customer and Jared Leto tries to hard. It’s just not my cup of tea as far as the Joker. He’s not menacing really, just kind of annoying to me. Take away the weapons and he just seems like Jeffree Star. Heath take away the weapons and i feel like he looks like a lunatic that’s gonna ramble about some Machiavelli quotes or something about order and chaos. And as far as Harley Quinn goes, don’t get me wrong, Margot Robbie is lava hot. But I’m not gonna go see a movie just for a hot chick. And again, I hope one day at those comic cons i hope to find those cosplay girls dressed up as Harley Quinn. She alone though can’t make Suicide Squad worth it tho. But I’m not too worried as there’s still Will Smith with a smasher of a line “It’s time to save the world”(will smith voice).

EVERYTHING ELSE

Kong: Skull Island

Two of Hollywood’s hottest actors. On one hand we have Brie Larson who as i said before is like America’s Sweet Heart after playing a rape victim in Room. And then we have Tom Hiddleston who’s banging T Swift. Guy might also become the next bond because he has an English accent and staring in something that makes it seem like he can take on a giant over grown Gorilla probably helps his image as being 007. King Kong in this though, looks fucking huge. Like insanely big. The other ones kinda made him around the size of a small plane, This one looks like he can grip a 747 in his palm. Definitely Curious.

King Arthur

Guy Ritchie’s King Arthur looks exactly like Guy Ritchie’s Sherlock Holmes. Sure the period setting is different but still uses the snori cam view, the wit, the color grading etc. I’ll watch it when it goes to Red Box.

Blair Witch

Ed Lee doesn’t do scary shit. Not because its silly, but because I scare easily and I jump and might cry or shriek in theaters and I feel like it takes away from my tough masculine character. That being said though, The Blair Witch Project was awesome because it was a handi cam and they made it seem like all the people in it were dead. Shit was real. This was before IMDB became a house hold tool and definitely before people were flooding SDCC and them announcing that they’re actually not dead and just actors. I need an element of knowing i might be watching dead people or ghost. <—–(That’s also why Heath slayed as the Joker.)

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

What I said about King Arthur looking like Sherlock Holmes because of Guy Ritchie is the same for David Yates, this movie, and the last four Harry Potter movies. Guess that’s okay though since this is like a Harry Potter off shoot. I don’t know anything about it because I don’t like reading books but what i do know is people like Eddie Redmayne because he played a transgender person and spoke out about LGBT issues and that’s whats hot with millennials. They also love Harry Potter and weird and culturally “different” things so this movies probably going to rake. Guy was also pretty good at pretending to be Stephen Hawking.

Sherlock

I don’t really know if people are on Sherlock yet. It’s a BBC show so it obviously doesn’t have as great a reach but show is pretty good. Benedict Cumberbatch does a pretty good Sherlock and the stories are all pretty well written. I just hate the portrayal of Moriarty. Guy seems like a tool. I don’t buy his brain power. This season looks like a lot more action is taking place. I kind of like a 90 minute run time of light action and more detective shit but this is only a trailer so the action scenes might be spread out like seasons 1-3. I do want some difference though. Each show is like an hour and a half and something always leads back to Moriarty and then no Moriarty. I don’t even know if the guy is a living entity at this point since we thought he died but didn’t. Maybe he’s a ghost? Ghost mystery Sherlock would be kind of interesting.

Well there you have it, all the things I’m interested in seeing in the future that made glimpses at San Diego Comic Con. If anyone has pics of chicks at comic con let a brotha find out.