Tag Archives: Weed Wacker

I Need The WWE To Start Mixing In More Lawn Maintenance Tools If They Want Me To Start Watching Again.

Like many 90’s kids growing up, I watched wresting when it was still the WWF. It was a beautiful time in life. Summers in New York me and my 8 or 9 cousins would all gather around a cramped ass government housing apartment and watch Smackdown every Thursday like it was the Superbowl (we didn’t have cable so we didn’t watch Raw.) The attitude era had it all. The best of the fighting with the more unique movies, the stage presence had enough humor and violence, and everyone had character. Now I don’t know whats happened in this like 15 year time span but wrestling has been so washed out I honestly don’t know if they’ll ever rope me back.

I mean for gods sake, I just looked on their website and they don’t even have the Hardcore Championship belt anymore. What the fucks up with that? That title is a top 5 title of all time. That’s like a badge of honor that you can lose in 5 seconds. Retaining that title is harder than winning it and that’s what makes it the best. I don’t even know if they have hardcore matches anymore with no belt and all but goddammit the WWE should bring the title back in a way that honors its name. And that’s by adding a little two-cycle gasoline powered lawn equipment. PPV main event some wrestler pulls out an edge trimmer with spinning blades wailing on some guys arm. Drag their corpse around the ring tied to a lawn mower waving the title belt around. Sure we should keep the good old tables, ladders, and chairs involved because they’re a staple to the game, but why not add some gardening sheers and a weed wacker? Sure as a wrestler you probably don’t like the idea of plastic cable spinning a billion RPM cutting your flesh but guess what? That wrestler doesn’t deserve the title of Hardcore Champion.