If Your Husband Doesn’t Know What Your Second, Third, Favorite Donut Is, It Doesn’t Warrant Stabbing Him.

JULY 20--An Indiana woman stabbed her husband in the chest with a grill fork after he returned home without her favorite doughnuts, investigators charge. According to a police report, Timothy Nelson “went to get doughnuts for his wife” Friday morning at a store near the couple’s home in New Albany, a city about six miles from Louisville. But the store “did not have the type she normally gets.” So, cops say, Nelson returned home “without the doughnuts.” This did not sit well with his wife Michelle, 37, who was upset that her spouse “did not know what else she liked after being together for several years.” When a heated argument over secondary doughnut choices followed, Timothy sought to leave the residence, but “Michelle was blocking the door.” During the ensuing scuffle, “Michelle lunged back at him and she had a grill fork in her hand. The grill fork stuck in Timothy’s chest.” After pulling the fork from his chest, Timothy fled the home, with Michelle “following him and still yelling at him.” When cops arrived on the scene, they found Timothy sitting against a tree “applying pressure to the puncture wound on his right chest.” His t-shirt and jeans were soaked with blood. He was then transported by ambulance to a local hospital.

JULY 20–An Indiana woman stabbed her husband in the chest with a grill fork after he returned home without her favorite doughnuts, investigators charge.
According to a police report, Timothy Nelson “went to get doughnuts for his wife” Friday morning at a store near the couple’s home in New Albany, a city about six miles from Louisville. But the store “did not have the type she normally gets.”
So, cops say, Nelson returned home “without the doughnuts.” This did not sit well with his wife Michelle, 37, who was upset that her spouse “did not know what else she liked after being together for several years.”
When a heated argument over secondary doughnut choices followed, Timothy sought to leave the residence, but “Michelle was blocking the door.” During the ensuing scuffle, “Michelle lunged back at him and she had a grill fork in her hand. The grill fork stuck in Timothy’s chest.”
After pulling the fork from his chest, Timothy fled the home, with Michelle “following him and still yelling at him.”
When cops arrived on the scene, they found Timothy sitting against a tree “applying pressure to the puncture wound on his right chest.” His t-shirt and jeans were soaked with blood. He was then transported by ambulance to a local hospital.

In the midst of a foodie revolution and hipster food trends I’m going to admit something that I’ve had bottled up for so long. I hate hipster trendy donuts. Hate them. I love all sorts of candy bars and sweets. Adding all that to a nice soft doughnut sounds like the best introduction into diabetes life, but I hate them. These cronuts and gourmet donuts with fancy cremes its all just gimmicks and I’m just not a gimmick kind of guy. Maybe there’s a time and a place for those types of donuts and I just haven’t been there yet but deep down in my heart of hearts I believe donuts should be simple. They can’t have more than like 2 things going on for them. Baked softees, glazed, powdered, chocolate covered, strawberry with sprinkles. Beautiful things don’t beg for attention. I believe that for anything from the most exotic animal deep in the Himalayas to deep fried or baked confectionery. All simple donuts that are available at any grocery store. The everyday man’s doughnut.

That’s why I have a problem with this lady. Sure I might not know the landscape of where they are, but there’s no reason to make your husband drive 6 fucking miles to go buy your favorite donuts. It makes me think she made him go to some fancy pants doughnut boutique which is just absurd already. But then you get the added bonus of her getting mad because he didn’t know the second favorite? Get the fuck out of here lady. That’s just as irrational as knowing my 16th favorite movie on my list or knowing specifically who the 167th round draft pick is. The objective is to always learn what they like and don’t like, everything in between will never matter. In the end though the fact is if you’re a doughnut person, you should just be fine with any doughnut. Chocolate frosted, glazed, or just get the combo boxes you can get at any near by convenience store. It don’t matter. But she had to be a picky ass bitch. Honestly if she reacted this way you just know that his life was in danger when he got home. It was her favorite or get stabbed and once they were sold out his future outcome was already made and his ass was going to get stabbed.

P.s- Just did some research.Screen Shot 2016-07-20 at 2.45.34 PM

If I just said casually “Hey honey can you run out and cross over the bridge across state lines to get these very specific donuts?” I would get spit in the face and left to die alone.

 

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