Metro– Fallen Olympic star Ryan Lochte may have been cast adrift by sponsors like Speedo and Ralph Lauren, but he has been thrown a lifeline by a sex toy company.
The 32-year-old gold medal winning star has been at the centre of a storm since over exaggerating being ‘held at gunpoint’ and forced to hand over his wallet while out partying in notorious crime capital Rio de Janeiro in Brazil during the 2016 Games.
In the fallout he has seen his lucrative contract with Speedo cut, and his deals with Ralph Lauren, Airweave and Gentle Hair Removal come to an abrupt end.But the makers of the ‘crowdfunded blowjob robot everyone is talking about’ – the Autoblow2+ – have made him a tempting offer to become the face of their products.
‘It takes years of dedication and practice to win one Olympic Medal let alone 12, so I see in him a man with qualities our brand stands for,’ brand inventor Brian Sloan says.
‘I forgive him for his mistake and want to put him in front of an audience of men who admire him as the champion he is to help us promote the champion of masturbation devices: the Autoblow 2,’ he continues.‘The Autoblow 2’s tireless motor exemplifies the Olympic spirit much as Lochte did while winning his medals,’ he added.
As part of the deal, Autoblow will pay Ry $10,000 USD (£7,500 GBP) to pose with one of the robotic devices while smiling and pointing at it along with the caption ‘the masturbation device Olympic champions chose’.
Easy work if you can get it.
Steal of the century right? Easy 10k for a picture of cock stroker robot. Gotta take it. Look, It’s hard to be the face of something that’s on the fore front of technology because everyone’s to scared to be the face of an unproven brand. I’m sure Lochte would love to be sponsored by Sony or something but the fact of the matter is those opportunities are gone and he’s not getting younger. Are there chances that he’s gonna make it back to the Olympics? Probably not. Your career is essentially down the tubes as far as swimming goes. So maybe it’s time to make a business change and go in a different direction. And for someone that doesn’t have a known sex tape out yet, Ryan Lochte is the perfect person to have promote your deviant sex toy products. It’s a strong enough of a name so that it’s recognized nationally and the guy is still a gold medal winner and in good shape. The only problem is 10 grand for a photo seems kinda low for a decent promotion opportunity. Must be what the managerial team and agents of Lochte are waiting to pull the trigger on. 10k with an Olympian is horse shit. Try a million. Rapid cut shots of the Autoblow 2 in motion and Ryan Lochte swimming competing the hair color right out of his head. Fade to black and just the Autoblow 2. All you hear in the background. “…ooooooohhhhhhh Jeeeaaahhhhhhhh.” You don’t need to be Don Draper to come up with advertising thats that easy.
The Ugly Orange 