Love a good ol fashion dick tattoo prank. Kinda shocked you don’t see more of this really. And I partially don’t blame the tattoo artist. I mean maybe the chick bought that he was tattooing a cheesy yin yang symbol when he was starting off with the balls, But your body should be smart enough to tell your nerve endings that something is wrong when he starts drawing what was described as a “Massive Penis.” Must’ve been a rookie getting a tattoo. I mean did she not ask to see it like in a reflection or anything? Just casually assume everything looked fine? Like every time I get a haircut they put a little mirror to make sure you don’t look like a freak of nature in the back. If they don’t show me the back of my head and its about as crooked as a dog’s leg than that’s almost my fault for not asking. Love the tattoo artist’s answer to to why he did it. Simply “Just Because.”
Kate Beckinsale, man. Listen I’m with the times. I like the girls with big asses in high wasted jeans. Give me all the smokes out on Instagram shaking it letting their freak flag fly. I love em all. I’d even get down with a nerdy looking girl, what ever, I like all sorts of women. But when I see Kate Beckinsale, shes not just hot, she’s Beautiful. She’s a woman. Class, sex appeal, style all rolled up in a British body that doesn’t seem to age. When I see her, I believe in religion because there’s no way someone as beautiful as her was spawned from a fish or monkey. She has to be a work from god. The ancient Greeks would think Aphrodite was an ugly street urchin compared to Beckinsale. So is it a little gay my immature, probably not fully developed brain, would make out with Kate Beckinsale dressed as a thick veiny cock? No. It’s just me picturing what it would be like to experience a Goddess.
Well if there’s ever been anyone deserving off a dick implant it should be the ones who get their crotches blown out serving the country and trying to protect and maintain civil peace and liberties for this countries and who ever America helps. Seriously, you want to come back home once your tour of duty is over and just lay down with a lady but you can’t even do that because terrorist fucking ruined your life. Well luckily its 2015 and we have the medical advances to give some of the power back to these soldiers who need it. Now I will say, I don’t know who these people are donating their dicks or how to build one from extra skin or something but according to the diagram provided by the medical team of Prof. Frank R Graewe, but that cock looks MASSIVE. That’s not just me right? Like that’s the main reason I blogged this story. Not because I’m glad US soldiers get to have some part of their sex life back to normalcy, which I am, but because they’re getting jackhammers surgically installed onto them. Seriously that thing can wear a wrist watch and stiff arm football players. Good for them and good on the medical staff if they do give them hammers. They go above and beyond the line of duty, well so should the medical staff surgically implanting penises. No implanting small cocks, go all out and install full blown porn star dicks for those who serve.
P.s- The lab grown rabbit dicks would be weird. Pretty sure that’s just there for the future.
Now off the bat i was like this guys crazy for thinking you’d rather get stung on the penis than the nose but then i gave it a second thought and changed my mind and kinda justified it. Listen If I were to take an average time of how fast it can take me to jizz its probably some where between 1 minutes and 1 minute 1 second. There’s no scientific evidence to prove that this would work the way i think in my head but if a bunch of bees stung my dick and balls MAYBE just MAYBE id loose just enough sensitivity that I would last long enough to match the time of some sexy R&B song maybe. Is it a crazy thought? yes. But probably from putting on some pain reducing numbing cream all over the place it’ll dull the sensation to the right point where it still feels good but don’t disappoint her. Now as for the nose. I have pretty good skin so growing up i never had to use any acne things. Some people would use like Accutane and want to go on a murderous rampage. Thank god that wasn’t me. But once or twice i got a black head and thought i should remove it so i rummaged through my sisters thing that was use to remove black heads. One end had like a rope thing and the other end was like a fucking hypodermic needle. Both ends of those things SUCKED. Must be like a bazillion nerve endings at the nose. Just poking it and shit make me tear up and stuff from the pain. I hope that’s normal if not then fuck you, leave me alone about my pain threshold. Maybe one more relatable is when your picking your nose and like you yank on one that pulls a nose hair. Or Just pulling a nose hair in general. Shit would bring me to my knees in an instant. I imagine that pain is just as bad as a bee sting there and I can’t stand that type of pain.
So all in all, Yea Michael Smith here might have gotten some fake award in the name of science but really he should get a real nobel prize and i hope for his sake that he’s using his award to try to hook up with women. Its the least he can do for his penis after letting it get fucked up intentionally by Bees.
P.s- “There’s definitely no crossing of wires of pleasure and pain down there.” Would be devious of Michael if he was some sadomasochist who just cums from every bee sting on his dick. Like on the record just fake being like he’s in pain form the bee stings when really the pain just turns him into a freak sex slave to bee stings.
P.P.S- This blog post is weird and i revealed maybe too much about my jizz/stamina with women.
Listen, you absolutely can not make that deal. One, because this obviously means your girl is a psycho bitch who’s out for blood if you cross the line in any way shape or form. Next thing you know if you even speak to a woman other than her she probably has a little shiv waiting for you at home to give you a quick poke. Any person that says they want to maim and disfigure you is bonkers. You can’t get into a relationship with that. Maybe a hook up where you can get yours and flee to safety but this aint the case here. Second, because now you have a burnt dick. I don’t want to be on any one side but i kinda want to blame the guy a little bit here. Like hey man, if you agree to getting your dick singed from a god damn hair straightener if you cheat, you’re just as crazy as the woman if you still dare cross that line. You can’t treat your dick that haphazardly and not get any of the blame. So yea it sucks you have a swollen and blistering disfigured cock now, but you agreed to it. Kinda seems like these two are craziest enough to be with each other. Its a dysfunctional relationship but they seem right for each other.
P.s- If they plan on getting back together, which i assume they will because they’re both some kinds of crazy, well then sucks for her because she has to fuck a burnt dick now, shoulda thought it through a little bit mroe.
Alright well if you’re not paying attention by now, we here at the Orange dont like snakes and none of you readers better either. I mean If Snakes would have a pact with anyone it should be a farmer. Taking care of the lay of the land, usually keen sense of where animals are, provide a ton of land. But nope, they are again causing problems biting farmers and the dick and shit. Just being the worst thing ever. Now the snakes are a problem on one end, but also this guy is a bit of an idiot i think. I mean if you get bit in the dick by anything do you wait 3 hours before doing anything about it? None the less a venomous snake? I’ve been sack tapped before and nearly rushed to the ER when I dropped to my knees. I mean if you’re irrational like me, i probably would’ve killed myself, but if someone were there and nice enough to talk me out of suicide within 5 minutes best believe i would’ve rushed to the ER. Did he think the blood clotting made his dick look bigger or something? If it wasn’t super gross looking at that point i guess i would’ve tried to snap some pics of it first before rushing to the hospital from unbearable pains of your penis rotting off but more likely than not my medical acumen says that wasn’t the case. Well let that be a lesson to all farmers out there. Look to this mans half dead penis and know that when you get bitten the dick by a snake, rush to the hospital ASAP.
Hey ladies, don’t look now but whenever this kid reaches the legal sex age in india, this dude is gonna have a hammer. Part of me obviously thinks if you have 3 dicks you should just be a sexual deviant at least once. But it sounds like he had one bum one that didn’t do a thing, one dedicated dick just for peeing and the other one that is purely to jizz. Be great if he could boogie with all three but he cant, also he’s only 2 right now but thats besides the point. So now obviously the doctors just streamlined penis operations by rolling it all into one mega dick it sounds like. i mean one dick the girth of 3 dicks? No girl is safe from that thing. In a world like India the oddities and amount of abnormal people just roam the place like dinosaurs use to roam the earth. They all eventually find someone to love them. This kid on the other hand? he gets his dick to function like a normal and will probably fit into society all while having a chipotle burrito sized dick in his paints. Not that bad of an Indian life.
P.s- The whole no anus thing? they dropped that fact too casually. “Also, His anus was absent.” Nonchalant. But again, this is India we’re talking about.