Yo my face light up for a second when I clicked play. Like became the happyest dude on the planet. Not because this dude most certainly is probably dead from a caged lion mauling the shit outta him. But for the fact that all of this is going down with the fucking Mortal Kombat theme song playing in the background. The second i heard those techno house beats go down I said to myself “This is perfection.” If it were the case I couldn’t even blame the lion. It’s on the house DJ. I mean between a wild beast begin contained and a man who thinks he has control over a lion squaring off with him, the second that song plays they’re triggered. Alas, it had to be ruined by some shitty slowed down dance house whatever version of the song. But still picture it. The synthesizers slowly playing as this guy is squaring off with the lion like any regular zoo keeper. You here over the speakers “Test Your Might” while he’s dancing around the cage as the music begins…… MORTAL KOMBAT! **Guy proceeds to get his brain clawed out of his eyeballs** “MORTAL KOMBAT”
Mirror– A wife smashed an alarm clock over her husband’s head after he asked for a goodnight kiss. Kathryne Borthwick, 26 – who met husband Monty, 59, online – flew into a rage after a drinking spree. A judge heard Mr Borthwick took off his shirt in the bedroom and demanded: “What about my goodnight kiss?” Prosecuting lawyer Tim Dracass said: “She picked up an alarm clock and started to hit him with it. “The clock broke. “Mrs Borthwick then grabbed her husband’s mobile and began hitting his head.” The court heard Mr Borthwick begged “Please, please” as blood ran down his head and his furious wife swore and threw his CDs around their Portsmouth home. An ambulance was called at 9.45pm and Mr Borthwick was left with two cuts to his head after the attack on April 18. Mrs Borthwick, who came to the UK from The Philippines last year, admitted assault with actual bodily harm and was given a 12-month community order. The court heard that Mr Borthwick did not want his wife to be charged but that it was not the first time she had behaved in this way after drinking. Portsmouth crown court heard she had quit drinking and the pair wanted to forget the “nightmare”. Judge Roger Hetherington said: “For some reason, which is something of a mystery, you flew at him in a rage hitting him with whatever came to hand.”
This is how you know how times have changed. Girls are so fed up with how guys are not remotely close to romantic like the guys in old 50’s movies. Oh guys are not charming anymore, or we don’t have proper etiquette around ladies! Well its 2015 and times have changed. We’re not calling people over land lines asking them out if they would like to go on a date at some restaurant followed by a stroll through the park. Its “Hey whats up you wanna come over and watch Netflix maybe order some take out” over text. But here’s the thing, Kathtryne over here is only 29 while she married Monty who’s FIFTY NINE. Dude is pretty much double her age. He is the old guy that has charm and etiquette that the ladies pretend they want to much and when he gave it to her she didn’t even know what to do with it besides bash his head in with an alarm clock and cellphone. So listen ladies, chivalry and romance isn’t dead, its just evolved. Take us for what we are and please do not bash out skull in, thats all we ask.
When ever you go to a restaurant you just shouldn’t speak to the waiter. Its far too dangerous of a game to call them out and have them in total control of the food you’re about to eat. Unless its to order your food just don’t say a thing. I don’t even like being nice and chit chatting with them because if they’re nice back i feel obligated to tip more even though I’m poor. And you most certainly shouldn’t say anything bad about the waiter right to his face. If anything complain to the boss after when foods already digesting and you’ve survived. But to complain to the waiter and pissing him off before you get your food? You’re asking for a massive bowl of blazing hot soup to the face.
DM-A passenger has reportedly had half his ear bitten off in a ‘sickening’ attack on a plane bound for Ibiza. The assault took place on a Jet2 flight from Newcastle to the holiday island just before it was due to land. The man, who is believed to be between 18 and 25, has reportedly been receiving treatment in Spain since the attack, which happened on Sunday evening. One passenger told the Daily Mirror that the victim ran to the front of the plane when it landed covered in blood, with ‘half his ear just hanging off’. He added: ‘It was a relief to get off and an absolutely horrible thing to happen in a confined space in front of families.’ Another witness told the paper: ‘It was absolutely sickening. To bite someone’s ear off on a plane packed with other people at such close quarters and with families sitting around him is absolutely appalling, people were getting off the plane complaining of feeling physically sick.’ Phil Ward, managing director of Jet2.com, told MailOnline Travel that it was ‘an incident that no one would want to witness’. ‘We are aware that an incident happened onboard a flight from Newcastle to Ibiza on Sunday 16th August between two customers,’ he said in a statement. It was the second incident to affect a Newcastle International plane on Sunday. In the afternoon, 68 passengers were led off a plane leaving Newcastle International after an ‘abusive’ stag party ‘threatened cabin crew’. The Flybe flight from Newcastle Airport to Stansted was cancelled when the captain called Northumbria Police about an on-board disturbance. This led to police removing all the passengers from the aircraft and leading them into the terminal. Northumbria Police wrote on Twitter that they had been called to ‘remove a group of drunk and disorderly passengers’ at Newcastle Airport. A police spokesman said: ‘The police were called to the airport at the request of Flybe and gave the necessary assistance. ‘A 30-year-old man was reported for an offence against the Aviation Act, but no-one was arrested.’ But one passenger, who was not part of the group, said the Flybe staff might have ‘overreacted’ in the situation. Speaking to MailOnline Travel, 24-year-old business analyst Christian Lillie said: ‘They did not appear to be abusive or threatening but I wasn’t close enough to hear what was said. ‘There were no raised voices, it seems as if Flybe staff overreacted. ‘We were told by the cabin crew that we had to disembark because of an ‘issue’ and the police were present I believe in case something did kick off. ‘But the police told us that it was not their decision for us to leave it was the pilot’s decision.’
Talk about horrible flying experiences these days. I hate flying now. Its packed people in a congested ass cabin with half the people sick all coughing and sneezing with never enough space for your own comfort. Well top that with getting their ear chewed off and you have one of the worst flight experiences ever. He probably thought he was gonna have a nice time get outta Newcastle for a little vacation ending the summer with a nice drug fueled orgy parting in an Ibiza dance club with some Euro chicks. Probably woulda been a wonderful time but here we are now. Summers still hot, you probably have to go back to work soon, you got a monster medical bill probably now, you definitely didn’t stick ur dick in some strange and now you probably get called Holyfield but not for the muscles or boxing legacy. Just for the fact that your ear got bit off by another human dude. If you weren’t confined to a god damn flying box this would never of happened.
Fun Fact- My uncle got part of his ear bit off by a chick he was dating once.