Tag Archives: Constantine

Screen Rant: John Wick – Chapter 2 ****SPOILERS*****

john-wick-2-poster-nycc

Welcome back, folks to another episode of Screen Rants with Ed Lee. Almost the big award show in the Oscars and I still have yet to watch a majority of the movies but thats okay because this past week I went to go see 50 Shades Darker cause I wanted to see what its like to be in a room full of chicks cumming their pants but to make sure i maintained my masculinity I went and saw John Wick: Chapter 2. John Wick, man. What a weird cult following it’s gotten. Shane Falco will always be my boy but I could’ve sworn his career died in the Matrix after freeing the world or whatever. Honestly before the Wick series the last thing I saw of his was Constantine which was good for what it was (i saw Street Kings but you can’t claim you saw it if you’re still actively trying to forget it). 11 year gap pretty much where I only acknowledged his roles as John Constantine, Shane Falco, Neo, Jack Traven or the G.O.A.T. Johnny Utah.

Every other character he’s played doesn’t matter. Then outta no where after an 11 year gap all i heard from people across all spectrum was John Wick. John Wick this, John Wick that. As far as I knew, it looked like a cheesy action thriller, and it kinda is, but still somehow good. It’s like our modern day version of Boondock Saints. If I were to tell you some Irish micks just decided one day they had to go on a killing spree because god told them to after they got drunk, I would tell you its probably a bit of a cheesy action movie, but yet we love it. In the end though the only thing different is Boondock Saints 2: All Saints Day was laughable garbage, where John Wick: Chapter 2 was awesome. Doesn’t bother having an overly complicated story line or plot twist. It just kind of lives in its hit-man universe where the rules are pretty straight forward and invites as much shooting and fighting as humanly possibly. Over all I give it a 7.7 tied with the first John Wick. The first one was a bit more compelling with a whole revenge story, but this second one had some elements of that, and maybe I haven’t seen the first one in a bit, but the action in this was awesome. Might be a bit better than the first one and also deserve props for taking a cult classic and transcending the equal into a mainstream action movie (R.I.P The Fast and the Furious’ legacy [except I totally watch the shit out of every ridiculous movie in that franchise]).

KEANU REEVES: Football Guy?

screen-shot-2017-02-21-at-1-39-08-pm

I just want to take a minute to talk about Keanu Reeves as the person we know him as. As one doesn’t really like to see the sausage get made, I almost don’t want to know the real Keanu Reeves. Don’t want to know what makes the guy tick. Every time I see him in interviews he’s kinda wacky and flamboyant and talks really loud with his hands if that makes sense. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a nice, charitable, humble guy who’s successful and has a number of roles that have defined the action movie zeitgeist (idk if i used that word correctly, if I did it kinda makes me a really good writer. low risk, high reward). I don’t know why I thought this based on two movies but I always thought growing up that Keanu Reeves was a huge Football Guy. Played an Ohio State QB twice. TWICE. In two separate movie universes. An All-American at Ohio State who made it to the Sugar Bowl and then WON the Rose Bowl and would’ve gone pro if he didn’t get his knee nuked in the 4th quarter. Such a shame. But if that wasn’t enough, there was a little nod in Speed where he figured out the bus had live recording because he realized Dennis Hopper can see that Annie’s wearing an Arizona Wildcat jacket. Really hurt my heart when I found out he’s some Canadian boy who has no idea about the game at all (sorry If i just told all of you out there that Santa isn’t real). A little bit of hope though, is that Keanu has laced up the skates before and played goalie.

Keanu Reeves, goalie coach, circa 1981. Author: The Hockey News

Keanu Reeves, goalie coach, circa 1981. Author: The Hockey News

If anything you know who Keanu Reeves kinda reminds me of? Like an older sci-fi action star version of Taylor Kitsch. This is solely based on the fact that they have roles where they definitely can pull off long hair and have played hockey but they both kind of have a similar builds. Not overly bulky, Canadian, hockey, movies and what not. Relatively quite celebrities and both have played football on screen. But enough about all that. This isn’t about Keanu Reeves or football. This is about John Wick. Which brings me to my next talking point…..

JOHN WICK IS TOM BRADY

x3psv2iComing to theaters soon after TB12’s fifth Super Bowl win in a historic overtime comeback, this has to be the first comparison that comes to mind. Its everything from the durability to take hit after hit and still perform at an elite level to the fact that he terrifies every major player in the game the way that Tom Brady is the Boogeyman to every single player/personnel in the AFC. Just for a second entertain the notion that the one week after Tom Brady had a horrible game agaisnt Kansas was like his retirement considering every ESPN analyst marked Tom as done. Well the next week was officially him/John Wick coming out of retirement and put on 2 killing sprees that shocks the entire world. Both men of focus, commitment, and sheer will. We saw Tom Brady kill 31 teams with a football. Both men that can dress sharply and look impeccable in a suit and can hit a target within a dime. Simply put, John Wick is Tom Brady. Some where in a quiet modern house tucked away in a remote suburban neighborhood is John Wick quietly eating kale and avocado ice cream with pink Himalayan sea salts and avoiding nightshades so he can be an elite assassin and take hit after hit well into his 50’s and is ready to lace and load em up ready for the next kill. Baba Yaga. The Boogeyman. JW12.

UPDATE:

IMDB no longer has a comment section which effectively cuts down half the blog. What the fuck IMDB? You’re kinda killing my job here. Well lets keep the bad news rolling. Keanu Reeves didn’t fuck a lot of chicks even though they were cumming their pants. Sad!screen-shot-2017-02-20-at-7-46-45-am

A Steak A Guy Was About To Cook Up Is Going Viral Because It Looks Like Satan.

Citizens in the state of Baja California Sur claim an image of the devil is clearly visible in the photograph of the meat (below) which local news website El Metichon posted to Facebook on Wednesday “We’ve received this image where the devil appears in a rib steak from SuKarne. What do you think?” the outlet wrote. The photograph is now going viral. It’s not known whether the beef, believed to have come from the country’s largest meat processor SuKarne, has now been eaten.

Source- Citizens in the state of Baja California Sur claim an image of the devil is clearly visible in the photograph of the meat (below) which local news website El Metichon posted to Facebook on Wednesday
“We’ve received this image where the devil appears in a rib steak from SuKarne. What do you think?” the outlet wrote. The photograph is now going viral.
It’s not known whether the beef, believed to have come from the country’s largest meat processor SuKarne, has now been eaten.

Screen Shot 2016-03-26 at 4.11.20 PMScreen Shot 2016-03-26 at 4.11.29 PMScreen Shot 2016-03-26 at 4.11.43 PMScreen Shot 2016-03-26 at 4.11.57 PM

 

Thats the devil. I mean plainly put, there’s no other way to cut it, but that is an evil entity in your steak. Must kinda suck.  You want to end the work week on a high note so you break out the dry aged rib eye and start the bottle of red wine decanting and next thing you know an apparition of the fallen one appears in the marbling of your steak. I mean you still eat it though right? I don’t think you need John Constantine to put on an apron and sear the living shit out of the cut of meat to make it eatable right? Give it 3 hail mary’s, bless propane tank and grill and throw that bitch right where it came from, straight into the fire. I’m pretty sure demons cook out around 135 degrees Fahrenheit so that leaves you with a nice medium rare, might not hurt to take it to medium just in case.

Central Florida Firearms Manufacturer Spike’s Tactical Make Rifle With Bible Scripture Inscribed On It To Deter Usage from Muslim Terrorist. Dubbed The Tactical Crusader

The AR-15 is listed as The Crusader Rifle on the manufacturer’s website, described as a “lightweight mid-length rifle,” built to be used for tactical applications or for competition. The words of Psalm 144:1—”Blessed be the Lord my Rock, who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle”—are etched upon the right side of the gun’s lower, while a cross and shield are etched upon the left side.” Along the AR-15’s safety lever are the Latin words “Pax Pacis” (Peace), “Bellum” (War), and “Deus Vult” (God Wills It). Peace is the gun’s safe position while “War” is the gun’s fire position. According to WTSP 10 News, Spike’s Tactical spokesman Ben “Mookie” Thomas explained why the company decided to create the Crusader:     Right now and as it has been for quite some time, one of the biggest threats in the world is and remains Islamic terrorism. We wanted to make sure we built a weapon that would never be able to be used by Muslim terrorists to kill innocent people or advance their radical agenda.

Breitbart– The AR-15 is listed as The Crusader Rifle on the manufacturer’s website, described as a “lightweight mid-length rifle,” built to be used for tactical applications or for competition. The words of Psalm 144:1—”Blessed be the Lord my Rock, who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle”—are etched upon the right side of the gun’s lower, while a cross and shield are etched upon the left side.”
Along the AR-15’s safety lever are the Latin words “Pax Pacis” (Peace), “Bellum” (War), and “Deus Vult” (God Wills It). Peace is the gun’s safe position while “War” is the gun’s fire position.
According to WTSP 10 News, Spike’s Tactical spokesman Ben “Mookie” Thomas explained why the company decided to create the Crusader:
Right now and as it has been for quite some time, one of the biggest threats in the world is and remains Islamic terrorism. We wanted to make sure we built a weapon that would never be able to be used by Muslim terrorists to kill innocent people or advance their radical agenda.

***DISCLAIMER: Since guns and religion is a hot button issue, Im only writing this in regards of ISIS terrorist so dont hate me. But if you do please comment so my site statistics goes up….i guess i dont care that much.Whatever***

I’ll readily admit that i hate novelty things on firearms. I’m not some crazy gun nut, just more of a casual enthusiast but when I see novelty gun things it just screams marketing ploy to me. And thats fine because thats just business. But every time you walked into a shooting range for the past few years right at the counter they would sell those silly Hornady Zombie loads and Ruger with their Zombie slayer LCP. Its all just marketing hoopla. Same kinda goes with this.

That being said, i kinda just don’t care for this on the consumer lever. On the military level though, i sneaky kinda like it. I’ve been seeing news articles recently that ISIS soldiers have gotten a hold of US supply drops. Well fuck that. I wanna see the look of disgust and disappointment when they raid a drop point and look at all the bible scriptures that’ll just drive them ballistic. Its just a point of pride at this point. The same way a ton of old Vets never own an AK because they’re the guns of the terrorist, theres no chance ISIS members are gonna use the Crusader. So yea it might be a novelty marketing move by Spikes tactical, but If just one ISIS member finds an AR with bible verses or whatever on it and wont use it to kill anyone and it stops him for a bit, then i guess it served its purpose. Now when are we gonna discuss Mossberg putting in production Constantine’s Holy Shotgun? If you thought the Crusader had religious stopping power, this bad boy could make son of sam beg for mercy.

img1med