PLAINFIELD — A man with an apparent sweet tooth, a sleep deficit and allegedly in possession of several bags of heroin was arrested Tuesday at a Plainfield convenience store after police said he fell asleep while trying to make a milkshake.
At approximately 8:58 p.m., Plainfield police officers were dispatched to the Cumberland Farms store at 12 S. Main St. in Moosup after receiving complaints of a man, later identified as 37-year-old Randy Valade, nodding off while spending 40 minutes attempting to make a milkshake, according to a press release.
Police said they found Valade sleeping inside the store’s “Chill Zone” with a frozen drink in his hand.
Police said a woman, identified as 47-year-old Gina Mineau, was found slumped against a nearby wall outside the store. Both Valade and Mineau are homeless, police said.
A search found Valade and Mineau were both in possession of “numerous” bags of heroin. Mineau was also found to have suboxone, a narcotic sometimes used to treat drug addiction, on her person without a prescription, police said. Police said Valade resisted officer’s attempts to escort him to a cruiser and had to be restrained.

Ahh the life of a heroin addicted homeless person. Don’t get me wrong, I’m fine with knowing I’m going to a gas station to pump gas and maybe buy a quick snack and not panhandle for more drug money, but there is somewhat of a “fuck everything live vicariously” attitude that homeless people have that we all kind of want. Its fucking summer here perpetually for the most part. I look on the weather app and it tells me its fucking 90 degrees and a chance of a thunderstorm. You know where I would want to be if i had no responsibilities? Chilling out with a milkshake in the chill zone while all the losers out there are busy trying to live pay check to pay check. Get a little high and let this oreo milkshake take over. Pure bliss. Sure the reality is he probably smells, is hungry, sick, probably will develop a mental illness from living on the streets as a homeless person, has a ton of drug possession counts enough to lock him away for the rest of his life, but once he was finished going in an out of his little 40 minute drug high nap, I bet by the end that milk shake was pretty damn good.

P.s- Suboxone is a pretty fancy drug according to Mr. Robot. He should sell that one to get more shitty heroin, if i were a drug adviser.