WSVN- TOWSON, Md. (AP) — A Maryland woman has discovered that eating a poppy seed bagel before giving birth carries serious consequences. Elizabeth Eden told WBAL-TV in Baltimore she was in labor in April when a doctor told her she had tested positive for opiates. The test result meant Eden’s daughter had to stay in the hospital for five days while her mother was assigned a case worker. Eden said she had learned in a school health class that eating poppy seeds could cause a false positive. “I said, ‘Well, can you test me again? And I ate a poppy seed bagel this morning for breakfast,’ and [the doctor] said, ‘No, you’ve been reported to the state,’” Eden recalled to the news outlet. After acknowledging the bagel defense, the case worker closed Eden’s file. The Federal Institute for Risk Assessment writes that until food manufacturers reduce morphine levels in poppy seeds, it advises against excessive consumption, particularly during pregnancy.
How is it that in 2018, with all medical advancements in the world, so much technology implemented in the medical field, people are still falling victim to the Poppy Seed. Why the fuck are bagel shops still serving it on their menus? Why the fuck are people ordering them still? I don’t think I’ve ever had the inclination to order just a poppy seed bagel. They come on everything bagels but that’s because they play a small roll in every other flavor I’m tasting in my breakfast food. I can’t even describe what a poppy seed taste like off the top of my head so i don’t even understand why this lady would order one. Have people not seen the Seinfeld episode? They get stuck in your teeth and the flavor is probably so minuscule that the cream cheese or butter on the bagel just eviscerated the taste of it all together so you might as well just get a plain bagel and save your self the hassle of picking in between your teeth to get the small opium pods out.
Also ruthless on this doctors part to just report her to the state for being a reckless opium addicted mother to a newborn baby. Such an extreme result from a poor breakfast choice. Imagine the chain of events. You have a poppy seed bagel, hoping some how that’s enough nourishment for you, and the baby you’re carrying. Probably an hour or two later you go into labor. An 8+ hour struggle begins as you experience the pains of labor with nothing to eat but ice chips. Finally in the 11th hour the birth is a success and you’re happy because you see the miracle of life for the first time and you’re so over whelmed with joy that your baby is alive and healthy. Exhausted from what people consider, the greatest joy in life, you take a small nap. Next thing you know you’re handcuffed to the hospital bed with 2 police officers on either side standing patrol to make sure you don’t escape. Doctors evaluating your drug habit and them leveling the decision to take your baby away because they don’t think you’re fit to be a mother. All from a poppy seed bagel. Wild.
P.s.- Remember 50 Cent’s song Baltimore Love Thing? Well that was about how Baltimore has the highest heroin user rate so there is a small chance Elizabeth Eden was on something