The Smoking Gun- Following a “bad experience” at a Books-A-Million outlet near his Louisiana home, the 71-year-old Lentz decided to retaliate in a unique way. No, the septuagenarian did not stage a boycott or write a strongly worded letter to the local newspaper. Instead, Lentz visited the Monroe business and left dildos on the shelves of the store’s Religion section. Lentz copped to his bizarre actions during a police interview Sunday morning “about leaving sex toys (Dildos)” at the chain store (seen below). Lentz, pictured above, told cops he “had extra items, so he used them for that purpose.” Books-A-Million workers told police that there had been “several incidents involving Lentz leaving the items in the Religious section of the store.” Store surveillance video recorded Lentz in the act and the retiree “confirmed that was him on the video leaving the Dildos,” cops noted. A probable cause affidavit does not detail Lentz’s “bad experience” at the bookstore. Lentz, charged with criminal mischief and criminal trespassing, is free on $700 bond.
Such a mystery this story is. Worst part about a grudge is when the other side has no idea what the grudge is about or that it’s even going on but all you know is you have to control the situation and clean up all the dildos left behind in the wake of a grudge. The broad vagueness of “bed experience” is just so intriguing. At a Louisiana Books-a-million no less. What can possibly happen at dying large chain bookstore to have someone maliciously cause criminal mischief by leaving behind dildos all over the religious section of the store? Did a christian nut bump into him and it rubbed him the long way? Did they not have the book he wanted and as an act of revenge he just leads a blitzkrieg of dildos right in their eyeballs? And then there’s the fact that he said Dildos were his weapon of choice because he had so many extra dildos laying around. It’s absurd.
1.) That might be one of the slowest motorcycle accidents I’ve ever seen. Cruising slowly into an intersection at speeds that I’m pretty sure could be stopped if a 200 lb man in front was blocking. We’re not talking about pulling a Tom Cruise tuck n roll out of a moving vehicle scenario here. Guy coulda just hopped off the back casually and would’ve been fine. Not to mention the bus wasn’t exactly flying into the turn either. It was slowly cruising 1st gear clearing that turn as cautious as possible.
2.) The placement of the crash was so spot on. Nailing right in the cut between the cargo area and the actual truck body. Something out of an action movie. You can’t choreograph it any better with the dudes head bobbing right in the middle of the garbage truck.
3.) That shit got volatile quiiiccckkk. no smoke, just fire. A fire that erupted outta no where with absolutely no explosion what so ever. With out the fire this is your run of the mill Foreign country traffic accident video. With the fire, it’s just awesome.
NYDN- The commercialization of Mother’s Day by candy and card companies means now is the time for sweet or sickeningly sweet ads dedicated to our moms. Skittles went with just sickening. In the ad, a grown son (wearing too small clothes) identifies the flavor skittle his mother eats — because they are still attached by a pastel umbilical cord.This is not a way we wish we could taste the rainbow.
First things first, when I saw the thumb nail I thought that was this dudes cock. Yea It was gonna get realllllyyyyyyyyy weird where I thought this commercial was going*. Not its just really weird.
But what kind of sick fuck at Skittle’s ad agency came up with this idea? Here’s how you make a commercial that will be successful
1.) Don’t have ugly weird people. Stick to hot people.
Mac’s mom from It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia and a moon faced bearded hippie that looks like a cousin of the McPoyles or a Schrute, again, not a good pick.
2.) Don’t have anything gross.
You know how the age old adage about husbands passing out in the delivery room? Some of it has to do with the overwhelming thought about your life situation, sure. The other is that your baby is covered in blood coming out of your girls vagina with a gross alien chord attached inside. Commercials shouldn’t have anything focusing on something coming from your genital balls region unless you’re trying to sling sex toys. I get it’s a Mother’s Day thing where that happens when you’re a mom but you just can’t go there.
I mean what really was the thought process here? What were some of the other ideas that were passed around? Was the human centipede skittle idea next on the board? And scientifically that wouldn’t even work. Taste receptors are in the tongue, not in the stomach where the umbilical chord is, you idiots! F minus Mother’s Day commercial
*- I thought it was gonna be like the mom blows him with skittles in her mouth and through his dick he can taste the flavor. Very weird. I don’t want to talk about this. There’s a lot of porn like this on Porhhub and Youjizz these days.
Quite the year for Moonlight. I want to be serious by first stating that Moonlight was in fact a good movie. I get it, it’s suppose to be some artsy fartsy movie for “high-brow” culture. Well let me tell you, there’s nothing High Brow about me watching that movie in sweat pants on a Wednesday morning because I live like I’m unemployed. Moonlight although it wasn’t my favorite movie this year, was really good. There was a level of anxiety and curiosity that at least kept me going. I don’t know maybe its like a very gritty version of Degrassi If it focused on one person. One gay African American person in one of the roughest neighborhoods. It’s definitely worth a watch and delivers all the right messages about the stigmas of being a gay black person in America.
But if we’re being honest with our selves, that was not a Kiss Scene, It was a Hand Job scene. Like not an Over-The-Pants-Handjob scene. An aggressive, I’m gonna get in there and stroke his dick until completion Hand job scene. Yea I know it all started with a kiss. A very well delivered kiss between 2 guys, but in conversation at parties when you and someone share a conversation about Moonlight and you ask them about the scene, the conversation will go like this.
You: Hey what did you think about the scene?
Them: What scene?
You: You know, the kiss scene?
Them: Oh you mean the hand job on the beach scene.
You can’t defer to that scene and not think of it as a scene highlighted by a hand job, not some kiss. And for the sake of Chiron, you shouldn’t either. More happened on that night that brought him pure bliss. Guy was randomly called up and his first at bat after being confused about his sexuality hits a double. Shouldn’t reduce moments like that to just a best kiss. I get for the sake of culture you gotta have Moonlight winning that very prestigious MTV Movie & TV award and It honestly was the best Kiss Scene out of the group. But lets be clear about it and understand that if this were some alternate Zoolander award show where they have Slashies, it would be Best Handjob/Kiss scene and not the other way around.
Peter Quill and his fellow Guardians are hired by a powerful alien race, the Sovereign, to protect their precious batteries from invaders. When it is discovered that Rocket has stolen the items they were sent to guard, the Sovereign dispatch their armada to search for vengeance. As the Guardians try to escape, the mystery of Peter’s parentage is revealed.
Well folks, between the abhorrently hot and humid weather, baseball on TV, and Hollywood printing money from action movies, it’s safe to say we’ve officially entered Summer blockbuster season. No better way to usher in the season with one of the hottest film franchise from one of the hottest studios, with Marvel Studio’s Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2. I took the time out of my very busy schedule to watch it just so I could write this up at 1:16 am just in case any one out there is too dumb to realize a billion dollar film franchise is playing in theaters currently and they do in fact want your money.
GotG Vol. 2, like most other Marvel movies live up to the hype. It’s crazy the universe they’ve built where we’ve accepted and happily welcomed in a movie that features a talking racoon, a tree limited to 3 words, and people of races of so many colors you’d think racism in America was dead decades ago. Well what the first GotG movie did that I think people like about it was two things, it opened the doors and brought in higher concepts to the MCU with the cosmic world. We all know by now that this is all setting the stage for probably one of the largest blockbuster movie’s ever in The Avengers: Infinity Wars. They explored the idea of galaxy’s and other worlds, celestial beings, and learned more about the infinity stones and the creation of the universe for god’s sake. All very crucial to adapting how the rest of the MCU will fit in place when Infinity Wars come about. Well Vol.2 gave us a bit more of that by introducing a character like Ego the Living Planet. The idea and sense of power a Celestial being has and how it deals with the rest of the universe is pretty big consider we are going to eventually some how gonna see guy’s like Captain America and fucking Hawk-Eye some how deal with fighting a construct like that, but half the battle is established by translating a character like that on screen. I was pretty skeptical about how it was all going to work when the character is just a planet with a face on it in the comic books.
But Kurt Russel and James Gunn did a good job portraying that on screen actually translating him to a human form and how he’s connected with the planet and all that nonsense.
What Vol. 2 doubled down on, unfortunately though, was the humor of it all. The first one was the right amount of humor. This one kind of all comes across too jokey and kinda brings it down for me. Don’t get me wrong, the parts that are funny are funny but it’s just too much in the movie. The first one had just the right amount of humor from a guy like Drax. He didn’t say overly much in the first one so every time he had a nice subtle joke, he killed it. This one, all of his dialogue were written to be funny and kinda over does it for me. Every scene had to have some sort of joke to it, it feels like and it’s not a bad choice, but I would personally like it more if it scaled back and gave me some more world building dialogue that didn’t include a punch line.
Overall the movie was a solid 8 where most Marvel movies fall. Some people argue that the Villains in Marvel movies stink and to some degree it’s true, but a villain like Ego surely was better than Ronin with his motives and over all character. Ayesha, the gold lady, was a bit of a water ever side plot villain but it definitely helped drive the plot. The plot itself isn’t very overly complicated but the movie is mostly character driven with characters like Ego, Starlord, Nebula, and definitely Yondu who kinda steals the show in Vol. 2. If you’re not savvy to all of what’s going on with Marvel movies you might not get what’s going on and it might be confusing to keep up, but even if you’re casually watching you should find it a fun watch with the humor and action. Not as good as the first one because its so hard to recreate the discovery and introduction to it all, but now immersed in this world, they do a good job trying to not fuck it up and showing a story that really stands alone that helps build the cosmic world for future films.
Now onto some discussion.
Ego’s CGI Transformations
From the second they stepped into Ego’s temple, I got the feeling the CGI was weird. Not the building or anything, but when he has those spheres that kinda display what ever he wants from the creation of him and the models of humans and stuff. It was all weird looking CGI. I mean they were just suppose to be projections so I didn’t think much of it. Just assumed they were clay-mation like projections that he can mold to show what ever. But I was appalled when I saw the CGI work they did when Ego and Peter fight. Hail of gun fire reigns on Ego to no avail only to show CGI of him rebuilding himself in a mixture of Dr. Manhattan in The Watchmen at first to then looking like early 2000’s CGI of Hollow man or even kind of like Ghost Rider quality CGI. Maybe it was just me but at the time, it looked kinda bad to me.
Bradley Cooper and Vin Diesel
Do you think these 2 ever feel left out? I mean as an Actor I assume you want your face everywhere for publicity sake right? Yet almost all these P.R. photos Bradley Cooper and Vin Diesel don’t show up ever at all
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I mean Bradley Cooper is an A list star and Vin Diesel is a crucial character in 2 Major billion dollar film franchises. I mean sometimes I even forget those 2 are in this movie. Especially in this one, baby Groot, no chance they dragged Vin Diesels muscular ass into the studios for this. They probably audio photo chopped his previous recordings so it sounds like its coming from a tiny tree guy. I mean If you’re getting paid what they’re getting paid, it’s hard to complain. Especially Vin Diesel who has 3 words total he has to say. but still, you gotta figure they’re kinda jealous they miss out on a lot of the spot light.
Starfox
I’m not savvy to all the modern day video games because I suck and don’t have the patience to play, but yo how dope was Star fox back in the day. Tell me you didn’t get a hint of that when you saw Rocket Racoon and Peter Quill navigating through an asteroid field with hundreds of the Sovereign fighter space ships on their tail gunning them down until they double spin through little honey comb like portals. They need to remake that for whatever systems they have now. Dopest dope.
Cheddar Bob
Shout out to Evan Jones for being apart of the Ravagers. Guy has one of those faces that is so recognizable I think. I mean I noticed him right away. With a stand out face like that you’d think he’d have more roles in Hollywood but then again maybe its because his face looks like that of a bum which is what he was in 8 mile and the Ravagers aren’t exactly deep characters either. He also looks like Jimmy Clausen. Bad look on his part.
Post Credit Scenes
FIVE post credit scenes. FIVE. 1,2,3,4,FiF. Honestly I’m getting a little sick and tired of these. GotG Vol.2 has them spaced out so it doesn’t seem to make the credits that long but either way, fuck that. Give me 1 post credit scene. 2 max. Either way, I’m not acknowledging any of these people who worked on the film. I bet if you’re a movie usher or one of those people who have to clean up you must hate the shit out of the post credit scenes because now everyone sits there an extra five minutes, which is five minutes until you can finish cleaning, which is five minutes more taken out of your life that inevitably makes you want to kill your self. And speaking of how it sucks doing that job….
Midnight Showings
How about the balls on my local theater showing the movie on a 24 hour schedule. At fist I thought it only ran to 3 am which is crazy in its own right, but when I went to go double check, this shit is playing for 24 hours straight. I can’t imagine waking up at 7 am on a Friday, drive to the movie’s and be awake and pay attention for 2 hours about a celestial being taking over the universe. Working a movie theater job sucks, but normally you deal with normal working hours. Having to work the 4 am shift in case insomniacs or a strippers just getting off work decides to watch Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 is absurd.
Family- **Vin Diesel Voice**
Not gonna lie, kind of weird having the words spoken by a character not Vin Diesel when Vin Diesel’s in the movie. Its so ingrained in my brain that when Drax said it, it just didn’t feel right anymore.
P.s- Vin Diesel’s real name is Mark Sinclair. <—- This fact will eventually get scrubbed from the internet because I cant picture him not being called Vin Diesel/ Dominick Torreto
Microsoft’s Zune
What a relic from the past. I honestly don’t know why this didn’t take off. At the time the competition between Zune and iPod still resided to only a music listening device I think? ipods did have the brick breaker game and that alone might’ve been enough to out the competition because that game is fire. Either way, good to see it make a cameo in GotG 2. Great reminder of how much of a joke that was and how Apple pretty much rules the world now.
Brain Tumor
Seems very fitting all things considered when Peter Quill and the gang put a bomb essentially inside Ego’s Brain.
I warned you guys in the headline that this was gonna be NSFW so its gonna get gross.
My god man. I know when you’re a young gun you just get buck wild and do anything at that age. You have no idea whats going on, what you’re feeling. But my god man, it looks like you killed Nicole Brown. I mean its not even that he should be embarrassed that much, cause all that shits on the girl, but did you really have to put your entire hand in there? This is gross and i really don’t want to talk about it anymore but my god was that a lot of blood.
P.s- Whats the deal with this kid kind of wearing a suit but also has giant holes in his knee area? How does this kid get a girl looking like that.
P.s.s- He’s drunk
P.s.s.s- These kids might be underage. I didn’t show anything. don’t sue me plz.
Do you ever have something that you think up of that is mildly funny and you keep it to yourself and say “One day if I ever do stand up maybe I’ll use that as a bit.” That’s kind of a thing that I have going on now. See growing up I would travel a lot back and forth from New York because all of our family is from NYC. So every holiday, and every summer it was time to back my bags and fly north. It would always be infuriating because we had like 10 different suitcases that all sucked. Yet almost every weekend when my mom would go shopping at the mall we would almost always go into some sort of luggage shop and occasionally would buy one. There were ton of other Asians doing the same, and when my aunts came to town, they would always buy a new piece of luggage to take back up. Weird concept considering they flew down with the right amount of luggage but added another one to return home. From then on I kinda filed away an Asian stereotype joke about our addiction to buying luggage.
Fast forward to last year my buddy had a friend from china in town that he went to school with. We had nothing to do so we wandered the mall again. A billion stores that offer a wide selection of things you can throw money at but the store we spend the most time at is the Discount Luggage Outlet. I casually drop it to my friend that I think its a sneaky unknown stereotypes about Asians getting hard over a good quality piece of luggage. Half way through our time there joking about the Asian stereotypes I found my self actually liking and wanting a new suitcase for some reason. Just how smooth it was to pull out the roller handles, the accessibility of all the pockets, the make quality, how smooth the wheels are. It was all feeding into the joke perfectly but once we left, didn’t think much of it. Fast forward to a few weeks ago. Buddy and I have been talking about going to Vegas. Next thing you know out of no where I just get impulsive and black out for 4 hours and next thing you know I get a notification from Amazon saying I successfully completed my order for my new duffle bag. At that moment I gave in. In some weird way, Asians really have some weird fascination with luggage. Black people are tall and athletic as fuck and can dance. White people are Ben Affleck. Latins are late to things. Asians love looking at luggage. Next time you walk around a touristy mall count the number of Asians in a Discount luggage store. Maybe if you have the yellow fever, that’s the spot to approach them. I’m dead set on this stereotype about my people and I need the world to know this is a thing.
Breaking911- Police officers in Williamsburg, Brooklyn recovered two firearms and arrested a man for assault. On Saturday, April 15, officers assigned to the 90 Precinct responded to a residence after receiving a call for an assault that took place. The victim indicated that she was assaulted by her boyfriend and that he had threatened her. The police officers were able to locate the suspect’s car and observed two firearms inside. The 28-year-old man was arrest and charged with criminal possession of a weapon, assault, and menacing. A loaded .45 caliber handgun and a 16 gauge shotgun were recovered.
I never make a big issue out of gun debates. I let that shit fly right by me. I have a number of them, I care a lot more about the government taking away my T.V. and internet than taking my guns. Sure i like to go target shooting every now and then and when i was living alone it does offer a small piece of mind at night. But also, it gave me some knowledge on insights into firearms which makes me less intimidated by them. Case and point, this guy with his .45 caliber Hi point which has probably THE WORST reputation in the world for pistols. I’m curious what this guy plans on doing with that thing because I’m pretty sure the slide might melt by the time he empties a full magazine out of that thing if it doesn’t just shatter in his hands after the first round. But the best part about this picture is the fucking shot gun. 16 gauge?!?!?! My god I don’t even think I’ve ever even seen a 16 gauge before. Honestly it’s peak Williamsburg. If any trendy hipster asshole from Williamsburg were to get some sort of fire arm, it would be a shot gun like this. Not anything practical, proven, or trusted like a Glock, 1911, or a S&W revolver. Nothing with ease to use like a regular pump action shotgun chambered in a caliber that is powerful enough to stop a criminal. No, a typical Williamsburg hipster would chose something with wood furniture, an inconvenient single shot, and a caliber that they dont even sell in stores much anymore. Such a hipster move.
Heroic Hollywood- It’s official: Unbreakable is finally getting a sequel, with Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson returning as David Dunn and Elijah Price, respectively. James McAvoy and Anya Taylor-Joy are also on board. The new film is titled Glass and is set for release on January 18, 2019. More to come…
You thought Marvel and DC were the only ones coming with the heat in superhero movie universes? Wrong. Universal is throwing their hat in the ring with by far the weirdest super hero movie. 2019 we don’t just get the Infinity War sequel and what ever shitty DC movie, but we get Glass now as well. Now being completely honest, I only saw parts of Split so I don’t know if the movie is that good or anything but what i do know is when i got to the end when the dramatic ass music started playing I kept thinking to my self is this is sounding like its going to lead to something big, and then out of know where you just hear it…
“Glass….Mr. Glass….”
David Motherfucking Dunn. Honestly it was just so shocking that out of no where we get a sequel to a movie that was mildly famous from the early 2000s. M. Night Shyamalan might not be anyone’s favorite movie director anymore or ever especially since after The Village, but his name still means something in Hollywood apparently. Guy is just synonymous with plot twist like Michael Bay is synonymous with giant summer blockbuster explosions on highways. So in a world that we live in now where every studio wants there to be spin off cinematic universe, Marvel’s MCU, The DC extended Universe, Star wars, Harry Potter, etc It would be kind of interesting to see how this movie Glass will go. I assume its somehow the worlds most frail villain teams up with James McAvoys character who is now The Horde who’s a manifestation of personalities and pure anger or some shit. And David Dunn will don his security officers uniform and signature rain poncho and take Ann Taylor Joy’s character from Split and team up. Wild. I think it’s more the vagueness and unfamiliarity that makes me want to watch it. I know what Superman and Iron Man are all about. But David Dunn is just an unbreakable super hero ready to get back into fighting crime.
The Ugly Orange 