Tag Archives: Marion Cotillard

Screen Rant: Assassin’s Creed ***SPOILERS***

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Here we are about to hit Movie awards season with a few days away from the Golden Globes. Thought to myself I had to come with more heat for all of you out there who just need my opinions and dialogue about one of the most enjoyable forms of art and entertainment. So many movies coming out that deserve nominations like La La Land, Manchester by the Sea, I hear Natalie Portman is good in Jackie. So what do I do? I decide to watch the video game turned movie Assassin’s Creed.

Now I’m not a big video game guy which means I’m even less of a video game movie guy but i still recognized that Assassin’s Creed was a video game all the kids talked about on the school yard. The movie, however, stunk. Probably not as bad as i think but I just didn’t care about it. Kind of bored watching it somehow even though people are jumping around on screen and killing people but just not my cup of tea. Maybe if i was still in high school in 2006 when the parkour Youtube craze hit the internet to coincide with the movie I would think it’s cool but as a late 20’s guy who has to deal with the real world and shit, It’s corny and only okay. The acting I’m sure was fine, it’s purely a story thing for me. For some reason regular high power, high income rich guys are trying to stop “assassin’s” by retrieving some sort of metal orb that is the Apple of Eden that contains a genetic code of free will? and some how that will stop violence? So they’ve been doing that up until modern time by creating some god damn roller coaster machine that plugs into your brain like the matrix and brings up projected images of the past so they can try to find out where the fuck this ancient alien orb is? See what I mean, just sounds crazy and maybe the story line can be explained more by playing a 60 hour video game but I’m pretty sure once you put down your play station controller and take a couple of deep breaths you could see the plot is just a tad bit extreme and you need to either buy into it or not and me personally I didn’t. Overall score is a 6. Parkour is a gimmick and I don’t care for gimmicks but the action scenes are decent just didn’t care for the story though.

The Leap of Faith

Guess this is a huge thing in the game? The people just climb tall building structures just to jump down with their arms spread out like a cross and it’s suppose to be cool or something? I’m sure seeing it hte first time would send blood to the dick just from the pure adrenaline but in the end it’s just them falling down. They intentionally climb tall structures just to jump off them. One part in the film he’s about to jump and the Marion Cotillard character looks like he’s about to achieve the greatest thing in the world. Like how in Zoolander everyone was blown away when he was able to turn left and give the world Magnum which was so marvelous it was able to stop a ninja star in mid air. The difference being that that is an early 2000’s comedy movie and this one is some scifi/fantasy type movie that takes jumping off a clock tower too seriously.

You Know What Would Make Killing Assassins Easier? A Gun

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I don’t know what the government approved weapon carrying policy is for large businesses that is in the field of detaining prisoners who have been legally pronounced dead that are actually still alive and are now are being used for scientific research to trigger past memories from ancestors that were apart of a clandestine society of assassins, to study the history of violence and whether or not violence is curable, but I would have a gun. Their room is littered with antiquated weapons that are certainly outdated since the 1500 that they can possibly use however all you do to arm yourself in a room of ex-con’s and murderers is a billy club. Maybe mix in some riot control gear like a shotgun or something that can actually stop a adrenaline filled and fit ninja guy like a .357 magnum. You know something with decent amount of stopping power. Not to mention, their wrist knife thing just seems like an unsafe weapon on their own behalf. The same way I always wondered if in Star Wars anyone accidentally sliced their leg in half twirling a light saber around, well these wrist pop up knives are asking for a nice gash on the fingers. If I had my druthers it would go on top of the wrist so you could be a bad ass like Wolverine and not a risk a 5 inch switch blade shooting through the palms of your hands.

This Girlscreen-shot-2017-01-04-at-3-36-22-pm

I would enjoy having sex with her. I can’t remember her characters name, what her real name is, if this photo is even the same girl as the one in the movie but i would enjoy having sexual intercourse with this girl/the assassin chick in the movie, knives and garbs included.

P.s- Marion Cotillard still sucks

IMDB COMMENTERS

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Well i guess that kinda helps their argument to the knife blade thing but i still contend that it should be on top of the hand and can still do the same thing without chopping off a finger. So along with them explaining why they chop off the finger, they should also explain why the wrist palm side is better than back  side.

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I was going to get into a dialogue about how they might all be a group of Jews or Israelite from Persia but my brain doesn’t know and is currently incapable of writing that.

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1.) She sucks, that’s all you need to know

2.) People die, knifes and bow and arrows and shit.

3.) Read this blog to find out.

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This person probably reads the blog.

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Hey VVolfySnackrib, you friend probably pops on Shame and fingers her self until her mattress is like a water logged sponge. Should go with her to see more Fassbender flicks and you’d probably get some runoff.

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This movie sucked at explaining shit.

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No idea how that thing could be so space aged but they should’ve launched it into the sun.

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Love a good Uwe Boll comment on video game movies.

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Yo on google it said the movie was 2 hours and 20 minutes long and was just going to give up the 10 dollar ticket. (it was only 2 hours)

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I hate this person. Rogue One was awesome. Assassin’s creed was a dump.

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I can’t tell if the response is real or trolling. Sounds like something made up very fast and if that’s real then the writers should think about that fact.

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Screen Rant: Allied **SPOILERS**

Ahh yes, the homewrecker of a movie that is Allied. What a “time is a flat circle” moment for Brad Pitt huh? Its 2005 all over again. Brad Pitt does a spy movie, has sex with the female lead and breaks it off with wife Jennifer Aniston. 2016, does a spy movie, has sex with the female lead and again divorces wife, this time, Angelina Jolie who was in the 1st spy movie incident. It’s all very funny how that works out. I’m sure the girls children are emotional about it but if they take a step back and realize the irony then I’m pretty sure they’d find it kinda funny. But I’m not here to discuss Brad Pitt’s personal life, I’m here to talk about this movie Allied. With a 7.2 rating on IMDB I’m kinda confused. Movie wasn’t anything bad or great but i expected the world to cum their pants because Brad Pitt is Brad Pitt and people seem to love Marion Cotillard. Me personally I would put it right around there too at like a 7.4. 7.2 is way too close to a 6 and Brad Pitt doesn’t deserve that but I wasn’t completely satisfied. It’s casting is almost like a trap line in Vegas. Got an A list actor in Brad Pitt and a French looking lady to play a french lady in Marion Cotillard wrapped up in a spy drama thriller period movie, But it falls a bit short. Why?

It needs more spy shit going on. Some parts got me on the edge of my seat waiting for people to get exposed and have crazy shit go down but that needs to happen way more in a flick about double agent wives and shit. Need to know their life was on the threat of being found out and become captured by Nazis or something thing. What it really is, is this is two movies jammed into one. Its a movie where Brad Pitt goes undercover to Morocco and attempts to assassinates a Nazi ambassador. Sounds awesome. But then the second half is a romance drama where Brad Pitt has to find out if his wife is a spy. Its fucking Inglorious Bastards in the beginning and then turns into Mr. And Mrs. Smith in the end.  Again, not a bad movie, but cut some of the early relationship nonsense and give me a scene where she breaks away in the middle of the night to be a German spy. **SPOILERS (EVEN THOUGH I PROBABLY ALREADY SPOILED MOST OF IT)** There was never a point where i thought she wasn’t a spy because that’s the movie and you never saw anything from her side. It was all from Pitts perspective and they never really tried to toy around with if she was or was not a spy minus maybe one scene or so.  Could argue it’s not worth how ever much it is to watch it in theaters. But when the DVD comes out maybe get it at your local Redbox or Rent it on demand because its still a decent movie where acting was good and some good action scenes.

Is Marion Cotillard Hot?

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Super hot debate among me and my inner circle of dumb friends. See they are all obsessed with Marion Cotillard as if shes some french true beauty that they put on the pedestal while I on the other hand thing shes as plain as Greek yogurt. Like yea she’s not a homeless vagrant mole creature of a woman. But she’s like an average person that can speak french. I mean she played Edith Paif  which maybe a national treasure for France for singing but wasn’t exactly a super smoke show back in her day. Frankly, She looks like a mix of Mila Kunis, who is indeed super hot, but with a slight case of Gollum from Lord of the Rings. Hate to break it to all you losers who find Marion attractive but when you’re compared to and animated hobbit that’s grown decrepit and deformed because of the magic and corruption of the One Ring, you’re not hot. Above all though I think the thing I hate the most about her is the pronunciation of her name. Cot-iy-yard. Listen I grew up in South Florida, we all took Spanish growing up. The double “L” sound never rattled me until this bitch walked on screen in Inception. And you know what? For some one who was dead and only lived in someone’s subconscious she was kind of a bitch in that movie too. Add all these things together. Her last name’s annoying, she looks like Smeagol, plays a bitch like in Inception of a 2 timing German spy, she sucks and I stand by it. And her teeth suck for a celebrity. No idea what Brad Pitt was thinking having sex with her.

UPDATE- My buddy says her voice is hot? like her accent?screen-shot-2016-12-04-at-3-46-00-pm

That’s like if i asked you “What looks good about this slice of pizza?” and you reply it sounds good, that has nothing to do with what makes it good. (<- not gonna lie, i just had pizza and that i think is whats making me compare the argument with pizza but i stand by it. S/O Donatos)

Rating “I Just Found Out From My Boss That My Wife Might Be An Undercover German Spy” Sex

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This moment was pretty big to the story. Place yourself in Brad Pitt’s movie star actor body for a second and we contemplate whether or not you would want to engage in sex after finding out your wife is potentially a spy for the Third Reich. You come home from work with the big news and know you have to keep your mouth shut for hours. You’re noticing her movements if shes being coy or not. Maybe she’s poking around questions that would give away intelligence to her Nazi opposition. Maybe she cooks up dinner in a way that makes you think “hmmm, those eggs kinda taste kinda like you’re a lying bitch and a Nazi Spy.” You’re waiting minutes away from the test call that would put into play the operation that can possibly kill your wife, the mother of your child. But it is bed time and she plays a sexual French woman and the rumors and stories are that the French are more romantic and sexual and what not.  You get the call. She starts going down on you (That happens in the movie). The plan is in play but you can’t act like a bitch now because you’re a professional. You’re the husband so you’re suppose to bang as one would do carelessly during the war. Honestly I think he’s in a pretty good spot. Mentally having to think about all of this while probably rock hard from the bJ while you’re inside her. Probably enough to keep him going because he’s partially thinking about if he has to kill her or not. He’d probably last like a porn star…..But also probably a little fun knowing you’re sleeping with the enemy right? Like sure I hate Nazi’s as much as the next jew but I’m pretty sure members of the tribe would smash out on a high ranking Nazi official if she was decent looking for her time the opportunity presented itself. I rank it pretty high. like a solid 8.5 sex. Might have to look to see if they do an Allied porn parody.

IMDB COMMENTERS

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Soldier has to assassinate a Nazi, falls in love with his partner who may also be a Nazi and must kill her. Knee slapper of a comedy right there.

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I wanted to actually touch up on this. Guy’s right and I thought the same while watching it. Like kind of a dick move to toy with his brain for 72 hours when they could’ve run the Blue Dye operation with out him knowing to confirm if she is or isn’t a Nazi bitch. Instead of letting him run amuck trying to solve the shit on his own. I was gonna make a comparison to the Departed because they do something similar but there’s way too many actors for me to remember as i write this shit out at 8 am.

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No

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What a prude Ciaranm02 is. We’re not talking about like ass to mouth here, just a quick get it wet bj, with a little make out before he goes missionary. Plus it’s Brad Pitt playing a soldier. Guy isn’t a loose cannon so it’s not like he jizzed in her mouth and then they snow balled it around with each other. Plus don’t chicks just like the kissing and shit? Sure i would do without it but we do it for the ladies as long as they don’t have like a facial going on.

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He played a guy from Canada trying to speak French. If anything his Canadian wasn’t believable because he never said “Sorrey” or “Aboout” or talked about the Canadiens. Other than that though they called out that he didn’t speak Parisian French well. So Simonrhoule’s comment is dumb.

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Not gonna lie, i thought the same. Wondered about his face and botox and if it is, awesome. I love a young looking Brad Pitt that looks like he can slay pussy endlessly.

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Fucking Nazi spies.

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Don’t agree. Arrival was maybe better? But I enjoy the Allied type of movie more.

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Some one fact check this for me. Also I might’ve gotten addicted to dipping. Stay tuned to find out if I’ll get mouth cancer. (Kinda badass though right? saw all these Korean assholes in New York all smoking cigs thinking they’re too cool for school. Well every time I see that I just want to put a fat lip in like I’m Lenny Dykstra and spit right in their eyeballs in front of there FOB girlfriends.)

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This might be the worse endorsement of criticism of the movie. If it follows a principle and wisdom from an overrated 90’s sitcom star that plays a failed day time tv actor then it’s kind of a bad movie no?

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Double true.

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Well this is obviously fake but what a variety and range of people he want’s to make this project. Like it goes from a comedy, to drama action biopic to a summer block buster to a straight to Netflix release. I’m gonna email this guy and poke around his brain.

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This guy’s profile picture if the poster for Boyhood but with a KKK mask.

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Mila Kunis+ smeagol= Marion

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Im kinda with you, Sarizonana. Sure i think Marion was casted well and played what a french person in the 40’s perfectly but fuck that. I want a hotter actress for the hell of it so it’s just pure eye candy between her and Pitt. Love all the chicks this person named CZJ, hot (minus the fact that her pussy nearly killed Michael Douglas). Eva Green, hot probably the more realistic option between the few. Kate Beckinsale, my first love. and Monica Bellucci, also hot. See this person wonders about what’s off about Cotillard and its the fact that it looks like she’d follow you up a mountain to steak your ring.