Monthly Archives: October 2015

If You End Up Driving Through The Driving School Building During Your Road Exam, You’re Probably Not Ready For The Road

A student driver in Washington state learned the subtle difference between the gas pedal and the brake on Friday when she crashed into a driving school. Authorities in Bellevue snapped a quick photo of the scene. No injuries were reported in the incident. Police responded to reports of a car that crashed into a building around 8:30 a.m. "Unfortunately, that student mistook the gas pedal for the brake, sending the car into the building," Seth Tyler of the Bellevue Police told KOMO. Police said the student is a woman in her 20s who is new to the country. She was approaching the end of the test when the accident happened. "She was doing great up until that very last part ... [and she] did drive through a plate glass window, so that was a fail on the test," Tyler noted.

Huffington Post– A student driver in Washington state learned the subtle difference between the gas pedal and the brake on Friday when she crashed into a driving school.
Authorities in Bellevue snapped a quick photo of the scene. No injuries were reported in the incident.
Police responded to reports of a car that crashed into a building around 8:30 a.m.
“Unfortunately, that student mistook the gas pedal for the brake, sending the car into the building,” Seth Tyler of the Bellevue Police told KOMO.
Police said the student is a woman in her 20s who is new to the country. She was approaching the end of the test when the accident happened.
“She was doing great up until that very last part … [and she] did drive through a plate glass window, so that was a fail on the test,” Tyler noted.

Well that could’ve gone better huh? I can’t even comprehend how that happens. I mean first off this was at the end of the test. She did fine for the entire 10 minutes driving, not running anyone over or plowing through any buildings. But I guess some people can’t over come the 4th quarter pressure when you’re down to the final 2 minute drive and fumble everything horribly wrong. You think it was the pressure of 4 free wide open parking spots? Was she distracted by the Shasta vending machine which I’ve never seen before and thought the company died in 98? Must’ve been the complexity of the 40 thousand dollar European luxury sport sedan known for its technology to improve safety and ease of driving. Either way, she’s not ready for the road and should probably stick with Uber for now.

P.s- My dirty little secret is i actually failed my first driving test. It was such a bullshit reason. It was at the DMV in Oakland park. It was basically entrapment. Guy wanted me to fail. I never told anyone about it, but it eats away at me sometimes when I think about the DMV.

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The whole time the exam dude was giving me the look like “is he gonna fail it? I bet he’s gonna fail it” but i had no idea so i just did my thing, everything went smoothly. Nailed the 3 point turn. They don’t make you parallel park or anything. But as I turn to go up that road with the median, he’s looking over at me being all coy and shit. See what that fuck didn’t tell me was that one lane was actually 2 lanes even though there’s no dotted line or arrows to even kinda let you know its 2 lanes to turn in 2 directions. I thought it was one. Right as i turn i hear him go “Ohhh yea im sorry i can’t let you pass this exam… You see buddy, that was actually two lanes and you were driving in the middle the entire time” and he said it was a fucking smile on his face. I didn’t even bother arguing it with the guy that there was no lines indicating that it was two lanes or anywhere that said it was two because i was so taken aback by how much this guy wanted to trick me into failing. They start off all buddy buddy with you and the next thing you know they’re smiling like the devil failing and emasculating you by denying you’re drivers license.  I think i told all my friends i nailed it in one shot but the truth burns inside me to the point where I hope the DMV instructor dies.

Man Brings His GoPro Into A Rattlesnake Pit Because Why Not?

 

Look some people are fine with snakes, a lot of rational people aren’t fine with snakes. To go even further, some people want all things that slither and are venomous launched into the sun. I fall into that category. Don’t get me wrong, I like animals. Love my dog, a nice deer, a furry little rabbit, I’m cool with that. Snakes aren’t animals though, in my mind. They’re biblical creatures representing evil power, and i watched this video with my asshole clenched the entire time and for that, i want them all launched into the sun. But I’m not gonna lie, i kind of like the idea that these rattle snakes are all consolidated into one area. Don’t mean to sound too crazy but looking at that pit feels like the seen in Inglorious Bastards when they trap all the Nazi’s in a movie theater and just set them all ablaze in a hail of gunfire. Yea I don’t even want to entertain the thought of a million rattle snakes in one area, but If it means picking them off the planet by machine gun fire then I’ll settle for it.

P.s.- How about this being in probably Texas or Arizona and the guy has a hockey stick on hand? Its not nearly long enough for me to feel like I’m at a safe distance trying to balance a GoPro cam on the blade of my stick but still just shocked he had one.

I Had A Dream Beyonce Got Caught Cheating With None Other Than……..

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Now I’m not gonna start blogging my dreams all the live long day because a) I forget that shit and b) i don’t think anyone cares but ever since the Jay Z/ Beyonce’s Sister elevator incident, i randomly called out that they were gonna get a divorce. Being the man that loves winning bets and calling things, I was jumping with joy when I found out and then immediately crushed when i found out it was just in my dreams. Any ways, let me break it down how it all happened.

I was in New York at the time getting ready for a wedding. It’s kinda crazy because that wedding is really happening and my friend is going to a wedding today. Funny how that works out in dreams. Anyways, it was like 9 am very foggy day and I’m in an apartment where you can and probably will kill your self accidentally because for some reason there was just some massive hole in a massive window where you can just walk out onto a ledge while you’re up a million feet in the air with winds blowing. Luckily I didn’t die this day. Instead I for some reason didn’t pack any winter clothes even though its in the winter and I forgot to pack a suit going into a wedding. I was wearing like a god damn white shirt with spaghetti stains all over the front and for some reason in my dream was just gonna roll with it? Clean it up, Ed. Gotta dress to the 9s at a wedding. Anyways I’m freaking out because the rest of my family shows up in suits and fancy tux that they got in Paris or some shit so I’m looking like the biggest retard on the block. Start panicking and just decide I’m gonna go buy one right before then and there.

As I head down stairs ( Because apparently every floor below the 26th floor apartments were apart of a mall) I try on suits and shit and couldn’t find one i liked, then i walked outside when it happened. I magically got a suit that materialized on me and then i hear a commotion. I run down like 6 flights of stairs and I’m magically wearing a suit when i hear moaning happening. Out of no where i just see Jay Z in the middle of a stage at the mall drop to his knees and begin crying. Hova just looking like the most vulnerable person on the planet at that moment blubbering tears. The whole crowd was shocked when they saw when they saw what was happening. All over the TV’s and intercoms was a live feed of Beyonce having sex with another man, and that man is none other than Paul Anthony Pierce. Number 34- small forward of the Los Angeles Clippers. The Motherfuckin Truth. brooklyn-nets-head-coach-jason-kidd-1

Welp, Have a nice Saturday, folks! Spread this rumor like wildfire!

Stephen Hawking, Like Every Man, Says Women Are The Biggest Mystery In The Universe

 Eminent scientist was answering questions posted on the website Reddit He said that despite having a PhD in physics women were still a 'mystery' He also warned AI posed a risk due to 'competence rather than malice' Humans could become insignificant in the face of the goals of AI, he said

Source- DailyMail -Eminent scientist was answering questions posted on the website Reddit
-He said that despite having a PhD in physics women were still a ‘mystery’
-He also warned AI posed a risk due to ‘competence rather than malice’
-Humans could become insignificant in the face of the goals of AI, he said

Im not one to just give credence to people because of their social status or what ever school you went to, but when that person is theoretical physicist and cosmologist who’s dabbled in gravitational singularity theorems and other various quantum mechanics, im gonna assume you know a thing or two about everything, and if that man says woman are the greatest mystery then I’ll believe it. Am I saying men are less complicated? Not necessarily, but we’re just more direct and clear with what we’re doing. It might not make sense but its coming to you in English where reading women is like reading in ancient hieroglyphics. I like them and all but just sometimes they don’t make sense. Bitter one moment, spiteful the next. I don’t try to understand them anymore, i just try to avoid a fight and break things off before they start poisoning my stuff and plotting my death. Its like Al Bundy said “Don’t try to understand women. Women understand women and they fucking hate each other”

Lady In Michigan Wins 310 Million in Powerball. Shit Was Suppose To Be Mine

A 50-year-old supervisor at a Michigan fiberglass factory said she 'automatically' quit her job after winning the $310.5 million Powerball jackpot. Julie Leach, from Three Rivers, said she was having a 'really bad night' at work when she went to a McDonald's drive thru to get dinner, and decided to check her numbers. To her shock Leach found she had scooped the jackpot, and says she plans to buy a plot of land to build houses for her and her partner of 36 years, and their three children and 11 grandchildren. Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3261479/Winner-310-5-million-Powerball-ticket-speak-media.html#ixzz3nouYIbv5  Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook According to Fox 17, Leach said: 'About 6.30 at night I stopped to get my coffee and got $20 worth of lottery tickets and just went to work. 'I was having a really bad night so I went to McDonald's for lunch and thought I might as well check my own numbers while I'm sitting her and that's when I realized I was the winner. 'I didn't believe it so I had to go back to work and confirm with a couple of people.'  Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3261479/Winner-310-5-million-Powerball-ticket-speak-media.html#ixzz3nouik3x0  Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook Leach added that she woke up partner Vaughn Avery, who works at a metal casing factory, that night to tell him about the win.  He told the Detroit Free Press: 'I said, "You're kidding me, get out of here." I thought I was dreaming. She goes "no, we won it."  I had to look at it. I looked on her phone, grabbed my phone, pulled the website up. I just couldn't believe it.  'I said, "I really need to go back to bed to get up for work." She said, "You don't ever have to go to work."'  Leach told ABC that Avery has tried proposing to her several times in the past, but she has always refused, pointing to her friends who have gotten divorced, saying the pressure would be too much. She added that she might be open to an offer now, but 'he would have to sign a pre-nup' first.   Leach added that she is still in shock after her win, saying she didn't go to sleep for 'over 30 hours' after discovering her windfall. Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3261479/Winner-310-5-million-Powerball-ticket-speak-media.html#ixzz3noulmgdb  Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook Leach said the decision to quit her job was 'automatic' after her win, and that she called her boss who was only holiday in Spain to tell him 'I don't need that pay rise anymore' Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3261479/Winner-310-5-million-Powerball-ticket-speak-media.html#ixzz3nouqkfZb  Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook She added: '"I’m going to take care of my kids. I don’t want them to work the way I had to work and deal with the things I had to deal with in life.  'I want to make it a good life for them and take care of them.' She regularly buys around $20 of lottery tickets, and ups that if the jackpot is especially large, and also takes part in a work pool. But despite spreading her odds, she says she never expected to win herself, and now also plans to go traveling. Asked where she might go, a smiling Leach responded: 'Wherever we want.'  Leach said she has also hired a financial adviser to help her make the most of the money, saying she has 'no idea' what to do with so much cash.  She chose to take a lump sum of prize of $197.4 million, or $140 million after taxes. The winning numbers were 21, 39, 40, 55 and 59, with a Powerball of 17.  Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3261479/Winner-310-5-million-Powerball-ticket-speak-media.html#ixzz3noutOIEM  Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

DailyMail– A 50-year-old supervisor at a Michigan fiberglass factory said she ‘automatically’ quit her job after winning the $310.5 million Powerball jackpot.
Julie Leach, from Three Rivers, said she was having a ‘really bad night’ at work when she went to a McDonald’s drive thru to get dinner, and decided to check her numbers.
To her shock Leach found she had scooped the jackpot, and says she plans to buy a plot of land to build houses for her and her partner of 36 years, and their three children and 11 grandchildren.
According to Fox 17, Leach said: ‘About 6.30 at night I stopped to get my coffee and got $20 worth of lottery tickets and just went to work.
‘I was having a really bad night so I went to McDonald’s for lunch and thought I might as well check my own numbers while I’m sitting her and that’s when I realized I was the winner.
‘I didn’t believe it so I had to go back to work and confirm with a couple of people.’
Leach added that she woke up partner Vaughn Avery, who works at a metal casing factory, that night to tell him about the win.
He told the Detroit Free Press: ‘I said, “You’re kidding me, get out of here.” I thought I was dreaming. She goes “no, we won it.”
I had to look at it. I looked on her phone, grabbed my phone, pulled the website up. I just couldn’t believe it.
‘I said, “I really need to go back to bed to get up for work.” She said, “You don’t ever have to go to work.”‘
Leach told ABC that Avery has tried proposing to her several times in the past, but she has always refused, pointing to her friends who have gotten divorced, saying the pressure would be too much.
She added that she might be open to an offer now, but ‘he would have to sign a pre-nup’ first.
Leach added that she is still in shock after her win, saying she didn’t go to sleep for ‘over 30 hours’ after discovering her windfall.
Leach said the decision to quit her job was ‘automatic’ after her win, and that she called her boss who was only holiday in Spain to tell him ‘I don’t need that pay rise anymore’
She added: ‘”I’m going to take care of my kids. I don’t want them to work the way I had to work and deal with the things I had to deal with in life.
‘I want to make it a good life for them and take care of them.’
She regularly buys around $20 of lottery tickets, and ups that if the jackpot is especially large, and also takes part in a work pool.
But despite spreading her odds, she says she never expected to win herself, and now also plans to go traveling.
Asked where she might go, a smiling Leach responded: ‘Wherever we want.’
Leach said she has also hired a financial adviser to help her make the most of the money, saying she has ‘no idea’ what to do with so much cash.
She chose to take a lump sum of prize of $197.4 million, or $140 million after taxes. The winning numbers were 21, 39, 40, 55 and 59, with a Powerball of 17.

God no offense, ma’am, but fuck you. That win was suppose to be mine.

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I guess I gotta get a little nuts like Julie here. No more of this buying one ticket bullshit. She spends $20 bucks? I gotta drop $40 next time. Yea I know the odds are still like a gazillion to one but as far as the record goes that i know of spending 20 dollars on lotto tickets is 1- 1 gazillion probably but we can very much so make that a 2 – A gazillion record. Wont stop there either. McDonalds stop every time i buy tickets. Repetition makes perfection.

How envious must you be of the boss though? I dont exactly know how rich and wealthy a manager of a fiber glass factory in Michigan is but you work hard, lead the ship all year long only to take like 2 weeks vacation to Spain and while you’re there you gotta deal with one fo your employees jumping shit because they were handed over $140 million dollars and able to pretty much buy a village in Spain right now. Now you gotta deal with finding an employee to fill her spot all the mean while they’re just right in the neighborhood showering in money like Scrooge McDuck while you’re trying to enjoy your shitty vacation. Shits all roses for the man friend too now probably. I mean guy already proposed a couple times. Feel like he almost must’ve had some vision where she wins because you don’t just get the emotional courage to propose a billion times with her saying nah unless you know the end game is gonna be millions. Sign that prenup enjoy your life being rich you old jean shorts wearing fisher guy, you lucky son of a bitch.

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Freedom! Finally Some Decent Internet Speeds!

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21.67 mbps! Do you see that shit??? Fucking kicked that slow ass shit to the curb so we could become a normal part of society! I feel more dialed in then ever but this isn’t the fucking end for me. We strive for more in life. That’s what makes us humans. I’m not gonna stop until i have google fiber and i don’t care if i have to dig up trenches and plug power lines directly into my macbook. And once i get that the next step is to invent extremis from the Iron Man comic books so i can be neuro-pathically linked to all satellite communications like im some Chinese Tony Stark.

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See that shit? Wont stop until this blog is like another limb that i can control with my mind.

Ekblad And Jagr CRUSHING The Hair Game This Season

Make sure to check out the winter issue of @VeniceMagFTL to see @Ekblad5FLA! pic.twitter.com/7bE7JXCU3Z

Make sure to check out the winter issue of @VeniceMagFTL to see @Ekblad5FLA! pic.twitter.com/7bE7JXCU3Z

OMG. Florida Winter Casual has never looked better on a kid from Canada. Ekblad started off his Pro career with the hair coiffed upwards. Made a strong stance. Now that he’s had a full season under his belt he’s gonna go with the relaxed look. Got all the nervous jitters out last season, time to man handle this season with his hair coming in second to Jagrs.

Thanks Lu. Looks like we got great hair on Forwards and on D. Playoff bubble? More like 3rd seed going the distance.

 

The Dolphins Media Saga Continues: Tannehill Apparently Not Happy About The Practice Squad Forcing Turnovers On Him/ A Word From Dan Campbell

It was an extremely tense week in London surrounding the Miami Dolphins prior to them being embarrassed by the New York Jets and subsequently firing coach Joe Philbin upon their return to the United States. Frustrations have been mounting for weeks, and escalated Saturday during practice prior to the game. Philbin has also been struggling on how to handle his franchise quarterback, Ryan Tannehill, who had been getting rattled even in practice sessions. On Saturday during practice, Tannehill, after a couple of practice squad players forced turnovers, Tannehill made negative comments toward them, including saying: “Enjoy your practice squad paycheck, enjoy your practice squad trophy.” Sources say this has been going on for the past few weeks as the practice squad players have been intercepting Tannehill and frustrating the former Texas A&M wide receiver turned quarterback. The frustration for Tannehill stemmed from the entire situation as well as the Dolphins haven’t won a game since the season-opener. Tannehill is an extremely competitive person, and the struggles of the offense have angered him significantly. Philbin told the practice squad players to take it easy on Tannehill to not affect the young quarterback’s confidence. However, that didn’t prove to be an effective strategy. Follow me on Twitter: @AaronWilson_NFL

NFP- It was an extremely tense week in London surrounding the Miami Dolphins prior to them being embarrassed by the New York Jets and subsequently firing coach Joe Philbin upon their return to the United States.
Frustrations have been mounting for weeks, and escalated Saturday during practice prior to the game. Philbin has also been struggling on how to handle his franchise quarterback, Ryan Tannehill, who had been getting rattled even in practice sessions.
On Saturday during practice, Tannehill, after a couple of practice squad players forced turnovers, Tannehill made negative comments toward them, including saying: “Enjoy your practice squad paycheck, enjoy your practice squad trophy.”
Sources say this has been going on for the past few weeks as the practice squad players have been intercepting Tannehill and frustrating the former Texas A&M wide receiver turned quarterback.
The frustration for Tannehill stemmed from the entire situation as well as the Dolphins haven’t won a game since the season-opener. Tannehill is an extremely competitive person, and the struggles of the offense have angered him significantly.
Philbin told the practice squad players to take it easy on Tannehill to not affect the young quarterback’s confidence.
However, that didn’t prove to be an effective strategy.
Follow me on Twitter: @AaronWilson_NFL

Fucking A. I cant leave the house for 5 minutes with out more news coming about the abysmal Dolphins season. I said earlier that we should get rid of Tanney well here is the beginning of the end. Don’t get me wrong, he’s decent but now people are just hammering the reputation and personality. I mean telling a practice squad player to enjoy his measly pay check while you get bashed on media and a fan base and have a lack luster performance while you can go home and sleep on your 95 million dollar contract is a pretty big asshole move. Worse part is having Daddy Philbin trying to take the fights for you asking the players to take it easy on you and to stop bullying your passes picking them out of the sky. Well either way onto the next week hopefully being led by Dan Campbell some what better than Philbin and from what the media is telling us is Players and Coaches like Campbell and a good TE coach. Guys respected and hopefully so do the players. Only problem is Kevin Coyle is still around it seems. Either way we better dominate at Tennessee.

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James Bond Looking Good In Retirement

Pierce Brosnan showed his love for his long-term wife earlier in the week, when the pair enjoyed a holiday in Hawaii.  The romantic couple were seen topping up their tans in the idyllic location as they enjoyed a morning swim together, with the former Bond star, 62, showing off his toned physique as he went shirtless.  As the pair emerged from the water, the handsome chap tenderly wrapped a towel around 51-year-old Keely, making sure she was as comfortable as possible.  'I love her vitality, her passion,' he said. 'She has this strength that I wouldn't be able to live without. When Keely looks at me, I go weak.'

Pierce Brosnan showed his love for his long-term wife earlier in the week, when the pair enjoyed a holiday in Hawaii.
The romantic couple were seen topping up their tans in the idyllic location as they enjoyed a morning swim together, with the former Bond star, 62, showing off his toned physique as he went shirtless.
As the pair emerged from the water, the handsome chap tenderly wrapped a towel around 51-year-old Keely, making sure she was as comfortable as possible.
‘I love her vitality, her passion,’ he said. ‘She has this strength that I wouldn’t be able to live without. When Keely looks at me, I go weak.’

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Now I, like many of us, grew up in the Pierce Brosnan James Bond Era of 007. He had it all, the romantic suave nature and the gun slinging ability. When Daniel Craig took on the role I told my self Id never love with the DC-007. Its Brosnan all day. Well then i saw Casino Royale and switched sides on the seesaw. Daniel Craig version was on the top of the ride and it will never come down between the two because Pierce Brosnan Is now permanently on the ground with his wife.

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Seriously, i know they were just movies but in the 90’s i feel like Brosnan could get any girl he wanted. Everyone wanted to be bond and every girl wanted to be a Bond Girl. I mean come on, at the time when watching 007 you know you wanted to be Bond with everyone of these chicks. dbc0d5669a45cdd59930561746585f8f Screen Shot 2015-10-05 at 11.56.09 AM Screen Shot 2015-10-05 at 11.56.16 AM Screen Shot 2015-10-05 at 11.56.24 AM Screen Shot 2015-10-05 at 11.56.30 AM Screen Shot 2015-10-05 at 11.56.37 AM Screen Shot 2015-10-05 at 11.56.42 AM Screen Shot 2015-10-05 at 11.56.47 AM Screen Shot 2015-10-05 at 11.56.54 AM Screen Shot 2015-10-05 at 11.56.58 AM tomorrow-never-dies-137

(source)

My favorite was Christmas Jones. Dr. Christmas Jones. Denise Richards. She had kind of a tomb raider look going on. I like it….bondgirl6 f5a24d687da0f87b79c19cd331653051 latest

I want to have sex with Christmas