Tag Archives: Kate Beckinsale

I Am Insulted By Andrew Zimmern’s Take On Frozen Hot Chocolate For The Super Bowl

As The Ugly Orange’s Film guy, let me tell you about a little romantic comedy called Serendipity.

On a magical night when they are in in their 20s, Jonathan (John Cusack) meets Sara (Kate Beckinsale). He finds it love at first sight, but Sara believes in destiny. After 10 years the two — with 3,000 miles between them — must decide if fate wants them to be together again. When love feels like magic, it is called destiny; when destiny has a sense of humor, it is serendipity.

Now a huge part of that movie takes place at none other than Serendipity 3 in Manhatten. People talk about the magic of New York as if it’s not a shell of itself from the 80’s. Neighborhoods are safer, there’s bars on every corner that fits every ones needs financially and atmosphere wise, even the rich and snooty don’t seem as rich and snooty when there are start up companies around every corner with their apps making millions in a pinch. I can’t even find a hooker on the streets anymore.  But something about Serendipity 3 still takes me into a different place, a different kind of New York that feels like from a different time. Maybe cause the interior is so absurd and the line to wait is always over an hour, but i know for a fact some of it has to be the magical chemistry of the John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale in Serendipity. I’ve been a few times now with friends and family and something so New York about being not dressed like a slob, going into this relatively pretentious place and sharing a frozen drink in the middle of winter.  The idea of sitting across the table from Kate Beckinsale sharing Serendipity’s signature drink the frozen hot chocolate.Now imagine you bring a beautiful girl like Kate Beckinsale to any event what so ever, and decide to get a frozen and expect it to look like this.and then you end up with this trash like this.I mean what is that? How is that a “Creamy Frozen Hot Chocolate” I mean that looks like chocolate ice cream with I guess white chocolate balls, which i also thought were chickpeas to begin with. How the fuck is my girl suppose to get a billion likes on her instagram pic when it looks like basic ass bowl of chocolate ice cream? How the fuck do we share that together with a straw and look like a cute couple? What the fuck business does Andrew Zimmern have to recreate a pop culture classic frozen beverage? And seeing as Andrew Zimmern lives in Minnesota, do Minnesotans just like eating ice cream in the dead cold of winter like psychopaths?

 

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Blackberry Is Planning On Releasing Another Phone And I’m Conflicted As Fuck

What was once the integral appendage to any self-respecting businessman’s hand, became the trendy addiction of 16-year-olds… so Blackberry had to adapt from their four apps and use Android so kids could play fruit ninja. Just when you thought you had moved on to a sophisticated iPhone 7 and were ready to leave the awesome full QWERTY keyboard for good, TCL go and bring out a brand new Blackberry ‘Mercury’ (unconfirmed name). The Chinese tech giant TCL is planning to reinvigorate the brand with a focus on security, productivity and reliability – but they’re keeping the old QWERTY keyboard (they couldn’t get rid of that). The Android handset, which claims to offer ‘the most complete end-to-end smartphone security available on Android’, will be previewed at the Consumer Electronics Show (CES) this weekend, Mashable reports.Due to Blackberry’s dwindling success in recent years, market researchers think the new phone could be a suicide mission for TCL. I, on the other hand, have no doubt that everyone’s inner Blackberry-obsessed teenager will awaken at the sight of the keyboard.

Unilad- What was once the integral appendage to any self-respecting businessman’s hand, became the trendy addiction of 16-year-olds… so Blackberry had to adapt from their four apps and use Android so kids could play fruit ninja.
Just when you thought you had moved on to a sophisticated iPhone 7 and were ready to leave the awesome full QWERTY keyboard for good, TCL go and bring out a brand new Blackberry ‘Mercury’ (unconfirmed name).
The Chinese tech giant TCL is planning to reinvigorate the brand with a focus on security, productivity and reliability – but they’re keeping the old QWERTY keyboard (they couldn’t get rid of that).
The Android handset, which claims to offer ‘the most complete end-to-end smartphone security available on Android’, will be previewed at the Consumer Electronics Show (CES) this weekend, Mashable reports.Due to Blackberry’s dwindling success in recent years, market researchers think the new phone could be a suicide mission for TCL.
I, on the other hand, have no doubt that everyone’s inner Blackberry-obsessed teenager will awaken at the sight of the keyboard.

You know the scene in Pearl Harbor where Kate Beckinsale thinks Ben Afflecks dead and so Josh Hartnett comes in to console her and the two end up falling in love with each other but then like a phoenix from the ashes Ben Affleck comes back for his love one? Well now I fully understand what she was going through because I’m emotional torn to shit. If you don’t know by now I’m one of the few left on this planet that still uses a Blackberry. Hubris leaking out my ears for my Blackberry. Always assumed all the big wigs used them. I remember when I Ari Gold use one I was hooked and thought to myself maybe if i had one i could sign a bunch of movie stars and fire people like they mean nothing. Just ruthless business. Well as the world turns and technology advances my berry is clinging on the last remains of it’s useful life. Got an outdated version of Instagram, Facebook that loads up in a web browser and Twitter that takes 2 hours to refresh. Half my family around the world couldn’t wish me a Happy New Year because my Whats app app is outdated and no longer functioning past New Years on midnight. Can’t hail an Uber in a pinch if i needed too or fire off dick pic snaps on Snapchat. All this time I’ve been keeping up with the world with a blackberry in one hand and an iPod touch in the other in hopes that that was enough.

It came to my realization like last week that this couldn’t keep up and that I needed to change things. It was finally time I was going to give up and convert fully to an iPhone. One year to wait in hopes of getting the new iPhone 8 because all the other blackberry models just didn’t do it for me. Then outta no where….Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in. I always said if there was a version of Blackberry I liked, I’d ride with them to the death. Should I concede? I’m so use to the iPod it might as well be an iPhone. I don’t know if I could honestly make a decision between the two to the point where I wish both phones went on a secret suicide mission to bomb hiroshima in a couple of B-25 bombers and which ever comes back is the one i chose to love and spend the rest of my life with even though I’m carrying the child of the fallen smartphone named after itself.

Hey Ed, Have You Ever Enjoyed Staring At A Big Fat Penis Before? The Answer Is Yes.

Kate Beckinsale, man. Listen I’m with the times. I like the girls with big asses in high wasted jeans. Give me all the smokes out on Instagram shaking it letting their freak flag fly. I love em all. I’d even get down with a nerdy looking girl, what ever, I like all sorts of women. But when I see Kate Beckinsale, shes not just hot, she’s Beautiful. She’s a woman. Class, sex appeal, style all rolled up in a British body that doesn’t seem to age. When I see her, I believe in religion because there’s no way someone as beautiful as her was spawned from a fish or monkey. She has to be a work from god. The ancient Greeks would think Aphrodite was an ugly street urchin compared to Beckinsale. So is it a little gay my immature, probably not fully developed brain, would make out with Kate Beckinsale dressed as a thick veiny cock? No. It’s just me picturing what it would be like to experience a Goddess.