Screen Rant: La La Land *** SPOILERS ***

la-la-land-reviews

For anyone who’s been living under a rock this month, there are 3 movies out there in contention for the Oscars this year; Moonlight, Manchester by the Sea, and La La Land. Well the first thing your boy did Wednesday morning was go peep the last one bright and early. 10:10 am showing with a crowd consisting of a dozen old ladies and handful of teenage girls trying to lose themselves in the gaze of Gosling’s eyes. There was one other guy there in his 30’s that ate a fuck ton of popcorn and kept on clearing his throat when the movie went quiet. No idea why he went to go see it alone like me, but in the off chance you come across another no name blog about this movie by a guy who watched La La Land in a room full of old ladies and one other guy, tell his blog to fuck off and spam his comments with my blog. Appreciate it.

Anyways, I was pretty pleased with the movie over all. Is it more of a gimmick than a true Oscar nom for best picture? Probably, but then again musicals are just one big gimmick really. But as far as today’s modern standards go, I think this movie/musical was pretty good. Not a lot of people think of Gosling as more than a hot face and bod, but people forget that he was a mouseketeer. Singing and dancing like the talented dual threat greats like Justin Timberlake and Christina Aguliera since he was 12. Sure Gosling doesn’t have a great vocal range like Freddie Mercury but for what the movie is, he does fine singing, can definitely tickle the keys, and is a pretty slick dancer as well. Not to mention Gosling’s a pretty funny dude in movies. Its always subtle his humor but since he did The Nice Guys and now La La Land, I would like to see Gosling in some more funnier or lively roles.

As for Emma Stone. I’ve always had a weird thing for Emma. She’s not like classically beautiful or like Instagram model hot, but ever since the Superbad/Easy-A era of Emma Stone, I’ve always wanted to see her in like a leaked celebrity sex tape.  Just seems like a fun gal that has a ton of energy and a freak in the sheets. Always in my top 5 of sex tapes I would want to see ( Don’t worry, it’s not sexist to say because I would totally peep a Gosling sex tape too. Equality). Maybe it’s cause she looks some Lindsay Lohan mixed with a cool attitude normal chick in her movies? Kinda like shes jsut an everyday girl that I went to high school with or something. I don’t know exactly but I buy it and I ended up buying her in this movie. Thought she was good in Birdman but that movie had a flying superhero bird guy speaking to Michael Keaton so I kinda didn’t think much about her, but in this, I thought she was pretty good and a surprising choice for the role. It is kinda weird tho with the age gap between the two but I got over that pretty quick. Both of them are pretty charming on screen and the singing and dancing was simply delightful. I give it an 8.

How Far Have You Gone Out Of Your Way To Try To Hook Up

A little scene that I think got overlooked by all the ladies in the crowd because this isn’t something they have to go through. So the scenario is they meet again at a party after being kinda dicks to each other but she uses him as an exit from talking to some Joe. He casually walks her back to her car that’s miles up a hill. They sing and dance and all that jazz but she has to go. She finds her car and offers him a quick ride to his car, he declines and says his car is just up the way. Next it cuts to him all the way back at the party and his cars right there the whole time. All the grannies in the theater watched like it was no big deal. Pre-teens whispering in theaters “like omg, how come he didn’t kiss her or something?!?!” Ladies, you guys are over looking the fact that he just climbed up Mount Doom just to walk her to her ride and like all other regular guys out there, said we didn’t need a hand even though we coulda been gone hours ago. We did it as a favor to you ladies because we want to have sex with you. Ive done it before and its the worst. “Oh yea no thats right along the way cause I’m gonna go link up with my buddy afterwards.” There was no afterwards. The plan was to stay at home and watch netflix but instead I had to be all chivalrous and drive a girl like 45 minutes away because there’s a slight chance I can feel a boob or something. It’s absurd and I hate all you woman sometimes for not returning the favor sexually. Maybe you girls should stop telling us to read between the lines and take a page out of your own book.

PLAYING AND INSTRUMENT AND THE CULTURAL BRIDGE THAT CAN COME FROM IT

Not gonna lie, if I could go back in time and learn one thing it would be to play and instrument of some sort. There are physical limitations to being an athlete. Sure I would love to be a star QB with a letterman jacket getting all the skimmies hanging by my locker but those skill positions need like a gifted person. You can teach instruments to anyone i think as long as they can eventually learn to read music, and that alone should help you get pussy. Not to mention it just wows the fuck out of anyone. In a crowd of average joes you can play hot cross buns on a bass guitar and you’d look like you were a Julliard grad. Now in Goslings case he went with Piano which was a dope ass choice. Sure being a drummer or an ax man will definitely make you the cool guy, but black dudes jive with Piano, as shown in the movie, and nothing is cooler to a white guy then fitting in with black guys. If you can get a jazz club full of black people moving from tickling the keys and making hot fire tunes in a jazz band you’re probably the coolest white guy in a 100 mile vicinity.

P.s- when i was in 4th grade the instrument of choice I wanted to learn to play was the fucking Clarinet. What a dumb ass pick. Everything I said earlier doesn’t apply for the clarinet and you’re better off with the recorder.

IF I COULD PLAY THE PIANO….

I think my fingers are too fat for piano. Fat and stubby Might as well slam a pack of ball park franks on a classic Steinway & Sons piano and it would make the same tune as me trying to play it. But if I could learn any bit of piano, all I would need to learn to impress anyone in the world, would be the intro piano tune to Roses by Outkast. Smoothest Piano tune ever. Chicks would be flooded. White and black chicks.

IMDB COMMENTERS

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This is the major question floating around. The guy also could’ve moved to Paris to be a musician too. Road goes both ways between the two, but they wanted to achieve their own dreams.

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No one ever walks out of a theater. Seriously. I never buy a single person saying they walked out of the theater. What’s worse is, this guy probably knows that no one would so instead of him saying “I walked out…” he went with “An acquaintance of mine walked out” bull shit. You block off 2 hours to go see a movie and pay the ticket price, you’re gonna sit there and watch it.

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Yo they sing and dance and shit alright. Cute charming couples stuff. You’re vapid.

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Dumb. See, Mia’s character chose her career and barring any real hollywood stereotypes not shown on camera, she successfully loves another dude and has a kid with him in her rich LA home. Just because they share a long intimate look doesn’t mean shes not happy. They shared a special time. It’s the same way I looked at the guy who made my gyro sandwich for a year before I moved out of Orlando. He always means sometime to me because the sandwich was delicious and to him I might’ve been his only customer, but I had to follow my dreams.

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Had to pause and think about this one, and maybe it’s true, but the fact that Megaknocker cares whether or not watching a movie is “art” means they’re an asshole.

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Not gonna lie, I loved the movie and all but once i got in my car they were played Closer by the Chainsmokers and i said to myself, “man that was a hot summer song” and then I forgot about all the songs they sang in the movie.

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That’s what’s missing that would shut up the nay sayers, a musical number about her interactions on social media and if they will or will not involve him. Look, it’s pretty clear they broke up and went their own way. The whole point was to throw themselves into their job, not constantly checking up on each other via twitter and facebook. That’s counter productive to breaking up.

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I don’t want to lapse into a coma.

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Boom roasted.

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Yes, because its a movie and not real life.

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The movie looks dumb. Never was a huge video game guy.

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A Terrence Malick musical would be boring as fuck.

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This might be a pretty bad ringing endorsement of the film. When the person sits for a 2 hour movie and at the end can’t realize what the main characters name is.

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I know right? I need to see what shes like in a sex tape for me to figure her out.

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That’s like hating country music but going to a Tim Mcgraw concert.

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People will think you’re weird but fuck them.

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Boom roasted.

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No chance tgbklyn05 is going to be famous.

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Not gonna lie, those 2 are pretty white.

 

BONUS: IMDB MOVIE FACT

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Who woulda guessed it! I hope there was someone out there who was watching the opening scene and wondered to themself if they’ve seen another movie featuring that bridge and thought, “Oh hey! That’s the same generic ass section of highway that they used to jump a Bus full of passengers with a bomb underneath it!”

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