What an asshole.
What an asshole.
Yea okay, Lady. You were gonna give those away as “Christmas Gifts.” First off if you’re gifting a DVD of a movie that’s been out for 5 years, you suck but at least be up to date and give them a Blu-Ray copy. Gotta see those abs in 1080p 4k high resolution and you should just get the bundle pack that has the sequel Magic Mike XXL . Second, a stick of salami for Christmas? Kinda weird, but I’d fuck with it. Kinda like a “we’re definitely not Jewish” gift. Still a shitty present though. But all of that is a moot point. Yea those two things are just a number of things that this lady stole but I think her intentions are quite clear. She’s gonna fuck her self with that salami stick while watching Magic Mike. I don’t even think that’s coming from a mind that has taken years of Porn attrition on the brain either. That’s just what this lady was going to do. Call me crazy also but I feel like girls always get a pass when you hear them put weird things in or around their pussy either? Like I remember a friend saying depending how she say she would rub the heel of her shoe against her stuff and just go crazy for a moment. Click the random tab on pornhub and you’ll find all sorts of gourmet farm to bed room vegetables getting more action than most guys. It’s crazy. A stick of hard salami is hardly a surprise as a sex toy. But If A guy like decides to get like a country ham and carved a hole in it that person would be locked in jail and becomes a social pariah. Pretty sexist don’t you think?
(Yea that last bit got kinda weird. I never tried to fuck a ham.)
Call me crazy, but If I’m the type of chick who’s willing to bite a dudes finger off over stealing condoms and sex lube, I would think I’m also the type of chick who’s willing to go raw dog 24/7 right? That’s not that crazy of a thought is it? I mean i can’t really imagine her getting super flooded over the thought of sex with her probably pimp but the voice in the back of her head stopping her saying “Don’t be a fool, wrap the tool”, yet the same voice is passive when it comes to stealing lube and some Trojans and have fight or flight kick in and rip out a persons finger with their teeth. Logically it just doesn’t make sense and It’s kind of hard to applaud her for being sexually educated and cautious when shes acting like a walker from the Walking dead. Sometimes when i see stories like these I just think how i would rather be homeless bum because all their morals and logic are gone. You think a bum is gonna bother walking into a walmart and stealing condoms just to fuck a random bum? Hell no. If anything he might just go bareback with her right there behind the Walmart because he don’t give a fuck. His morals might be gone but at least his logic is sound.
Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here on this beautiful day to witness the union of Sherri Moore and William Cornelius in holy matrimony…….. As the Bible reminds us in Corinthians, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast, it is not proud. It is occasionally excusable if love forces one another to part take in thievery of “Bride-to-be-Thongs”, “BJ Blast” Oral candy, or edible thongs . Love never fails“……. In the time that Sherri Moore and William Cornelius have spent together, they’ve built the sturdy foundation for a lifelong kleptomania. After a great deal of thoughtful consideration, they have decided to bind themselves to one another for the rest of their lives because these two white trash couple are deserved of each other…..By the power vested in me, by The Ugly Orange and by the state of Florida/Michigan, I pronounce you, Sherri Moore and William Cornelius as wife and husband, lawfully wedded before an Internet Blog, and about to be incarcerated.
Ahhh what it is to be young and in love. And stupid and white trash. Sure here in the highly sophisticated suburban area of Fort Lauderdale, one might find this type of behavior abhorrent. But deep down inside its love. Love that made Billy Cornelious spend a whopping $29.62 dollars on a cubic zirconia wedding ring from the Walmart collection of jewelry. Love that made him fleece the local Spencer’s gift of their sex toys and edible panties. What do you do when you get engaged? Tell your friends all about it and rub your obnoxious wedding ring in their faces? Fuck that, Billy Cornelious was ready to eat the fruit roll up panties and bj candy out of her b-hole once he got down on his knee and proposed. That’s real love and nothing’s gonna stop that. Not this arrest, not the jail time for violating probation from his racial episode where he attacked three black guys. Nothing. Nicholas Sparks couldn’t write love this true.
P.s- Hell of a year for Spencers getting all their sex toys stolen huh?