The Far From Comprehensive Break Down Of The 2017 Golden Globes


Award season is finally upon us. It’s the playoffs for cinema and we’re about to come into the 1st divisional round when it comes to film awards, The Golden Globes. The precursor to determine which film will most likely come away with the grand daddy of awards, the Oscars. We’re more than likely to get a bunch of “The Award Shows are so white washed!” Well luckily for you guys, I’m not white, I’m Asian, a race that’s equally as disparaged when it comes to taking home the glory in the arts of cinema. But what I also am, is equal (false, Im massively biased), and here today I’m gonna give you guys my predictions for who rightfully deserves to take home the hardware….Even though I’ve only seen like 2 of the films…. Oh and I’m not picking every category, only the ones that actually matter.

Best Motion Picture, Drama

  • Hacksaw Ridge
  • Hell or High Water
  • Lion
  • Manchester by the Sea
  • Moonlight

Not gonna lie, I was BAFFLED when I saw Hacksaw Ridge on the list. Never saw the movie but I just thought Andrew Garfield’s accent was too absurd. Didn’t come off natural. Based on the accent alone from the trailer i dont think it warrants an 8.5 on IMDB but maybe Mel Gibson shines through as a director. Hell or High Water and Lion, both probably the lower of the 5 rated films so cross those off the list. Which leaves Manchester by the Sea and Moonlight. Now Manchester by the Sea I think I’m gonna squeeze in tomorrow just to lock down my picks, but as for Best Motion Picture Drama, I’m gonna say Moonlight takes it. Some stark looking drama about a black teen growing up in the heart of Miami during the drug war era and dealing with the sort of teen angst that comes from that area. Maybe its a homer pick, being based in Miami, but I think they might pick it cause It honestly is probably the most dramatic of the bunch all around, but also because they probably don’t want to be scrutinized as racist white Aryans.

Best Motion Picture, Musical, or Comedy

  • 20th Century Women
  • Deadpool
  • Florence Foster Jenkins
  • La La Land
  • Sing Street

I’m gonna make this very clear. It’s La La Land. You Know it, I know it. Vegas knows it at -5000. Of the group I only saw 2 of these, La La Land and Deadpool. I refuse to believe Deadpool will win, mostly because I thought the movie was  so average and over rated, but because La La Land was absolutely delightful. If i had to pick a dark horse it would maybe go to Florence Foster Jenkins just because of the cast? But I’m pretty sure La La Land will come away with it. One of the most critisized review i heard of about it was that it was like The Artist, which that home took home the Oscar for best flick. Do think it’s crazy to loop Musical with comedy but regardless, La La Land. Can’t wait to see the suit Gosling comes in. Im guessing blue suit, black lapel.

Best Performance By an Actress in a Motion Picture, Drama

  • Amy Adams, Arrival
  • Jessica Chastain, Miss Sloane
  • Isabelle Huppert, Elle
  • Ruth Negga, Loving
  • Natalie Portman, Jackie

Lol I don’t know what any of these movies are. Kinda hard not to go with the chalk here. It’s gonna be Natalie Portman for Jackie. Don’t think many other movies are making much noise and as much as I would like to think every judge watches every thing that becomes nominated and taken every film and performance into consideration, they don’t. And in the end, this isn’t about the film, its about the Actress in the film and their performance.  Natty P takes it and adds to her list of fancy accolades.

Best Performance By an Actress in a Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy

  • Annette Bening, 20th Century Women
  • Lily Collins, Rules Don’t Apply
  • Hailee Steinfeld, The Edge of Seventeen
  • Emma Stone, La La Land
  • Meryl Streep, Florence Foster Jenkins

When it comes to awards, kinda hard to pick the best picture so and so, and not have the main actor or actress accompany it if they’re nominated. But also kinda weird to say Emma Stone won a golden globe and possibly win an Oscar. I mean if the shoe fits it fits and right now Emma Stone’s the favorite at -600 on Bovada. Might change her perception to me as the normal teen chick of Hollywood. The only other logical pick would be Meryl Streep because of her name and clout but even she isn’t even the next favorite, instead it’s Annette Bening for 20th Century Women. Don’t trust that pick so for now I’m just gonna roll with Stone.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture, Drama

  • Casey Affleck, Manchester by the Sea
  • Joel Edgerton, Loving
  • Andrew Garfield, Hacksaw Ridge
  • Viggo Mortensen, Captain Fantastic
  • Denzel Washington, Fences

Again, I get blown away by the fact that Andrew Garfield is on this list for a Mel Gibson movie with his stereotypical southern drawl, maybe next year for Silence but I doubt this year is his year. Also kinda hard to argue that it isn’t Casey Affleck’s year. That’s all everyone’s talking about is Manchester by the Sea this Manchester by the Sea that. Hope i go and squeeze it in tomorrow and i hope it blows just because i love to be contrarian but as for now it seems the loser brother of the Affleck family finally gets his shine. Dark horse pick though would be Denzel because Denzel is a bad ass and Fences looks pretty good, I just don’t like the name. Still picking Affleck though.

Best Director, Motion Picture

  • Damien Chazelle, La La Land
  • Tom Ford, Nocturnal Animals
  • Mel Gibson, Hacksaw Ridge
  • Barry Jenkins, Moonlight
  • Kenneth Lonergan, Manchester by the Sea

No idea who the favorite is because they didn’t list their odds on Bovada. And between the 3 main picks I had in mind this is what my friend had to say.screen-shot-2017-01-07-at-2-29-59-pmThat’s film analysis from a student attending the prestigious Ivy League Columbia University for film. The upper echelon of academia giving their most knowledgeable opinion.   So here’s where I’m gonna have to blindly shoot from the hip/ not google any of the odds. Tom Ford is a fashion guy and I hate that just because of his fashionista artsy eye he dabbled into film. I didn’t see his 1st film and i didn’t see this one but over rated. Cross him off. Mel Gibson and hacksaw ridge? next. Manchester by the Sea has to be in contention just because it’s one of the main 3 talked about film of this whole race but it’s not gonna be the one. It’s between Barry Jenkins and Damien Chazelle, and my pick is Chazelle for La La Land. Critics loved his shit last year for Whiplash, this year he takes one for La La Land.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture, Musical, or Comedy

  • Colin Farrell, The Lobster
  • Ryan Gosling, La La Land
  • Hugh Grant, Florence Foster Jenkins
  • Jonah Hill, War Dogs
  • Ryan Reynolds, Deadpool

Gosling fucking dances his dick off in La La Land. NEXT

Best Screenplay, Motion Picture

  • La La Land
  • Nocturnal Animals
  • Moonlight
  • Manchester by the Sea
  • Hell or High Water

No real clue which one will take it here. This feels like an award that you kinda have to watch the movie in order to really judge. It’s not about the star power or performance of an actor or actress. Honestly i can see any of the 5 in the field take away best screen play mostly because i can’t really give an answer so based on that I’m gonna say Nocturnal Animals or Hell or High Water. That way if you do bet it and they win, you get a huge ass pay out.

Best Motion Picture, Animated

  • Kubo and the Two Strings
  • Moana
  • My Life as a Zucchini
  • Sing
  • Zootopia

My Life as a Zucchini? What the fuck was that? Sing, kind of a late round addition i feel like since it wasn’t that big of a deal. Kubo and the Two Strings, I literally didn’t hear a single thing about it. Can’t tell you if its good or bad. Now Zootopia on the other hand was a smash hit and it also has my girl Shakira in it. Now normally that would just solidify my pick but I’m gonna go with Moana here. First off  The Rock’s baby mama is my neighbor so if they win maybe I can say congrats to Dwayne as he picks up his daughter to fly out to the red carpet. But other than that, Lin Manuel Miranda is all famous all over Hollywood for Hamilton. He’s basking in the lime light now just cleaning up in fame. Gotta go with Moana.

p.s- If Shakira walked into my room, morphed into a Gazelle and was like “Baby I want you so bad”….you bet your ass i would.

Best Television Series, Drama

  • The Crown
  • Game of Thrones
  • Stranger Things
  • This Is Us
  • Westworld

Last on my list of awards I care about. Now it doesn’t really fall in line with the genre of Drama but you bet your ass I’m going with Stranger Things. More likely than not it’ll go to something like The Crown but fuck that. Stranger Things was the best thing on TV. Just never felt a wide range of emotions and still enjoyed watching a show so much. So I dare them. I dare these white washed old people who pick the winners try to stare 5 kids in the eye who acted their metaphorical dicks off (cause one if a girl) in one of the worlds favorite tv show of 2016 and tell them they’re not the winner. I dare them.


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